35. Poppy Wells

35

Poppy Wells

“ J asper Easton Ridge, I swear to god if you are pranking me right now, I am going to hate you until my last breath,” I breathed, hand squeezing his until he yelped.

When he turned up at my window a few minutes ago dressed in white linen pants, a brightly colored Hawaiian shirt, and red glasses the size of an elephant residing atop of his head, I thought I was dreaming.

That this was all some weird, trauma induced fantasy of mine that had stolen all my thoughts completely…until I realized that he was indeed dressed like that and standing in my childhood bedroom, lips parted as he couldn’t tear his eyes off my exposed body that was barely covered by my light cotton pajamas.

I didn’t know what I was thinking when I let him sneak me out of my own house and place a blindfold over my eyes. For all I knew, he could’ve been leading me into the deepest part of the woods to perform some crazy satanic ritual, which definitely would’ve been Jakson’s idea because he was the only one out of them all who could’ve came up with something so insane .

“I’m not pranking you, Wellsy,” he laughed, and I could picture him so clearly throwing his head back, eyes crinkling the way they did every time he smiled. “I’m wounded you think so little of my pranking skills. Maybe I should give you a reminder.”

“Don’t you even—”

“I’m joking, v ita mia .”

I fought the blush that threatened to paint my cheeks in the brightest shade of red.

Stupid Jasper Ridge and his stupid Italian.

“Just a little bit further,” he whispered, giving my hand an encouraging squeeze. “ Ti mostrerò quanto il tuo io più giovane meritava di essere amato , Wellsy.”

I stopped walking. “What did you just say?”

“ Non sei rotto. Non sei inamabile. Tu sei, Wellsy. Il mio, Wellsy. Meriti che ti venga mostrato cosa significa essere amato. ”

Breathlessly, I stared at him through the blindfold.

Fuck. Not happening.

But when Jasper stepped closer, the evergreen pine and lavender scent of his cologne kissing my drunken thoughts, all time slowed down.

Tentatively, his fingers lightly trailed up my arms in nothing more than gentle strokes. My lips parted on their own accord. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think straight. As he traveled further up my arm, his tender touches threaded hope across every discolored patch of skin. Across every scar that stared back at me through the fragments of my mirror, whispering poisoned thoughts and numbers on scales that seemed too high.

Caressing my neck with his thumb, hand wrapping around to cusp the back of my head, Jasper leaned in and whispered, “I can say it again in Portuguese.” He smiled softly, that all too familiar loopy grin tugging at his lips was evident, even through the layers of the blindfold covering my eyes. “If you’d like, Poppy.”

I froze. He learnt Portuguese.

Jasper Ridge learnt Portuguese.

For me.

The surge of weight that lifted from inside of me scared me so much so that I lightly smacked his arm, pushing him off me. When, in truth, I wanted to fall down onto my knees and let him hold me because I had no doubt that he could actually heal the child inside of me who just wanted to be loved by everyone—just wanted to be appreciated, wanted.

I scoffed. At myself. At Jasper. At everything. Because that was what I did. I pushed people away the second they showed me even a thread of affection because deep down, I knew I would never feel like I deserved it.

I was always waiting for the punchline, for the joke , for them to walk straight out of my life and forget me because that was something I was . I was forgettable. I was unlovable. I was broken .

Broken, broken little girl.

I didn’t deserve to be shown otherwise.

“Why would you learn Portuguese?” I asked, despite myself. Even though I already knew the answer. Even though I hated myself for it.

“ Eu tinha alguém para quem valia a pena aprender a língua. ”

I had someone worth learning the language for.

My world started spinning; my body drunk on the sound of his words, of the integrity of them. He meant them. He meant every single word.

“Come on, Wellsy,” he mused, clicking his tongue like he hadn’t just shocked every nerve ending inside me. “You don’t want to miss this.”

Jasper pulled me along effortlessly. I was so stunned by his words that I didn’t even try to fight him. I just let him.

“You’re doing so good, Wellsy. Just a little bit further.”

His praise radiated across my entire body, and I felt like I was glowing. As a kid, growing up the way I had, I’d sought my father’s approval since before I even knew what the word approval meant. If he was proud of me…that was all that mattered. I did every competition for him. So he’d be proud of me.

Now that I looked back on it, I didn’t think there was even one competition where I competed because I wanted to . It was never for me .

“Annnnd we’re here,” Jasper said as I heard him unlock what seemed to be a door. A beat of complete silence passed and I was about to ask him if everything was alright when I felt his body press up against mine from behind, guiding me inside.

My cheeks were burning as I whispered, “Thank you.”

His fingertips slipped under the blindfold band, caressing my skin in tortuously slow circles with his thumb. “You’re welcome, Wellsy,” he whispered, breathlessly as the tips of my ears turned pink at the closeness of him. “Happy birthday.”

“W-what?” I squeaked, gasping when he finally pulled the blindfold off my head. I caught Jasper’s eyes for a fraction of a second, enough to see the small smile on his lips and the wink he threw in my direction before walking off. My heart sank as I watched him disappear into the crowd, taking a piece of my heart with him.

For once, just…stay with me, the words I so desperately wanted to scream died in my throat as if the universe was willing me to keep quiet.

As if some words were better left unsaid …

Cheers and screams erupted around the room, bursting my eardrums along with the little bubble I’d manage to find myself in as the rest of the room came into focus. Claps and whistles followed, who I’m pretty sure were all coming from Jakson, who had his arm slung around Lia.

They were dressed up as Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala from the Star Wars movies, and for some reason, them dressed up as those characters just clicked perfectly in my mind. I didn’t think they would’ve suited anything else. It was like they were born to play those roles.

As if proving my point, Jakson whispered something, probably dirty by the look on Lia’s face, and smirked as a blush as red as a balloon covered her cheeks. She returned the favor by elbowing him in the ribs, to which he keeled over melodramatically, grasping his stomach like she put a lightsaber straight through him. Just watching them together made me smile. I was glad they had each other in the way that they did.

“They’re something, aren’t they,” a deep voice huffed from behind me. I spun around to see Lachlan taking a swing of his half empty beer bottle.

Unlike everyone else at the party, who were dressed up in some kind of Halloween-like costume despite being in the middle of summer break, Lachlan stood before me wearing a black compression shirt and a pair of gray sweatpants. A golden chain with a small guitar charm hung low around his neck, as traces of ink popped out from the corners of his shirt. I couldn’t quite make out any of the designs, apart from one little constellation that trailed down the side of his neck and disappeared beneath his shirt.

Out of everyone here, Lachlan seemed to stand out the most. From the small time I’d spent around him, I genuinely could not figure him out. With his teammates, he looked happy , thriving even. But without them, on his own…Lachlan glanced around like he was angry, almost envious of how everybody else was able to let loose, throwing their caution into the wind. Even though I’d seen him be carefree and cheerful at the surf heats multiple times.

Maybe… maybe he’d been hurting all this time, and no one had taken a second to notice.

Broken people recognized broken people, after all.

“They’re always in their own world, those two,” he motioned over to where Jakson and Lia were tangled in each other’s company, completely oblivious to the world around them. Lia’s midnight blue eyes were looking up at Jakson, gazing at him like he hung the moon. And Jakson? Forget moons and stars, he looked at Lia like she was his entire fucking universe.

“Have they always been like that?” I found myself asking like I was in a daze, captivated by the movie-like scene before me. “So…”

“Jakson and Lia?”

I nodded to which Lachlan grumbled something I’d presumed was a yes.

“The world could be burning down and he still wouldn’t tear his eyes from her,” Lachlan noted, gulping down the rest of his beer. I hummed in response, watching the two of them as they danced, completely and utterly captivated by one another.

Lia’s laugh was so soft and delicate and wholly infectious as everyone paused what they were doing to watch Jakson use his red plastic cup as a microphone when You belong with me by Taylor Swift traveled through the speakers. His singing was definitely not golden buzzer worthy but his performance certainly was—he serenaded Lia with every word, and even though nearly everyone else’s eyes were on him, he only seemed to notice her.

In a crowd of thousands, she was the only thing his eyes focused on.

Lachlan’s hand clamped on my shoulder stiffly.

“Happy birthday, Poppy. Take care of our boy, yeah? He’s not as unbreakable as everyone thinks he is.”

I managed to nod, my throat squeezing tightly as I tried to swallow what felt like a ton of bricks. With an acknowledging nod, Lachlan grumbled something I couldn’t quite catch and disappeared into the crowd. It was almost scary how he could blend into the background so effortlessly, almost like he’d been doing so his whole life.

My eyes found Jasper’s through the crowd as the sea of people between us parted wholly from his presence. Gone was his outfit from before, replaced with a remake of Andrew Garfield’s Spiderman costume.

Jasper grinned and my god did butterflies erupt inside of me. It took him no more than a few seconds to stride over to where I stood and gather me in his arms, spinning us both around as everything and everyone blurred. It was just me and him. No one else. Just us .

As he lowered me gently to the ground, he rasped, breathlessly, “Happy birthday, Wellsy.”

“You remembered?” I gasped, already beginning to feel my eyes start to brim with tears around the edges. “It was you . You did all of this!”

“Wellsy, how could I forget? You aren’t something that is forgettable,” he whispered in my ear, hot breath fanning my skin. “Not to me.”

I glanced around in disbelief, letting his words soak in. “You did this all…for me?”

I genuinely couldn’t believe it. No one had ever put this much effort into a birthday party, let alone one for me . Instead of being haunted by the sound of smashing glass, I was surrounded by people who cared about me, a notion that was completely foreign to me. I couldn’t process the fact that they were all willingly here to celebrate my birthday, of all things. The one day I had grown up despising, taught that it was a day only memorable of being erased .

“Of course we did,” Jakson mused, that golden boy grin plastered across his lips as he clapped Jasper on the shoulder, Lia tugged into his side like a little lost bunny .

“Happy birthday, Poppy,” Lia smiled softly at me. As soon as she spoke, Jakson’s eyes were already gazing down at her. A motion that Lia was completely oblivious too.

How could she not know that Jakson Calloway looked at her like that ?

If it were anyone else, they’d probably faint if he even looked their way. Not Lia, though. The girl with the little blue eyes lived in her own world—a world Jakson clearly barged into one day and refused to leave.

Xander appeared silently to Jasper’s right, Kai in tow. Both of them were dressed up as Batman and Robin and looked equally as unenthusiastic about their costume choices. It made me wonder if it was actually Jakson who had assigned everyone with costumes.

“Happy birthday, Poppy,” Kai smiled. “I’m sorry we haven’t gotten you a gift on such short notice.”

I blinked back tears as I said, “No that’s okay, guys. I truly wasn’t expecting anything. This is more than enough.”

“You can’t really believe that?” Jakson gasped, and then winced as Lia elbowed him in the stomach. I doubted he was really hurting from that, after all, he was the most melodramatic person I knew.

“Leave her alone, Jak,” Lia whispered, tucking herself back into his side. Even if she hadn’t, I didn’t doubt the fact that Jakson would’ve tugged her back to him anyway. They were rarely ever apart from each other.

The two of them disappeared before returning with a few presents with light blue and silver polka dotted wrapping paper. A single tear must have fallen from my eyes as Jasper lent in and wiped it away with his thumb. His body shielded me from everyone else, giving me time to recompose myself before Lia and Jakson drew near.

His eyes full of worry glanced down at mine.

Are you okay? He seemed to say, wordlessly.

I nodded, taking in slowed and controlled breaths.

I was fine.

I am fine .

I will be fine.

“Surprise!” Lia squeaked, sprinkling a mixture of blue and silver heart shaped confetti over me and Jasper. “Happy birthday, Poppy!”

Jakson smiled as he looked at her—a true smile, full of complete and utter admiration. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head as he whispered, “You did great, Blue.”

She blushed profusely at his words, nestling back into the warmth of him. “Thank you,” she smiled, glancing up at him as if the entire world had faded away into the background. Her small fingers trailed the side of his cheek as she added, “My Jedi.”

Jasper coughed obnoxiously loudly, making Lia flinch, only to be met with an angry looking Jakson who held her close to him. His gaze only softened when Lia whispered something in his ear. It was as if he physically melted into a puddle at her words.

“These are just a few things from me and Lia,” Jakson grinned, glancing at me. Two of the presents were wrapped with precision, neatly folded and taped, whilst the other two small gifts were so messy it was as if a child had wrapped them.

Jakson followed my gaze and laughed, scratching the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’m not the best at wrapping. After the first two, this one,” he said, nudging Lia with his side, “got annoyed and banned me from ever wrapping gifts again. You should’ve seen her, Pops, she was like an angry and cute little—”

“ Okay , Jedi I think they get it,” Lia mumbled, hiding her bright red face behind the palms of her hands. Jakson whispered something to her that had her instantly relaxing back into him.

“Sorry, where was I? Oh yes. What I was saying is that Lia wrapped the other two perfectly, just like her.”

Jasper, Kai, and Xander all groaned together, cringing at Jakson’s words but I found myself laughing. It was so refreshing to hear him say that about her—it gave me a sense of hope that maybe, one day, I could find something even half as spectacular as they had.

Lia gently passed me each gift one by one as I unwrapped them, tears brimming my eyes with each one. Lia had gotten me a sketch pad and some water color paints, rambling about how she used to peek at paintings I did when we were little in class, and how amazing they were. My heart ached as I looked down at the small and innocent gifts in my hands, no one realizing just how much they actually meant to me. I hadn’t painted in years. Not since Oliver died. Not since my life changed forever .

Maybe… maybe I could pick up a paint brush again, someday. Lia had given me this opportunity to take control of my fears and anxieties instead of letting them hold power over me and I refused to let it be wasted.

Jakson passed me both his gifts at once, and before I could even ask, Jasper took the other two gifts from my arms before everything fell to the floor. I silently thanked him with a smile to which he just grinned right back at me.

Unwrapping both of Jakson’s gifts nearly had me falling to the floor. It took every inch of strength left inside of me to stop my knees from buckling underneath me.

“You got me two full sets of Black Widow comics?”

Jakson grinned widely at me. “How could I not give these perfect creations to my favorite Romanoff?”

There were tears in my eyes as I smiled at him. I barely moved an inch before Jakson’s arms were around me, holding my body tightly against his. I may not have been Lia, or Jasper, but that didn’t matter—I was his Romanoff, and that healed something inside of me.

Jakson Calloway had my back, and I now had his.

“Thank you,” I choked out, my throat seizing up completely.

He tightened his grip on me as he whispered, “If you ever need help, Poppy, I will be there. One phone call away. Always . I got your back, Pops. You’ll always be welcomed here.”

You’ll always be welcomed here…

It dawned on me then that Jakson Calloway had offered each and every single one of his closest friends a home —a place they would always feel safe and protected from the dangers of the outside world.

He truly was Peter Pan.

I’d heard people in the halls whisper about the lost boy and his Wendy Darling, and up until now, I hadn’t realized that they were talking about Jakson and Lia. He’d given her and all of her siblings a home, a safe place.

Just like neverland: a place where they never had to grow up.

He’d done the same for Jasper, too, and Lachlan, and Kai, and Xander…and now me .

He’d been looking out for everyone since the very start…

But who was looking out for you, little lost boy?

Suddenly, Jasper yanked Jakson back by the collar of his Jedi costume, a deep frown tugging at his lips. “That’s enough hugging for you, buddy.”

“Stop being such a caveman, Cap!”

“Stop being such an asshole, Calloway .”

“C’mon Pops, back me up here. Your boyfriend is being such a caveman!” Jakson whined, a little pout playing on his lips.

“Caveman? Caveman!” Jasper roared, still holding Jakson by the collar, knuckles turning white.

“Down boy, down,” Jakson pouted, patting Jasper encouragingly on the head as if he were a puppy. The motion only made Jasper’s grip tighten.

“Jasper, stop this!” Lia gasped, little brows drawn. “You’re hurting him!”

The split second of hesitancy on Jasper’s part was enough time for Jakson to weasel his way out of his grip, sweep Lia off her feet, and start running with her in his arms.

“You are a dead man, Jakson Calloway!” Jasper yelled as Jakson and Lia disappeared into the distance, a mess of hiccups and childish giggles. I couldn’t stop myself from laughing, wiping the back of my hand across my face in an attempt to salvage whatever dignity I had left.

“The massive idiot,” Jasper sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with a groan.

I turned towards him, smiling up at him with the goofiest of grins. “You were jealous of him.”

He frowned at me. “Was not.”

“Was too.”

“She’s not lying, Cap. You were acting like a caveman,” Kai offered.

Jasper and I turned around at the sound of his voice. Him and Xander had been so quiet I’d genuinely forgotten they were there. They had this eerie presence around them like they were where dreams went to die. Always plotting. Always scheming. Always so silent.

They viewed life as a massive chess game, trying to one-up each other every second they could. Though, where Xander embodied the darkness, Kai actually looked like a sane human being on the outside but that was just who he was—the beauty and the beast.

I’d never forget the fact that Jakson heard him and Xander having a foursome with two girls—a blond and brunette—well past midnight and late into the next morning. His medically drugged ramblings would be the death of me. I was now the owner of around twenty-seven secrets that I, in no way whatsoever, wanted to ever know about.

Glancing away from them, I felt my cheeks burn with the weight of that secret, it now becoming the only thing I saw when I looked at them, and somehow, I had a feeling that Kai and Xander both knew I knew and were taking an element of delight in that.

“Go away, assholes,” Jasper grumbled.

Kai chuckled, saluting to Jasper as he left, Xander following him closely behind.

“Help me, Poppy, I’m surrounded by a bunch of idiots,” he groaned, tilting his head up towards the ceiling.

I laughed, gently nudging his side. “They only wind you up out of love, I’m sure.”

He pinned me with a look that said really, Poppy? Really?

I just shrugged, grinning up at him. Jasper Ridge had brought the world to me in the form of a birthday party. It may seem like such a small, insignificant thing, but it genuinely meant the entire world and more to me. I didn’t think he realized just how much I appreciated him and everything he had done for me.

“Come with me,” he smiled as he held out his hand for me to take.

As I placed my hand in his, butterflies erupting in my stomach the second our skin touched, I asked, “What? Where?”

His golden eyes blazed, lighting my body on fire. “When I give you this gift, I want to see the real you. That reaction is all for me and no one else.”

Was it possible to burst into flames at someone’s words? Because if so, I would be a literal puddle of lava on the floor. Jasper Ridge just kept on making me feel like the most loved girl in the entire world, and it was getting harder and harder to convince myself that this was all fake.

Jasper led me through the crowd of people, keeping a tight grip on my hand as we crossed paths with people dancing on the stairs and puking over the banister. The booming noise around us faded away with every step we took towards Jasper’s room. I recognized the paintings on the walls, remembering how out of place they looked on that very first night Jasper led me up here, concussed and all.

With a clear head, I could finally figure out why—they were all signed by Lia’s siblings. The entire hallway was decorated with them. Finger paintings, Crayola crayon scribbles, stick figures and all. Compared to the elegant and sophisticated wall art decorating the entire house, this one hallway was covered in something much more valuable—love and friends and family .

“What are we doing here, Jasper?” I asked breathlessly as he guided me into the center of his room. His eyes motioned for me to stay put as he disappeared into the bathroom.

Glancing around in the few seconds he was gone, I took in his room in a way I wasn’t able to before. It was so much bigger now, for some reason. His walls were a light gray, and his room had a larger than average bed, two bedside tables resting beside it, a closet that was probably bigger than my room entirely, and a whole TV and couch set up in the corner. My fingers found the back of my neck and instinctively began scratching the already reddened skin there.

“Are your eyes closed, Wellsy?” Jasper asked from the bathroom, his voice pulling me from my own thoughts like an anchor.

“Yeah?” I quickly squeezed my eyes shut, giddy with anticipation. I never expected him to get me anything for my birthday, yet alone plan a surprise party for me. No one had ever gone out of their way to make this day special for me. No one but him .

“Okay, open them,” he breathed. The distance between us dissipated with the way his breath fanned against my neck, drawing goosebumps across the lengths of my arms.

I cracked open my eyes to be met with a pair of golden-brown ones with huge dark pupils.

“Hi, Poppy,” he smiled softly.

A smile fell onto my own lips. “Hi, Jasper.”

“This is for you, Wellsy. I hope you like it,” he added with a wink, that soft smile turning into a smirk as he handed me a huge cardboard box that was taller than me by a good few inches. The originally white wrapping paper was covered in disfigured black ovals if he drew them on by hand to mimic the patterns on an Orca .

“Jasper,” I breathed, completely speechless as I scrunched and released my fists by my side. “I can’t—”

“Shush,” he grinned, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist, head resting on my shoulder. “You can, Wellsy.” He tickled my waist, eliciting small giggles from my lips. As he stopped, I let my head fall against his, completely calmed by his touch.

Perhaps that was why he did that. Jasper Ridge just somehow knew when my anxiety started to flare up and exactly how to calm me down before I even realized what he was doing. I truly didn’t deserve him. I never would.

“Go on, Wellsy. Open it.”

As I looked down at him, searching for his approval, Jasper tickled me once more, practically shoving me forward as he did it.

“Okay, okay ,” I exhaled, breathlessly. “Okay.”

For a moment, I just stood there, admiring what he had done for me. The effort he had gone through to make this day special for me. I only hesitated because the second I tore open that wrapping paper, everything he did for me would be real . Fake boyfriends didn’t buy their fake girlfriends gifts, or throw them birthday parties, or help them through mental blocks. Nothing Jasper did ever felt fake to me, and that was the reason why I shouldn’t open this gift.

That was the reason I should’ve left before lines got blurred and rules got broken.

I refused to let myself see this as anything but part of the contract we shared because the minute I did, the minute I started to hope, it would be like condemning myself to heartbreak and I didn’t think I could survive having my heart shattered by him.

“Wellsy?” Jasper asked, a hint of worry tainting his voice.

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, plastering on a smile, except it didn’t feel even an inch as fake as when I wasn’t around him.

“I’m okay,” I whispered before taking a loose corner of the wrapping paper and tearing it wide open. The sound of the paper shredding radiated through my body, along with the crumbling walls around my heart.

I was completely fucked.

When I reached the cardboard layer underneath, I was completely oblivious to Jasper as he picked me up and threw me onto his back. A gasp escaped my lips as I clung onto him in fear for my life, earning a string of laughter from his lips.

“Now you can reach the top, Wellsy,” Jasper mused, biting back more laughter.

I, on the other hand, was utterly unimpressed. “Is this your way of telling me I’m short?”

“Obviously,” he laughed, unable to hold back any longer. The sound of his happiness coursed through me like a wave that felt a lot like home. “You were never going to reach it on your own.”

I was five foot eleven.

But next to him, I was short .

“Oh, so that’s how you wanna play it, huh?”

He smirked. “Oh yeah.”

“You’re such an asshole, Jasper Ridge.” I frowned, playfully whacking his shoulder as I shook my head.

“Yeah?” he barked another laugh. “You’re such a loser, Poppy Wells.” After a moment, he added quietly, “My favorite loser.”

“Aw, I’m honored,” I smiled sarcastically. “You’re my favorite asshole, too.”

“Yeah?” he asked, a hopeful note to his tone.

“No.” I grinned.

“Aw, damn it,” he shook his head, trying not to smile. “Should’ve seen that coming, shouldn’t I?”

“Oh, definitely,” I soothed sweetly before gently patting him on the head, his smooth curls tickling my fingers. “But don’t worry, darling, you’ll do better next time, won’t you?”

Jasper grumbled a response under his breath whilst I let out the laugh I’d been trying to hold in since the start.

“Just open it already,” he muttered.

Being piggybacked by Jasper meant that I was now a handful of inches taller than I normally would’ve been and could actually see the top of the cardboard box where all the four flaps interlinked. Uncoupling them one by one, I carefully peeled them back so I could peek inside the box, but before I got the chance to see what was inside, Jasper pulled me down off his back.

“What are you doing?” I squeaked as I fell backwards, landing back on the floor on my own two feet.

Jasper just grinned at me as he gripped the box and flipped it upside down, shaking it until a pink surfboard fell out of it. I stopped breathing as I looked at it. Jasper picked it up in his hands and held it out for me to take but I couldn’t move a muscle.

He’d gotten me a new surfboard . He’d actually done it—

Not even that, it was an exact replica of the one I’d lost that night when he’d saved my life for the second time like he knew how much easier it would be for me to pass this off as my old one to my mom. This pink surfboard, however, had little messages carved into the side of it. As I neared closer, I could see all the little notes that had been left by everyone for me.

Brave and unbreakable, Wellsy 3

You got this, kid!

Smash them all Pops :)

You’ll be okay, little Romanoff.

Never stop dreaming, Poppy!

I think I was sobbing as I held it in my hands, the weight of what Jasper had done for me—what they had all done for me—sunk into my skin like a knife through my heart.

“Jasper—” I barely got out his name before I felt my knees buckle and my voice break into a million shards. As soon as I said his name, his arms were around me, lowering us both safely to the floor. My whole body shook with years of pent-up tears as they all poured out of me like I was a goddamn fountain.

As much as I tried to hide my tear-stricken face from him, Jasper kept nudging me by dropping his finger underneath my chin, guiding my face back from his chest so he could look me in the eyes.

Jasper looked at me like he wasn’t afraid; he beheld every broken and ruined part of me and was not afraid. Not of who I was. Not of who I used to be. He didn’t see failure in my scars, he saw strength and resilience and courage . Jasper saw light where I saw darkness, saw possibilities where I saw failure. He was not afraid of me.

“What are you doing?” I hiccuped. I was cradled into his side, sitting on his lap as he held me tightly to his chest with one hand, the other hand drawing small patterns across my back .

“Giving you a hug,” he replied instantly as if it was the most natural sentence in the world.

I paused. “Why?”

Jasper cupped my cheeks in the palm of his hands and looked straight into my eyes as he said, “Because sometimes, Wellsy, even the strongest of fighters need to be held.”

And that was all it took for the tears to start pouring from my eyes once again. Not once did he falter nor look at me like I was the monster they all claimed me to be. Jasper just held me tightly to him and soothed me until all my tears dried out.

“No one has ever put as much effort into my birthday as you have today, Jasper,” I hiccuped between sobs, letting the words fall from my lips and join the tear-stained patches on his costume.

I didn’t know why I said what I did but there was a part of me, deep down, that felt like I owed him because growing up I love you always came before an I’m sorry.

I love you, Poppy. I’m sorry.

All my life growing up, love was only an excuse to hurt me. Now I started to wonder if that was the reason why I was so numb to affection, why I felt like I didn’t deserve it. Because to me, it never felt genuine. It never felt real . I kept waiting for the punch line. For the disappointment. There was always a catch to being loved in my household, always a price .

And even if Jasper said there wasn’t, I couldn’t drill out the way I’d been raised.

In fear and not love.

Yet that did not deter him from trying to teach me how to fall in love with myself and my life again.

“This is nothing, Poppy,” Jasper rasped, looking away. “If I wasn’t so caught up in everything that had happened with Jakson, I would’ve planned something better. Something that was worthy of you.”

“Hey,” I whispered, capturing his gaze in mine. “You have done more than enough for me, Jasper Ridge. More than I could ever ask of you. You never had to do any of this, yet you did, because that’s just the type of person you are.”

“I actually had another gift I wanted to give you but I kinda got nervous and chickened out of giving it to you,” he admitted, running his hand through his golden-brown curls .

“You did?” I asked. “But you’ve already gifted me the best night of my life.”

“I—well,” he looked down and pulled an envelope out of his pocket that looked like it was near bursting; the sticky tape was worn and starting to peel away. “Here.”

He handed the gray tainted envelope to me, watching intently as I peeled open the seal. I gasped as I saw the hundreds of letters piled up inside it. A handful of them fell onto my lap, some decorated with little doodles and marvel references, and some that were pages and pages full of words.

“Jasper—” I glanced up at him, teary eyed.

“There’s a letter for every day you were gone,” he admitted, glancing back at me with a pair of heavy golden eyes. “I…I didn’t know how much our rivalry— you, how much you meant to me until you were gone. You didn’t even say goodbye, Poppy. One day you were here and the next you had disappeared off the face of the earth like Thanos snapped you away. I waited at that first surf competition—waited for you to come and throw a snarky comment at me, or roll your eyes, or give me that classic Poppy Wells glare that has made a permanent residence inside my heart. But you never came. I spent the entire day sitting on that beach, watching the waves crest the shoreline wondering what I had done wrong.” His voice broke just as something inside me cleaved in two. “That was the last day I saw the Orcas out there in the ocean. It’s like they are a part of you, Poppy. Only when you came back did they return also.”

“I guess I must be magic,” I tried to jest but it came out more like a strangled sob than a laugh.

“Yeah,” he exhaled, “I guess you must be. I wasted so much of those years being angry at you, Poppy, when I was only really angry at myself for letting you go. I don’t know why I wrote to you every day you were gone, it’s stupid, but it was the only thing keeping me sane. I didn’t only lose you in those years Poppy, I lost myself, too.”

“I’m here now,” I breathed, cupping his face in my palms. “You found me.”

He nodded slowly, shaking against my skin. “You found me, too, Wellsy. Please don’t ever go away again.”

“I won’t,” I promised, knowing that I couldn’t keep it. “I won’t let you fall under the waves, Jasper Ridge. ”

Jasper smiled softly at me as I wiped away a single tear that had fallen down his cheek, just as he had done for me mere minutes ago. His head fell against the crack of my shoulder, nose buried against my neck as his breaths fluttered across my skin. I let myself fall against him too, drawing small circles with my nails across his back.

“There’s…um…” Jasper cleared his throat. “Something else I wanted to give you.”

“You can’t—Jasper, this is too much.”

“You’re worth it.”

But before I could protest anymore, Jasper dropped a CD in my palms.

There, right at the top in neat calligraphic letters, lay the words: Jasper’s songs for Wellsy’s sad green eyes.

I couldn’t breathe.

I flipped it over, revealing all thirty tracks, and just underneath the album title, he’d scribbled the words in a black marker pen:

When I’m losing my control and the city spins around,

you’re the only one who knows how to slow it down.

I’ll look after you, Wellsy, for infinity 3

This boy with the golden-brown eyes and rosy cheek smiles was making me believe in love again. And as if my heart wasn’t full enough, near breaking, there were little messages engraved beside each song.

“Track four, Wellsy.”

I bit back a smile. “What about it?”

He shrugged. “It means you.”

I turned the CD over in my palm, my eyes scanning the track list until I found the fourth song.

Oh god.

Oh my god.

He hurried to continue. “And before you say anything, just know that you deserve it, you know? You’re loved, Poppy. By us all. Happy birthday, Wellsy.”

Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes and somehow, I’d lost the strength to will them away. “Growing up, I never had a birthday party like all the other kids had,” I whispered, setting the CD on my lap as I continued to stroke the back of his costume before scratching the back of his head, letting his messy curls intertwine between my fingers. “I never got pancakes for breakfast or ice cream for dinner, birthday cakes covered in hundreds of candles or people singing Happy Birthday to me. I never had friends who gave me presents or gifts every Christmas. All my life I was told to be grateful for the things I had, and I was because I knew others had it worse. It was their way of justifying it all. A way of placing the blame onto my shoulders. My birthday was never a day to be celebrated, but you, Jasper Ridge…you have given me everything tonight.”

You’ve healed the child inside of me .

“Poppy—” he pulled back to meet my eyes. “I had no idea.”

“You weren’t supposed to know,” I shrugged. “They were good at hiding it all. Good at pretending. Where do you think I get it from?”

“You are nothing like them,” he said fiercely, gripping my face in his palms. “Nothing at all like them.”

We stayed like that for what felt like hours, just content in the warmth of each other, when after a while, Jasper whispered so quietly I almost missed it, “I won’t let you become like them, Wellsy.”