58. Jasper Ridge

58

Jasper Ridge

S omething was wrong. I could feel it in my bones.

“ Ohmygod . Jakson, I’m serious! Please give me my book back.”

“I would if you weren’t scrambling on top of me like a monkey!”

I blinked, rubbing my eyes. Before me, Lia and Jakson were entangled together, limbs flying everywhere across the sofa as Lia desperately attempted to get her book back from him. Brown hair tied back with a light blue bow, Folklore cardigan on, and a little silver infinity necklace around her neck—she looked like herself .

She looked happy. Healthy, even.

The Lia I knew. The Lia I loved.

“What are you even reading, anyway, Blue?” Jakson grinned, dangling the book out of reach. With his gray sweats and backwards cap, even though we were indoors, resting a top of his head like always. He may have taken her book to annoy her, but he handled it with care. None of her little book tabs fell out. None of the pages were damaged.

Lia pounced on him, climbing up his body like it was a ladder. “None of your business, Jak.”

Flipping the book closed, Jakson froze when he saw the cover, his eyes lingering on the title. That alone gave Lia the few seconds she needed to snatch her book back from his hands. Bundling herself back up, body sinking into the corner of the couch beneath the blanket sprawled across her legs, Lia reopened her book, shutting out the rest of the world.

Jakson just glanced at her.

Hope. Longing. Sadness .

He glanced at her with the force of every emotion in the world and felt them a hundred times harder.

But even then, he smiled. For her.

Made himself smaller so her world seemed bigger. Limitless .

Used his own bricks to piece her back together again, even if it meant his own body would fall apart. He’d give her every piece if he could. Every. Damned. One .

Because just the sight of her smile— man , it utterly ruined him.

And he let it.

She was his little blue moon.

His freckle of light in the darkness.

Lia Amelie May Davis.

But she’d always be Blue to him.

The thought was nearly enough to make me smile.

Something was wrong.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

My legs were pacing. My heart was racing.

Every thought passed through my head at the speed of light.

“You’ll change the ending of your story, Lils,” Jakson whispered.

Little blue eyes peaked up from beneath the book, wide and afraid.

Jakson continued, eyes locked onto hers. “You hear me, Davis?”

“I hear you, Calloway.” Lia saluted, a small smile forming on her lips.

With a wide as fuck grin, Jakson pounced on her like a puppy. “I love it when you call me that.”

Lia lifted her blanket without looking up from her book. He snuggled into her side, head resting against her neck, and she lent on him, head resting against his. Jakson’s fingers toyed with the necklace around her neck as she read, and every few minutes, her eyes would slide from her book over to his, and she’d have about ten seconds before he’d catch her. And he’d smile, because he knew their hearts were one.

“Hey!” I grumbled. “I call you that all the time and you never react like that when I do it.”

Jakson didn’t even look at me as he said, “you’re not her, Cap.”

And didn’t I know it.

There was too much adrenaline pumping through my body to even put together a response.

I was missing something.

Something important.

Come on Jasper, think!

“You sure you’re okay, Jasper?” Lia asked, a hint of worry clouding her soft features as she peaked up from the couch, barely able to see over the top of it.

She was tucked into Jakson’s side, as always. He was huge compared to her, practically engulfing her petite frame. Every time she spoke, even if it wasn’t to him, he still looked at her, marveled at her . He was completely and utterly besotted with her like a lost puppy.

At this point, I didn’t have any energy left to ask why Lia was over here again. If she was here, it meant she wasn’t inside that house, and that was enough of a reason for me. I knew Jakson wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. It was the one thing he was incapable of doing.

“I—I don’t know,” I breathed, exhaling what felt like a ton of bricks. “I just—I just have this feeling that something is wrong . I can’t place it but it’s there like it’s pounding inside of me, demanding to be heard. I can’t ignore it…it feels too real .”

Lia and Jakson shared a look between each other and my heart sank. I was disrupting their night with my panicking thoughts—my stupid, panicking thoughts and my stupid, fucked up head.

The thing was, I knew, not a lot, but I knew what had happened to them both before they had each other. I knew them as separate halves before they became whole. How lost and how alone they were before they found each other. So how could I blame them? I didn’t even know if they realized how many of their scars I carried on my own back. How many nights I woke in cold sweats, panicking like an absolute madman to see if they were okay.

They had each other now, and I just had to accept that.

They didn’t need me anymore.

They didn’t need me anymore.

“I’m probably just sleep deprived,” I told them both, burying down the pain deep inside of me.

Something was wrong.

“I’m just going to sleep it off.”

Something was wrong.

“Yeah, okay,” Lia nodded shyly, thin lips pulled upwards into a small, delicate smile, and to her right, like always, was the big, blond buffoon who looked at her like she was his moon in a sky of darkness. “Sleep well, Jas.”

“Yeah, thanks,” I swallowed down the last few words in a huge fucking gulp that almost ripped my throat open. I tipped my head in a nod to them both as I walked out of the room, taking the stairs two-by-two in an impatient manner until I reached my room.

Something was wrong.

Something was wrong.

Something was wrong you big, fucking idiot!

“ Fuck !” I yelled, slamming my fist against the wall. Trembling fingers grasped at my chest as I collapsed under the weight of my own body, sliding down the wall until I ended up as a broken pile of bones on the floor. I slammed my head back against the wall repeatedly in an attempt to quieten all the thoughts inside my head.

No one believes me, dad, I thought as tears started dripping from my eyelids in rivers down my cheeks, they don’t need me anymore.

Sobs tore my throat raw as they erupted from inside of me like a volcano that had been waiting years to explode. I was finally breaking—I could feel it in the way my chest hammered, and my eyes burned and how my breaths stammered out of my lips as my teeth chattered together.

I just wanted my dad. I wanted him more than anything in the world. I wanted him to tell me everything was going to be okay. I needed him to tell me I would survive this. I didn’t know what to do anymore. My mom had slaved away her entire life making sure I’d never forget how loved I was, even though it was just her and me, when everyone else had two loving parents and a house full of dreams.

There were times when I missed him more than I treasured having her—times when I forgot that I still had a mom and losing him didn’t mean losing her too.

Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. Something was wrong.

“Get out of my head!” I snapped, muffling the sound with my hands in fear that they would hear me losing my sanity. I didn’t even want to know how pathetic I looked right now. Every part of me felt agitated and absolutely helpless, I could feel it right down to my bones.

“Just get out of my head,” I cried, voice utterly hoarse and ripped to shreds. I shook my head, trying to collect my thoughts and puzzle together some sort of recollection of what my head was screaming at me to remember.

But everything was a blur—a big, fat blur . My fists clenched as I exhaled, heavily and painfully, before dropping helplessly by my sides. My entire body was beating to the drum of a broken record, patches of words and fragments of memories floating around my head like lost puzzle pieces.

“Jasper?”

I peeked up to the sound of a little voice whispering my name. As I squinted, I could barely see two little blue eyes staring at me through the darkness of the hallway. A tiny pair of fingers hugged the edge of the door frame, gripping onto it with such might—something I’d only ever seen in the Davis siblings: that unbeatable determination to never give up .

I wiped the back of my hand across my face, trying to make myself look less like me and more like Uncle Jas.

“Are you okay?”

As soon as I heard those three words, I knew they could only belong to one Davis girl.

“Hey, Bells,” I tried to smile. “What are you doing up so late?”

Her quiet footsteps crept across the floorboards without making them creak, and part of me wondered if it was down to pure luck, or if it was something she’d picked up from her older sister. My heart sank into my chest at the thought of her alone in that house at eight years old, knowing that the only way to not get hurt was to be quiet—to be seen and not heard.

I opened my arms as she drew near, her small body falling against mine as I tucked her against my body. Her head fell against my chest, right above my heart, as her long, brown hair spilled everywhere. Keeping one firm grip around her, I used my free hand to cradle her small frame tightly against mine.

“Yeah,” I breathed, lightly kissing the top of her head as I brushed a loose strand of hair from her eyes. “I’m okay, Farfallina.”

She nodded ever so slightly but I could tell she was unconvinced. It would never fail to shock me how similar she was to Lia and the truth was, I thought she too deep down knew it too, and resented the hell out of it.

Belle had always wanted to be her own person. Ever since she was born, I knew from the moment I looked into those big, blue eyes, that she was going to be extraordinary—that she was going to rock this world straight off its axis, and nothing could’ve prepared me to watch her slowly lose that passion, that fiery spark that was now inherited by her little brother, Lucas.

Part of me thought that maybe she felt kind of stuck in who she wanted to be, and the world hadn’t given her much of a choice in the matter. She looked after her younger twin siblings like they were her own. At only eight years old, she’d helped raise three children. She’d lost parts of herself in the process of it, just like Lia had, but I’d be damned if I let her lose herself entirely. This hell of a world would have to rip her from my cold, dead arms before I would ever let anything bad happen to her.

I didn’t know if I’d ever have kids someday, having witnessed what each and every single one of my friends had gone through over the years, but I didn’t need a biological daughter when I had her. Belle was the closest I would ever get to being a parent, and just seeing the empathy and compassion in her eyes told me that I was doing a good job—that I was doing everything right by her.

“Why were you crying, Uncle Jas?” her little voice whispered as she pulled backwards just a fraction, looking up at me with those saddened blue eyes that were far too young to have seen all the horrors they had witnessed over the years. “Are you not happy anymore?”

I paused, letting her words sink into my skin.

Was I even happy anymore?

I sighed, feeling at a loss. “Sometimes, Bells, people feel sad and alone even though they’re surrounded by all their friends.”

“Is that how you feel, though?” she asked carefully, little brows knitted together. “Do I make you sad?” she added, barely above a whisper.

I shook my head immediately. “No, you could never make me sad, Bells. You’re one of the only happy things in my life and I don’t want you to ever let go, okay?”

“Okay,” she nodded, eyes wide and full of hope—a sight I’d die to see again. “I won’t let you fall under the waves, Jasper.”

I stared at her, at a complete loss for words. My heart quietened, along with the harshness of my breaths.

At my puzzled look, she added, “I hear you say it to everyone all the time, but no one ever says it back to you. Why is that, Uncle Jas?”

“I guess they have a lot going on in their lives, Bells. Even if they don’t say it back to me, I know they mean it.”

“And everything they have going on is more important than you?” She questioned. I hadn’t even realized she was braiding my hair, or at least trying too as it wasn’t as long as Jakson’s.

I paused, rendered completely and absolutely speechless .

“You’re important to me, Jasper,” Belle added with a small smile, hands stilling as she whispered, “You’re my favorite person on the planet.”

I smiled, a genuine and pure smile as I ruffled her hair. She squirmed in my arms, a fit of giggles and hiccups—a sound so rare I’d treasure it until my very last breath. “You’re my favorite person on the planet too, Bells.”

“Because I’m your Farfallina, right?” she grinned widely up at me, holding her pinkie finger out for me to shake. “Your little butterfly.”

I locked my finger around hers, squeezing it gently. “That’s right, and you know what?”

Her face lit up with childlike wonder. “What?”

“You always will be.”

Flinging her arms around me, swallowing me in a massive hug, I gently rubbed the back of her head, drawing small patterns with my thumb. I stayed ever so still when I began to feel her small breaths even out. Part of my heart ached knowing that she felt safe enough in my arms to fall back asleep.

Once I was certain I could move without waking her, I slowly climbed to my feet, keeping my arms locked steadily around her, and walked us both back into the room she shared with the twins. I lifted the corner of the duvet up with my foot, flipping it over before gently laying her down on the mattress. The twins were fast asleep as I pulled the duvet back over her small frame.

Just as I was about to leave, I heard her whisper, “I love you, Uncle Jas.”

My entire body seized up hearing her words.

That was the first time I’d ever heard her say that, not only to me but to anyone …

“I love you too, Bells,” I exhaled, glancing down at the little Davis girl clutching onto her own body as if she was afraid the darkness would pull her apart.

I tiptoed quietly over towards the door, and only when I closed it behind me did I notice the small, brown stuffed bear sitting alone by the edge of the staircase and realized that Belle had been sat there only moments ago watching her older sister and Jakson together downstairs like she was waiting for the shouting to start.

The look in her eyes— the fear …it mirrored that of Lia’s, of her older sister who’d given everything to make sure she wouldn’t end up like her. I didn’t think Belle realized that sometimes, but then again, she was only eight years old, she shouldn’t have to realize any of that. Shouldn’t have to see any of the messy and broken parts of life.

She was just a kid, and everyone seemed to forget that when they looked at her.

She may have the same blue eyes and the same brown hair, but she wasn’t Lia. She was Belle . She was her own person, and I just knew that she was going to be extraordinary.

Instead of walking back to my room like I’d originally planned to do, my legs took me down the stairs, one by one, until the floorboards beneath my feet faded into the familiar essence of golden sand between my toes. I let the essence of the ocean cradle my mind until every thought stopped. I stared for a while at the vast blue stretched out before me. Out there, my problems seemed so small. Out there, I was just me, Jasper Easton Ridge. Nothing more than the board beneath my body and the blood pumping through my veins. It reminded me that I was alive. I am alive.

That— out there —was home in its truest form, but it didn’t just belong to me, it belonged to Poppy too. My little surfer girl with the big green eyes. My Gwen Stacy. The girl who believed she was broken when she was anything but. If the universe forbade us from having our happy ending, I’d fight my way through the deepest parts of hell to get it back, and if they stole my memories and locked away my heart, I’d wonder the earth by her scent alone.

I would fight for Poppy Wells.

I would fight for them all—for Lia and Jakson, for Belle, and Logan and Lucas, and even little Hudson. For each and every one of their happy endings. I would lay down my life if it meant letting them keep their happiness without having it stolen back from them once the world got tired of caring about them.

Something was wrong.

I was drowning in this feeling of desperation, of complete helplessness. My body knew, it just knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t piece together what it was trying to tell me. Jakson and Lia weren’t listening to me, they were too caught up in their own make-believe world.

Shouts echoed across the beach in defeating waves, and as I turned my head to see where they were coming from, I found no one other than Malakai Foster and Nova Collettò clawing at each other’s throats yet again.

And for some reason, I wasn’t even surprised.

“Stop walking away from me, Malakai Foster, or I swear to God I’ll—”

“You’ll what? Mm. You’ll do what, Collettò? Get on a plane and fly back home to mommy and daddy dearest?”

“Don’t do this, Malakai!” Nova yelled, jabbing her finger in his direction. Kai grasped both her hands in his and slammed her body up against his as she let out a desperate gasp.

“You don’t get to walk back into my life and pretend like nothing happened, Nova. You don’t get to do that!” He growled, shaking her shoulders in a frantic motion. “You don’t get to do that to me, Γυαλι?,” he repeated hoarsely. “You can’t .”

“Yes, I can!” she screamed, slamming her hands against his chest repeatedly, over and over again. There were tears sliding down her reddened cheeks, mixed with the darkness of her mascara. “I can when I know if I let you go right now, you’re going to go home and carve yourself open like a fucking pumpkin, you big idiot !”

“Because you make me hate myself !” he choked back, voice as equally vicious and deathly as hers. There was no space between them anymore, not as Kai grasped her by the back of her neck, holding her head and entire body in place. Nova went completely rigid against him. “When you left, Collettò, you broke not only my heart but me. I was nothing but a soulless human being wandering the depths of existence without you, and you never once called to let me know you were okay. Being around you, Nova Collettò, was the greatest experience of my life, until you stole that from me too.”

Nova attempted to shove him off her, letting out a desperate scream as she did, but Kai held onto her as if he was a man dying without her touch.

“That isn’t fair , Malakai, and you know it,” she whispered back, helpless.

“I am broken , Nova, and you made me this way. You and this stupid, fucked up universe.”

Nova cried, tumbling from his grip as she stumbled away from him. “Stop it! Just stop it!”

“You want to know what you missed all these years?” He chuckled brokenly, grinning at her with the saddest of smiles. “You missed everything, and you know what? I’m glad you did because being around you now makes me feel miserable . No wonder your parents shipped you back here, they don’t even love you enough to fight for you!”

“You are an awful, awful human being, you know!” She screamed, eyes narrowed like daggers, locked onto his with an unbreakable grip. “I don’t know what people see in you, Foster, but it certainly isn’t anything beautiful. You have the loneliest pair of brown eyes I’ve ever seen, and you know what hurts more than your words? Your mind , because inside there is a dark and lonely fucked up place that is jagged, and sharp, and scars every single person who tries to get close to you! So you know what? I’m done trying. I am done. ”

“You already walked away from us once, Glasses,” He rasped, grasping onto her wrist, pulling her body flush up against his despite her fighting him every step of the way.

“ No ,” she demanded. “You don’t get to put this on me. I have tried all week to talk to you, to explained what happened but you won’t even listen to me! So, yeah, I’m done trying.”

“The Nova I know would never have given up.”

“The Nova you knew is gone.”

Kai flinched backwards at her words.

“You were the one who left us in the first place!” He exclaimed.

“I was drowning , Kai,” she sobbed. “I was drowning here. Couldn’t you see? I was miserable and no one even noticed. You didn’t even notice.”

Kai’s eyes softened. “I always noticed you, Glasses.”

“No.” Nova stepped back. “You don’t get to call me that . Not anymore .”

“You’ll always be Glasses to me, no matter what.”

Pinching her nose, Nova shook her head. “I’m tired, Malakai. I’m so tired of this.”

“So stop fighting me,” Kai whispered softly, eyes shining with understanding. “Stop fighting us.”

“There is no fucking us, Malakai. There never was!”

“And whose fault is that!” he jabbed back at her, softness erased.

“Let go of me, Kai,” she whispered softly, a notion that was so unlike the fiery and passionate Nova Collettò I once knew. Kai looked at her dead in the eyes as if she’d slapped him straight across the face, but in one smooth motion, he dropped his hands, letting her go without a fight .

“If you walk away, Nova, I won’t chase you again,” he said honestly, never once letting his eyes falter from her.

“You never did the first time, Malakai,” Nova dipped her head and without any more words, she turned on her heel and left, leaving Kai standing there in the sand, linen beige shirt half unbuttoned and neatly trimmed hair ruffling in the wind. Even when she was gone, he stared at the place she used to stand like she was still there as a fragment of his imagination.

I knew something had happened between them before Nova left the country. Jakson had a bet going with everyone to see who could guess what Kai did to make Nova run so far away from him. I’d tried talking to Lia about it, but whenever anyone brought it up, she’d shut right down like a clam, refusing to even utter a single word on the topic. Not even to Jakson, either. That was how I knew, whatever had happened between the two of them, was serious if she didn’t even tell him.

Part of me wondered if she did know, at least something, but was simply refusing for whatever reason. But the other half of me just remembered that she hated conflict and shut herself down whenever someone brought it up, in fear she’d start some sort of argument.

With a sigh, Kai tipped his head back and looked up at the stars. For a moment, he stayed like that, glancing up at the heavens with the weight of the world on his shoulders. With one last glance back, like he was expecting her to come running back to him, Kai shook his head, pocketed his hands, and walked back up the beach without a single look back. The look in his eyes was hollow and empty, and the sudden coldness that washed over his features was like that last moment of realization had hit him like a steamroller.

The friend group I’d spent my entire life fighting for was falling apart at the seams. After all, we were just a bunch of lonely and broken kids searching the big, wide world for others like us. There were no rules tying us to each other, no invisible strings, but for some reason, I never thought there needed to be.

My naive mind thought that maybe, for just once, these people would stay in my life without me having to tear myself apart to keep them there.

Something was wrong, wrong, wrong…

“Yeah, wrong in my fucking head,” I groaned, shaking away all the thoughts that decayed my mind. Following the path off the beach, I let my feet wander, carrying my body to wherever in the world I was destined to end up.

Except, when the golden sand turned to pavement beneath my feet, the last place I thought I’d end up right now was right outside Poppy’s house. It was hauntingly silent. Miserable, even, like death haunted its every wake.

I followed the small, pebbled path round the side of the house to where her bedroom window lay. Edging it open like I did before, I hauled my body up and over the window ledge. I had no idea what I was doing, but I needed to be near her right now. She made all the voices inside my head stop. All the doubt, all the self-loathing…it all stopped when she was near.

When I turned around, I was greeted with an empty room. A coppery tang tainted the air, and my body immediately tensed up, a wave of uneasiness rolling through me.

Something was wrong.

Something was wrong here.

Inside this house.

“Poppy?” I whispered, glancing around frantically like someone had just ripped open my chest and given me minutes left to live. “Wellsy, where are you?”

It wasn’t until I stepped closer to her door did I see her; a mere small figure curled up on the floor, beaten and bruised within inches of her life. Instinctively, I raced over towards her, dropping to my knees at her side. They tore open as I grazed them against the already blood-soaked floorboards. It looked like a fucking massacre in here. A complete blood bath.

What the fuck happened, Wellsy?

“Jasper?” Poppy moaned in agony, her eyelids slightly ajar as she attempted to open them. I doubted she could get them open any further due to the fucking massive amount of swelling around them.

“What the fuck happened, Poppy?” I rasped, cradling her small frame in my arms as she coughed up splotches of blood that landed as droplets on my shorts and staining them. “Wellsy, who hurt you? Who did this to you?”

Her eyes rolled backwards into her skull, knocking her head backwards as she slumped against me. Completely lifeless, she lay in my arms, wholly limp and unresponsive .

“No, no, no, no. Keep talking, Wellsy,” I cried, stroking the side of her cheek, urging her to come back. To come back to me. “Don’t slip away from me. Not now, not ever. I can’t survive losing you.”

“You already have once before,” she whispered, barely.

“Open your damn eyes, Poppy!” I shook her again and again until her eyes opened once more. Every part of me was trembling with the fear of losing her. My heart was hammering inside my chest like someone had taken an axe to it.

“Stay with me,” I pleaded with her, only to be met with two lifeless green eyes that didn’t open again.

“Come on Poppy,” I cried, refusing to give up on this girl. “Just stay with me.”

Nothing.

“Poppy, please…”

The words died in my throat as I scooped up her limp body in my arms.

Stay with me…