Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

DANIELA

Lina walked out of the kitchen, where she had been slaving away for the past hour, carrying a big plate of what looked like round cornbread with melted cheese coming out of the sides. Placing it on the coffee table, she bent down to where she was at eye level with me and put a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"You need to eat something, cari?a," she murmured. "Just try half of one for me? ?Por favor?"

After walking in the door with tears streaming down my face following my fight with Braden last night, I'd given Morgan the shortest possible version of what went down and then just curled up into a ball on the couch and fallen asleep with my head in her lap…and that was where I'd remained ever since. Morgan had spent the night and then called Lina first thing this morning to come help with Isaac while I wallowed in the misery of my own making.

I couldn't move. Couldn't think. Could barely even breathe. My whole life was in shambles, and there was no fixing it. No going back in time and undoing the mess I'd gotten myself into.

How had I gotten here? How had I ended up lying on my couch crying my eyes out over the one man in the world I absolutely couldn't have feelings for? The one man I'd sworn I would go to my grave hating with the fire of a thousand suns.

"Those smell amazing," Morgan said from beside me. "What are they?"

"Arepas de jamón y queso." Lina's Colombian accent was on full display. "They're basically cornmeal pancakes stuffed with ham and cotija cheese. It's one of my favorite comfort foods."

I offered her a small smile as I sat up, picked one up, and started to nibble at the edges. "Thank you. You didn't have to cook. You're here for Isaac, not me."

"I'm here for both of you," she said as she sat on my other side and rubbed my shoulder. "I might be his nanny, but I hope you consider me a friend too."

"I do," I assured her as I took a bigger bite.

The second the slightly sweet, salty, cheesy flavor hit my tastebuds, my stomach started to growl, reminding me that I hadn't eaten in about eighteen hours. I devoured the arepa within two minutes and immediately grabbed another one.

"That's my girl," Morgan said with a soft chuckle.

We ate in silence for a little while before I sighed and turned to my best friend. She gave me a sad smile, clearly waiting for me to say something.

But what was I even supposed to say? What was I supposed to do now?

How was I supposed to reconcile the version of Braden Hicks that had existed in my mind with the man he really was? How could I fight my feelings for him now that I knew he hadn't committed any of the infractions I'd thought he was guilty of?

Was that even possible?

Or would I spend the rest of my life grieving the loss of a relationship that had never really existed? Pining away for the one man I couldn't have because I'd somehow caught feelings for him when I wasn't looking?

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I sniffled. "I just…I was so scared. And I thought if you and Mal knew and talked to Braden, I'd end up getting slapped with a lawsuit or led away in handcuffs."

"I know. I'm not mad," Morgan assured me, rubbing my back. "I've only met Vicki once and…well, let's just say I have zero problem believing she did any of this shit. Especially to Braden."

"Why?" I choked out. "Why would she keep Isaac from him? Why would she threaten us like that without even talking to him about it?"

"I don't know, babe," she murmured. "But he knows now, and you have to know he's going to take care of both of you."

"I don't want to be taken care of, though." My voice cracked with even more tears. "I don't want his money just because he feels guilty about Amara or obligated because Isaac shares half his DNA."

"Oh, Dani," she sighed. "It's not guilt. Or obligation. Just like Mal offering to give you a little help every now and then isn't charity. It's love. You have people who care about you and want to make sure you know you don't have to do this alone. And that includes Braden."

"Yeah, because I saddled him with a kid he didn't want," I muttered.

"No, because he loves you."

My eyes went wide as I snapped my head back in her direction.

That wasn't possible. Even though Braden wasn't the heartless monster I'd thought he was, I knew his reputation. He didn't do relationships. He'd probably fucked his way through half of Orlando. Hell, he'd had to pay someone to pretend to be in a relationship with him because he'd been that against finding someone for real.

There was no way he had any kind of feelings for me. At least not the kind I had for him.

And even if he did, it didn't matter. Amara had died wanting him to burn in hell. She'd died thinking he wanted nothing to do with the child they'd created. I already felt sick for signing that contract and getting as close as I'd gotten to him, so how could I desecrate her memory by actually dating him?

"What?" Morgan chuckled. "You can't honestly tell me you're surprised he developed real feelings for you while he was taking you out on dates."

" Pretending to take me out on dates," I reminded her.

She groaned. "Woman. We've had this conversation. He took you out, bought you food, paid for other activities – no matter how fucking bizarre said other activities were – and then kissed you at the end of the night. And that, Miss Ma'am, is what us normal people call a date ."

"And I saw how he looked at you," Lina added with a soft laugh. "He loves you, chica."

That just made another sob bubble out of me. "It doesn't matter. He can't love me. I can't love him !"

"Why not?" Lina asked. "He's not the man you thought he was. He didn't abandon you. He just didn't know."

"Amara's still…she's still dead," I blubbered. "Because he got her pregnant. And she…she died thinking that?—"

"Babe, stop," Morgan scolded, raising an eyebrow at me. "I know you're still grieving. And I know you're trying to find someone or some thing to blame for what happened to Mar. But that someone isn't Braden. He didn't kill her. She had an autoimmune disorder that went undiagnosed and untreated. That's why a simple postpartum infection turned septic so fast. It's no one's fault. It's just a grossly unfair, horrible thing that happened. But you got that sweet little boy out of it, and no matter how hard it's been, I know you love him more than anything."

Letting out another sob, I leaned against Morgan, and she folded her arms around me, squeezing tight. I felt Lina's hand rubbing my back while Morgan combed her fingers through my hair, both of them just silently letting me cry yet again.

Part of me knew they were right. Part of me realized that Braden hadn't had any way of knowing there was a microscopic tear in one of their condoms – because even Amara hadn't known until she missed two periods in a row and took that test. And I also knew he wasn't to blame for his publicist keeping this from him.

But the other part of me? Just couldn't get past it. Not because I blamed him – not really – but because Amara had died without knowing who he really was. She'd never gotten to know the man who was so worried for Isaac's and my safety that he'd hired round-the-clock security. The man who had come up with a completely off-the-wall idea for how to give me a safe space to really let out my feelings about losing her. The man who had still called me "sweetheart" and "beautiful" last night even though I was screaming my lungs out at him. The man who had refused to give up on me even when I'd tried my hardest to push him away.

The man who had somehow, while I wasn't looking, managed to burrow himself so deep into my soul that there was no way to get him out.

"I know," I sobbed. "But I can't do this. I just can't."

"I didn't know your sister, cari?a." Lina's voice was barely above a whisper. "But I can tell how close you were and how much you loved each other, so I believe she's watching over you now. I believe she knows the truth. And if she does, who's to say she didn't put the two of you back in each other's lives? Who's to say she doesn't know that beautiful boy needs his papá and you need someone like Braden by your side?"

"You know Mar would have wanted you to be happy," Morgan added. "And if the thought of losing him hurts this much…well, what does that tell you?"

I sighed. Maybe they were right. Because really, when I thought about it, the way Braden and I had found our way to each other was just completely bizarre. And the way I'd fallen for him, even with everything I thought he'd done…well, that wouldn't have happened if it wasn't meant to be, would it?

Before I had to come up with an answer, Isaac started fussing in his swing. Lina started to get up, but I pulled out of Morgan's arms and stood.

"I've got him," I said, taking a deep breath and wiping my cheeks. "I feel like a horrible mother after last night and today."

"You're an amazing mother, babe," Morgan said. "You were just dealing with some stuff. And that's why I had Lina come over."

"Still," I sighed. "I need some Isaac time."

"Okay. Just let us know if you need anything," Lina said as she settled back on the couch.

Looking at the clock, I saw that it was about time to give him a bottle, so I headed into the kitchen to mix up some formula and throw it in the warmer before going over to the swing and taking Isaac out. And as I settled him into my arms and looked down at his sweet little face and those big brown eyes that were more Braden's shade than Amara's, I knew I couldn't keep this little man and his daddy apart. I still didn't know what the future held for me and Braden, but no matter what became of our relationship, I needed to make sure they would always have one.

Picking up my phone from the coffee table, I shifted Isaac so I could hold him with one arm and pulled up my text thread with Braden. I felt another lump rise in my throat as I reread his text from last night and remembered how crushed and confused and devastated he'd been when I jumped out of that car. He didn't deserve that, and he didn't deserve the anger and accusations I'd spewed at him either. Using the swipe feature on my phone's keyboard so I could type one-handed, I wrote him a message.

Me

I'm sorry for last night. I said a lot of things I didn't mean and you didn't deserve it. I need some time, but I won't keep you and Isaac apart. He needs his dad.

I was shocked when my phone dinged with a reply less than a minute later.

Braden

You can have as much time as you need, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere.

I want you to know Mal and I are heading to Vicki's office on Monday morning with my lawyer. I'm going to make sure she never works in this industry again. Is it okay if Glenn calls you and asks for some specifics so he's armed with all the facts when we go in?

Me

Of course. Classes are over, so he can call anytime. And if he needs a paper trail, I still have Amara's phone with her call logs. And the logs from the couple of times I called from my phone.

Braden

Thank you, beautiful. I'll let him know. I also have another important thing I need him to do for me, but I want you to be there for it. Can you meet me at his office Monday afternoon around 2?

My stomach started churning with unease and my heart felt like it was going to pound its way out of my chest as I stared at that message. Why the hell did he need me for anything involving his lawyer?

He had to be taking me to court. Trying to get custody of Isaac. Maybe even suing me for emotional distress for keeping this from him. He probably wanted me there so he could serve me with the papers himself in a neutral location. I'd only just started to accept my feelings for him, and now he hated me . The way I used to wish I could hate him.

And the worst part was, I deserved it. I'd had choices every single step of the way, and time and again, I'd made the wrong ones – the ones that had ended up causing him the most pain – just to make my pain easier to live with. I didn't deserve a second chance.

I didn't want to meet him on Monday. I didn't want to face the harsh reality that I'd lost him for good. But after what I'd put him through last night, I knew I owed him this much. And I owed him a real apology to his face, not just a halfhearted text. No matter what the outcome was.

Me

Sure. See you then.