Chapter 9

Rebecca placedher hand on Cassidy's bouncing knee. "Stop, baby. You're making me nervous."

"Sorry," Cass mumbled.

They were sitting in a cold doctor's office, waiting for the neurosurgeon to come in. It had only been five minutes, but both were nervous enough to make it feel like an eternity. The only thing that kept Cass from storming around the entire office demanding to know where the doctor was was Hunter. Dr. Alita Lima came highly recommended by Hunter. That alone made the wait worth it. Rebecca and Cass trusted Hunter to send them to the best.

"My apologies for making you wait." A small woman with dark hair and a white coat came marching into the office. "I'm Dr. Lima."

Rebecca stood, wiping her hands on her jeans before holding one out. "Rebecca Giles. This is my wife, Cassidy."

"Cass," Cass corrected, shaking the doctor's hand amicably. The woman was shorter than Rebecca, yet held the same commanding aura. To Cass, that was a good sign.

Dr. Lima nodded a small smile on her serious face. "I understand you know Dr. Vale," she gestured to the door where Hunter stood. "She insisted on being here if you two consent to having a third party here."

"Yes, of course," Rebecca answered immediately, smiling gratefully at Hunter.

"Good. I feel having a doctor you trust to help you with decisions is beneficial. Please have a seat." Dr. Lima walked around her desk and sat behind it. She logged into her tablet and brought up Rebecca's MRI images. She pointed at a white spot near the front of Rebecca's brain. "This is what Dr. Vale is concerned about. It's about three and a half centimeters in size which I believe is causing the discomfort you've been feeling. Besides the headaches that Dr. Vale mentioned, what other symptoms have you been experiencing?"

Rebecca glanced at Cassidy. "Um, I've also been tired and restless." It was a difficult question for Rebecca to answer as she never thought of how she felt as ‘symptoms.' Didn't everyone experience fatigue and headaches? Did having a tumor change the definition?

"She…" Cass gave Rebecca a questioning look, then continued when Rebecca nodded. "Rebecca had an episode a few days ago where she forgot she started dinner. I came home to burning lasagna in the oven and Rebecca asleep in our home gym." Cass fidgeted. It felt like a betrayal saying these things to other people. She just hoped Rebecca would forgive her for trying to be thorough and helpful. "And, uh, when I told her what happened, she was, um, afraid of me. I've never given her a reason to be scared of me. I can't help but think maybe this tumor is why?"

Dr. Lima wrote notes as Cass described Rebecca's behavior. She nodded absently as she finished, then looked up at Cass. "Changes in personalities, mood swings, memory loss can all be attributed to the tumor, yes."

"C-can you tell if it's…" Cass cleared her throat. She'd rather be doing fucking anything else in the world besides sitting here about to ask if her wife has cancer. "Can you tell what kind of, um, tumor it is?"

Dr. Lima brought up the image of Rebecca's MRI once again. "What I'm seeing here," she pointed to the screen near the mass, "is this mass has developed in the membranes surrounding the brain. In my opinion, we're looking at what is called Meningioma. Typically, this type of tumor is benign seventy-eight to eighty-one percent of the time. However, we can't know for sure what we're dealing with until we've done a biopsy."

Cass relaxed slightly. Seventy-eight to eighty-one percent of the time, it's not cancer. She had to remember that and chant it like a mantra to keep her thoughts from becoming morose.

Rebecca, on the other hand, heard the word biopsy and began to panic. She'd read what that entailed, and it didn't sound pleasant at all.

"The biopsy," Rebecca began softly. "You drill a hole in my head?"

"That's one procedure. That is called a needle biopsy. You would be under anesthesia and I would make a small hole in your skull, insert a needle and extract the tissue for analysis."

Rebecca paled. "Are there other options?"

Dr. Lima clasped her hands in front of her and leaned in. "There are options. There's a procedure called a stereotactic biopsy that is minimally invasive and highly accurate."

"I like minimally invasive," Cass stated for no particular reason than her own satisfaction. This wasn't her decision. But the less pain Rebecca went through, the better. Cass would always go for less is more in this situation.

Rebecca reached over and took Cassidy's hand. She gave it a slight squeeze before focusing on the doctor. "Which do you recommend?"

Dr. Lima glanced at Hunter. "Due to the symptoms you're already exhibiting, I would suggest going through with the surgery to remove the tumor. I would then send a sample out to be tested. It would save you having to have two procedures done."

"How risky is the surgery?" Cass asked. She read about the procedure even though Rebecca told her not to.

"Every surgery carries the risk of complications, but I've done thousands of these procedures. I know I'm a surgeon, however, I would never recommend surgery unless I was confident that the benefits outweigh the potential risks. If you decide this is the route you want to take, I will give you all the information you will need to educate yourself on potential side-effects or complications."

"I know this is an absurd question with everything that's happening, but how much of my hair will I lose?" Rebecca ran a hand through her long, blonde hair.

Dr. Lima smiled. "Dr. Vale mentioned you were worried about that. It's not absurd at all. You're already dealing with something very scary that you can't control. Any sense of normalcy can only help you in your recovery. I assume Dr. Vale told you I do hair-sparing surgery?"

Rebecca nodded. "Yes, but nothing specific. Like what that actually means."

"Normally, the area surrounding the incision would be shaved," Dr. Lima explained. "With this procedure, only a quarter-inch wide area where I'll be making the incision will be shaved. I'll then thoroughly wash the scalp to prevent infection."

Cass looked back at Hunter who hadn't said a word. She was merely listening very intently to the conversation.

"Hunt?"

Hunter glanced at Dr. Lima. She certainly didn't want to step on a colleague's toes by butting in.

Dr. Lima stood. "Why don't I give you some privacy to discuss this with Dr. Vale." She addressed Hunter. "Feel free to give them other options. I know people think surgeons will always suggest surgery. However, in this case, I do believe it's the best option."

With that, Dr. Lima walked out of her office and left them alone. Hunter blew out a breath. "I don't know if I'm comfortable giving you advice in another doctor's office."

"We're not asking for Dr. Vale's advice," Rebecca said. "What would you, Hunter, do if you were sitting in this chair?"

"Nah," Cass cut in. "What would you do if Ellie was sitting there?"

Hunter closed her eyes. She didn't even want that thought out in the universe. "I would go with the surgery. It's the most common treatment for brain tumors. It could potentially be the only treatment you'll need. If Dr. Lima is able to extract the tumor completely —which I believe she will be — and it's benign, that's it. You're done."

"And the risk is worth the reward?" Cass asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Hunter answered honestly. "As Dr. Lima said, every surgery has the risk of complications. We're dealing with the brain here. Some complications can be more of what you're feeling right now," she said to Rebecca. "But getting that tumor out should relieve those issues."

Rebecca looked at Cassidy. "What do you think?"

Cass dropped to her knees in front of Rebecca, taking her hands in hers. "I think I'll support you in whatever you decide, baby. But I can't be the one to make this decision. I just want you to be okay."

Rebecca slipped one hand out of Cassidy's and palmed Cassidy's cheek. "With you standing by me, I'll be okay." She looked back at Hunter but couldn't bring herself to form the words.

Hunter stood. "No decisions have to be made right now. Go home, talk about it, sleep on it. When you're ready, we can take the next steps."

"Yeah, let's do that, baby." Cass stroked a thumb over the back of Rebecca's knuckles.

Rebecca sighed. She wanted this thing out of her head as quickly as possible. But she owed it to Cassidy to agree to take some time to discuss it more.

"Okay." She watched the relief flood Cassidy's beautiful face.

"Why don't the two of you come over?" Hunter suggested. "Ellie can help you meditate, Cass will help me grill some burgers, and we'll relax. We don't have to talk about this at all if you don't want to. Or you can ask me anything you need to in order to help you make a decision. We could invite the others over and have a little party. What do you say?"

Rebecca looked to Cassidy, who shrugged. All Rebecca wanted was to curl up in a ball in her bed and never move again. The thought of socializing was giving her a headache. Or was that the tumor? Also, having to tell others made her feel sick. She knew her friends would support them both in different ways, but she wasn't ready for the pity.

"I'm sorry," Rebecca said with a forced smile. It wasn't fooling anyone, but at least she tried. "I'm just tired and would like to just go home and curl up with Cassidy. I know you mean well, Hunter, but I'm not ready to tell the others."

Hunter nodded and walked to the door, ready to get Dr. Lima to tell her Cass and Rebecca will need some time. She turned back, hand on the doorknob. "Maybe that's something you should think about, too? We're all here for you, Becca. Both of you."

"Thanks, Hunt," Cass saluted, effectively dismissing her best friend. She didn't want Rebecca doing anything she wasn't comfortable with. Even if she, herself, could use the emotional support. "Ready?"

Rebecca nodded. "We can go to the barbecue if you want, baby. I shouldn't have made the decision for you."

"Nah, babe." Cass stood, helping Rebecca up from her chair and kissing her on the forehead. "I'm good with your decision. I'm kinda draggin' myself. I see some leftovers, fluffy socks, and mindless TV in our near future."

"Sounds perfect."

Cass glancedover at Rebecca for the twentieth time since they began the drive home. Rebecca hadn't said a word since leaving the doctor's office. She sat rigidly in the passenger seat, holding Cass's hand. Occasionally, she would squeeze Cass's hand as though whatever she was thinking… scared her. Cass wished she could say or do something that would make Rebecca feel better. But all she could do was… be there.

"Do you need to go anywhere, baby?"

Rebecca jumped at the sound of Cassidy's voice. "What?"

"Do you need to go anywhere?" Cass repeated. "Want some ice cream? Coffee? A mound full of sushi?"

"Oh. No, baby, I just want to go home. Please."

"You got it." Cass held in a sigh. She felt helpless.

"Besides," Rebecca continued, clearly distracted enough not to notice Cassidy's moping. "I need to call Aunt Wills. I promised her I wouldn't keep anything from her again. I can't break that promise."

"Can you make that promise to me?" Cass asked suddenly. She pulled into their driveway and cut the engine, turning to Rebecca before getting out. "Were you planning on keeping this from me? Be honest, Rebecca."

"I-I don't know. I didn't want to worry you when Hunter suggested the MRI. Then, when she said it was a tumor, I…I thought it'd be easier if I could understand what it was before telling you. But I was wrong. The moment I saw you, all I wanted was for you to take me in your arms and tell me it would be okay. But that's not fair to you."

"Why? If it offers you comfort, I will do it all day, every day."

"You don't know if it's going to be okay. It's unfair to burden you with the possibility of lying to me."

Cass brought Rebecca's hand to her mouth and kissed Rebecca's knuckles with incredible tenderness. "Maybe it's not lying. Maybe it's manifesting. You know, putting it out there in the universe."

Rebecca chuckled. "You don't even believe that ‘hippy-dippy' stuff, Cassidy."

"I will believe in anything I need to believe in, baby." Cass reached over and pushed a strand of Rebecca's hair behind her ear. "Promise me, Becca."

"I promise, Cassidy. I won't keep anything from you."

"Thank you. Now, it's getting a little toasty in here because I stupidly turned off the car, and the windows are still rolled up. You call Aunt Wills, and I'll make myself scarce."

Rebecca watched as Cassidy slid out of the car and jogged around to her side to open the door. She accepted Cassidy's helping hand, not relinquishing her hold when Cassidy closed and locked the car door.

"I don't want you to make yourself ‘scarce,' baby. I want you to be there with me. I'm sure you have as many thoughts and concerns as I do. Let Aunt Wills help us both."

Cass grinned, touched at being included. She wrapped her arms around Rebecca, squeezing gently. "Everything's going to be okay, Becca." She willed those words out into the universe with all the belief she could muster. Cass made a mental note to ask Ellie to help her out in that area. "Let's call Aunt Wills. Maybe she'll bring us some goodies."