Chapter 13

Kai

Dad fell this morning. His balance wasn't great these days and I always worried about the day it would happen. Aside from his disease, he was sixty-two. That alone came with its own risks.

Apparently, he was fine except for some bruises. Those could worsen, but I was trying not to worry. It didn't do him or me any good, especially when I was on the other side of the country.

Be positive, West would say.

Trying, buddy. I'm trying.

Sen was surprisingly upbeat when I picked him up this morning. It actually helped to brighten my own mood. During the drive to the rink, he told me about how he failed his driving test twice, which pissed off his dad. When he brought him up, he sobered a little, but I redirected the conversation and he was okay again. I wondered what was going on there, but I didn't want to ask right now.

It was still early and I had him doing some food prep. It was extremely simple and even though he'd seemed uncertain at first, he figured it out quickly. I learned that he'd never had a job before. It wasn't that strange, but I was surprised since he was twenty. He did say his parents were overbearing. Maybe they didn't want him to work while he was going to school back home.

When I was sixteen, I got a job at the movie theater. I used the money to save up for my car, which I bought just after graduation. It also gave me some savings, which took some strain off of my mom. I had the scholarship, but it didn't cover all of my expenses. The last thing I needed was for her to worry about me when she had Dad to take care of.

"How's it going in there?" I called.

"Fine." There was a clatter and a muffled curse. I smiled and set my towel down on my way into the back.

"Hey, butterfingers. Save the fumble for the field."

"Ha. Ha." His face was scrunched while he picked up the utensils he'd dropped.

"You're adorable when you're angry, Sen. Regardless, stop scowling. You'll get frown lines."

He rolled his eyes. Turning away from me, he resumed his task. I grabbed the fresh pot of coffee and poured some for myself.

"Have some," I suggested. "When this place opens, you'll wish you'd juiced up."

While I sipped on the hot liquid, I looked at the tense set to his shoulders. Had something set him off? Maybe he'd gone too deep into his head earlier, which made him drop the utensils. God, I wanted to pry, but I knew he'd be standoffish.

Open up, god damnit.

"Coffee, Seneca. I'm making it non-negotiable."

He whirled around, narrowing his eyes at me. When he looked at my cup, his scowl deepened.

"Is that black?"

"Yeah."

"You're a psychopath. That's good to know."

"Is that a sign of a psychopath or are you just addicted to sugar?"

As he poured himself a cup, he continued to shake his head. "No sugar. Just cream. Black coffee tastes like bath water."

I inhaled some of the coffee and choked. "I shouldn't ask how you made that comparison."

"It'll fuck up your teeth too."

"I doubt it's any worse than drinking it after adding milk."

"Pretty sure it is."

"Worried about my smile, Sen?"

I grinned at him to demonstrate how perfect my teeth were despite my heavy coffee consumption. If I could, I'd have a caramel macchiato every day of the week, but unlike West, I couldn't eat whatever I wanted. Being light on my feet and fast as fuck required a certain kind of discipline. Drinking my calories was the easiest way to screw up my success. Hence, black coffee.

"This is actually good," Sen noted.

"We don't sell coffee here. This is just for employees, so the boss man gets us pretty decent stuff."

"So, how long are we here today?"

"As long as we're needed. If I have the time, I'll stay until closing."

"You can work that many hours?"

"Technically, I'm not supposed to work more than twenty hours a week. It's a stipulation of my scholarship if I'm full-time at school. Jerry pays me cash here, so nobody has to know."

"Oh. This is an under the table thing."

I shrugged, letting a smirk settle into place. "Pays better and treats you better than minimum wage."

He hummed his acknowledgement around his mug. I stepped up to him and his eyes widened slightly. He remained completely still, watching me like I was a predator. I took the cup from him and set it on the counter, then nodded toward the door.

"Let me show you the back so you know where to find something if a little girl throws up on the ice."

"Is that going to happen?" His voice was small, but his expression didn't betray that anything was wrong.

"It's happened before, so it's best to be prepared for the worst-case scenario."

I circled his wrist gently with my fingers so that I could guide him. He jerked free more forcefully than usual and I tried to hide the way it made me feel. I was too quick to touch people sometimes. Me and West did it often and he was even worse. It was easy to forget that not everybody was okay with it.

"Sorry," I said genuinely. "If I'm too much sometimes, you can always tell me. I won't be offended."

"It's not that."

I turned around to walk backward. This place was familiar to me after working here for two months and it was easy to remember what obstacles might have me on my ass. He tried to keep his eyes away from me. Had I offended him more than I thought?

"Hey, man, we're friends. You've gotta spill when something's eating at you."

"It's not important," he muttered.

"Wrong answer. Please. Pretty please? I'm not opposed to getting on my knees."

"Fuck." He stopped abruptly, balling his fists at his sides. "I don't know if I can be your friend."

It took me a moment to register his statement. I stared at him, unblinking, for an awkward amount of time. So far, I hadn't known him to be blunt, but that right there… That was pretty damn blunt. And shocking.

"Well, that's…" I trailed off, then shook my head. "Did I piss you off somehow? Things seemed fine earlier."

"It was, but you're just so out and I'm dealing with shit."

"Out. As in, outgoing? Or out of my mind."

The way he looked at me, abashed, made it sink in.

"Oh. Now I'm really confused, Sen."

He swiped a hand down his face. "Just forget it. I don't want to go through this."

When he tried to brush past me, I put a hand on his chest, forcing him back a little. He twisted to rid himself of my touch. It felt like I'd been punched in the gut.

"That's not something we just forget. I'm gonna need you to be crystal clear with me."

"You're gay, Kai."

A clipped laugh escaped me. "Yes, I'm gay." I performed a dramatic bow, making a sweeping gesture with my arm. "Now that we've gotten that out of the way, what does me being gay have to do with anything? You've known for a while now."

"And I didn't know how I'd feel about it. I thought it was okay, but now… It doesn't feel okay."

"Hm. I see."

"Look, I don't have a problem with gay dudes, but…"

"But you don't want to be around them. Right."

His expression fractured into something he shouldn't be allowed to feel when he was the one being a dick.

"I don't mean it like that," he insisted.

"Nobody ever does."

I turned around and continued toward the back room. My mind had reverted back to the desolate place it'd been this morning, then it made a hop, skip, and a jump straight into the next dimension. When was the last time I dealt with something like this? It'd been a long time, actually. At least most people had the decency to avoid being my friend from the start, rather than acting like my friend for a while.

"Kai," he said after I opened the door to the large storage closet.

"This is where you'll find most things you'll need for the day when working the floor. Cleaning supplies, broom, vacuum, and all that. Tables should be wiped down regularly. Even if it's not your specific job that day, we all share the load."

"Kai."

"Portia works most Saturdays. She's cool, but she tends to talk to people a lot, so sometimes she gets behind on things. Either pick up the slack or tell her to shut up. She won't be offended."

"Can you fucking look at me?"

Reluctantly, I did as he asked. I didn't show him what his words had made me feel. My face was a careful mask of certainty and confidence.

"I'm sorry," he said, almost sounding sincere. "I just don't think it's a good idea."

"Why?"

"I'm worried there will be confusion or something."

I laughed dryly. "I'm gay. That doesn't mean I want to bone every guy that crosses my path. God forbid I want to have non-romantic male friends."

"I…"

"It's fine, Sen. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

I left him in the closet, which felt like an ironic metaphor. I'd never felt the need to be in one. The moment I realized I was attracted to men, I told my dad, and he was excited. Excited. He said he'd get to have two sons someday. What I just went through with Sen gave me an unwelcome taste of the other side. I didn't experience it often and I really hated when I did.

"Hey, babe," Portia greeted when I walked into the kitchen. "Why so glum?"

"Just need another pot of coffee."

I poured the last of it into my cup and drained it while I waited for the next to brew. From here, I could see Sen pacing back and forth in front of the storage closet. Even after what he'd said, I didn't want to hate him. Things were fine, then something upset him. He looked worse now. But why did he flip it around so fast? It felt like I was missing something. Since I was certain I wouldn't get him to explain, I started getting the last few things ready before I had to unlock the doors at eleven.

*****

The drive back to the university was awkward, to say the least. It was completely silent and even the loud music I put on couldn't fill that empty space.

Not that it mattered, but I didn't want to cause more of a rift, so I walked up to the dorm at the same time. He kept his hands in his pockets and maintained a healthy distance between us. Every so often, he glanced over at me, but I didn't acknowledge it.

When we were outside of our rooms, we both paused. It was as if we were each waiting for the other to say something. I stuck my key in the lock, which seemed to snap him out of it.

"I'm sorry I offended you."

Pushing open my door, I turned slightly to face him. "I'm not offended. Just surprised, I guess. I didn't think you were like this."

That despondent look came over him again. "I'm sorry."

"You can stop apologizing. It really doesn't mean anything if you don't intend to change it."

"You're right. Uh, thanks for letting me work with you today. Sorry it was a waste of your time."

"Sen," I sighed. "You can still work there. You don't have to be friends with your coworkers."

"But won't it be awkward?"

"If you make it awkward. I'll even drive you if you can handle being in the car with me." When his brow furrowed, I gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Poor humor. Goodnight."

He didn't make any move to go inside, but I didn't wait to see if he had anything else to say. I closed and locked the door, then leaned back against it.

This hurt more than it should have. We hadn't known each other long, but we'd connected in a way. I thought we would become close friends while we were here. Maybe it was the loss of a future I'd imagined that made it cut so deep.

My body was tired, but I couldn't quiet my mind, so I just stayed in that position, staring blankly out the window, waiting for nothing in particular.