35. Raul

35

RAUL

E lation. Unimaginable joy. I could think of a few more adjectives to describe what had been awaiting us upon our return to our hometown. Every light on the main street of Dawson was lit. People had gathered outside their homes to cheer and welcome back their warriors.

Of course, I wouldn't miss this for the world. In spite of my exhaustion, I wanted to enjoy this. Our stroll through the main street turned into a slow march. Battle-scarred and still bleeding, the Dawson pack paraded in front of the ecstatic citizens while they showed their appreciation. Roses, carnations and all sorts of flowers rained down on us. The sound of applause and cheers roared through the whole town.

Some even shifted right then and there, just to leap onto pack members and lick their faces. In particular, Sammy got caught in the middle of this demonstration of love. A family of four knocked him off balance, two young children jumping on his chest. Everyone around him burst out laughing and pointed. Not used to this sort of affection, my poor brother didn't move a muscle. He just lay down on the ground and took everything they wished to give him. The night ended on a happy note, with each and every one of the survivors going home blissfully.

I let them celebrate but my thoughts were split between those we had lost and what I had left. Monica was gone. My fate was sealed. Slipping away, I went home alone.

The following morning, we burned our dead. Eight had fallen in the brutal battle against Damian's vampire clan. Cremation had always been our custom because our ancestors didn't like tombs and graves. They left those to humans, preferring to surrender thier loved ones to the flames. If I was being honest, so did I. The notion of becoming worm food never sat well with me.

The morning was a time for grief, but the night was a whole different matter. Most pack members wanted to celebrate our victory, but no matter what, my thoughts were elsewhere, and I wouldn't ruin their plans. They had earned this; they'd fought hard and deserved to have some fun.

Everybody deserved to vent a little and celebrate the fact that we had triumphed over our ancient enemy. The venue? Joe's bar, of course, being almost in the middle of town, it had the capacity to fit at least a hundred of us. Still, only a fool would believe that this party would be attended by just a hundred people. I was sure that most of Dawson would turn up and join in the festivities.

Predictably, my hunch was correct. I stood on my porch, seven hundred yards away, and could still hear the racket. I watched as people emerged, leaving their homes and heading for Joe's. They were wearing their fanciest clothes and their most radiant smiles. Any other time I would have savored this, reveled in the joy of my pack and the victory. I would be, except for a single image that kept me from ever forgetting the one thing the festivities lacked. Across the street I saw Ronald and Kelly Peterson holding hands as they walked past my home.

"Now that's what I call a timeless sight," Helena said, appearing at my side. "Those two have been together for sixty-three years and look at them. They're just as in love as they were when they first started seeing each other."

"Yeah," I said heavily. I don't know what it said about my life that I'd grown accustomed to the witch appearing at random.

"But?" she prompted.

"But what?"

"Don't be coy, first born," she said. "I don't need magic to know where your thoughts are."

"What do you want me to say?" I asked, angrily slashing my hand in front of myself. "That they remind me of what I've lost? That my one chance at something like that is gone? That I fucked it up?"

"So, that's why you look like shit," Ray said, and I whirled around.

"Sneaking up on me is a bad idea, brother," I growled.

"Woah," he said raising his hands in surrender. "My bad, I thought you would have heard me."

"Fine," I snapped turning my back on him.

"Cheer up, big brother. We're throwing a party tonight, biggest one in years."

"Kid…" I growled, grabbing him by his neck. "You think this is a fucking joke?" I growled, tightening my grip. "I've lost my mate, and you think I give a shit about some party?"

"Woah, hey…" he choked, hands grasping my arms. "I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean it."

"You're making a spectacle," Helena warned. "Let go of him. You don't want your pack to think that their Alpha would beat up his own brother in public, do you?"

"No," I grunted, dropping and pushing Ray back. "Fuck it. Let's go to the bar." Ray gave me a hurt look that stabbed into my heart. Damn it. I growled, shook my head, then held my arm out. "Come here."

He hesitated for a moment then stepped into my embrace. I pulled him tight and kissed the top of his head.

"Stop," he complained, laughing. He always hated it when I did that, and I knew it. It's why I did it to him now.

"Sorry," I muttered into his hair.

"Yeah, fine, just don't do that shit again," he said pushing me off. "You know I hate that."

"I do, but I ain't promising shit. Hell, I might do it again now."

I reached towards him, and he danced away laughing. Helena watched with a soft smile on her face that seemed to hide something deeper, but what that was I couldn't quite tell.

"Come on, it's time to celebrate," Ray said. "They'll want you there, Alpha."

I nodded and let him lead the way to the bar. Getting there was easier said than done. Hundreds of people were already gathered in the parking lot, which wasn't really a parking lot anymore. It was so full that I doubted a motorcycle could park there.

"Make way! The Alpha's here!"

A hoarse voice rose above the racket, turning quite a few heads in my direction. There was nothing like it. People on either side began to step back, flashing glances of admiration up at me. And what did I do? I smiled in embarrassment. Watching a sizeable gap form up ahead, I had no idea how to respond to this.

"Don't look so surprised," Helena advised, walking at my side. "They respect you. You earned that respect. Remember that."

"I'll try," I said, casting a quick, sideways glance down at her.

As I continued down the street, I nodded to the members of my pack, glad that they had recognized my efforts. Before I reached the edge of the parking lot, an all-too familiar scent compelled me to bolt my feet to the ground. I closed my eyes and inhaled it, like I was addicted to that sweet caramel. Spinning around, my eyes confirmed the truth of what I had smelled.

Monica.

She was walking amongst the crowd, her figure emerging into the light of the lamppost. Helena held in a laugh, staring at me with meaning. There were dozens of things I could say, however, they could wait. My healer had returned to Dawson. I hoped that I knew why but I had to find out for sure.

"Monica?" I said her name as I pushed my way to her. "You're here."

"Yeah," she said whipping her head around to face me.

"Uh, why?"

Idiot. What a stupid question. Why? Am I really a moron or is this just the effect she has on me?

"Looking for you," she admitted, pursing her lips and looking down for a moment. "I, uh, I went to your cabin, but it was dark. Then I heard," she gestured around us, "so I followed the noise."

"Oh," I said, then nodded as if I had some kind of a clue what else to say. I looked around at the partying crowd of shifters. "Uh, yeah. I'm… I…"

There were so many words I wanted to say, but I didn't want to say the wrong ones. I'd lost her once and now I didn't even know if she was back, or if there was an us , or what. I did know that I needed to do better, even if I wasn't sure what better is.

"Seems like a big party," she, her eyes darting anywhere but mine.

"Yeah," I agreed, shuffling my feet. "We're, uh, you know celebrating." Her eyes met mine and my heart leapt into my throat, making further words an impossibility. I swallowed it down the best I could then finish the thought, but I couldn't take my eyes off her face. Her eyes. Her face. "We won," I blurt out, "the, uh, the battle. The one against those vampires."

"I know," she said as a blissful smile burst upon her lips. "The locals told me about it on my way over." Her eyes bored into mine and I could only wish I truly knew what she was thinking or was sure she's thinking what I thought she is. "Raul, I'm immensely proud of you."

My heart could have exploded right then. A sense of pride that I hadn't really felt yet filled my chest until I was sure it had to burst out to give me some relief. Every fiber of me wanted to wrap my arms around her, inhale her sweet scent, and taste her soft lips. I couldn't though, she dumped me, and I still wasn't sure why she was back.

"Thanks," I murmured, unable to give the word volume because my throat felt like it was clenched tight.

She looked around the noisy crowd and then shook her head.

"Listen, is there someplace we can talk? It's too noisy here."

"Yeah." I gave a swift nod. "Where do you want to go?"

"How about the woods over at Shandaken," she answered in an instant. "Where you first took me on your bike."

"Alright," I accepted. "After you."

Curiosity was gnawing away at me. I couldn't wait to ask her why she had bothered driving all the way to the Catskills. She had been the one to end what we had together. I wasn't going to press my luck, though.

Surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of people, I was not going to discuss our personal issues. Most of them—if not all—would be able to hear me. My private life was just that—private—no one else's business but mine.

Monica and I walked side-by-side away from the party. I noted Helena's knowing eyes on us as we left but no one else seemed to pay much attention.