Chapter 35

"Cassidy?"

Cass closed her eyes briefly. God, she didn't want to be angry with Rebecca. This should be a happy time. They were together, Rebecca remembered her, and the tumor was benign and fucking gone. So why did Cass feel so fucking crappy?

"I told your aunt I didn't want to be disturbed." Fuck. I'm so going to get punished for my behavior. Cass was afraid that the punishment wouldn't be the pleasurable kind. Rebecca wasn't going to put up with this attitude for long, so Cass needed to find a way to rein it in.

"My aunt?" Rebecca gritted her teeth. She understood Cassidy's mood, but that didn't mean Rebecca had to like it. They should be celebrating, not fighting. "My aunt has a message for you."

Great. Aunt Wills probably told on me, and now Rebecca was pissed off. "Yeah?" Cass tried sounding casual and bored, but it didn't quite work. Instead, she sounded like a little kid about to get a good butt whoopin' for being a brat.

"She told me to tell you that you're probably right but that it wasn't intentional. And she's sorry. Do you want to tell me what that's about?"

And now Cass felt like a dick. She vowed to apologize to Aunt Wills once she got her shit together. "Not really."

Rebecca blew out a breath of frustration. "Cassidy, I understand you're frustrated."

"Do you?" Cass interrupted hotly. "Do you know what it's like to take your wife, the woman you love more than anything in this world, to the hospital to have a fucking tumor removed, and then three days later, she wakes up and doesn't know who the fuck you are? That fucking killed me, Becca." Cass put her paintbrush down and stood up, but she didn't dare get closer. She was upset, but she certainly didn't want to intimidate Rebecca. "Then I realized that the woman I thought shared everything with me was holding back. I learned more about you as a stranger than your wife. The icing on the cake," Cass scoffed, "was finding out that even after three years together and being married, I'm still just a sub to you."

Everything Cassidy said ripped through Rebecca's heart, but she stood there and let Cassidy get it out. Rebecca owed Cassidy that much. However, it also brought on an intense fear that she and Cassidy wouldn't get past this if Cassidy felt this way.

"Is there more, Cassidy?" Rebecca asked calmly.

The cold fingers of panic wrapped around Cass's heart at Rebecca's lack of emotion. No, that wasn't exactly true. There was emotion, just not the anger Cass had been expecting. Would that change once Rebecca knew everything?

"Well, I guess you're going to find this out eventually. I slugged Hunter."

Rebecca wasn't expecting that. "I'm guessing that's what you needed to confess?"

Cass shrugged. Rebecca's demeanor didn't change even after hearing Cass had punched Rebecca's oldest best friend.

"Anything else?" Rebecca asked again. Cassidy shook her head, and Rebecca breathed in deeply. A lot depended on Cassidy's answer to Rebecca's next question. "May I say my piece, or would you rather I leave you alone? Or if you'd like to talk more about how this made you feel, we can do that."

Cass frowned. "Why aren't you mad? Why aren't you yelling at me or, you know, bringing Mistress out?"

Rebecca tilted her head. "Because I don't want to be like Samantha. I was reminded that I wasn't allowed to have emotions, Cassidy. I wasn't allowed to say no or to give voice to what hurt me." She gestured to an oversized chair on the other side of the room. "Can we sit?"

Cass nodded again. Because I don't want to be like Samantha, those words struck Cass. She never once thought Rebecca was like that bitch Samantha. Oh god, what if her word vomit made Rebecca believe that? Son of a bitch! This wasn't what Cass wanted. She wanted to be honest, not fucking mean!

"Sit with me?"

Cass stopped her inner chastising long enough to do as Rebecca asked. Their legs touched when Cass sat down, and she took it as a good sign that Rebecca hadn't moved away.

"I-I said what I needed to say," Cass said softly. She wanted so badly to apologize. To fall to her knees and beg Rebecca for forgiveness. But Cass knew Rebecca hated it when Cass got on her knees in any form of submission.

"I don't want you to be afraid of me. I certainly don't want you to be afraid of Mistress. So, I would like to address the things you said to me. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, y-yes. Look, Becca, I shouldn't have said those things. I didn't…"

"Cassidy, you're allowed to have feelings. And I want you to come to me if there's something I'm doing that causes you unhappiness."

"I'm not unhappy, Becca."

"You think you're just a sub to me." Rebecca shook her head, not wanting to get ahead of herself. "Let me start at the beginning. You recently told me that everyone experiences the same event differently. I know what that means now more than ever after hearing your side."

Rebecca curled her leg up under her and faced Cassidy head-on. This change within her was freeing. The fear of Cassidy leaving her had dissipated because, despite everything that was said, she still saw the love in Cassidy's eyes. They've jumped hurdles before; they can do it again. Rebecca was determined to make this right.

"When I woke up, I was right back there in the worst time of my life. The weird thing is, now that I have my memory back, I can compare what I felt then to what I felt this time around. The pain, the fear, and even the guilt were gone. Instead, I felt confused and… incomplete. I knew that had nothing to do with Samantha, so I couldn't understand where that feeling was coming from. Then you walked into my room, and that feeling disappeared. Of course, I didn't realize why then because I was mortified that this incredibly sexy woman was seeing me in a hospital gown with messed up hair, no makeup, and bad breath."

Cass couldn't help but laugh at the face Rebecca made. "You were beautiful. You always are to me. All I cared about was that you were awake."

"And that I didn't know you," Rebecca reminded her. "But deep down, I think I did, which is probably why I was so open with you. Cassidy, those things I told you were on my mind because, well, that's where my mind was. Everything Samantha put me through was right there, front and center. But when we met five years ago, I was years removed from all of that and had spent countless hours trying to forget. Once you and I were together and I fell in love with you, I never had to hold anything back. I could let them go. That's the gift you gave me. And listen, we've only been together three of my forty-four — almost forty-five — years on this earth. We still have so much to learn about each other."

Well, when Rebecca said it that way, Cass's worries seemed unjustified. She bowed her head only to have Rebecca raise it with a fingertip.

"As for this assumption that you're just a sub to me, Cassidy, you never were. Not even when you came into the Pink Room the first time. It hurts me that you feel that way."

"It hurts me that I don't know if you gave me that kind of pleasure because of the tumor or not," Cass confessed, deliberately using Rebecca's own words.

Rebecca dropped her gaze for a moment. "It wasn't the tumor, that much I know."

"How?"

"Because I remember exactly how I felt that day. I thought we had this conversation already. Why is it bothering you again?"

Cass shook her head. "You told me you never did that to… her because she was a sadist. Last night, you said it was never done to you because you were a sub, and subs didn't deserve that kind of pleasure. Which one is true?"

Rebecca tilted her head and raised a brow. "Is there a reason that both can't be true?"

Cass opened her mouth, then closed it. No, there wasn't a reason. And now Cass felt even more like a dick. "No, but if they're both true, why wouldn't you tell me that the first time?" Oh, sure. Double down on your dickness. Fuck, Cass wanted to punch herself at this point.

Rebecca sighed. "It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with how I felt about my… arrangement with Samantha. I'm not proud of who I was back then. I sometimes wonder how I ever allowed myself to fall for her bullshit. But what it was is nothing like what you and I have now. There was no mutual respect, no love. Hell, there was nothing but pain and sadness. God, I hope I don't make you feel that way."

"You don't," Cass reassured Rebecca. She hung her head, berating herself for even starting this with Rebecca. After everything they'd been through the past few weeks, this could have waited. Or Cass could have forgone the idiocy altogether. "I'm so sorry, Becca."

Rebecca took Cassidy's hand, relieved when Cassidy didn't pull away. "I think the stress of the tumor and the memory loss has affected both of us. I don't think you would have felt this way had I not forgotten you. Or us."

"I know that wasn't your fault. It was so stupid to blame you." Tears threatened again, and Cass wondered if the two of them would ever recover from this. Would they be Rebecca and Cass again? Or Mistress and Cassidy? Or would this conversation become the wedge that breaks them apart?

"And it was stupid and irresponsible of me to insinuate you would ever cheat on me. Or hurt me in any way," Rebecca admitted. "We didn't handle this very well, did we? If this was a test, we made a solid D at best."

Cass's lips curled in a slight grin. "Eh, I give us points for not letting it stew and being honest with each other." She paused. "Okay, I give you points. I ran away like a little pussy."

Rebecca's lips twitched. "I like it when you say pussy." She stroked Cassidy's blushing cheek. "You know, I believe there's a silver lining to all of this."

"Yeah?" Cass leaned into Rebecca's touch. "Care to share?"

"I got a second chance," Rebecca answered simply.

"Second chance?" Cass sat back, beckoning Rebecca to join her. She was delighted when Rebecca snuggled into her side. "What do you mean by that?"

Rebecca's body relaxed when Cass wrapped her arms around her. "Let's see if I can explain this. Despite my embarrassment by my appearance when you visited me at the hospital, I was so smitten with you that I was sad I might never see you again. Those types of emotions were so foreign to me that I equated them with how a teenager might feel with her first serious crush," Rebecca laughed. "I thought about you constantly and asked about you. Then you showed up at Aunt Wills's all sweet and charming, and, oh, the butterflies in my tummy went crazy." She laid a hand over her belly, remembering how she felt seeing Cassidy standing at the door. "That night, I was reading in bed and kept imagining your face as the main character."

Cass smiled, captivated by Rebecca's story. "You're always the main character, baby. But I'm happy to play the role of the love interest."

Rebecca shook her head. "Nope. In my mind, you're the hero. You proved it that day I almost passed out, and you picked me up and held me in your arms." Rebecca over-exaggerated a sigh, fanning herself as she dramatically melted into Cassidy.

Cass tightened her arms around Rebecca, laughing at the theatrics. "I would put on my shining armor for you, but it's being polished at the moment."

"Darn!" Rebecca intertwined her fingers with Cassidy's. "We're going to revisit that one day, though." She brought both of their hands up to her head and gently tapped her temple. "Making a mental note to find shining armor." Then she hugged Cassidy's arms around her waist again, appreciating the feeling of safety it brought her. "You know, I wouldn't change the way we met because that story is uniquely ours. But I don't know. I kind of love not having to wonder what it would have been like if we had met before I hardened myself as Mistress. That's my silver lining, getting to meet you all over again as Rebecca without the not-so-subtle undertones of sex hanging in the air between us. That's not to say I wasn't attracted to you because I definitely was. But I felt… courted. I felt normal. You took me on a date," Rebecca said with a wide smile. "Once again, you gifted me something I'd never had before. You kept showing up, and even though I know how much it must've hurt, you left me each night with a smile that promised I would see you again."

Rebecca laid her head back onto Cassidy's shoulder, closing her eyes when Cassidy buried her face in Rebecca's neck.

"They say everything happens for a reason," Cass began, her voice thick with emotion. "As much as it did hurt to be here in this house without you, I can't deny how extraordinary it was to meet Rebecca before Mistress."

"Hmm." Rebecca thought about that for a moment.

Cass took Rebecca's sudden quietness as a sign that Cass had said something to offend her wife. "T-that's – I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

Rebecca patted Cassidy's arms so she would release her grip from around Rebecca's waist. "I know what you meant, baby." She straddled Cassidy's lap and wrapped her arms around Cassidy's neck. "I must say, Rebecca allowed herself to fall for you much quicker than Mistress did. Though, she was also twenty years younger in her mind."

Cass smiled up at Rebecca. "I'm glad you're not twenty years younger. I think dating an older woman is fucking hot."

Rebecca bent her head and bit Cassidy's bottom lip hard enough to cause a yelp. "That's for calling me an older woman." She dipped her head again and licked Cassidy's lip before kissing her gently. "That's for implying I'm hot."

Cass poked her tongue out to lick the sore area, smiling the entire time. Rebecca's playfulness and discomfort about her age were really good signs. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Have I ever said no to you?"

Cass pursed her lips. Was she going to give a smart-ass answer and risk being punished? Hell, yeah, she was. "I can think of a few times. Need me to list them for you?"

Rebecca's eyebrows shot up. "You're feeling a bit cheeky, aren't you?"

Heh. Cass's hands snaked down to grab a handful of Rebecca's ass and squeezed. "Now I am," she grinned.

"What is your question, Cassidy?" Rebecca playfully tugged on Cassidy's hair yet still pushed her ass back into Cassidy's touch.

"Is Mistress… gone? I mean, I know that becoming Mistress helped with undoing everything Samantha did to you. But with this second chance, do you… need her anymore?"

Rebecca thought about what Cassidy said about being just a sub to her. "Do you want Mistress to go away?"

"No! I mean, uh," Cass blew out a breath. "I love what we have, babe, but I don't want to make you be someone you're not. If this tumor and everything that's happened has changed something within you…"

"Baby, Mistress is a part of me. I think she always has been. And as long as you feel safe with her, she'll always be with us." Rebecca pushed Cassidy's long bangs out of her face. "I'm no longer afraid of giving in to Mistress, you know. Having this memory of being a sub so fresh in my mind, I think I understand more what it means to be a dominant and the balance of control for each."

"Another silver lining?"

"There will never be a silver lining for what Samantha did to me. But it was certainly a learning experience. So, as long as you want Mistress, Cassidy, you have her."

"Forever," Cass said immediately. "I want you both forever. Just please keep calling me Cassidy." She cupped Rebecca's face in her hands. "Cass sounded wrong coming from you, and I didn't like it."

Rebecca scrunched her face. "Yeah, that felt odd coming out of my mouth. Why didn't you introduce yourself as Cassidy?"

Cass shrugged. "I don't know. But I'm kinda glad I didn't because hearing you say it while coming in my mouth was fucking incredible."

Rebecca's nostrils flared as arousal coursed through her body. "We have a lot of missed time to make up for, Cassidy. Shall we get started?"

"Fuck yeah, we shall." Cass scooted up, making sure to keep a firm grip on Rebecca's ass. "Better hang on, darlin'."

"Darlin'?

Cass grinned. "Sounded good in my head." She stood, loving how Rebecca wrapped her legs around her waist. Cass paused, peering up into Rebecca's silver eyes. They were dark with arousal and clearer than they had been in a long time. "Are we good, baby?"

"We're better than good. We're Rebecca and Cassidy. Now, I have a question. Where the hell is my dog?"