CHAPTER SEVEN Blake

L ike the sorrow in my heart, I marched through the forest, no true destination in mind. I'd paraded through the trees for many miles, their presence the monuments to my pain. Forests were good cover for people like me as I wandered from peak to valley, never really seeing the true beauty that may have cured my disease. There was no cure for death though.

" But you didn't die, " Mom had pleaded, herself broken at witnessing my steady decline. I'd stared into my coffee cup. The reflection from the black tar displayed my heavy-lidded eyes. " Honey, you wouldn't harm yourself, would you? " She'd read my mind in those early days after the memorial service. " No, Mom, " I'd whispered, my voice a husk of its former depth. Even my voice had died that day, and I felt I could lie to her if I needed to. Yeah, of course, I'd thought about it. Who the hell wouldn't have, at a minimum, entertained the thought?

I froze on the trail when I heard a loud crack. Motionless, my eyes scanned the area thoroughly while my heart raced. "Come and get me," I whispered. "Here kitty, kitty. Make your move, fucker." I stared through the undergrowth at imagined beasts like cougars, bears, and other possible foes, hoping they had the solution to my misery. Nothing.

The sun moved over me as it continued its journey toward a sizzling daily death in the Pacific. The shadows kept time with the movement of light. My day was fading along with the daylight so I knew it was time to set up the barest of bare camps. All I needed was two strong trees to hold a tarp at a slant and my trusty Sears sleeping bag. One more night of an empty bedding substitute. My bed at the condo hadn't been touched or slept in for a year. I'd been too busy sleeping on the couch by the front door, praying against all odds.

Another snap alarmed me but the noise was further away in the distance. Even the beasts had given up on me. I listened to the silence, if that was possible. Could you hear silence? How did we know when it was silent? Yep, I was cracking up like ABBA with their big hit from the eighties. I hadn't been alive in the eighties, or the nineties, had I? I thought about the math and realized I was wrong. Ninety eight was part of the nineties. My twenty-fifth birthday had just passed. Mom, Dad, and Monica tried their best, but no Cheesecake Factory meal would heal what was ailing me.

A break in the canopy of trees made room for a sunspot to appear about a football length ahead, so I decided the circle of warmth would host me for the night. I'd try to light a fire with wet wood to keep me company. I couldn't remember if campfires were allowed in May on forest land, but the only person who could stop me was nowhere to be seen. Then I remembered that Cadet Dirk was a stickler for rules. Narc!

The Forest Service employee was one gorgeous hunk of a man, and his attributes hadn't escaped my dull libido. Tall and buff like I would have ordered from a sex menu if I was shopping for that sort of thing. Brawny was one of those underused superlatives that most people didn't use to describe men anymore. The days of swarthy Robin Hood-esque men were long gone and that was a shame because I fancied myself the Maid Marion type when I'd been among the living.

Feeling something stir in my pants was a surprise when I laid eyes on Cadet Dirk. He wasn't a cadet, I didn't think, but my shitty label was too fun to let go of. Most likely, my snarky personality had done enough to scare him away before the two days I'd be invading his territory were up. I ran my hand over my chin and felt the smooth skin where a beard might look good. I was jealous of men with beards that were groomed as if they always grew to one length only. I couldn't grow a beard to save my life, so I looked to men who could, hoping they could save my life as well. Maybe that was the reason Mark cheated. Perhaps he knew I needed saved, or loved, or desired, a whole host of needs, but he wasn't that kind of person. Mark was a doer alright, as long as it was for himself.

Cadet Dirk looked like the type though. Too bad I hated him already.