Chapter 32

Two punches to the gut after a fucking hell of a night is not how I thought this day would go.

Clara is so obviously freaked out that even I can't find the humor in it, and she's completely cutting herself off from the one person who can help her.

I know that her friend just died, but this? This fucking ridiculous.

"You can't possibly be serious right now. You won't be safe without?—"

"I'll be as safe as anyone can be." Clara's tone is flat. "Just…go. Go away and leave me alone."

My heart is still beating, and I'm not sure why. It doesn't seem right that it is, considering Clara just ripped it out of my chest.

How the fuck did we get here? This is so beyond messed up, and I can't even think of how it happened.

The world is tilted on its axis, and I'm struggling to keep my footing.

"You can't just…" Except, she very much can, and it's my fault we're in this situation. "Where are you going to stay?"

"I…" Clara scoffs, rolling her eyes up to the sky. "I don't know. Some random hotel. Just don't follow me. You may have gotten away with it once, but I swear to God, if you show up this time…Just don't."

She turns on her heel, and I call out after her, but Clara isn't stopping.

"Goodbye." Her voice rings out as she walks across the parking lot. "Mr. Shaw."

And at that, I'm left alone, standing in front of the main door to the hospital. Utterly fucking alone.

"Dammit."

I clench my fists and eyes closed as the one woman I've ever thought about a future with just walks away.

I do want to go chasing after her, but I can tell it wouldn't benefit my case. Not that I have a solid one to begin with.

The doorway in front of me slides open, the hiss of the automatic release shoving me out of my thoughts.

Whipping my head up, I'm suddenly aware of the very public setting where our argument just occurred. Did anyone fucking see that? See my life being completely upended?

It's such a dumb reaction, but I can't stop it.

Heat hits my cheeks, and I have to get out of there.

I spin and make a beeline for my car, but not before bumping into the person who just came out the door.

"Sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going."

I'm treated to a generic smile and nod by the smaller man heading in the opposite direction.

He looks like he's swimming in his coat, and for a moment, I wonder if he's actually a teenager.

The shitty pencil mustache makes it hard to tell.

"No worries, man."

He walks away, and I mentally shake off thinking about some stranger coming out of a hospital.

He's probably visiting someone sick. Fucking hell, Luke. Just do as you"re told for once and go home.

Shaking my head, my fists and joints aching from all the mental strain, I hurry to my car.

It's a slower drive back to the penthouse this time, and my stomach is roiling, twirling around inside, perpetuating my nausea.

As I grip the steering wheel, I take a quick glance at my hands. The white-knuckle grip is telling.

But even more so is the shake in my fingers as I go to flick on the air-conditioning.

I only get this bad when I'm completely devoid of alcohol, and I know the stress isn't helping.

I need a damn drink, but now…well, now I'm even more aware of the fact that I shouldn't.

Clara is fucking right, though. I really should deal with this.

I'm just not sure about the how.

After a few more minutes of struggling behind the wheel, I'm home. I dash inside as quickly as security will let me, which seems to be better today.

That's probably not good, but who am I kidding? There's no reason to be this on edge anymore.

Clara isn't here, and she won't be any time soon.

Fucking hell.

I scrub a hand down my face as I get inside my apartment, dropping my keys into the catchall dish.

"What am I supposed to do? How do I fix this?"

Walls and empty spaces aren't about to answer me. If I want any sound advice, I'm going to need to talk to a real human.

And as horrible as that sounds, maybe I'll try seeking out some real advice and ask one of my brothers.

As the one most recently in a relationship, I choose Dom as the unlucky receiver of today's call.

It only rings a few times before Dom answers.

"Luke?" I can hear a door close behind him. "It's the middle of a weekday. Why are you not at work?"

Scoffing, I walk to the fridge, grabbing myself a beer—because clearly, I'm weak.

"I'm not sure how you can tell I'm not there, but hello to you, too, asshole."

"I can tell because your assistant called twice to check in. What's going on?"

Fuck, I never called her. Oh, I continue to suck.

"Um, rough night. And day. To say the least." I sigh, slumping down onto the couch. "Do you…Can we talk for a minute?"

I can practically see the look of surprise on Dom's face, and I fucking hate it.

"Of course. What's up?"

He's not immediately chewing me out. Hmm, that's a surprise. Gotta be the expectant dad thing.

The word dad, even in my head, makes me fight back the urge to swing at something.

Our fucker of a father was such a lousy piece of shit, and I can't help but wonder if I wouldn't have turned out just a little bit better if he hadn't been.

I'm also not a moron. I know Jay and Dom hid a lot from me, protected me from the worst of it.

Silently grateful as always, I try to think about how to phrase all this shit. Fuck, I hate this part.

"Well…" Sipping at the beer, I try to ignore the pounding in my chest. "I'm dealing with something pretty messed up right now. Remember the hospital after the warehouse attack?"

"Ha! The attack that almost got Chloe killed? Got you stabbed in the gut? Yeah, I remember."

I shake my head even though Dom can't see me.

"No, I mean the actual hospital. The building."

"Um, sure. Yeah, I remember the hospital. Lakeshore, right?"

"Yes. A Cobra was admitted, too, as you know, and one of the doctors there was threatened by him. She…I've been having her stay at my place. To protect her and shit."

There's a beat of silence, and then Dom clears his throat.

"Okay, let me get this straight. A Cobra threatened to kill, I'm guessing, your doctor, and you thought it was best to bring her back to the penthouse to keep her safe?"

"When you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous. But yeah."

Another swig of beer goes down hard.

"So, were you attacked? Did they find you?" Dom's voice is even, but I can just pick out the air of concern behind his monotone.

"Not quite, and yes. The Cobras attacked at the hospital again. They tried to get to Clara. I do think they know she's been staying with me, though. I've stepped up security, but?—"

"You're nervous it won't be enough. Yeah, I know the feeling."

And boy, does he. Between running into his best friend's sister at his club and then learning that she was being stalked by her ex, Dom had plenty to deal with.

Adding the Cobras into the mix just seemed like a dick move on fate's part.

"I am nervous, and…" Okay, Luke. Just say it. "Clara and I had a fight when I got to the hospital today to check on her. I was a bit too hungover this morning to drive her to work like I have been, and…"

"What did you do, Luke?"

Ah, there's that old parental scolding I'm used to hearing.

"I was upset. I said some things. I'm not particularly proud of them, and now, Clara's gone off to some hotel somewhere."

Dom releases a long breath on the other end, and I wait for the inevitable tirade of you're an idiot that usually follows.

"If I'm hearing you correctly—" Dom slows his pace, and I fucking hate when he talks to me like I can't understand him "—this isn't just about the threat of the Cobras, which I'll have Cam pull some security footage if he can from your building and the hospital. We can cross-check them."

I'm about to reply, but Dom's quick to jump back in.

"You have feelings for this Clara person, yeah?"

And there it is.

"Yes."

"And you fucked it up? You pissed her off, and she ran."

I clench my jaw so hard it cracks. "Yeah."

"Before I offer my thoughts…" Dom knows better than to call it advice when talking to me. "I need you to answer one more thing, and you better be fucking honest."

Another massive chug of dear old Sam Adams. "Fine."

"Do you truly care about this woman? Is this the real deal?"

I've been avoiding thinking about it.

There's a lot of fucking baggage that comes with truly dating someone, with wanting to be with them for the long haul.

Clara's face appears in my mind, those green eyes and full lips. But moreover, I hear her words, how she tried to talk to me about everything that was going on.

And how I wouldn't let her in.

I don't feel guilty about my life choices very often. Except for what happened overseas.

But right now, I'd do anything to take back that fight, and I think that means something.

"Yeah, I really do. I…the nightmares are bad, Dom. I didn't…I should have told her, but instead…"

Another heavy sigh from Dom, and I feel like I'm being painfully exposed. My heart hammers against my ribcage, and I'm actually nauseated.

"Fucking hell, Luke. I thought you were talking to someone about it?"

I scowl, gripping the glass bottle till my knuckles turn white.

"Didn't work."

"It's not a damn spot remover, asshole. It's going to take time. That's the whole thing of it. Plus, you can't fucking do this without at least trying to move on from the past."

"Dom, I?—"

"Can it. I'm not saying it's unexpected you'd feel shitty about what happened, because honestly, it'd be super fucking heartless if you didn't. What I'm saying is, acknowledge it and then try to live your life."

I hear the creak of a door in the background and then Chloe's hushed voice.

"Babe, you coming?"

"I'll be right there, hon."

My heart pinches, and it's hearing them like that—just so normal—that makes it really hit home.

I do want that, and I want it with Clara.

"Look, I need to go." Dom whips out his dad voice. "But do yourself a damn favor and get help. Stop drinking so much, talk to a damn therapist, and get your shit together. You can't protect her like this. And give her some space. Coming in like gangbusters after a fight isn't usually the way to go."

"She's out there alone, Dom. What if something happens?"

"Then you better be in a place to handle it."

I sigh. I hate it when my brother is right.

"I love you, Luke. You're my dumb shit kid brother, but I swear, I just want you to be okay. To be happy."

"Go on then, Papa. Chloe's waiting for you."

"Listen to me for once. Okay?"

"I'll do my best."

With that, I hang up.

Finishing off the beer, I'm this close to getting another one. On the other hand…

Dom, unfortunately, has a point. So instead, I turn my phone on super fucking loud in case anyone calls, and I go to bed.

Early.