Chapter 28

"Forgive the mess,"Cass said, setting Rebecca's stuff to the side and trying to clear a spot on the couch for her. "Maid's day off."

Rebecca inhaled sharply. Something about Cass's words tickled the back of her brain.

"Becca, are you okay?" Cass closed the distance between them in two strides, firmly holding Rebecca's upper arms to steady her. "Do you need the pain pills?"

Rebecca shook her head. "It's not a headache. It's more like…" She frowned, trying to find the right words. "Deja vu. I feel like I've done this before, but I can't…" She waved her hands around her head. "The feeling is there, but not the images."

"Hmm. Maybe being here is helping already," Cass grinned. "Here, have a seat."

"Is that my favorite pillow?" Rebecca asked, eyeing the bedding Cass had just tossed off the couch.

"Heh, yeah. It, uh, keeps me company down here."

"So, you sleep down here? Why? Do you not have a bedroom?"

"Yeah, we do have a bedroom. But it's too hard to sleep in there without you," Cass said, winced, and realized she needed to be more careful with her words. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No, please. I prefer honesty—even awkward honesty," Rebecca laughed nervously. "Speaking of awkward honesty…" She took a breath and hoped what she was about to say wouldn't hurt Cass's feelings. "I really do want to try and take complete advantage of being here to help bring my memory back. However, I'm, um, not ready for intimacy yet."

Cass had never heard Rebecca sound so meek. It broke her heart. "Becca, I have never and would never force you to do anything you weren't ready for. I'm perfectly fine with staying right here on the couch while you take the bedroom."

"No, I couldn't… this is your house, Cass."

"It's our house. And I'm used to being down here. But your pillow stays with me," Cass teased. She had to do something to lessen the tension in the room.

Relief washed over Rebecca, and she smiled. "Fair enough. Thank you for understanding."

"Always." Cass sat back, propping her socked feet up on the coffee table. "Do you wanna talk about what changed about you being here? Why now? I mean, I hope that part of the decision was because you trust me."

"Oh, absolutely. That's the biggest reason I thought I could actually do this. Spending time with you has helped me see what kind of person you are and how you are with me." Rebecca tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "As for what changed," Rebecca relaxed next to Cass, kicking her shoes off and bringing her feet up under her on the couch. "I get that I'm supposed to be taking it easy because of the surgery. But I was beginning to feel more… stagnant instead of relaxed. Please don't get me wrong, I love my aunt. Living with her wasn't the problem. It's just…" There was a slight pause while Rebecca found her words. "My brain wasn't relaxing. It kept trying to remember things it couldn't remember."

Rebecca frowned. She had tried to reiterate Aunt Wills's comment about not knowing what she was supposed to remember, but it came out even more confusing. "That made a lot more sense in my head."

Cass chuckled. She had been so preoccupied with Rebecca casually taking off her shoes and relaxing that she almost missed the very un-Rebecca-like explanation. Normally, Rebecca was capable of expressing herself eloquently, leaving the incoherent stuff to Cass. Oddly enough, Cass found it refreshing.

"Nah, I get exactly what you're trying to say."

"You do?"

"Yep." Cass changed her position, so she was facing Rebecca. God, she's beautiful. "It's like someone asking me to paint the scenery in the Canary Islands, yeah? But I've never been there, so I don't know what it looks like." She shrugged. "Still, I'm going to paint it how I believe it looks there, and whatever I come up with may be fine, but it wouldn't really be the Canary Islands, right?"

Rebecca tapped Cass's arm with excitement. "That's exactly it! Now that I'm here, my brain is able to fill in some blanks. At least, that's the hope." She looked around, taking in every little detail she could. Then, her eyes landed on the mermaid mural. How the hell had she missed that when she walked in?

Cass watched silently as Rebecca got up and walked straight to the mural. When Rebecca touched the mermaid's face, Cass's gaze fell on Rebecca's hand. The nails were unpainted and slightly longer than usual, but those slender yet strong fingers never failed to get Cass's blood pumping. Instead of squirming in her seat, she got up and joined Rebecca.

"You did this?" Rebecca asked quietly when Cass came up beside her.

"Yeah." Now, Cass was the one experiencing the deja vu.

"It's… me." Rebecca stared at the image. It was most certainly her, yet it was different. Cass saw her this way: beautiful, sensual, free. Was that how she was when she was with Cass?

"It is." Cass turned and leaned against the mural. She had been staring at the mural every night, but now Rebecca was actually standing in front of her. While she could stare all night, Cass didn't think Rebecca would enjoy that. "So, uh, it's too early for bed. Unless you're tired."

"Not even a little," Rebecca grinned.

"Good," Cass couldn't help but return the smile. "I could give you a tour of the place and get you settled in upstairs. Then, maybe, we could DoorDash some dinner and sorta veg out on the couch and talk."

"DoorDash?"

Stuck in 2001, you dolt."Oh, right. Um, food delivery." Cass brought out her phone to bring up the app. "See? You browse a ton of different restaurants, and they bring you food. Here's Ellie's. But we can get anything you're in the mood for."

"Ellie's sound great. Can I…?" Rebecca gestured at Cass's phone.

"Hmm? Oh, uh, yeah." She swiped out of the app and handed Rebecca her iPhone. If Rebecca were stuck in 2001, she wouldn't have had one.

"I think this is what Aunt Wills has. I remember my last cell phone. It didn't look anything like this." Rebecca laughed, but it wasn't a happy sound. "It was a Nokia, I believe. It was a tiny little thing." She swiped the screen like she had seen Cass do earlier. She had no idea what any of the little squares were or what they did. Apps? Is that what Cass called it? They were colorful and plentiful, but Rebecca understood none of it, and that was frustrating. "I wasn't allowed…"

Cass frowned at the sadness in Rebecca's voice. She knew Rebecca was thinking about Samantha, and Cass didn't want tonight marred by memories of that bitch. Fuck, she wanted to run and get Rebecca's phone just to let her know she had free rein of everything she wanted. Was it the right thing to do? She pushed away from the wall to stand close to Rebecca.

"Wanna see something?" Cass scrolled to her photos app and opened it. Pictures of Rebecca and Cass popped up. She didn't know if this was the right thing to do, either, but she wanted Rebecca to think of more pleasant things than her time with Samantha.

Rebecca stared at each photo for a long time before going to the next. She looked incredibly happy with Cass. The laughter and light in her eyes was something Rebecca never thought she'd see again. She pushed the phone back to Cass.

"They're beautiful, Cass."

"But?"

"It's overwhelming right now. I'm so sorry."

"No, don't be. I shouldn't have pushed." Cass slipped her phone in her back pocket.

Rebecca touched Cass's arm. "You didn't push; you gave me… something to look forward to. Maybe tomorrow will be a better time to discuss our past. Tonight, I want to just sit with you in the here and now. I know that doesn't make much sense."

"Actually, it does. You need to get the lay of the land before you navigate it fully."

Rebecca laughed. "Why do you make it sound so easy to explain the unexplainable?"

Cass shrugged with a grin. "I've always seen things differently. Maybe that helps. Listen, why don't we take your stuff up to the bedroom, and you can get settled in while I go pick up some food?"

"I thought you were going to dash it here?"

Cass bit her lip. Dash it. "I was, but I thought I'd give you a little time to yourself. You know, just let you ease yourself into being here. Maybe take a shower, get into jammies and fluffy socks, look around." She lifted a shoulder. "We have all night to do nothing but sit around in the here and now."

"That sounds… perfect, actually."

"Cool," Cass smiled. "I'd, uh, run you a bath, but I'd prefer to be here for that. I meant," she blew out a breath, embarrassed by the innuendo. "I didn't mean… I just think it's better if I'm close, you know, in case something happens. I'm not making this any better."

Rebecca laughed. "It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one stumbling over my words."

Cass scoffed playfully. "Everyday occurrence for me, babe. Especially when I'm around you. C'mon, I'll show you where the bedroom is."

Rebecca saton the huge bed, her feet swinging back and forth. Cass had left a few minutes before, and now Rebecca didn't know what to do with herself. This was her house, and she felt like a guest trying not to disturb anything.

Look around, Becca. Nothing is off-limits. It's all yours.

Those were the words Cass left her with. "So get up and look around, Rebecca. That's what you're here for," she told herself, finally hopping off the bed. She could take a shower, or she could snoop for a bit first. "Is it really snooping if it's your stuff? Also, you may want to stop talking to yourself."

She shook her head at her ridiculousness, pursing her lips in thought. Where should she start? The medicine cabinet? Nah, too cliche. She eyed the closet.

"Let's see what kind of woman Cass Giles is. Hell, let's see what kind of woman Rebecca Giles is. Also, you're still talking to yourself."

Rebecca snickered as she padded to the closet door. Why was she nervous about this? What did she think she'd find behind the door? After a deep breath, Rebecca opened the door and walked inside. The room was larger than she expected and much tidier, thanks to the drawers and shelves that lined it. Their clothes were color-coordinated, and their shoes were meticulously shelved. It was a far cry from what Rebecca was used to with Samantha. The more addicted Samantha became, the less she cared about neatness. It came to be too much for Rebecca to keep up, even more so when the abuse got worse.

Rebecca walked to the side of the closet that had more color. Since she'd only seen Cass in black, white, or gray, Rebecca shockingly assumed the more colorful side was hers. When had she embraced color into her life? Was this after Cass? As she rummaged through the outfits — impeccable and powerful outfits and lots of pink — she tried to imagine herself in them. Oh, she wasn't ready to try them on just yet, but an imaginary wardrobe change montage wouldn't hurt anyone.

There was also a spattering of jeans and casual wear. So many clothes, she thought, testing the quality with a fingertip. Before Samantha, Rebecca had cared about her appearance. To make it in the male-dominated world of business, a woman had to exude confidence and intelligence. By the end, Rebecca was lucky to get out of the house for more than five minutes. There were no dates and definitely no more working for Rebecca. Her wardrobe dwindled to skimpy lingerie Samantha had bought her. And, of course, oversized sweatpants and sweatshirts on those rare nights she didn't have to service Samantha.

Rebecca wanted those disturbing thoughts out of her head, so she went over to Cass's side. Touching Cass's clothes felt a little weird—almost perverted, especially when Rebecca leaned in to smell the white button-down shirt. That didn't stop her, though. She did, however, stop herself from actually wrapping the shirt around her. To keep the temptation at bay, Rebecca moved to the drawers. Was this an invasion of Cass's privacy?

"We're married," Rebecca murmured repeatedly. "This is totally normal. Besides, she brought you underwear. Why can't you see hers?" Rebecca rolled her eyes and wondered if she could blame talking to herself on the side effects of the tumor. She drew in a deep breath and opened the top drawer.

Rebecca's eyes widened, and she quickly closed the drawer. "Nope. Not ready for that." Her piqued curiosity, however, had her opening it back up for a peek. "Just a little peek," she reassured herself. There was an array of sex toys, as impeccably organized as the rest of the closet. Dildos, flogs, cuffs, blindfolds… they were all there. Is this what kind of relationship she and Cass had?

Rebecca closed the drawer again, leaning against it for a moment to catch her breath. Her heart was beating so fast it was almost painful. Her body hurt. There was a need for… something, but Rebecca couldn't understand what that need was.

"Okay. In through the nose, out through the mouth." Rebecca did the breathing exercise a few times. When it didn't work, she decided getting out of the sex closet was the right thing to do. Sex closet, she scoffed. It's one drawer. It's not like it's an entire room. She narrowed her eyes as she scanned the bedroom. There was no other apparatus that she could see, so maybe that little drawer was just for "special times." That was the explanation she was going with. She'd worry about the nature of her and Cass's marriage later. For now, she had more exploring to do before Cass got home.