Chapter 16

Rebecca side-eyed Dr. Lima,who said nothing as she checked Rebecca's vitals. When Dr. Lima hummed and wrote notes in Rebecca's chart, Rebecca sighed.

"Is ‘hmm' a good thing or a bad thing?"

Dr. Lima briefly looked up from the chart. "Neither. It's merely a sound."

"Ah. Thanks for the update," Rebecca responded with a slight attitude. She already had a headache and felt dirty, and if she didn't get a brush — hair and tooth — soon, things would get ugly real fast.

The stoic doctor's lips twitched ever so slightly. "Your vitals look good, Rebecca. We need to keep your stress levels down, and those headaches you're getting will start to fade."

"I could use a shower, and I want to brush my teeth. That would keep my stress down considerably."

"You'll be able to shower with assistance. However, I encourage you not to wash your hair until after the sutures…" Dr. Lima clearly saw the look of defiance on Rebecca's face. "Baby shampoo. Have whoever is assisting you wash around the incision. I realize this is frustrating, but you certainly don't want complications."

"Fine." Rebecca sighed again. "Sorry, I don't mean to be rude. I don't like being… dirty." She frowned, imagining someone in her life making a joke out of that, but couldn't picture who. Definitely not Samantha. Aunt Wills?

"I'm a surgeon who washes her hands hundreds of times daily. I understand." Dr. Lima offered Rebecca a small, uncomfortable smile.

Sensing the doctor's discomfort with small talk, Rebecca changed the subject. Although she didn't want to discuss it, she needed to know.

"What's the extent of the damage?" She asked. "I don't feel as broken as I should with everything Samantha did. Am I on some pain medication?"

Dr. Lima's brows knitted together in confusion. "I'm sorry, I don't…"

"Knock, knock."

Aunt Wills popped her head around the door, and Rebecca smiled. That smile quickly faded into embarrassment when she saw the incredibly sexy woman with her. Rebecca pushed her greasy hair out of her face and then contemplated covering her face with it. I look like an ogre, and Aunt Wills brings the sexiest woman I've ever seen in here.

"You have a visitor," Aunt Wills stated unnecessarily.

Cass's heart beat painfully in her chest. God, Rebecca looked stunning. Of course, Rebecca was pale and a bit mussed after the surgery and coma. Even so, to Cass, no one could match Rebecca's beauty. And she was awake. Cass was grateful for that despite… everything else.

"H-hey, Becca."

Rebecca's brows furrowed. Becca? Do we know each other? "Hi. A-are you another doctor?" Rebecca shyly tucked her hair behind her ear, unable to look the handsome woman in the eye.

The pain of those words caused Cass's stomach to churn. "No. I'm, uh…"

What could she say? Aunt Wills had warned her that too much information could cause Rebecca stress. That's the last thing Cass wanted to do, so she looked to Aunt Wills for help.

Willamena's heart broke for Cass. Oh, she could see Cass trying to keep it together, but Willamena knew how those bi-colored eyes lit up when Rebecca was around. Right now, they were dull and sad.

"Rebecca, this is Cass. Do you remember her?"

"Cass." Rebecca's eyes traveled up Cass's body. I'd like to get to know her. "I'm sorry, I don't…"

"It's fine," Cass said quickly before Aunt Wills could say more. She could have never prepared herself for hearing Rebecca call her ‘Cass.' It sounded… wrong. "I, uh, wanted to come see you and make sure you were okay. I'm just going to take off and let you rest." She turned to Aunt Wills, shaking her head slightly. "I'll call you later, Aunt Wills."

Cass's overwhelming need to touch Rebecca had her touching Rebecca's blanket-covered foot briefly before she rushed to the door. She had to get out of there before she lost it in front of Rebecca. She was pretty sure if she started sobbing right there in the hospital room, Rebecca would think she was crazy, not to mention that it would cause Rebecca unneeded stress.

"Aunt Wills? She calls you Aunt Wills? Who is she? Why did she look so sad? What is going on, Aunt Wills?"

Dr. Lima cleared her throat, and Willamena sighed. Rebecca was getting worked up. That certainly wasn't Willamena's intention, but obviously, bringing Cass in here so soon was a mistake for both Cass and Rebecca.

"I know you have questions, Rebecca, but…"

"No buts. I have this… sick feeling in my stomach." It's more like my heart, Rebecca thought silently. "That I'm missing something important."

Willamena saw the same dull sadness in Rebecca's eyes that she saw in Cass's. Their souls miss each other. It was unorthodox for a psychiatrist to believe, but Willamena did nonetheless. She glanced at Dr. Lima and received a slight nod. Willamena knew she'd have to tread carefully, so she would tell Rebecca the bare minimum until she thought Rebecca could handle more.

"Okay, sweet girl. We're going to make a deal, and I don't want you to argue with me. We will discuss everything you need to know, but we do it my way. You have to promise you won't jeopardize your recovery by getting upset if I do what I think is best for you. That includes not overwhelming you with an abundance of information all at once. Our first priority is your health. Can you agree to that?"

Rebecca stared into Aunt Wills's kind eyes. She saw the compassion she always saw there. But there was something else. Sadness? Fear? A mixture of both?

"I'll do my best." Rebecca held her hand up to stop Aunt Wills's protests. "That's all I can promise, Aunt Wills."

Willamena nodded, pulling a chair up beside Rebecca's bed.

"I'm going to excuse myself," Dr. Lima announced, reminding them she was there. "Rebecca has expressed the desire to take care of her hygiene needs. Are you able to assist her, Dr. Woodrow, or shall I call in an orderly to help?"

Willamena knew Rebecca wouldn't want a stranger helping her. "I can do it. Thank you, Dr. Lima."

"Rebecca, to address your previous question before I leave, I want to keep you overnight to monitor your progress. If all goes well, we will review your at-home care procedures and medications before discharging you." With a curt nod, Dr. Lima left the room.

"She's… direct," Rebecca said after a minute.

"Yes, she is. But she's also very good at what she does."

Rebecca lifted her arm — the one she could remember being limp at her side when Samantha…. "I'd say so. My arm doesn't even hurt. Whatever these meds are, they're working. I have a headache, but the rest of me feels… fine."

Willamena took Rebecca's hand, clasping it between both of hers. "Rebecca, you're not here because of Samantha." Ugh, it made her sick to her stomach saying that name. She wished with every ounce of her being that Rebecca had forgotten this part of her life and not the part when she was finally happy.

Rebecca's face was the picture of confusion. "I don't understand."

"I know." Willamena rubbed the back of Rebecca's hand as she did when she was little and had nightmares about her parents' death. "I've been trying to think of an easy way of saying this, but nothing about this is easy."

"Aunt Wills, please." Rebecca hated this feeling- the unknown. She'd spent years with Samantha fearing the unknown, and she didn't want to live that way any longer.

Willamena closed her eyes briefly, asking Gwennie for the right words. Oh, her sister was good at things like this. But, even being a psychiatrist, when it came to her family, Willamena faltered with hard news.

"You're here because you had a tumor. A brain tumor," Willamena clarified. "You had surgery to remove it, and…"

None of this made sense to Rebecca, and Aunt Wills's stalling was not helping. "And?"

"There's been a complication with your memory, Rebecca. You have amnesia."

Pain seared through Rebecca's head, and she ripped her hand away from Willamena, pressing the heels of both hands to her temples. She whimpered as the pain continued.

Willamena stood abruptly, reaching for the call button.

"Don't!" Rebecca ordered. "Just give me a minute." She breathed in, holding it for ten seconds. She could hear a calming voice in her head counting to ten, but she didn't know whose voice it was. For some unknown reason, that bothered Rebecca. "Amnesia," she repeated when the pain became bearable.

"Yes." Willamena still had the call button in her hand, her thumb poised to push it if Rebecca's pain came back. "That's enough information for now…"

"Cass?" Rebecca asked softly. "I should know her?" Tears pooled in Rebecca's eyes when Cass's face popped into her memory.

Willamena hesitated. "Yes."

This time the pain wasn't in Rebecca's head. Her heart felt… empty. No, that wasn't the word. Lost.

"How long?"

Willamena put the call button back in its place. "How long?"

"How much time am I missing?"

"It's 2023, Rebecca." The dam burst, and Willamena held Rebecca as she wept quietly.

"I can do this by myself."

"No, you can't. Rebecca, you had brain surgery. This is one of those times when you must trust that I'm doing what's best for you. Besides, I've seen you naked before, so you don't need to be shy."

Rebecca rolled her eyes. "Fine. Can I at least brush my teeth by myself?"

"If you behave." Willamena was gracious enough to turn her back while Rebecca got undressed, affording Rebecca a modicum of privacy. "Do you want a shower cap?"

"No. I need to wash my hair. Dr. Lima said it'd be fine if you avoided the stitches."

Willamena picked up a bottle of baby shampoo that a nurse must've brought in while Rebecca ate her dinner. "I'm guessing this is what I'm supposed to use." Her eyes raised to the mirror in front of her, and she caught a glimpse of Rebecca's bare back in the mirror, gasping in horror. Forgetting all about privacy, Willamena whirled around. "Is that what Samantha did to you?"

Rebecca turned her head, looking past Willamena in the mirror. She saw the scars and winced when she realized she must not have told her aunt everything.

"Rebecca, why? Why didn't you tell me how bad it was?"

Rebecca crossed her arms across her bare chest. She felt vulnerable enough being naked. Talking about the scars that marred her back only heightened that feeling.

"How?" She bowed her head, unable to look Aunt Wills in the eye. "How was I supposed to tell you about the mess I got myself into? I was ashamed, Aunt Wills. Ashamed that I fell for her bullshit. And ashamed that I was too weak to leave."

"You weren't weak, Rebecca. You were conditioned and manipulated." Willamena brushed past Rebecca to turn on the shower. She remembered how these conversations had gone in the past. The more Rebecca was pushed to discuss this subject, the less she did. The last thing Willamena wanted to do was pressure Rebecca, causing more stress. "What matters now is that it's over."

Rebecca frowned. It wasn't like Aunt Wills — or Dr. Woodrow — to give up so easily. Of course, she was clever in trying to coerce information out of Rebecca, always respecting Rebecca's boundaries. But she never just… quit.

"That's it? No asking the same question fifteen different ways?"

Willamena shook her head. "I told you, Rebecca. This happened to you more than two decades ago. I've been your therapist for just as long. This amnesia… I don't think it will last forever. And if you don't have to go through it all again, I'd be more than happy to spare you that pain. However, I have to admit finding out you didn't tell me about the scars is gnawing at me."

"I'm sorry. I'm sure I had a good reason not to." Rebecca stepped into the shower, appreciating the hot spray of the water cascading off her body. "It feels like I haven't showered in years," she said with a satisfied sigh. Just then, Rebecca's stomach tightened as though it remembered something her mind couldn't. She shivered with a strange feeling of… pleasure.

"Rebecca? Are you okay?"

"Hmm? Oh, um, y-yes. Sorry." Rebecca took the soap from Aunt Wills. This part she could surely do herself. Her eyebrows furrowed when the loofah snagged on something at her belly. When she looked down, her frown deepened. A belly ring? When did I get that? Something else caught Rebecca's eye a little lower, and she ran her finger over the small tattoo. She shook her head. It was too weird not having any recollection of getting these things on her body. Maybe when she got home, she could concentrate more on all the pieces missing in her memory.

"Do you think I'll be able to go home tomorrow?" Rebecca stopped washing and frowned. "Where is home?"

Oh boy. "You… live with Cass."

"I—" Rebecca stared at Aunt Wills and shook her head. "Aunt Wills, I can't put this burden on a woman I can't remember."

"Cass would gladly take that burden, Rebecca. She would do anything for you." She loves you deeply.

Again, tears filled Rebecca's eyes. What was it about this Cass that made Rebecca feel so emotional? Obviously, if Rebecca lived with her, they were serious. But how serious? How much could Rebecca give of herself after Samantha? Especially when she didn't feel worthy enough for someone like Cass. Because even if Rebecca didn't remember her, she knew in her soul Cass was special.

"That may be true, but I just can't do that to her. Or to myself. I already feel bad enough that I don't remember her. But I don't know if I can move to New York with you either."

Willamena was still thinking about Rebecca's admission of guilt about not remembering Cass that she almost missed that last part. "Oh, sweet girl, I live here now. Can we talk about why you feel bad about Cass?"

"Um, no. I want to talk about why you live here. Since when? You always said New York was your home."

"And it was. Until it wasn't."

"Did you do it because of… me?"

"Of course I did. You're my family. However, to ease your mind, I only moved here a few years ago. Now sit here so I can wash your hair." Willamena scooted a shower chair closer to Rebecca, chuckling at the face Rebecca made at it. "Stop being so stubborn. If you want me to wash your hair, you have to sit."

"I'm not an invalid."

"We're not going to argue about what you can and can't do, Rebecca."

Rebecca rolled her eyes, mumbling something about her aunt being mean. But she sat and allowed herself to appreciate her aunt's help, especially when her headache dissipated as Aunt Wills massaged the shampoo in her hair.

"Can I stay with you, Aunt Wills?"

Willamena paused her careful scrubbing. "If that's what you want, yes." Cass would be devastated, but Willamena hoped she would understand Rebecca's dilemma. With any luck, Rebecca would regain her memory before too much damage was done to Cass's heart.