Chapter 26

Kai

"I was thirteen the first time they sent me," Sen said. "Turned fourteen halfway through."

He held on tightly to the coffee I'd ordered. It was much needed for the kind of day we were going to have. Classes were forgotten and everything else took a backseat to this. With his back against the wall and his legs in my lap, he'd calmed down quite a bit from earlier.

"In eighth grade, I met someone in English class. Victor. He spoke Russian, which I thought was cool, and we became friends. One day, he kissed me. I knew that I felt attracted to guys, but I never really let myself think about it too much. My parents weren't supportive of it. I just didn't know how much they hated it. Victor stayed the night at my house a few times and my parents liked him, but then my dad got home from work one day and he saw us through my bedroom window. We were too close, almost kissing.

"He kicked Victor out and said I wasn't allowed to hang out with him. At first, he decided that I was just confused and that Victor started it. Throughout the whole school year, my dad didn't say much to me. He just looked at me with disgust and I was convinced that he hated me. I thought it would help if I explained, so I told him that I've always been interested in guys, not girls. He was angry. He sent me to Camp Dumont to be fixed. Their success rates were high, I guess."

I took a long drink of my coffee to conceal my scowl. He fingered the lid on his for a few moments before he continued.

"It was horrible. I hated it from the moment I got there, but I wanted to do it for my dad. He thought there was something wrong with me and, well, I was thirteen. He was supposed to know best. I tried, but when I met Travis, I didn't want to do it anymore. We liked each other and started sneaking around to hang out after lights out. We kissed and for a second, I felt whole again. He told one of the therapists, thinking it would be a safe way for him to talk about it, but it wasn't. We were…"

He swallowed hard, his brow furrowing with some memory.

"They put us through aversion therapy regularly, making us sick when we thought about men or when they showed us pictures of male bodies. They used pain and humiliation, they scared us to believe that terrible things would happen if we were gay. When they found out about me and Travis, they made us into an example."

"What'd they do?" I prompted.

"Put us on display, basically. For an entire day, fourteen hours or something, they made us sit outside on the ground. They said horrible things to us, made us say horrible things to each other. All the campers had to insult us and tell us how disgusted they were with us. They… brought our parents in."

A few tears spilled onto his cheeks.

"My mom cried. She just wouldn't stop crying, blaming herself for what I was. My dad was angry and disappointed. He s-slapped me. Told me it's because he loved me but that he couldn't love me if I was with a man. It was wrong. Disgusting. Unnatural. I was an embarrassment to the family and if I went down that path, he'd tell everyone that his son was dead."

"Oh my god. Sen, that's so wrong. You know that now, right?"

"Yeah, I guess. That day broke me, but it was the next that was the worst. I got up and wanted to see Travis to make sure that he was okay. When I couldn't find him, I asked one of the counselors. They weren't happy that I asked and they threatened to give me another day of punishment. Then, they told me that Travis was dead."

"Dead?" I repeated.

"He hung himself in the bathroom. My dad wouldn't let me go to his funeral. He said I would turn out exactly like that if I didn't get help. I went for two more summers before he was satisfied and since it was getting in the way of football practice that started in August, he decided I was better. I thought I was too. It wasn't until I met you that I let myself think that maybe everything I went through there wasn't actually right. I hadn't felt that since before Travis died."

His hands shook violently, so I took the cup and set it aside before I wrapped my arms around him. A heart-wrenching cry left him, one that sounded more cathartic but still full of grief.

I was so angry. It wasn't something I felt often. I was a positive person and tried to see the good in any situation I could. Not this one. This was evil. What Sen's parents and those Camp Dumont assholes did to him was unforgivable in my eyes. If his parents ever wanted to be part of his life again, they'd better hope they could come up with a good enough apology and even then, I would never trust them. I was sure I wouldn't be able to forgive them.

They didn't deserve their son. Sen was beautiful and kind in a way that was almost shocking considering what he'd gone through. Like West, he'd found a way to cling to something good inside of him, even at the expense of that portion of his soul that deserved justice. The people in his life who were supposed to protect him and love him unconditionally had failed miserably. I would do both of those things forever to make up for their shortcomings.

"I love them," he cried.

"I know you do, baby, and that's okay."

"They're supposed to love me. Why don't they love me like this?"

"They do love you; they're just lost. It's not your fault. It was never your fault."

"No. They hate me."

"They don't hate you. Nobody could ever hate you."

"But, I… I'm the reason that Travis is dead. It's m-my fault."

"Don't say that," I scolded.

"He killed himself because of the things he felt for me."

I took his face firmly in my hands. "You listen to me. He killed himself because he was shamed, abused, and made to feel like there was something wrong with him. It was their fault. Everyone who spoke down on him and tried to change him is responsible for what he felt he had to do. The same goes for you. You are not broken, Seneca, and I refuse to let you think that. I will remind you every day."

"Why?" he muttered. "I'm bringing so much shit into this and I don't understand why you'd want to be here through it."

"We all have our baggage. Some is just heavier than others and that's why you need two people to carry it."

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I am so goddamn sure. It doesn't fix what you're missing from them, but I'm so proud of you for how far you've come."

"At least someone is. They'll only ever be disappointed."

"So fucking what? You should be disappointed in them."

He still looked uncertain, but he nodded.

"This therapist," I began, trying to sound casual. "Is he an actual, licensed counselor?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I need his name."

His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "No."

"Now, Sen. I'm not asking."

"Why do you need it?"

"Because he's about to have a very bad day at the hands of an egotistical, hungover maniac, a law student, and an extremely pissed off boyfriend."

*****

"Let's kick some ass," West shouted when we walked into the building.

Brooks shushed him and looked around. "We're not kicking ass."

"But we're the goon squad."

"We're the cavalry, protecting somebody we care about. Getting charged with a crime isn't the way to do it."

"Fine," he grumbled. "If he tries some shady shit, though… Oh my god. What if he has one of those electroshock machines?"

"He's not gonna have one," I said with a sigh. "I looked the guy up. He's barely keeping his business afloat and he's in the middle of a nasty divorce. Derek is only a threat to Sen, so that's what we're here to take care of."

West threw an arm around my shoulder. "Aw. Coming out swinging for your man."

"Damn right I am."

"Woooo. I'm excited."

We reached his door, which had a dingy plaque with his name on it. I covered my hand with my sleeve and pushed it open. The waiting room was tiny- laughably so. West immediately started pushing the button to alert him we were here. Repeatedly.

"For heaven's sake," Derek shouted just before the door opened. When his eyes landed on us, they widened. "I don't believe we have an appointment."

I stepped forward, keeping my hands in my pockets so that I didn't accidentally break his nose. Slip of the hand and all that.

"Mr. Hamilton," I greeted with a smile. "You do a disservice to that name, if I'm being honest. Such a good play that you've tarnished just by existing."

"You look familiar. Have we met?"

"Briefly. Last night."

He blinked and rolled his lips. "Right. Are you here seeking services? I'd be happy to-"

"No," I interrupted. West mimed a gag and Brooks snickered. "I'm here to talk. Don't worry. I'm not a violent person."

"You've come with an entourage, so I'm not inclined to believe that one of you isn't."

West leaned against the doorframe and waggled his fingers in a wave. "That's me. Daddy never loved me. Got a cure for that?"

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me. When we all just stood there staring at him, Derek gulped and opened the door wider. He escaped behind his desk and plopped into his chair as if it was his safe space.

There was a creak when I sat in the chair across from him. It was wildly uncomfortable and had to be made for a child. I stood and leaned my hands on the desk instead, keeping my fingers curled inward so that my knuckles rested atop it.

"You're an LMHC," I stated, nodding toward the degree on his bookshelf. It was next to a banana with a duck coming out of it that I thought Sen would like.

"Yes, I am. As I said, if you're looking for services-"

"No means no, man," West said, feigning offense.

Derek's lips formed a tight line. There was a bead of sweat at his hairline and I watched as it detached, sliding down his temple.

"Let's just get to it," I suggested. "You're terrible at your job. I happen to know a few things about licensed mental health counselors. My mom is one, so on the way here, I called her up to verify that what I'm about to say to you is grounded in fact and law."

While he chewed on that, I rounded the desk and studied some of the other things on the bookshelf. Nothing interesting, really. A Jesus bobblehead, which just made sense. He was still looking forward, so I swiped the ducknana and slipped it into my hoodie pocket.

"So, here's the deal, Derek. You're not going to see, speak to, or speak about Sen again."

"I don't know who that is," he replied, looking a little smug. "I can't speak to you about any of my clients."

With a grin, I leaned my hands on the desk again. "It's funny you should mention that because his father told him all about how you spilled the beans about his missed appointments and our special date that you interrupted last night. You ruined a nice moment and sent him into a panic. I'm pissed about it, Derek. And I'm angry that you broke a client's privileges."

"Sen was doing something reckless that he knew was wrong. He was a danger to himself."

Brooks crossed his arms over his chest. "That's not what that means and you know it."

"He's basically a lawyer," I noted.

"Y-you… I… He signed a consent form to release information."

"Did he? When I asked him, he said he never filled anything out. I'm willing to bet his dad did, though."

Derek paled. "Don't be ridiculous."

"Ridiculous? I know how people like you operate. You think you're protected because you're under the umbrella of the Dumont corporation. They're just a giant church masquerading as a business. They can't protect you from losing your license. Neither can Mr. Taylor. Did he pay you extra? I bet it was tempting considering you're about to lose your house and half of everything to your soon-to-be ex-wife."

West whistled. "That's rough, man. Maybe it's because that conversion bullshit doesn't work as well as you think it does."

"I am healed," Derek said through gritted teeth. "My life is none of your concern."

"Sure," I replied. "But your job is and that's all I care about. I'm happy to put in an official complaint with the Washington State Department of Health. I'm very good at writing reports. Straight A student, in fact."

He glared at me. I wanted to laugh at how red his face was, but I was barely keeping my own anger at bay.

I returned my hands to my pockets and took a step back.

"Now, I'm going to spend the rest of the evening with my boyfriend and love him until he shows me that smile that first made me think I was having a full-blown heart attack. And you are never going to bother him again or we will burn your world to the ground, Derek." Turning around, I headed toward the door. With my hand on it, I looked at him over my shoulder. "Respectfully."

West whispered something to him that made him blanch. Once we were in the hallway, all of us relaxed noticeably.