Chapter 17

Cass walkedinto the dimly lit bar, scrunching her nose up at the depressing odor wafting through the air. She hadn't been here in years but didn't remember it being this… dreary. Perhaps it was just her own dismal attitude being thrown back at her. Whatever the case, it was the perfect atmosphere for Cass.

"Shit! Look who the cat dragged in!" The bartender slapped the bar with her towel, smiling like a lunatic.

Cass slid onto a barstool. "Mickey." Cass couldn't believe Mickey was still here behind the bar. Back in the day, all Mick would talk about was opening her own bar and getting out from under Nadia, the bar's owner. Of course, back then, being under Nadia wasn't the worst thing in the world. That was way before Cass knew the wonders of Rebecca Cuinn.

Mickey grabbed a glass and cheap whiskey. "Your face looks like you need a stiff drink or two. If you're gonna be drinkin' your sorrows away, best to go with the cheap stuff."

Cass clenched her jaws. "Still playing therapist, eh, Mick? I can't imagine that's gotten better over the years."

Mickey shrugged. "Never know. You spend years behind a bar getting the ladies drunk, and you hear all the drama."

You probably caused most of the drama by giving the pretty ladies free drinks. "Not here for the cheap stuff," Cass muttered.

"‘Kay. What can I get ya?"

Cass frowned. It was on the tip of her tongue to say a shot of Fireball, but she stopped short. It reminded her of the first day she met Rebecca. God, her wife would be so disappointed in Cass if she could see her now. Even so, Cass couldn't go home to an empty house and couldn't go back to the hospital to the woman she loved because the confusion on Rebecca's face was too difficult to bear. So, she was here.

"Club soda."

Mickey scoffed. "Seriously? You used to laugh at the dipshits that came in here and ordered a pussy drink."

Cass merely raised a brow, staring at Mickey until she got her club soda. Thankfully, Cass's poor attitude kept her from having to engage in small talk with Mickey. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about the fucking past.

"Well, well, look who's back. If it isn't Cassanova." The good-looking brunette sauntered to the bar, too close for Cass's comfort. "I never thought I'd see you again after hearing you got married. Guess the honeymoon is over."

Cass was wrong. This was the last thing she wanted. "You don't know what you're talking about, Nadia. I just want to be left alone."

Nadia nodded at Mickey, and the bartender left them alone. She perched herself on a stool next to Cass. "You look upset. Most people end up alone in a bar in the middle of the day because things are bad. Girl trouble?"

Nadia tilted her head in question, but it didn't affect Cass as when Rebecca did it. Cass sipped her club soda, scooting away from Nadia to the opposite edge of her stool, putting one foot on the floor as though she would have to make a break for it at any given moment.

"No," Cass said simply.

"Come on, Cass. We were friends once."

Nadia touched Cass's arm, and Cass jerked away like she'd been burned. "Is that what we were?" Cass thought back to the handful of times she and Nadia were together. There wasn't much talking. Perhaps that's why they didn't last very long. Neither were interested in getting to know just how compatible they really were.

"It certainly wasn't for you."

Cass took another sip, wishing she could feel the burn of whiskey sliding down her throat. "Sorry."

"Don't be. You were always upfront with what you were looking for. I wasn't delusional enough to think we could be more. In fact, I was surprised when I heard you had gotten married. I didn't think that was your thing. Rebecca, right?"

Cass's chest tightened at the mention of Rebecca's name. "Yes. And it wasn't my thing until I met Rebecca. Now, I can't imagine my life without her."

"Then why do you look like you want to cry?" When Cass didn't answer, Nadia continued. "I hear it helps to talk."

The realization of the truth of that statement hit Cass square in the chest. "You're right." She dug money out of her pocket and slapped it on the bar.

"Where are you going?" Nadia asked when Cass stood up.

"No offense, Nadia, but you're not the one I want or need to talk to right now. Thank you for reminding me this isn't my life anymore." Cass turned away, then hesitated. Her words came out far harsher than she had intended. Nadia hadn't deserved Cass's lousy attitude. Maybe they weren't friends, but they certainly weren't enemies either. She turned back.

"What happened here, Nadia? I don't remember this place being so… depressing."

To Cass's surprise, Nadia let out a small laugh. "Neglect and disinterest. I know we didn't talk much about our lives, but I was a bartender here, Cass, sleeping with the owner. When she died, I found myself with a bar that bled more money than it made. I tried in the beginning with the limited business experience I had. As I got older, I changed, but the clientele didn't. I lost the urge to keep trying, and now I don't know how to get it back to its former glory. Or update it."

Cass pursed her lips in thought. "My girl," her voice hitched. "She's, uh, a pretty brilliant businesswoman. Things are hectic at the moment, but I bet she could help you get this place the way you want. Just something to think about, Nadia. Take care." With that, Cass took off to see the one person she hoped could help her stay positive.

Nadia stood there for a moment, watching Cass's retreating back. "Well, that was weird."

Mickey grabbed Cass's glass, dumping the nearly full contents in the sink. "Think that has anything to do with the crap Miranda pulled?"

Nadia looked over at her bartender. "I don't know. But I've never seen someone as confident as Cass Giles look so… lost."

Cass's handshook as she pressed the doorbell, shuffling her feet as she waited. She practiced what she wanted to say the entire way here. But now that she was actually here, all of those words left her. The door opened, and Cass wasn't sure if it was good or bad luck when it was Ellie staring back at her.

"Please don't slam the door in my face," Cass said hastily.

"I wouldn't," Ellie answered calmly. "But if you're here to yell at my wife — or hit her again — you can turn around and walk away."

Cass shook her head. "I-I'm not. God, Ellie, I don't know what came over me. I can't apologize enough."

"It's not me you should be apologizing to. I'll go get Hunter."

"Wait! Please?" Cass blew out a breath. "I'm… not ready to face her yet. I know how cowardly that is, but my emotions are off the charts, and I just need to get a handle on what's happening here." Cass gestured to her heart and head.

Ellie couldn't help but feel empathetic for Cass. She knew first-hand what it was like to be unable to control her emotions. She lashed out at those she loved the most, and luckily they forgave her.

"Would you like to come in?"

Cass shook her head. "I thought, um, maybe you would go for a walk with me? Just a short one!" she clarified quickly, not wanting to piss Hunter off even more by tiring out her wife.

She needs to talk,Ellie thought silently. "Let me put my shoes on and tell Hunter where I'll be." Ellie stepped back to let Cass in, but Cass didn't move.

"I-I can meet you down there," Cass pointed towards the beach behind the Vales' house.

"You're going to have to face Hunter sooner or later."

"I know." Cass lowered her head in shame. "I will, I promise."

Ellie nodded. "I'll see you down at the beach." She closed the door as Cass took off.

"She still mad at me?"

Ellie turned to her wife, wincing at the bruise forming on her cheek. "I don't think she ever was, love." She touched Hunter's cheek softly. "She's scared and embarrassed by her actions. Just give Cass a little time. You two will be drinking beer and grilling burgers again in no time."

Hunter gave Ellie a small, sad smile. "Not if Rebecca doesn't fully recover."

"Is that a possibility?"

"It depends on why it's happening. I don't want to speculate…"

Ellie sensed Hunter's uneasiness. "Then don't. I know this is affecting you almost as much as it is Cass. Rebecca is one of your dearest friends."

Hunter touched her forehead to Ellie's. "It hurt when she didn't recognize me. I can't imagine how Cass felt. I don't blame her, you know. If you didn't remember me, I'd probably go a little insane, too. Don't be too hard on her, please?"

Ellie smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss. "I won't. However, if it happens again, I won't be as forgiving. I'm going down to the shoreline to talk to her. I'll be back in a bit."

"‘Kay, babe. I'll pretend not to watch you from the window."

Ellie laughed. "Do you think Cass is going to hurt me?"

"Nope. But if she says the wrong thing, I can't be certain you won't hurt her." Hunter kissed her wife again, swatting her lightly on the ass as she walked away.

Cass feltan arm wrap around the crook of her elbow, and for a split second, she thought it was Rebecca. She looked down and saw Ellie's honey-blonde hair. On the one hand, it hurt her heart that it wasn't Rebecca. On the other hand, this was a good sign that Ellie really did forgive Cass for her stupidity.

"I don't know what to do," Cass began, tears not even taking the time to threaten, just freely falling. "If this was Miranda or some other douchcanoe trying to hurt Becca, I could help. I could physically protect her. But this? How do I fight this, El?"

"Sometimes fighting isn't the answer. Protecting Rebecca can mean many things. Like continuing to love her even when she doesn't know she loves you."

"That's not a problem. My fear is… that her memory won't come back, and I'll lose her. What happens then? If she doesn't remember me or our life together…"

"Then you make her fall in love with you again," Ellie answered after a moment's pause. She couldn't fathom a life where Cass and Rebecca weren't together. It just seemed… wrong. "You did it before and quite fast, if I remember correctly."

Cass smiled, then frowned. "But she's not the same Rebecca. I'm not saying I feel differently about her," she said quickly. "I'm saying she had years to get over what that fucker…" Cass winced, remembering who she was talking to. "Sorry."

Ellie bumped Cass with her shoulder. "I don't know why people think I don't use that word or that it embarrasses me. Say it all you want. Especially about the woman who hurt Rebecca."

Cass nodded distractedly. "The point I was trying to make was it took Rebecca years to become confident again. And that's the woman who fell in love with me. What if this version… can't?"

Ellie stopped walking and plopped down in the soft sand, patting the spot next to her for Cass to join her. "Have you ever heard of the term muscle memory?"

Cass dusted sand off her hands, bringing her knees up to lean on them as she considered Ellie's question. "Yeah. It's like when you do something over and over, and your muscles just sort of remember the motions."

"Mmhmm. Did you know that the heart is a muscle?" Ellie rested her head on Cass's shoulder, hoping she could help ease Cass's fears. "I'm not a doctor, so I can't give you all the scientific… what did you call it? Mumbo jumbo? However, I do know Rebecca quite well. She loves you so much, Cass. Not even brain surgery could change those feelings that are so deeply ingrained in her. I truly believe that."

Cass sighed as she stared at the crashing waves of the incoming tide. "Even this less confident Rebecca?"

"Even this one."

"How?" Cass glanced over at Ellie. She knew Ellie was aware of how Cass and Rebecca had met. It was much easier to get someone to fall in love with you when you were giving them incredible orgasms. Unfortunately, Cass didn't think that would be an option this time around.

"You're worried that without sex, you can't win her over?" When Cass nodded, Ellie knew she had guessed perfectly what was plaguing Cass's mind. "Believe it or not, when Rebecca talks about how she fell in love with you, she doesn't talk about the sex. You won her over, Cass. Who you are and how you treat her. It's knowing everything you know about her and still thinking she's perfect. It's you, Cass. All you need to do is be yourself." Ellie hesitated a split second, then said, "And be as persistent as you were before."

Those ever-present tears refused to stay put again, sliding down Cass's cheeks unchecked. "Even this Rebecca?" she asked softly.

"Any version of Rebecca Cuinn-Giles will fall for you every time, any time."

Cass's lips twitched, and a smile threatened to form, but sitting here talking about Rebecca and being unable to be with her hurt Cass's soul.

"I should be there with her," Cass said aloud. "I know she has Aunt Wills, but it should be me. Instead, I went to a fucking bar."

Ellie sniffed near Cass. "You don't smell like alcohol."

"I didn't drink. I wanted to, but I thought about how disappointed Rebecca would be if I did. She doesn't think drinking solves problems," Cass explained. "I get that after what she went through in her past."

Ellie stretched out her legs in front of her, trying to relieve the pressure on her bad hip. She would sit there as long as Cass needed her to, so she found a comfortable enough position and settled in.

"She told us that once at a girls' night. One of us was having a bad day, and Rebecca suggested we do something other than drink to sort it out. She said drinking to get rid of a problem only creates another problem. We ate cake instead," Ellie chuckled.

This time, Cass did smile. "That's my girl. I left the bar and came straight here for guidance." Cass touched Ellie's hand briefly. "I'm glad I did. I know that if Rebecca doesn't regain her memory before being released from the hospital, she's not going to come home with me. That's my girl, too. She never wants to be a burden on anyone, though I would carry her burdens for the rest of my life if I had to. Going home and her not being there? God, that's gonna suck so bad. But I think you've helped me hold onto hope that she and I will be together again."

"You're very sweet." Ellie wrapped her arm around Cass's back. "If that happens, make your presence known as often as you can. There will always be a reason for you to go and see her," Ellie grinned. "Persistence, Cass. Just like before. Memory or not, Rebecca won't be able to resist you."