Chapter 58

fifty-eight

JACOB

“What are you still doing here?” Dylan asked.

I stood in the middle of my entryway, frowning at my friend. “I’m enjoying a quiet Saturday. You’re lucky I’m not running on one of the trails around the lake.”

Dylan tapped his watch. “It’s after four o’clock. You need to leave in the next hour if you’re going to the opening of Andrew’s exhibition.”

“I’m not going to Boulder.”

“Of course you are.” Dylan pushed past me and headed toward my bedroom. “You’ll need a suit. Jeans and a cotton shirt won’t be good enough.”

I jogged after my friend. “Andrew won’t want me there.”

Dylan stopped so suddenly that I nearly ran into him. “Living in Kabul has warped your brain. I’m no Romeo, but even I know you have to fight for the man you love. Especially when you’re the idiot who told him you don’t love him.”

I ran my hands through my hair. “I never told him I don’t love him.”

“If that were true, you wouldn’t be standing in your hallway, trying to figure out how to get rid of me.”

“Has anyone told you you’re annoying?”

Dylan pretended to think about his answer. “Not recently, although Alex has had a few interesting things to say about my personality.” He kept moving toward my bedroom. “You’ll need something to wear on Sunday, too. Boulder is a city, and city-slickers notice when the country bumpkins come to town.”

I snorted. “Boulder’s not that large.”

“It makes no difference. While you’re there, you’re representing our town.” Dylan walked into my bedroom. “You’ll need to live here for a few more years before you’ll be recognized as a resident.”

“Jenny has already given me her blessing.”

Dylan held up a pair of boxers. “Do you have any underwear that doesn’t have a picture of Mickey Mouse on the front?”

I snatched the boxers out of his hand. “My brother bought them for me as a joke.” When another pair of boxers landed on my bed, I sighed. “I haven’t spoken to Andrew since last Wednesday. He’ll be upset if I suddenly walk into the gallery.”

“You don’t know that.”

“It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize I’ve messed up a great relationship.”

Dylan hunted through my closet. “You aren’t the only person who’s walked away from the best thing that’s ever happened to them. Alex could easily have left me to wallow in self-pity, but he didn’t. And now look at us.” He pulled out a shirt and threw it beside the boxers. “Where are you hiding your best suit?”

“It’s on the left-hand side of my closet. How did you know Andrew and I broke up?” I hadn’t told my friends for a reason. And that reason was holding the black suit I wore to funerals in his hands.

“Elijah spoke to Andrew after you dumped him. When Andrew went home in tears, Elijah spoke to Alex, and Alex told me.” Dylan scowled. “There are no secrets in a small town.”

If Dylan had come here to make me feel better, it wasn’t working. My life was a complete disaster, and I only had myself to blame.

He threw another shirt onto the bed. “If you stand there watching me, you’ll be late.”

Instead of grabbing my clothes, I sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m not going.”

For a few seconds, Dylan simply stared at me. “Do you love Andrew?”

“You know I do.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

With eyes full of unshed tears, I looked up at my friend. “I can’t give him what he needs.”

Dylan sighed and sat on the bed. “Have you asked Andrew what makes him happy?”

“He needs someone he can trust, someone who will always be there for him. I can’t guarantee that person will be me.”

“That applies to most of us. You can’t be strong all the time, especially if you have something like PTSD. Andrew knows that, and he still fell in love with you.”

My greatest fear was that one day my symptoms would spiral out of control. That the rainbow of drugs I took would stop working. If that happened, I didn’t want to be responsible for hurting anyone, least of all Andrew.

“Andrew hasn’t seen me at my worst. He thinks the person he fell in love with is the man I’ll always be. My panic attack on Friday night was nothing compared to what PTSD usually does to me. But even that stressed him out.”

“He was worried about you. We all were.”

“I don’t want him to worry about me.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” Dylan waited for me to nod before continuing. “From the moment I met Alex, I didn’t stop worrying about him. But I worry because I love him.”

I wiped my eyes. “I was worried Andrew would go back to Nashville and never want to see me again.”

“So you broke up with him before he could break up with you?”

I nodded.

Dylan wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “It’s just as well you’ve got friends like Shane, Alex, and me. We’ve all said and done things to stop ourselves from getting hurt. But you know what? At some point, you have to decide what’s important. And no one, including Andrew, can answer that question for you.”

I took a deep breath. I loved Andrew more than anyone else in the world. He was my beginning, middle, and end, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. “It looks as though I’m going to Boulder.”

“Good for you,” Dylan said with a smile. “Just remember, we’ve all done things we’ve regretted. The trick is not to make the same mistake twice.”