Chapter Twenty

‘So he's definitely writing?' Serena asks, her eyes narrowing.

I nod. ‘Yes, he has been all week. He told me to tell you he thinks it will end up somewhere between ten and thirteen tracks based on what he has so far.'

On the screen Serena's face relaxes, her shoulders slumping. ‘Thank fuck for that. And? Is it any good?' Before I can say anything, she carries on. ‘Actually, don't bother answering that. You wouldn't have a clue.'

‘Right, I'm going to put your especially charming mood down to stress,' I say. ‘And what I've heard is good, I think.'

I'm not going to tell her that I've only heard little snatches of music here and there, that Theo is being pretty cagey, spending most of his time in his room again. That neither of us have talked about what he said the other day. Or what it meant.

No, that's just been my own personal, private form of torture – lying awake replaying the conversation over and over and trying to work out what the hell happened.

I return my attention to my sister. ‘He said it's going well, that he's feeling good about it. Obviously it's still early, but he seems really genuine.'

And that's true too, because even though I have been seeing less of Theo now that he's writing, he hasn't gone back to the moody, distant man who arrived here.

No, he's positively cheerful, still as funny and flirtatious as ever. We're still friends. And even that is messing with my head. What he said… had it been anyone else, I'd think they were saying they were interested in me – and not in a one-night-stand way. But it isn't anyone else; it's Theo Eliott, literally the Sexiest Man Alive, according to People magazine, and Biggest Womanizer Alive according to everyone else.

But, my brain whispers, he said he hadn't had a one-night stand for over ten years. Ten years.

And I believe him. Maybe that makes me an idiot, but I know Theo wouldn't lie to me. Not about that. So that means… what, exactly?

‘This is such good news,' Serena breathes, and any lingering vulnerability in her face or voice is banished when she crows, ‘I knew this would work! Two years! No one has got anything out of him, but then I come up with a plan and BAM! God, I'm good.'

‘And don't forget humble,' I say.

‘Women don't need to be humble.' Serena's smile is sharp. ‘It only furthers the agenda of the patriarchy. Wait,' – she leans forward, suddenly suspicious – ‘this sudden burst of creativity…' Her eyes drift over me on the screen. ‘You'd better not be sleeping with him.'

‘What?' I splutter. ‘Of course I'm not sleeping with him! I would never.'

‘You already have.' Serena folds her arms.

‘Yes. Technically,' I manage. ‘But I barely even remember it.' Liar, liar.

‘You barely even remember the night you described as "an experience that transcended the boundaries of space and time when you looked upon the face of God and she was beautiful"? That night?'

I clear my throat. ‘I don't think I said that.'

‘You definitely said that.'

‘Right, well, regardless of who said what and when, there is absolutely nothing going on between me and Theo now. He's probably just feeling creative because of all the… sea air.'

‘The sea air?' Serena lifts a brow. ‘I suppose so. Notoriously hard to find the stuff in California.'

I maintain a stony silence.

She sighs. ‘All right, I believe you. Just make sure it stays that way. You know I wish you nothing but hot sex, but Theo Eliott is not for you, Clemmie. He'd chew you up and spit you out.'

‘I wish we'd never made those wishes,' I grumble. ‘Not when you and Lil keep bringing them up.'

‘Baaaaabe!' a voice calls from somewhere off-screen behind Serena. A woman's voice. A woman in Serena's flat. Calling her babe.

We freeze, just looking at each other for a moment. Serena's eyes are enormous. A muscle in her jaw twitches.

‘Babe?' The voice again. ‘Have you seen my gold bracelet anywhere? I thought I left it by the bed.'

‘Serena!' I hiss. ‘Who is tha—' But I don't get to finish my question because my sister cuts the call off.

I stare, blinking at the blank screen.

‘What just happened?' I ask aloud. I contemplate calling Serena straight back but I already know she won't answer, so I do the next best thing and call Lil.

‘Sweet Clementine!' she coos when she picks up, her face close to her camera, beaming at me.

‘Lil!' I get straight to the point, breathless. ‘I was just on the phone with Serena and there was a woman with her in the flat and I heard her in the background and…' I trail off.

‘And what?' Lil asks, a worried frown on her face.

‘She called Serena "babe",' I whisper.

Lil's face turns blank. ‘She…' she starts. ‘What?'

‘She called Serena "babe". Twice.'

‘Fuck me,' Lil says succinctly, and the phone screen goes blurry. ‘I'm ordering an Uber right now. I'm on my way. Do you think it's possible she's in some sort of hostage situation? Was this a cry for help? Was she blinking a lot? Like she was trying to communicate with you in Morse Code? I saw a film where someone did that once.'

‘No, she was blinking a normal amount,' I say. ‘There was something about it… I think… I think maybe Serena has… a girlfriend.'

Lil's face is back and she's on the move, heading down the stairs from her flat, panting into the screen. ‘Serena?' she says like it's ridiculous. ‘The woman who said that relationships were exclusively for people of below-average intelligence?'

‘Remember that time Len called me "babe" in front of her and she mimed throwing up so realistically that he panicked and pulled the car over on the side of the A1, and then she had that twenty-minute rant about the infantilization of women and made him donate money to Women's Aid in front of her?'

‘To be fair, that might be more of an "I-hate-Len" thing than an "I-hate-pet-names" thing,' Lil points out, folding herself into the back of her Uber and greeting the driver with a delighted, ‘Oh, hello, Marcus!'

‘So, tell me exactly what you heard,' she continues.

I do, and Lil frowns. ‘So whoever this woman is she has things in Serena's flat? I don't believe it. Serena doesn't even have coat hooks because she doesn't want people "making themselves too comfortable". She sleeps diagonally across her bed. She only has one coffee cup.'

‘There was a vibe!' I insist. ‘The woman's voice was all sweet and relaxed and Serena flipped when I heard her, and put the phone down.'

Lil makes a humming sound. ‘Suspicious. I'm pulling up to her place now.'

‘Keep me on the phone,' I say, desperate to know what's going on.

‘Of course.' Lil says her goodbyes to Marcus and rides the lift up to Serena's flat, before pounding on our sister's door. ‘Serena!' she shouts. ‘Open the door right now!'

There's a long pause.

‘She's not answering,' Lil says. ‘But I can tell she's in there. I can hear her skulking. Hang on, I need both hands.' Then she stuffs the phone down her top, treating me to an extreme close-up of her cleavage.

‘Turn the camera around!' I shout.

‘Oops!' Lil does, then puts the phone back in her top, so this time I am facing the door. Then I hear her digging through her bag until she finds Serena's front door key, which she slips into the lock.

‘Hellooooo!' Lil calls out, moving through the hallway towards the living room. ‘Serena?'

‘Oh for fuck's sake!' I hear before Serena appears on screen, looking belligerent. ‘Did Clemmie call you the second I put the phone down, that rat? How did you even get here so fast?'

‘I took an Uber,' Lil replies.

‘I'm here too, actually,' I call, presumably from the direction of Lil's boobs.

Serena's eyes bore into the camera. ‘Good, then I can tell you to your face that you're a rat.'

‘Lil thinks you're in a hostage situation,' I say.

For a second there's a look on Serena's face like she's considering agreeing with that, as if it were the better option.

‘I'm not a hostage,' she finally admits, grudgingly.

‘That is the most romantic thing you've ever said,' a voice comes, the one I heard earlier, and a woman steps into the living room. She's drop-dead gorgeous. Tall and willowy with deep brown skin and braids that fall almost to her waist. She's about the same age as us, and her wide brown eyes shift nervously to my sister.

Serena sighs, but even over the camera I can see her face soften. She holds out her hand to the woman, who takes it shyly. ‘Bee, this is my sister Lil, and my other sister Clemmie is shoved in her bra for some reason. Lil, Clem, this is Bee.' There's a pause and Serena manages to get the words out. ‘My girlfriend.'

‘OHMYGODDDDD!' Lil launches herself at Bee, which means I do too and the next few minutes are a series of increasingly bizarre camera angles and Lil's excited squeaking.

Eventually, my sister fishes the phone out of her top and hands it to Serena, dragging Bee off to the kitchen to make coffee and very obviously grill her on her intentions.

‘You really are a pair of nosey bitches,' Serena huffs.

‘We just love you!' I insist. ‘How long has this been going on?'

‘A few weeks,' Serena admits, and I can tell she's trying not to grin. I feel my heart squeeze, and I just look at her, beaming.

Serena rolls her eyes. ‘Calm down. This is why I didn't tell you. I'm still me. I'm not turning into some gooey, cutesy little half-person, all right? I'm a whole person.'

I can hear the thread of anxiety in her words.

‘S, you are the most whole human being I know. Being in a relationship doesn't mean losing a single piece of you. Not if it's with the right person.' As I say the words I realize the truth in them – and that I've clearly never been with the right person, because with Sam and with Len I gave up pieces of myself left and right like we were in an emotional game of Operation. It's a moment of epiphany and it's actually pretty overwhelming.

Clearly Serena comes to the same conclusion because she waves a finger at the phone. ‘Don't you dare get upset,' she says firmly. ‘Just stop going out with dickheads, all right?'

‘Sure,' I nod. ‘Though it would be easier if they wore signs around their necks or something, so I could give them a wide berth.'

‘… And that's when we cast the spell for Clemmie, but now it's all coming true for me and Serena too!' I hear Lil explain sunnily as she and Bee come back in the room.

‘I'm going to kill her,' Serena mutters.

Lil appears on my screen, right next to Serena, the two of them squished together looking at me, their faces as familiar as my own, and suddenly I miss them so much it's a physical ache in my chest.

‘You'll see, Clemmie,' Lil says confidently. ‘The three wishes are coming for you! Even Serena couldn't escape the big, soulm—'

‘That's enough, Lilian,' Serena cuts her off, sounding so panicked that I have to stifle a laugh.

‘I'll leave you to it,' I say reluctantly. ‘But, Lil, you call me later.'

‘Oh, I will.' Lil waggles her eyebrows to subtly communicate that I'll get the full lowdown as soon as possible.

‘Jesus,' I hear Serena mutter wearily in the background.

‘So, Bee, tell me literally every single thing about yourself—' Lil chirps before she hangs up the phone.

I sit for a moment just staring at nothing, trying to sort through the mess of feelings I'm experiencing.

Big love, the unconditional, whole-hearted, soulmate kind. Lil's wish echoes in my head. The fact that my thoughts turn almost instantly to Theo is enough to have me screaming silently into the void. What is wrong with me? Why am I doing this to myself?

I guess it's time to make an appointment with Ingrid.