Chapter 19

Cass flungherself on the couch, wrestling the pillow from under her and hugging it to her chest. Dinner had been as wonderful as it was painful. Spending time with Rebecca would always be Cass's favorite thing in the world to do. But sitting there needing to touch Rebecca, to kiss her, to just be with her how they were before and Rebecca not feeling the same way was a special kind of torture. And not the pleasurable kind Mistress gave her.

Tears sprang to Cass's eyes. "Mistress." The word was a whisper… perhaps a prayer. All Cass knew was she needed Rebecca back. The first time they met, it took them less than an hour to get naked and do things Cass had never even fantasized about. This Rebecca was reserved. Careful. Cass knew and understood why. Mistress didn't exist in Rebecca's mind yet. Samantha did, though. And Cass couldn't help but think that's what was holding Rebecca back. Obviously, Cass didn't expect Rebecca to jump in her arms and make mad, passionate love to her. But to be so… nervous around Cass? That hurt.

"Fucking Samantha!" Cass growled. She swiped angrily at her tears, sniffling when they wouldn't stop flowing. She and Rebecca were just getting started, and now… now that beautiful life was on hold for God knows how long. "Fucking tumor," Cass muttered through another round of tears.

Since Cass had nothing better to do with her life at the moment, she decided the best way to deal with her depression was with some ice cream and a mindless movie. She wasn't in the mood to watch anything, but the silence in the house was deafening. The need for any noise to keep her out of her head was building in her gut. If Cass didn't get a handle on this depression, she wasn't going to be any good for Rebecca when her memory came back. She certainly didn't want to risk resenting Rebecca when what was happening wasn't her fault.

Cass had just turned on the TV when she heard a knock at the door. She wiped her eyes dry before getting up to answer it. She wasn't expecting anyone, but with friends like hers, it could be anyone. Well, except Hunter. And maybe not Mo or Patty since they were probably on Hunter's side. Cass went through her list of friends, giving herself many different excuses why it couldn't be any one of them.

"How about you just answer the freakin' door?" she mumbled to herself. Cass was sure her friends would understand if she had a red nose and a tear-stained face. And if it wasn't a friend… well, then she didn't give a fuck what they thought. She stopped in her tracks right before she got to the door. What if it was her parents? Shit. Cass hadn't told them what was happening with Rebecca. Hell, she couldn't remember if she told them about the tumor. Everything happened so fast, and Rebecca was adamant that she didn't want anyone to know. "Please don't be my parents."

Cass took a deep breath and opened the door. That breath came out in a surprised ‘whoosh' when she saw Eve standing there. "E-Eve! Hi!" Calm it down, Cass. She's just a friend. And… your boss. Cass glanced past Eve.

"If you're looking for my better half, she's at home with the kids," Eve smirked.

"Oh. Um… Becca isn't here. She's staying with her aunt until… for… well…"

"Cass, I'm here to speak to you." Eve had a plethora of empathy for Cass's bumbling sadness.

"Oh," Cass said again. Eloquent, Cass. "Listen, I know I owe you some canvases…"

"Do you think so little of me that you would assume I'm here because of work during a time like this?"

"No! I'm sorry, I just…" Cass sighed. "I'm sorry."

Eve offered Cass an understanding smile. "May I come in?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry… again." As she guided Eve in, Cass saw the heap of bedding on the couch and cringed with embarrassment. Great. "I, uh, apologize for the mess. I wasn't expecting company, and I…" Cass exhaled sharply. "How'd you do it?"

"Do what?" Eve scooted a pillow off the chair next to the couch Cass was clearly using as a bed.

"Cope without Lainey when you were… away," Cass answered as she pushed blankets and pillows to the side in a failed attempt to tidy up.

"I didn't," Eve said honestly. "I had many panic attacks. I'm not good with small spaces, and without Lainey, those spaces tend to close in on me much faster."

Cass was silent for a moment. That's the first time Eve Sumptor had been so forthcoming with a weakness of hers. "Sometimes it's easy to forget that you can be as vulnerable as the rest of us."

Eve raised a brow. "I'm not a robot, Cass."

"No, but, like Becca, you've built, like, an intolerance to bullshit." To Cass's surprise, Eve laughed. It was a sound that was… out of place in this house these days. "What do I do?" she asked suddenly. "I can't sleep upstairs in our bed because the room is too small and too big at the same time. I don't know if that even makes sense, but…"

"It does. Look, Cass, if you want words of hope and keeping the faith, I can call Lainey or Ellie for you. They're the best at that."

"And what are you best at?" Cass asked cautiously.

"The facts." Eve sat back and crossed her legs.

"Okay. The fact is, Rebecca doesn't remember me. Or you, for that matter. She's stuck in some god-awful time in her life, and I can't help but wonder why she remembers that shit and not me."

"I can understand how you'd be upset by that," Eve said amicably. "As long as you keep in mind that it's not her choice."

"I know." Cass scrubbed her face irritably. "You have to be kinda pissed that she doesn't remember you, don't you? Haven't you two known each other for, like, ever?"

Eve smiled. "You do realize that the time she's stuck in, I was thirteen. I still had my mother and a warped sense of hope for the future."

"Shit. I always forget you're only in your thirties. Not that you look old! You don't! You just have so much poise… I'm going to shut up."

Eve bit her lip. Lainey was going to enjoy hearing this story later. "Now that we have that sorted," Eve chuckled. "No, I met Rebecca about ten years later. Sumptor Galleries was doing quite well, and Sumptor Inc. was finding its niche. But I was ready to expand into areas I wasn't familiar with. So, I sought out the best, and that was Rebecca Cuinn. We bonded over our love of business and then… over our similar backgrounds."

Cass settled back onto the couch and listened to Eve's story. Not only was she learning more about Rebecca's past, but she was also learning more about the enigma that was Eve Sumptor.

Eve cleared her throat. She hadn't come here to get too personal, but she had already said way more than she expected to Cass. She felt a sort of… kinship with Cass. When she was forced to be away from Lainey, Eve nearly lost all hope that they would be together again. She imagined Cass had that same fear.

"The past isn't the issue here. It's the present and the future."

"Yeah, but it's the past that could hurt our future," Cass argued. "Rebecca isn't Mistress. She's… I don't know if the woman who barely escaped Samantha with her life could fall for me. It took her fifteen-plus years to get involved with someone else." A sick feeling washed over Cass. "What if this time that someone isn't me? What if I remind her too much of Samantha? Or even worse, I don't fit her needs because I'm not Samantha. If Mistress is gone, if she's not a Domme anymore, is she a sub? I know we role-play, but I don't know if I can always be that for her. Sorry if that was too much information."

"What's a little over-share amongst friends?" Eve smiled, then leaned forward to make sure she had Cass's full attention. "Mistress isn't someone Rebecca created, Cass. She is Rebecca. Always has been. Strength and confidence like that aren't learned. They're uncovered from deep within. Samantha needed to dim Rebecca's light because she was too afraid — too jealous — to let her shine. But you, Cass? You light Rebecca's soul. Those of us who have been there throughout the different stages of Rebecca's transformation noticed the real change when you came into her life. Rebecca no longer bears the weight of that guilt about Samantha, and according to Willamena, that's the big difference between then and now. Rebecca doesn't seem to be carrying that burden like she did back then. So, the fact is, you irrevocably changed Rebecca, and not even amnesia can take that away."

The tears didn't even threaten this time. They freely flowed down Cass's cheeks, and she wiped at them with the back of her hand.

"S-she's so timid around me."

Eve glanced around as if they weren't alone. "If you tell Rebecca I said this when she gets her memory back, I will call you a liar. But a little birdie named Willamena told me that it's not timidness but…" Eve lowered her voice almost to a whisper. "Attraction."

Cass started to shake her head but then thought about the little interactions she had with Rebecca. The blushing, the tucking of the hair behind the ear. These are things Rebecca had done before when she felt particularly… enamored with Cass. If Eve was right, Cass had reason to hope.

"I thought you weren't into emotions and stuff."

"I'm not." Eve stood, smoothing out the wrinkles in her jeans. "Everything I just said was absolute fact." A slow smirk formed on Eve's face. "Now, I have to go. Young Bella has organized a family date night." She paused, thinking about how Cass would be alone. "You're welcome to come, Cass. Bella would love to have you. So would we."

"Oh, uh, thank you, really. I wouldn't be the greatest company, and I have a lot of thinking to do. But, uh, could I ask a favor?"

"Of course."

"Our puppy, Mocha, is supposed to be coming home this week, but, uh…"

"You're not ready?" Eve guessed.

"I don't wanna half-ass it, ya know? I love that ball of energy, but my focus is on Rebecca, and honestly, I want her to be home when Mocha comes home." They will both come back to me, Cass vowed. If she kept saying it, maybe she would believe it.

"We can take Mocha in. I can't promise you that Little Miss Bella won't claim her as her own, though, and fight you for her."

Cass chuckled. "I'd probably lose that fight. But, hey, if it's too much, I can bring her home, Eve."

"No, no. I have to admit, puppy-sitting sounds fun. And it'll teach Bella a good lesson about responsibility. If she does well, maybe she'll get a puppy of her own," Eve smirked. "And by Bella, I mean Lainey. Ever since you and Rebecca brought Mocha over, Lainey has been hinting. But we've agreed we want to make sure Bella is ready, so you're actually helping us."

Cass knew Eve was trying to make her feel better about her decision, but she appreciated it. "Thank you. G'wan. Have a wonderful date night with your family."

Surprising both of them, Eve leaned in and hugged Cass. "Keep showing up," she whispered in Cass's ear. "That's how you won her over the first time."

"Thanks, Eve." Cass stepped back, giving Eve her space. "I really do appreciate you coming here to talk to me. And I know you didn't ask, but I'll get some canvases to you soon."

Eve shook her head. "You don't have to worry about that, Cass. Your prints at the gallery are doing well. And a little advice from one artist to another. Don't try to paint if your heart isn't in it. Art is an expression of your emotions, not a fulfillment of an obligation."

Cass respected the advice as she knew Eve was fully aware of the difference between painting your emotions and trying to paint without purpose.

Willamena stoodat the doorway watching Rebecca read. It reminded her so much of when Rebecca was younger. Reading was how Rebecca used to cope with life after her parents died. She used to tell Willamena that escaping into books helped her not be so sad all the time. As Rebecca got older, the books became less frivolous and more academic. But she always found time for a good romance.

"Can I get you anything?"

Rebecca looked up from her book. "No, I'm okay, thank you. Unless you have more books from this author." She had been surprised, yet quite happy, to find sapphic novels on her aunt's shelf. Particularly the spicy ones. Since she couldn't do much else, a bit of light — or hot — reading would be a good distraction.

Willamena glanced at the title and smiled. She just so happened to have every book from Joslyn Cohan because of her niece. "I do. I know how you read, so I'll bring a couple up for you. On one condition."

"Which is?"

"You can't stay up all night reading like you did when you were a teenager. You have to get your…"

"Rest," Rebecca finished with an exaggerated eye-roll. "Yes, ma'am. Aunt Wills? How old is Cass?"

Oh boy."Why do you want to know?"

"I'm just… wondering." Of course, Rebecca wasn't going to admit to her aunt that the book she was reading had Rebecca thinking of Cass in many different ways. And positions. So weird. Rebecca had never thought about anyone like this. Not even Samantha. Perhaps, especially not Samantha.

"Right. Does it matter how old she is?"

"That young, hmm? What was I doing with her?" Yeah, Rebecca had done the math. Adding twenty-two years to her age… "I'm old, Aunt Wills."

"I beg your pardon! If you're old, what does that make me?"

Rebecca smirked. "Old-er." She stuck her tongue out at her aunt.

"Oh, that's mature." Willamena came into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. "You're not blind, my sweet girl. I know you've seen the way she looks at you. If she doesn't care about your age, why should you?"

The way she looks at you.Rebecca felt butterflies in her stomach. "You're not going to tell me, are you?"

"It's one of those things you're just going to have to trust me on, kiddo."

"Fine," Rebecca sighed and held up her book, effectively changing the subject. Her aunt was far too stubborn to waste time arguing when Rebecca could be reading. "Have you read this?"

Willamena actually blushed, looking at the sexy cover. "Yes, I have."

"I have so many questions. One being, is there something you're not telling me?"

"Oh, child, there's a lot I'm not telling you. But I'm not queer if that's what you're getting at," Willamena chuckled. "But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy a good romance."

"Romance," Rebecca scoffed. "This book is full of kinky BDSM sex!"

"Ah, but behind the sex, there is a beautiful love story."

Rebecca couldn't deny that. The love that the characters had for each other practically leaped off the page. And the sex? Holy. Fuck. "It feels so… familiar. But nothing like what I had with Samantha. Was Cass my…"

Rebecca stopped. Did she want to know the dynamics of that relationship?

"Rebecca?"

Rebecca shook her head, which was beginning to throb again even after the pain meds. "I don't think I'm ready for that information yet. Do you mind if I just say goodnight now?"

"Of course not." Willamena kissed Rebecca's forehead. "Remember not to stay up too late. If you're lucky, I'll bring you breakfast in bed in the morning."

"Don't you have patients to shrink?"

"You make me sound like a mad scientist. But no. I'm mostly retired now. A few patients keep me on speed dial, but I have plenty of time to make my favorite niece some breakfast."

"Only niece," Rebecca corrected.

"Which means you're my favorite. Now, get back to your book. What chapter are you on?"

"Um," Rebecca opened the book to the marked page. "Just starting chapter seven."

"Ooh, that's a good one!" Willamena patted Rebecca's knee. "Have fun. Goodnight," she winked and laughed all the way out the door.

Rebecca snickered at her aunt's foolishness. Then she hunkered down and dug into chapter seven.