Chapter 31

My entire body is brimming with rage as I try to shove past Luke. This is already the worst day on record, but it looks like fate just needed to up the ante.

I have no idea why Luke is acting like this. He's being defensive and frustrating as hell. And he's being downright bossy.

It's like he's some fucking caveman or something.

"Clara. You have to listen to me. I need to deal with these fuckers."

I yank my arm out of his grip, jabbing a finger in his direction.

"What you need to deal with is the drinking." He recoils from me, but I'm done. "Yeah, glare at me all you want, but don't think I haven't noticed."

My stomach has been a mess since this morning, and then Dr. Carter…At this point, I have nothing left to throw up, but it's still unsettled.

But apparently, Luke and I are finally having this conversation now. No time like the present, right?

"I can't just ignore it anymore. I see how much you're struggling, and you have to accept that you need help."

Stepping back from me, Luke turns away. He's no longer concerned about me staying.

"I'm fine. It's the Cobras that need?—"

"Would you stop?" I cut in. "You can't keep this up. I've been living with you, for fuck's sake. I'm not blind, Luke."

"Clara, don't. You don't know what you're talking about or what I'm dealing with. Just drop it."

Shaking my head, I fume silently as I close my eyes. This is way too much. I'm supposed to have this man's baby?

No. No way. I'm not putting my life or our potential kid's life on the line because of his damn issues.

I'm done.

"Drop it, huh? But you get to boss me around? Shove me this way and that. All for my safety, right? Well, I'm over it. Absolutely not. I will not be a party to this anymore."

At once, Luke spins around, glaring at me even as the hint of something he won't own up to flickers over his gaze.

"You do need to be kept safe. They're still out there."

Shaking my head again, I hold up my hands, waving him off.

"No. Need I remind you that you're the one who brought these assholes into my life? Maybe if you and your brothers would have stayed out of it, they wouldn't have attacked you."

Luke opens his mouth to speak, but I stamp my foot down.

"I'm not done. You can't just come into my life and take over. That's not a relationship. That's not helping me. You brought the Cobras into my hospital, so yeah, I can see why you'd feel guilty. But you don't need to. I'm fully capable of taking care of myself. This could have been something else, what's between us, but I'm not sure you're ready for that. Not after this."

His eyes are wide and Luke's mouth falls open.

"Clara, you can't mean…I want you to stay with me, to come back home."

"I don't have a home right now, do I?" I turn down the corners of my mouth in a frown. "The police have taken over everything because it was broken into. Twice! No, I just…can't. I don't want to."

Luke steps forward, reaching for my hands, but I pull back. The proximity is too much.

Nausea is already swirling through my gut again, and I can't stay here.

"The hospital is letting me off for the next few days. I need to go."

"And where is that? Where are you going to go without my help?" Luke's brows are at his hairline.

"I don't really care, Mr. Shaw."

That's what really smacks the anger out of his expression.

My words replace his irritation with shock. Hell, it's practically horror on his face, like I've called Luke the worst name in the book.

That swell in my stomach draws my attention again, and I have to suck in a breath through my nose to fight the tears.

I never wanted children. I really didn't.

They're so much work, a time commitment that I don't, in fact, have the time for.

It's different when you find out you can't have children, at least not carry one, but it was also a massive relief.

I was robbed of the ability to make that hard decision because I was barren.

But now…

I kind of hate Luke for putting me in this position. I hate myself.

And still, this display of his is making the idea of being the mother of his child even less appealing.

Memories of living with my aunt and uncle crop up randomly. I can see them locking Regina and me in our room without food.

I can see them lamenting the fact that they were saddled with us after my parents' accident.

"You fucking useless kids. We didn't ask for you. Just because some fucking mugger got your folks because they were dumb enough to put themselves in that situation doesn't mean we gotta be nice to ya."

We had to scrounge for food more than once. I had to keep them away from Regina on more than one occasion.

You don't bring a child into the world if it's going to suffer like that. If you're not going to love them.

And there's no telling what the foster system would be like. I've heard horror stories.

Drunk and not wanting a kid. I can't put myself, a kid, or Luke through that.

I'd have to be insane to let that play out.

No, you want protection, Luke? Watch this. This is how you protect someone—and yourself.

A wave of numbness washes over me, and at once, I just want to go lie down and not deal with all this bullshit until I physically have to.

"I don't want anything to do with this anymore. No more of this mess. No more of the Cobras. No more relationship that we thought might actually be something. I'm done."

Luke is frozen in place, standing in front of me, but I just can't bring myself to care.

"Just go, Mr. Shaw. Go and don't look back. We'll go our separate ways and be done with all of this. It's easier that way."

"What?"

His voice is small, but I'm not letting some realization that he'll have to face the consequences of his actions deter me.

He's a big boy. He can deal with it.

"Go back to your brother. Go back home and stop worrying about me."