21. Chapter 21

Chapter twenty-one

Blue

T he washing machine is humming and sloshing, so I guess it's working. I think I remembered all the steps Red showed me back when we first moved in. Since I don't wear clothes very often, I don't have to do laundry all that much, so the process hasn't really stuck in my mind.

I never had to wash clothes in the ocean. As for my brief stint as a rising popstar, I had people who took care of it for me. In the harem, we had those stupid clothes to wear and new sets just appeared in my closet every day.

So laundry is a bewildering mystery. An unexpected part of freedom. I think the simple domesticity of it could grow on me. It has a certain charm to it.

I don't really need to be doing any laundry right now, but being in the house makes me feel closer to Sammy, and I'm willing to take any reason I can find.

The washing machine gurgles. I think that is a good sign. I can probably leave now, but then I wouldn't have an excuse to be in the house, and the pool feels awfully empty without Sammy.

Suddenly, my senses alert me that someone is approaching the laundry room, and my heart quickens. But I quickly realize that it is Pink. He opens the door and I greet him with a smile.

"Hi Blue!" he says warmly.

He picks up an empty plastic basket and opens the door to the tumble dryer. I watch with interest as he starts picking items out of the machine, one-by-one and folding them neatly before placing them in his basket. I've always just thrown everything in once they were done and then tipped them into my hamper. I wonder if that's why Pink's clothes are never wrinkled and mine always are?

"We are getting close to sourcing some Solstice-harvested Black Mandrake," Pink says.

His words hit me like a punch to the gut and knock all of the wind out of me. My vision fades.

I nod. "That's great."

"Then we will pretty much have everything we need to unbind you and Sammy."

"Wonderful," I smile, and my voice doesn't even wobble.

Pink pauses in his folding. "Everything okay?" His far too knowing eyes search my face and I squirm under the scrutiny.

"I'm just worried about Sammy," I blurt.

And that's not a lie. It's just not everything that is on my mind. It is my most pressing concern, however. So I'm claiming that it's justified to only tell Pink this bit.

"What's wrong with Sammy?" Pink asks.

And the genuine concern in his voice swells my heart. I adore how everyone loves Sammy. He deserves no less.

"I don't know," I shrug miserably. "He is avoiding me."

"What do you mean?"

A heavy sigh escapes from my lungs. "Ever since Jade told us he could break the bond, Sammy has been staying away from me. Last night he was arguing with Ned about something and got really upset, but he wouldn't tell me why. He practically ran out of the room as soon as I walked in."

Pink's eyebrows rise. "You two were as thick as thieves, what happened?"

"I wish I knew," I say wistfully.

Pink resumes folding his clothes. "You need to ask him."

"How?" I snap. "He keeps running away from me! "

Pink gives me a sympathetic look. The washing machine makes a strange noise. The air is too hot and close in here and the smell of detergent itches at my nose. I want to be back in my pool.

"Mate bonds are intense. Especially for humans because we weren't made for them," says Pink. "He could be feeling out of sorts because of that."

My lungs tighten. Pink's right. Why would Sammy want to spend time with me when I've done this awful thing to him? He was probably forgiving at first because the bond had barely formed. It's grown now. Deepend and strengthened. It's not surprising he has had enough.

"You think he will feel better once the bond is broken?' I ask.

Pink nods. "Of course."

I take a deep, pained breath and close my eyes.

"Hey," says Pink. "None of this is your fault! What were you supposed to do? Let Sammy drown?"

Part of me knows full well that Pink is right. The rest of me is drowning in guilt.

Pink reaches out, and his hand hovers by my shoulder. I flinch away from him. He tries to keep a neutral expression, but I see the sadness and rejection in his eyes. I'm such a fucking mess.

"It's all going to work out fine. We will sort this bond out and you and Sammy can go back to being besties."

Is that what we are? Besties? Friends? Merely people who hang out together?

An anguished sob echoes around the laundry room. Oh Amphitrite! Did that noise really come from me? Pink is staring at me with alarm and surprise in his eyes, so I guess it did.

"Blue?" Pink says ever so carefully. "Do you like Sammy? Like in a mate way?"

I shake my head vigorously and blink away my tears. It doesn't matter how I feel. Sammy clearly doesn't feel the same way, and why would he? There are a million and one reasons why he wouldn't, and a very big one is the fact that I can't give him sex .

"You should talk to him," says Pink.

"There is nothing to say," I insist.

Pink sighs as if the weight of the world is on his shoulders. "What if you are being a pair of idiots and you both feel the same way, but neither of you will admit it?"

I stare at Pink. There is a lump in my throat and I can't swallow.

"Do…do…you think he likes me?" I ask.

Pink reaches out for me again but then stops himself. His brown eyes are full of kindness.

"I don't know," he admits. "But I think there is a good chance that he might. You two seem awfully close."

I huff and drag my hands through my hair, tugging as I go. The hiss of pain pulls my thoughts together.

"It doesn't matter. I can't do sex."

There is no point being prudish with Pink. We were literally sex slaves together. We've seen each other being used. Talking about it is nothing compared to that.

"Maybe Sammy doesn't care about that?"

I snort. "Nobody wants a sex-less mating."

Pink's eyes fill with sympathy and pity, and I can't stand it. I drop his gaze to stare at my toes. Red is with Brodie. Lello is mated to Carter. Even Gray, who was chained and screaming in the harem, is mated to Mal. Pink is having sex with his mage. It's only Jade and Ned who are single, and I don't think either of them are averse to the idea of sex.

Everyone else can move on. Why can't I? I wasn't treated any worse than the others in the harem. In fact, I dealt with less because they all tried to protect me by offering themselves and distracting any of Ritchie's friends that looked my way.

Why am I more broken than everyone else?

Footsteps sound in the hallway. I whirl to face the door. My heart is racing even though I know who it is, or maybe that is precisely why my heart has gone crazy .

Sammy opens the door. He looks sleepy. Like he just woke up from a nap. He is wearing that cute fluffy robe of his.

His beautiful eyes flick between Pink and me and his brow scrunches.

"Are you okay, Blue?" he asks.

Oh Amphitrite. I was stressed enough that it spilled down the bond and now my sweet precious Sammy is checking up on me.

"I…er…have to go!" says Pink, and he hurries out of the room, leaving half his laundry in the dryer.

Sammy watches him go with a puzzled expression on his face. And I understand. Pink is kind and lovely. He would never upset me.

"I was struggling with the washing machine," I say. "Pink helped me, but I felt like an idiot."

Sammy nods as if my nonsense makes perfect sense. "I felt stupid the first time I tried to use that thing, too. It's like an industrial one or something. Which is a good idea with the amount of people living here."

Now I'm the one nodding.

Sammy stares at me. I stare back. The air grows heavy and weighted. My skin is tingling. He opens his mouth just as the washing machine rattles into a deafening spin. Sammy winces.

I move away from the ear-splitting noise.

"Are you sure you're okay?" asks Sammy and I'm pretty sure that's not what he was going to say.

I nod and flash him my best grin. He smiles back at me, but it doesn't reach his eyes. They don't sparkle. They just look sad.

"Alright, I'm going back to bed then," he says and just like that, he is gone.

And I'm left all alone.