Chapter Thirty-Six

My phone rings again, and this time it's a video call. Like the Avengers, the mums have assembled, though their base is around our kitchen table. They are all wearing the same expression – a perfect blend of worry and fury.

‘How are you doing?' Ava asks, her voice sympathetic. ‘Serena caught us up on everything.'

‘I'm…' I tilt my head, as if trying to get my thoughts and feelings to settle down. ‘I think I'm just overwhelmed right now. It all feels like a bad flashback to last time. Seeing the pictures… There's a lot of adrenaline. I'm… still shaking.'

‘I can understand that, but this isn't the same thing, okay?' Ava's voice is firm.

‘I knew that if Theo and I got together then eventually we'd have to deal with the press.' I sit down on the blue sofa. ‘I didn't want to think about it, but I knew. I just had no idea it would be…' – I gesture widely – ‘this.'

‘From what Serena has said it's a perfect storm of things.' Ava is calm. ‘A slow news day, Theo's recent absence from the press, the stories about him being in rehab, your father, the photos—'

I grimace here, and Mum grabs the phone, her face suddenly close to the camera. ‘Darling, don't worry about those. We've all been caught up in a moment, and you actually looked very beautiful, the pair of you, like a Pre-Raphaelite painting.'

‘Muuuuum,' I groan. ‘You cannot say things like that about photographs of me and my boyfriend getting off with each other.'

‘It's just sex, Clementine,' she says placidly. ‘Everyone does it.'

‘Not in the side bar of the Daily Mail, they don't.'

‘Your mum's right,' Petty says, drifting back into view. ‘It was very Dante Gabriel Rossetti but, you know, less mournful. That green dress.' She sighs, dreamily. ‘I think it's trending on Twitter.'

‘Green dresses really are so powerful,' Ava agrees.

‘And with the red hair?' Petty pretends to swoon. ‘Get out of here.'

‘I don't think any of you understand how serious this is,' I snap. ‘I'm trying to get a job for one thing.' I feel hysteria rising inside me. ‘And now those photos are out there. Me half dressed with a rock star's hands up my skirt. Who's going to hire me?'

‘It's hardly like you've got an OnlyFans account,' Mum says cheerfully. ‘Your privacy was invaded! Not that in this day and age an OnlyFans account is anything to be ashamed of either…'

I close my eyes, not at all sure I want to be distracted from the current crisis by how deep my mum's knowledge of OnlyFans runs. ‘I don't think that matters.'

‘So we'll get the pictures taken down,' Ava says.

‘How?' I ask.

Her mouth thins. ‘I haven't ironed out the details yet, but we'll make it happen.'

‘I just can't believe this is happening again,' I say finally. ‘These pictures of me, out in the world… I know I'm not seventeen anymore, but I feel exactly the same. So helpless. So violated. I hate it.' A tear spills down my cheek.

There's a sound in the doorway, and I look up to find Theo standing there. I can only assume he heard what I said because he looks like he's swallowed a rusty razor blade.

‘Hey,' I say softly.

‘Hey.' He tries to smile, but can't quite pull it off. His posture is taut as a bow string.

‘The mums are on the phone,' I say, holding up the screen so that they can all greet each other.

Theo's eyes anxiously scan my face, and it's easy to see the concern swimming in them. ‘I spoke to the PR people and they don't think we should comment at this point,' he says and then hesitates. ‘But there have been a couple of developments.'

I don't like the sound of that. ‘What sort of developments?'

He clears his throat. ‘Um, well, there's this…' He moves around the sofa and gives me his phone. Our fingers touch and his usually warm hands are ice cold.

I look down at the screen.

‘Theo Eliott's secret marriage,' I read aloud. ‘What is this?'

‘Just keep reading,' Theo looks pained.

‘Oh my God,' I scroll down. ‘This is madness.' There are two photos in the online post, both taken on the beach in Northumberland. In the first Theo and I are deep in conversation at the edge of the water, in the second we're walking away from the camera hand in hand. I know exactly when this was, another of our private moments, splashed around for people to see.

‘?"I saw him with her a few weeks ago,"?' I read aloud. ‘?"He introduced Clementine as his wife. They seemed really in love."?'

Theo shifts uncomfortably.

‘This is that girl who stopped us on the beach!' I exclaim. ‘She doesn't mention that you also told her you weren't Theo Eliott in the first place. Jesus.'

‘Yeah, unfortunately it's been picked up by a couple of websites.' Theo scrubs his face with his hands. ‘I don't think it will be a big deal; this is like the third time they reckon I've got married in secret.'

‘A secret bigamist? Where do you keep all your secret wives?' I ask.

‘In the attic,' Theo smiles wanly, and when I smile back it's the first time I feel a moment of calm in the storm.

‘I don't understand how they found out about Ripp so quickly, though,' Theo frowns. ‘It's not like you ever introduced yourself to anyone as Clementine Harris. There's not really anything online that links the two of you.'

‘I told your sister and your mum,' I say slowly, ‘in the spa, but they'd never…'

Theo shakes his head. ‘No way, never.' He thinks about it for a moment. ‘Wasn't Cara there too?'

‘Yes, she was.' I feel sick. ‘Do you really think that she'd do this? She's Lisa's best friend.'

‘No.' Theo sighs, runs a hand through his hair. ‘I mean, I don't think so anyway, but I absolutely believe she'd blab about your dad to anyone who'd listen.'

Yes. I think. I could see that.

‘What's the other thing?' I ask.

‘What?'

‘You said there were a couple of developments. So, first of all we've been married off…'

‘Mazel tov,' Petty puts in from the phone where I'd almost forgotten about our audience.

‘What's the other thing?' I ask again, ignoring this.

That tell-tale tic of his jaw means I know he's upset. ‘It's…' He trails off, takes a steadying breath. His hand clenches at his side. His tone becomes clipped, business-like. ‘It would seem that one of the more industrious journalists has dug into your past… with Sam.'

‘Sam?' And there it is, the final tug of the rug from under my feet.

Theo nods, and even his nod is angry – a sharp jerk of his chin. ‘A couple of the photos from when you were seventeen have resurfaced.' I start, and the pain that I see in Theo's face then is horrible. ‘It looks like Sam's done an interview – or made some on-the-record comments at least.'

‘An interview?' I say blankly. ‘About me?'

‘I don't know the details yet,' Theo says, his voice ice. ‘But I have people working on it.'

‘That piece of shit,' Ava's voice comes from the phone.

‘No arguments here.' Theo turns to look at her on the screen. ‘I'm about to jump on a conference call with my lawyers, and I wondered if you'd join, Ava?'

I don't hear Ava's response, too distracted by the wave of grief and anger and fear that swamps me. It's like what I felt at Granny Mac's house, but worse. It's not just a memory of what happened then; it's like it's all happening again now – like every bit of that pain and insecurity has come back as strong as it ever was. I'm flattened by it.

‘He's pissed off about the phone call,' I say hollowly. ‘He'll want to get back at me. He'll say things…'

‘Hey.' Theo crouches down by the side of me, takes my face in his hands so I'm looking at him. I focus on those honey-gold flecked eyes. ‘You didn't do anything wrong here. And he's not going to say anything to anyone, okay? I'm going to take care of it.'

He sounds so sure that it takes the edge off the panic crowding my body. ‘Okay,' I manage.

‘We're going to leave you to get ready for the wedding,' Ava says. ‘Theo, send me the details for the call, okay?'

‘Will do,' Theo nods, and we say our goodbyes.

A weighty silence fills the room.

‘What should we do?' I say finally. ‘Should we leave? I think I should go home.'

Theo shakes his head. ‘I think it will make things worse – there are people camped outside and if we leave early, or even if you leave by yourself, there may be a bigger story. Plus I think Lisa would kill me.' He growls low in his throat. ‘I can't believe this. I can't believe I've managed to bring this fucking circus to her door on the most important day of her life.'

‘It wasn't just you,' I say bleakly. ‘If it wasn't for me, and my connection to Ripp…'

‘No, Clemmie.' Theo grabs my hand. ‘This is all me. I can't—' Whatever he's about to say is cut off by the shrill ring of his phone. ‘This is the lawyers,' he says, looking at the screen. ‘I'll take this while you get ready. We'll go to the ceremony and duck out of the reception early, then I'll drive you home, okay?'

‘Okay,' I agree weakly.

I go back to the dressing room, pull on my dress – a heavily embroidered lilac tulle halter neck that only an hour ago I'd been excited about wearing – with a mechanical indifference. I brush my hair, but don't have time to do much beyond French-plaiting it into a long braid.

My face in the mirror is pale and pinched. The glowing woman from yesterday has disappeared, and no amount of blusher and highlighter is bringing her back. There's a knock on the door and Theo appears. When did we start knocking? He's being careful with me, and I can hardly stand to look at him – scared of what I will see in his eyes.

‘Are you ready to go?' he asks. He's changed into another suit, blue this time, with black lapels. He's as gorgeous as ever, but there's tension written in every line of him.

I get to my feet. ‘Yes,' I say.

‘You look beautiful.' His voice is soft.

‘So do you.' I manage a small smile. There's a pause. ‘This is going to be bad, isn't it?'

His expression tightens. ‘It's going to be fine.' He takes my hand in his and squeezes my fingers just for a moment before letting go, and then we head out to the wedding.

Lisa and Rob are getting married at the small church in the grounds of the hotel – once part of the grand estate that belonged to some real-life Mr Darcy character. The birds are singing, the church bells ring, the sound cutting through jasmine-scented air. It's so lovely it feels like a joke. How can the world just carry on like nothing has happened?

As we near the church, the tickling sensation skitters across my skin. Heads turn. Whispers start. It's different from yesterday. No one seems to want to look me in the eye, but I can still feel the weight of their interest. They've all seen the pictures. Of course they have. Every single person here has seen what Theo and I got up to last night.

I remember how it felt the last time – when the papers had run stories about me being on drugs, and then I'd had to be out in the world with people I knew, school friends who had looked at me with a sort of gleeful fascination, strangers who did a double-take in the street, their curiosity slithering over me like an uninvited touch.

I plaster a fake smile on my face, but I feel like I want to throw up in one of the perfectly tended flowerbeds. The feeling only grows when we join Theo's mum in the church.

Alice's eyes betray her own worry as she greets us. I blink hard when she asks me if I'm okay. I hate that she's dealing with this on Lisa's wedding day, that I've caused all this drama for their family. I also don't love that she must have seen the pictures of me and Theo together… not everyone has Dee Monroe's laissez-faire attitude to these things.

‘Today's not about us,' Theo says, and I nod in agreement. ‘Let's focus on Lisa and Rob.'

‘I can worry about both my children at the same time, Teddy,' Alice says. ‘I'm your mother.'

‘I'm so sorry this happened, Alice,' I manage.

She frowns. ‘It's not your fault. It's those bloody vultures again. Are they really waiting outside the hotel? I'd love to go out there and give them a piece of my mind.'

‘They'd enjoy that,' Theo says with a small smile. ‘Theo Eliott's mum on the rampage. I can see the headlines now.'

‘I've been taking Tae Kwon Do classes in the village hall,' Alice mutters darkly. ‘I could do some serious damage, you know.'

‘Let's save the lawyers' fees and just rise above it instead,' Theo says. ‘We can call you karate kicking the shit out of them Plan B.'

‘Fine,' Alice grumbles. ‘But don't you let them get to you, okay? No one blames you for this.'

Theo doesn't say anything, only nods tightly. I can tell he doesn't agree, and from Alice's defeated look I'd be willing to bet she can too.

The ceremony itself is short but sweet. Hannah stomps down the aisle in rainbow tulle and fairy wings, stopping halfway to greet her next-door neighbour and ask why they haven't brought their dog. Then Cara and Sophie in sleek navy slip dresses dipping low in the back, looking, as promised, classy as fuck. Finally, Lisa floats down on Hugh's arm in flowing white silk.

The drama of the morning melts away for a brief moment. Alice, Theo and I all cry, but not as much as Rob, who blubbers like a baby. Oliver, the actual baby, is strapped to the best man's chest and wearing a tiny tuxedo onesie. He appears largely uninterested in anything except Rob's buttonhole which he is desperate to get hold of for the sole purpose of putting it in his mouth.

‘See,' Hannah shout-whispers in my ear from our position in the front pew. ‘Babies are so silly. Can we get a hamster instead?'

After the vicar pronounces Rob and Lisa husband and wife, we all head back out into the sunshine and shower them with sweet-smelling confetti made of dried rose petals. Lisa hugs me like we've known each other for years, and I squeeze her back, my eyes stinging.

‘Are you crying again?' Hannah asks me suspiciously.

‘No,' I say.

‘Yes, you are! All the grown-ups keep crying.'

‘I'm not crying, Hannah-banana,' Theo says.

‘Funny how quickly those sunglasses went back on,' I mutter, dabbing carefully at my eye make-up. A waitress appears with a silver tray and I gratefully grab a glass of ice-cold champagne. Honestly, I can't believe I've made it this far into the day without a stiff drink.

‘Is it time for ice cream yet?' Hannah demands, making a decision on her priorities; clearly, worrying about weeping grown-ups is not high on the list.

‘When we've had our pictures taken,' Rob says, scooping her up into his arms. ‘Before you spill ice cream all over your pretty dress.'

‘Daddy! I'm not a baby!' Hannah screeches as he carries her away through the guests milling and drinking.

‘There's going to be a bad-tempered fairy in all their photos,' Alice says fondly.

‘I wonder if they make those wings in my size?' I say. ‘I think it's a look.'

Theo is tense, scanning the crowd, but as the afternoon wears on it becomes clear that the security outside have done their jobs. No one is here who isn't supposed to be here. The sidelong looks and the whispers continue, but as Theo and I barely touch for the rest of the day, at least they don't have any further ammunition. I flinch at every flash of a camera, and I don't know if you've noticed this about weddings, but there are cameras everywhere.

We make it through lunch and the speeches, which pass in a blur, and my cheeks hurt from the effort of constantly smiling as though nothing is wrong.

The first dance rolls around and Lisa and Rob sway across the dance floor looking delighted with all their life choices, and when Alice and Hugh join them, Theo slips his fingers through mine and we dance too. His hand is tight at my waist, warm through the fabric of my dress, and I find myself gripping the lapel on his suit so hard my knuckles turn white. We don't talk, just sway gently to the music. I want to press my face into his chest and cry.

There's more dancing – a raucous, twirling ‘Come on Eileen', a painfully earnest and very slightly off-the-beat attempt at ‘All the Single Ladies', and they even play an old song by The Daze, which Theo suffers through good-naturedly while Lisa cackles and points at him.

Finally, Theo appears beside me and says the words I've been waiting to hear.

‘We can leave now.'