36. Jasper Ridge

36

Jasper Ridge

“ G reat progress we’ve made today guys! Let’s keep up the hard work and come back even stronger next lesson, okay?”

I smiled at all the kids before dismissing them to go and get changed since the lesson had ended but as per usual, Belle had stayed behind to help pack up the equipment we’d been using during the lesson.

“Do you think, one day, I’ll be just as good as you?” She asked, a pondering look on her face as she glanced at me.

“Of course I do, little Davis,” I smiled, gently placing my hand on her shoulder and squeezing lightly. “You have my full support. I believe in you, Belle.”

Her little cheeks turned pink as she looked away, whispering a small thank you. I smiled to myself as she went and gathered the rest of the brightly colored cones and placed them in the large blue equipment box. I clipped on the black plastic lid and picked it up in my arms as we started walking back up the boardwalk towards the surf school.

“Poppy, wait!”

We both turned around at the sound of my name being called to see Lia running breathlessly towards us both. I could already tell from the sickened look on her face that this was not going to be a conversation suited for little ears.

“Hey, Belle, do you think you could take this up to Daniel for me?” I asked, to which she nodded enthusiastically nearly a hundred times.

“Yes! I can definitely do that!” she beamed up at me. Handing over the box, she thanked me again before disappearing up the steps just as Lia reached me.

“Are you okay?” I asked her as she paused for a moment, catching her breath.

“It’s,” she dry heaved, swallowing down gulps of air like she was starved of it. “It’s Jasper.”

My stomach instantly dropped as a sense of dread overcame me.

“What happened to Jasper? Is he okay?” I tripped over my words, desperate to get them out.

“No one can find him and the guys have a qualifying heat in ten minutes and Jak won’t calm down and I don’t know what to do and…we need your help, Poppy.”

“Yes,” I said almost immediately. “I’ll help, yes.”

We walked over to where the others were searching for Jasper, the beach starting to fill up with spectators and surfers from other states. My mind was too busy overthinking every worst possible scenario to even think about engaging in small talk, and I think Lia was facing the exact same battle from the pure look in her eyes alone.

Except, she surprised me when she broke the silence between us first.

“Whenever I feel like the world is trying to swallow me whole,” Lia whispered, voice thick and heavy, “I repeat to myself, my name is Lia Davis and I am a fighter, over and over again until the world doesn’t seem so dark anymore.” She paused, doe-like eyes sliding over to me. “He’ll be okay, Poppy. I know he will be. ”

“Thank you, Lia,” I whispered, nodding my head. I couldn’t tell if her words were for me or for her, but I was grateful for them regardless. The girl with the big blue eyes smiled at me one last time before wandering off down the beach to where Jakson and the rest of the surf team were looking for Jasper.

Picking up speed, she made a headline to Jakson and jumped on his back. His hands hooked around her legs, not even needing to check it was her he was holding. Lia threw her head back in a laugh, light and carefree, as she ran her fingers through his hair, messing it up a little.

Jakson shook his head, biting back a laugh. “You’re a rascal, Davis.”

“Oh, I know. I’m a real tough kid, Calloway.”

“I know you are.”

Lachlan and Kai made gagging noises, dropping down onto their knees in the sand dramatically, earning a handful of death glares from Jakson. Xander just shook his head at them all, grumbling something under his breath that I didn’t catch.

“Oh, you are so dead, Kidd!” Lia yelled like a battle cry, sliding herself off Jakson’s back and charging right towards Lachlan. She jumped, piling herself on top of him just as Kai joined her, making a mess of limbs and laughter.

Turning away, I started running up the beach, leaving them to mess around whilst my heart pounded out of my chest. When Lia found me, her big blue eyes glossy and swollen, I knew exactly where to find him. My heart just knew .

Most of the people were already gathering on the beach, leaving me and Jasper alone behind the old showers that withheld so many memories.

“Jasper?” I said breathlessly. My sandals squelched as I walked over to him, kneeling down in front of him. Knees grazing the worn tiles, I could smell the dampness before I felt it touch my skin.

Frantically banging his fists against his chest, Jasper gasped in chunks of air. He rocked backwards and forward with his knees pulled tightly to his chest as he continued to beat the air out of his lungs. Those golden-brown eyes, glassy and swollen, stared right through me.

Softly, I grazed my thumb over his cold cheek. “You’re okay,” I whispered over and over again like a mantra. “You’re okay, Jasper.”

At first it was like he couldn’t hear me at all, each of my words passed over his head as if I was talking to a statue. The only sound between us was the heaving of his chest as he tried to beat the air out of him whilst simultaneously dragging it back in again. Each one came and left faster than the one before like clockwork. In and out. In and out. In and out.

“Jasper,” I whispered, again.

Slowly, his gaze focused on mine, capturing it with such intensity I feared he might burn through me. There was fear behind those sullen eyes. Pure, raw fear . Hesitantly, I reached down and slipped my fingers between his, entwining them. My heart ached as I rested our conjoined hands against his pounding chest. The frantic beating slowed to a stop until all that was left was the rapid pounding of his heart breaking through his chest.

“You’re okay,” I promised; he didn’t let go of my gaze. “Copy me.”

I slowed my breathing down into controlled exhales and inhales.

In for four. Hold for two. Out for six. Repeat.

He followed my lead, chest shaking as his fingers trembled against mine.

“I can’t—” he gasped, teeth chattering violently against one another as his shoulders heaved. “I can’t breathe, Poppy. I feel like I’m dying. You can’t let me die. Please, Wellsy.”

All his words flooded out of his mouth in a single breath as if he was desperate to get them all out—genuine terror laced each one. His grip on my fingers tightened as his breaths crept closer together again. Lips dropped open in panic as air outran him. He squeezed so hard I thought he might cut off all the circulation to my fingers.

“You’re not dying, do you hear me, Jasper Ridge? You are forbidden from dying on me, okay? If you do, I swear to God, I will storm through the gates of hell and personally choke you myself.”

A small laugh escaped his lips as he wheezed, doubling over. I caught his weight as he slumped against me, body rattling with the force of a thousand earthquakes. My chest constricted, twisting painfully as I held him. His head fell against my chest as his fingers tapped gently against my hip at a slightly rushed rhythm.

He was tapping to the rhythm of my heartbeat.

I pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head, which was a mess of sticky brown curls and as hot as the surface of the sun. With one hand I drew small patterns of all shapes and sizes across his back, letting my fingers dance across his skin that trembled and burned beneath my touch.

“Just listen to me, okay? You may feel like you’re dying right now but the feeling will pass. You just have to trust me on this one.” I took in a breath before I continued. “Do you remember when we were little, all of those little pranks we used to pull on each other? God we were such little shits back then, no wonder the whole world thought we would be each other’s demise.”

A small smile fell across my lips as I started to recall this one memory in particular. “There was this one prank, though, that I can’t seem to shake. I remember being so mad at you one day, the reason lost to me now, but I spent the entire day planning how to get back at you. And not just some mediocre level revenge, but some really well-planned I’m super fucking pissed at you right now I want to pull you apart to pieces kind of revenge. Anyway, I remember storming down to the beach down those old wooden boards that were always covered in sand and droplets of dripping water from passing wetsuits and surfboards and seeing you standing there and talking to Jakson so casually it made my blood boil. How could you just be so casual after pissing me off so spectacularly? So, instead of the revenge plan I’d spent the entire day coming up with and perfecting, I took one look at your lonely little board laying on the sand and decided that I would hide it from you. Embarrassing you in front of your friends was probably my main goal because, of course, how could anyone compete without a surfboard? So I hid it behind the showers. I know, very clever of little me. She was way ahead of her time. And when you noticed it was missing, and saw me looking a little too pleased with myself, do you remember what you did?”

I could feel his heartbeat calming with every word I spoke, and after a long pause, he whispered, “Handcuffed you.”

I smiled, letting out a breath. “I know, I still can’t believe you did that, even now. Your stupid, annoying smart boy ass decided it would be a good idea to handcuff me to the medical tent. Where did you even get the handcuffs from anyway? ”

“Jakson,” he gasped.

I laughed, despite myself. “Now that I can believe. I was sitting there on the sand for a good half an hour trying to see if I could pick the locks with one of my hair pins like they did in the movies, and trust me, it is not as easy as it looks.”

“How did you get out?” he heaved, shivering against me.

“I slammed all my weight into the pole, sending it and me tumbling over onto the sand like a fool. You turned me into a fool, Jasper Ridge.”

“A fool for me.” He tried to smile but that golden, playboy smile failed him.

“Yeah,” I sighed, “a fool for you. I marched right up to where you were standing on the beach with a massive seven-foot pole in my hand with the full intention of launching it at that smug little grin on your face, but because you just loved to annoy me, you caught the stupid thing and winked at me. I remember my little hands scrunching up into fists by my side, and my words being something along the lines of, ‘ you are beyond aggravating, Jasper Ridge. ’ And do you remember what you said to me? ‘ you look good in handcuffs, Wellsy. ’”

He let out a small, strained laugh. “Sounds like me.”

“You scooped me up bridal style and carried me towards the waves, and no matter how many times I screamed or whacked your chest with my fists, you didn’t stop until you were up to your knees in salt water. My shorts and the bottom of my t-shirt were drenched, and you could not stop smiling at me, even though I wanted to rip that goofy grin from your face and feed it to the sharks. You told me that you would keep walking unless I told you where I hid your board, and it wasn’t until we were practically swimming did I finally blurt out where I’d kept it stashed away. But even after all that, you told me that you’d known all along and wanted to see how far you could go before I blurted out the truth. I was beyond fuming at that point, but it all changed after you not so subtly shouted something across the entire beach.”

“ Tonight, Wellsy…and I’ll show you that Jasper Ridge fucks better. ” He recited through clattering teeth. “You never showed up that night.” The words he spoke were barely above a whisper. I almost missed them entirely. Shaking his head, he continued. “Did you still feel angry at me after? ”

“Oh, yeah,” I hummed, my voice trailing off to a halt. Perhaps part of me did know back then that he unnerved me like no other. That he was different from them all, yet my perfect symmetrical match. I’d wasted so many years of my life hating him, when really, he was the only person who had ever understood me right from the start. All those years, I’d been a blind fool because he was right there .

I just didn’t see it.

“I almost thought about…” He whispered slowly as if the words were too difficult to get out. “I never had as much courage as you, Wellsy. Still don’t.”

Unknowingly, I held my breath as I asked carefully, “What stopped you?”

“One look at Lia’s siblings building sandcastles with her and Jakson. That’s all it took. I just couldn’t do it knowing I’d leave them thinking their Uncle Jas didn’t love them enough to stay, to fight for them. They’re only kids, Poppy, yet they’ve seen enough trauma to last them a lifetime. I couldn’t be another burden to them. I couldn’t do it. And Belle…little Belle, she’s so afraid, Poppy. All the time. I love all her siblings equally, don’t get me wrong, but Belle is my little girl. She’s so talented and beautiful and she doesn’t even know it! I refuse to die until she does. I can’t leave her, not like Gabriel did. I won’t do that to her.”

In a sudden movement, Jasper jumped up from my lap and onto his feet, brushing off the sand from his wetsuit. He whipped the back of his hand against his forehead, washing away the beads of sweat that had accumulated there and turned away from me.

“Jasper—”

“Don’t,” his voice shook. “Don’t look at me right now. You should go Poppy, the qualifying start soon and we both know you won’t be needed.”

My brows knit in confusion as I rose to my feet. “What are you talking about? Jasper—”

“ Please, Poppy.” He bit the side of his cheek as his eyes looked everywhere but mine. “Please . ” His voice broke on that last word.

“ No , Jasper. You can’t push me away, not after what just happened. We’re supposed to be working together here. Taking down our walls and trying to heal. So please , don’t try and push me away because I’m not going anywhere. Not now, not ever.”

After a pause, followed by a broken inhale, Jasper whispered, “I don’t…I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“You are rather ugly to look at,” I jested, earning a mediocre laugh from him before his face hollowed, those stone walls rebuilding by the second. “You don’t have to worry about me, Ridge. You’ve seen me at my worst. I’ve now seen you at your worst. We may both be broken, but at least we can be broken together.”

That seemed to be the final crack, breaking him clean open. Silent sobs racked his frame as he swayed on his feet. I’d never seen him so vulnerable before.

Part of it terrified me.

Without thinking, I instinctively wrapped my arms around him and pulled his body against my chest. His tears fell against my clothes, but I couldn’t have care less about them. They could always be washed later. He was more important. I let my fingers entwine in those golden curls as I stroked the back of his head, letting him know that I was here and would wait an eternity for him, if he needed. I wasn’t going anywhere.

I’d become his anchor in an ocean determined to drown him; I’d become the same thing he had become for me.

A lifeline.

A desert island amidst endless hues of blue.

Jasper’s coach appeared over his shoulder, his silent presence communicating more than any words could. That was it took for this moment between us to fall apart to pieces. Jasper instinctively pulled backwards, tearing himself from me as he turned to face his coach. I didn’t know what type of relationship he had with his coach, but from the disapproving look on his face, I knew I hated him.

He shook his head in disappointment and walked away, leaving me and Jasper alone.

“Jas—”

“Leave, Poppy.”

He couldn’t even turn around to face me.

I reached up and grabbed him by the back of the neck, forcing him to turn around and look at me.

But his eyes looked everywhere but me .

“Jasper, look at me for God sake!”

He didn’t.

What did I tell you, Poppy?

He doesn’t love you.

You are a stupid, foolish girl.

Look what you’ve done.

You’ve ruined him.

Just like she said you would.

Just like you were destined to do.

“Jasper,” I repeated, softly this time. I refused to cry. I refused to let my heart break for a body who couldn’t even look me in the eyes.

“I wish I never met you,” he said quietly, voice as cold as stone. I flinched. “Why couldn’t you have just stayed away. Why did you have to come back and ruin everything?”

My chest burned as if someone had dropped a boulder on it.

He was hurting. He didn’t mean it. He wasn’t like her. He wasn’t her.

I tried to reassure myself, I tried to remember that he wasn’t my mom. He was just hurting right now. He didn’t mean it. He couldn’t have meant it. This couldn’t have all been for nothing.

Change my mind about you, Jasper Ridge.

Please prove me wrong.

Please.

Jasper didn’t look back as he walked down the beach to where all his teammates were waiting.

So quietly that I almost didn’t catch it, he whispered, one final time, “I’m sorry.”

And then

he

was

gone .