Chapter 31

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

MAYA

“ I t was the most wonderful fantasy,” Mom croaks from the bed, her voice barely audible.

“Mom, you don’t have to speak.”

“No, I do.” Her words come slowly, hoarse, but I don’t mind waiting. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. At least she’s awake. “While I remember … while it’s fresh …”

I gently take her hand.

“I saw you,” she goes on. “Standing in the yard with a tall, handsome man. He had this Marine haircut, so sharp and clean. You two looked so happy and so in love.

“The sun was shining, and you were holding hands, just watching your three children splash around in the pool. They were laughing, their little faces lit up with joy. The water sparkled like diamonds, and the whole scene was bathed in this golden light. It felt warm and perfect, like everything I’ve ever hoped for you.”

She pauses for long, long minutes as she recovers her breath. Each word is like climbing a hill for her, but I can’t tell her to stop when she begins painting such a wonderful, joy-filled future.

“You looked so beautiful, more radiant than ever, with a glow from deep inside. How he looked at you with such love and adoration melted my heart. He was everything I’ve ever wanted for you—strong, kind, and devoted.”

I smooth my free hand over the center of my chest, emotion warbling through me, the deep want clashing with the cold fact that this life will always be out of my reach.

“The kids were adorable,” she croaks, and I can hear how desperately she wishes she could see it. “Running and playing, their laughter filling the air. You had a boy and two girls, all of them with your eyes and his smile. They were the perfect mix of both of you. You could see the love in everything they did. It was like watching a dream come true.

“I just had to share it with you. It felt like a gift, a beautiful, precious gift. It was just a dream, but it felt more real than anything. I wanted you to know that I saw you happy, so deeply happy, surrounded by love. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you honey.”

We both begin to cry as if the emotions of the past couple of years are catching up to us.

“Promise me you’ll try,” she whispers, “to be …happy.”

She’s falling asleep again as the last word slips from her lip. “I promise, Mom,” I whisper.

What I don’t say is that the one man I can imagine that future with wants nothing to do with me.