Chapter 30

CHAPTER THIRTY

TRISTAN

I t’s Thursday night. I’m supposed to be on a date with Maya. Instead, I’m sitting in Raffie’s apartment, cleaning my pistol, my remaining rifle on the table before me. I’ve got a long, mean-looking machete, too.

Raffie snorts a line, then looks at me apologetically. It doesn’t even do anything for him anymore. It doesn’t make him wired or alert or high. It’s like he needs it to feel normal.

“The bosses believe the Bratva angle,” he says, “but I can’t be sure they’ll go to the meet themselves. They might send some lieutenant instead.”

“That’s fine,” I growl. “I’ll be watching the Trentini bar. Either they send the higher-ups, and I follow, or they send their men, leaving fewer at the bar.”

Raffie stares at me wide-eyed. “You’re going in alone?”

“It’s how I work best,” I snarl.

As I clean each part, I try to forget about the hospital and what I shared with Maya. Talking about all that evilness with Vanessa felt far easier with her than it should’ve been, a weight lifted.

“What’s this?” Raffie says, picking up the ring box I’ve laid next to the machete.

“An engagement ring,” I tell him.

“Who’s the lucky girl?”

“Nobody,” I snap.

“Then why is it here?”

“Coke makes you talk a lot, eh?”

When Raffie frowns, absurd guilt hits me. It’s that childhood connection rearing its head again. I see the boy who cheered and smiled as I conquered Death Valley.

“Are you a good person without it?” I ask, being cruel but not giving a damn. “When we started working together, you were already coked up to your eyeballs. Without it, are you a better man, Raffie?”

I look up from my pistol, realizing there are tears in the smaller man’s eyes. “I think I could be.”

I sigh. “The ring was my mother’s. Before she passed, she gave it to me and told me that when I found the perfect woman, I shouldn’t hesitate. I shouldn’t question it. I should jump in with both feet.”

“Why is it here, then?”

“Because I have to remind myself how wrong that is,” I growl. “When I set fire to these Mob fucks, I’m leaving the ring. I’m letting it burn; the past can burn with it: the Marine brotherhood, the idea I can find happiness. It can all turn to ash .”

Raffie looks terrified as he stares at me, fear emanating from him. “At least I picked the right side.”

“Pfft. I could die tonight.”

But not without taking those fuckers with me. Not without making sure Maya and her mother are safe. Soon, it’s time to get rolling. I take a moment in Raffie’s dirty bathroom, splashing water on my face and staring hard at my reflection.

“No feelings. No doubt.”

Most of all, no love.