34. Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Three

Twenty-three hours later, Ava's fingertips traced the river inked upon Remmus' left arm. A pine tree, delicately detailed and incredibly lifelike, spanned all the way up to his elbow, framing the frothy river cascading from snowcapped mountains.

They'd given in to impulse and now were resting off the excess. Remmus, still recovering from his energy drought, was lying next to her under the sheets. One glance at his face made her forget all about sleeping. Blinking at her, his dazzling eyes were cataloging every nuance of this moment.

"Do you recognize it?"

"Recognize what?"

"The mountains. The river. The trees."

Ava frowned and looked closer. Tracing over the details, a flicker of familiarity tickled her consciousness. She studied the silhouette of the mountains for a moment before sudden clarity sparked.

"This was our home—our river!"

His dimple appeared alongside a lopsided grin. "It's the day we met." Seafoam green eyes became distant with memory. "I wanted to remember it, so I inked it on myself."

Full stop. "Wait—you did this?"

"Who else do you think I'd let needle my skin?" He chuckled, the sound so light she was caught in its thrall.

"It's beautiful. What about the snake on your ribs?"

He shrugged. "That one, too. If you're good, maybe you'll earn some ink, too."

Rolling over so that he'd trapped her beneath him, his mouth descended on her neck. His teeth scraped lightly over her sensitive skin, a shiver quivering through her in response. Every nerve ending on fire, Ava's arms coiled around his waist, yanking him onto her with all the subtlety of a steam train.

When his lips slanted over hers, they dove once more into the intimacy of their most recent day together. Once they'd bonded, it'd been like her world had re-aligned, refocused to center on their incessant need for each other.

Indescribable. Enthralling. And she couldn't imagine it with any other person.

Fisting a hand in his shoulder-length strands, Ava pulled him back from her lips before sinking her teeth into the sensitive spot between his shoulder and neck. It was an unconditional sign, marking him as hers in the most primal way.

Mine, her wolf howled.

The beast was positively salivating with her need to connect with Remmus following their mating, and soon, she'd give in to the urge. But here, now, she thirsted for him like the desert thirsted for water.

***

Biting her lip, Ava fiddled with the hem of her sweater. Remmus had finally left their bed to take a shower, and she'd been rolling their next conversation around in her mind.

When he emerged from the bath with water sluicing off his gorgeous body and steam frothing behind him, she nearly forgot her intent.

It was a wonder she didn't jump him all over again.

Down, girl.

Ava couldn't refrain from smirking at her naughty daydreams, and Remmus caught it right away. He lobbed her a sexy smile and asked, "What are you grinning at over there?"

"The fact that my mate is hands-down the finest looking man ever to walk the earth."

"You actually believe that?"

"Of course I do. Why do you ask?"

A shadow passed over his features before he shrugged it away. "No reason."

Then Ava remembered the question she needed to ask and sobered. "When we first met, Remmus, why did you say your name was Ciru?"

Pain flooded their bond. "My mother was a Siren, gifted in coercion. She forbade me from telling my name to anyone other than my family. Fortunately, that particular compulsion broke when she took her last breath. As I'm sure you know, Ciru was slang for boy, something my parents called me often."

"They were monsters."

"Among other things," he confirmed in a whisper. He stared aimlessly at the floor while he pulled on pants.

Reaching out to grab his hand, Ava implored, "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I understand if things are too volatile."

Forgiveness and hope were evident in his eyes. "My parents, Trax and Mithelda, were both born of destruction into opposing clans. They mated young. Their matehood was a rarity within the Raeth community, because only a few Raeths are born of Destruction to begin with, and when they mate at all, it's overwhelmingly with those of creation."

A shuddering breath before he continued. "My parents believed their union would create the pinnacle of destruction: the ultimate weapon against the world. When they realized I was of born of creation, all bets on a functional upbringing were off."

"When did they realize you were creation?"

"When I first communicated with them via telepathy." When she frowned, Remmus clarified. "Six or seven months old. I'm not sure how they knew, but they did."

Ava rested her head on his shoulder, loosening her hand from his grip to nestle into his side. "I hate to tell you this, but they were horrible people."

"Don't I know it."

"Kaien said they branded you after what they did in my village." At his sharp intake of air, she wrapped her arms around his lithe waist as if to protect him from the memories. "I'm sorry."

He gently traced the ruined flesh by memory and was happy to discover the lines of her mating mark had overlaid them. Her mark was the only scar he'd ever wear proudly.

"It is what it is. They were determined I'd never ‘sully myself' with companionship, mortal and immortal alike. Their words. When Nina and Kaien took me in at seventeen, it was the first time I realized that not all immortals were evil."

Silence stretched between them in the moments that followed, but it wasn't uncomfortable or tense and Remmus relaxed.

"Will you do something for me, Remmus?"

"What would you ask of me?" The dark blond slashes of his eyebrows pulled together, and the vulnerability she saw there breaking her heart in two.

"Don't hurt yourself, Remmus," came her murmured prayer. "Don't let them hurt you anymore."

"I can't, Ava. I physically have to, and if I resist, it only gets worse."

"Luna said she could help you." Pleading now, Ava's hands linked around his once more. "And she said that the poison or Zeke's fire loosened the coercion."

Remmus' resignation wavered, inciting the smallest modicum of hope to slip from his soul. She continued speaking, begging now.

"Please Remmus, imagine a world where you didn't have to. Where you could say thank you and apologize and fail at something and not feel like you have to cut yourself every time."

Poignant, bitter fear resonated through their mating bond, a deep shame flowing behind it. Hanging his head, Remmus let her nestle her head into his neck, breathing in his fresh minty scent.

"My mother's coercion is part of me, Ava. What happens when Luna can't unravel it? Or what if it works and changes who I am? What happens if it's the only thing holding me together?"

"I'll hold you together, Remmus. The coercion was never meant to be a part of you, and the only thing it's ever succeeded in doing is hurt you."

Breathing deeply, the she-wolf tried to let her touch calm him. Her mate trailed his fingers down the side of her arm, the skin pebbling at the light touch.

"Letting someone into my head again … I'm not sure I can do that. Allowing anyone past my shields has only ever hurt me."

"That's not true, Remmus." When he went to shake his head, she grabbed his chin. "It's not true. What about Nina? What about Kaien? You've let them through your shield in the past, haven't you?"

A fraction of hesitation furrowed his brow. "But it's different. I know them. I trust them."

"Do you not trust Luna?"

"I do trust Luna. I would just be exposing myself to being hurt again. Willingly."

Before she knew it, the words had left her lips. "If she hurt you, I'd cut out her heart before she could even draw another breath."

"I know you would, Blondie," he chuckled, then grew solemn. "But I'm not very eager for my mind to be a war zone again."

Sensing the general direction of the conversation, Ava's deflating balloon of hope rapidly sputtered empty. It was as if the promise of his healing she'd carried had suddenly evaporated, leaving her absolutely bereft.

Shoulders sagging, Ava's fingers tightened around his while tears burned in her eyes. Having no more to say, and not knowing the course forward, she simply said, "I don't know how to help you. Watching you hurt yourself is the worst form of torture for me."

Before she knew it, he'd dragged her into his lap, swaddling his arms around her as though he were scared she'd leave. Gently wiping away the tears that tracked down her cheeks, Remmus pressed a kiss to her lips before carefully taking her face in his hands.

"I'm so sorry, Ava, I didn't know it hurt you, too."

When his hand clenched and his knuckles frosted white under the strain, tears burned in her eyes. "I love you, Remmus. Your pain is my own. To think about you hurting because of our bond—it's unimaginable."

A strangled sob caught in his throat, and for a minute, he hid his face from her. She felt his misery at the prospect of hers, the agony she'd face while he took out his compulsions on his own flesh.

And she felt the bravery that followed.

"Okay." Quiet, Ava almost didn't hear the word as it left his lips.

"What?"

"Okay." He sucked in a breath and finally met her eyes. "I'll try."

Ava clung to him, needing to be close to him as he continued to grapple with the decision. "We can do this together. I won't leave you, and I'm certain no one else will want to, either."

When they knocked on the door to his sovereigns' house only ten minutes later, she checked her outfit for the thousandth time. Originally, she hadn't cared what impression she made on the Raeths Remmus had pledged his loyalty to, but now that they'd mated, it was all she could think about.

What had Nina and Zeke thought about Ava's resentment when she had first arrived? Her harsh words had been directed at the man who'd laid in a coma partially because of her actions. After that, she'd run off and blown up the plant by herself, requiring Remmus to teleport into danger to protect her. Her teeth worried over her lip as she fidgeted beside her mate. Remmus, the saint, only chuckled.

"Don't fret, Blondie. I'm sure my sovereigns already have a solidified opinion of you. No sense in worrying now."

She let her fist sail into his shoulder, hard enough that his grin became wolfish. That, of course, was the moment Zeke opened the door.

"While we typically refrain from physical violence on clan lands, Ava," Zeke said, "I'll make an exception for you."

"Shall we bow before your benevolence, oh great one?"

"If I wanted teasing, I would've joined a rock band in the 80s." Zeke shot a conspiring look at Ava. "You'll need all the tricks in your book to keep this one on the leash."

Ava's wolf preened in her chest. With a welcoming tilt of his head, Zeke lead them both back to the living room where Kaien, Blair, and Nina sat. On the table in front of them, there were sets of baby clothes that the two women were beaming over.

"Sovereign."

The deep purr of Remmus' voice made Ava's wolf wag her tail, her attention torn between remaining with her mate and bounding over to get a good look at the cuteness.

As if sensing her quandary, Nina's patted the seat next to her. "Come help us sort, Ava."

Giving Remmus' hand one last squeeze, she strode over to the couches and started to coo. Nina had turned her attention to Remmus, assessing him with a keen eye.

"How're you feeling?"

"Better. I don't feel quite up to fighting a bear, but I think I'll make it."

"I'll be certain to ward off any ursine trouble in the coming weeks, then."

"Did your clan mark show up?" Blair asked Ava.

The Blaede clan mark, a physical manifestation of their allegiance, had appeared on her left shoulder blade the moment she'd mated with Remmus.

"Signed, sealed, and delivered. Guess I'm claimed now."

"No returns, Ava." Kaien grinned from where he stood shoulder to shoulder with her mate. "Have you two thought about what Luna is offering?"

Remmus nodded. "Yes."

"And?"

Reluctance weighed heavy, but she supported his decision with affection through their connection. He'd been strong for so long and carried the burden alone. Now, she could be strong for him.

"We'll try it," Remmus finally said. "Can't make it any worse, right?"

Everyone in the room sat up a bit straighter as sounds of approval rumbled in their throats. "I'm glad, Remmus."

And then Zeke said something she didn't expect. "Might help your new gift, too."

"Huh?"

Remmus' face twisted into boyish confusion, and Ava's heart hurt with the vulnerability that she saw there.

"Your new gift," Zeke explained. "You're a Judge."

Remmus' mouth dropped open, then shut, then opened again. A giggle squeaked from her throat before she could help it, and it instantly succeeded in lightening the situation.

"I felt it the other day, after you'd woken up." Zeke clarified. "I'm sure the coercion was blocking it somehow, and the poison loosened its hold. Luna would be able to help along those lines, if you let her. Don't tell me you haven't noticed it?"

"I … have noticed a few things, yes."

"How do you know?" Ava asked, her hands skimming softly over baby-soft materials while she looked up at the Raeth sovereign standing next to Remmus.

"I'm a Mirror, an Amp, and a Blunt; my abilities work to amplify, project, or stamp out those of anyone in my vicinity," Zeke clarified. "Basically, I borrow other's abilities, so I know exactly what those abilities are. It comes in handy."

"You just became the clan's resident lie detector, Remmus." Kaien companionably slapped his best friend on the back. "Welcome to the three-gift club, friend. Just skirt the red rope and go straight to the top, why don't you."

Beside her, Nina had stilled on the couch, her every attention fixated on Remmus. Before Ava could ask, the sovereign caught her eye. "Remmus' psychic signature has changed. I'm re-aligning it in my mind."

"That's why it took us so long to come to your aid."

Still confused, Ava parroted, "His psychic signature?"

"How we know who he is, what he is," Nina said. "For the eight centuries I've known him, it's always been the same. Slowly weakened by his coercion, but unchanging. Now, it's as though he's a different person."

Chagrined at the claim he'd altered, Ava's wolf paced beneath her skin. "Is it common for immortals to change that drastically?"

Nina shrugged. "It's rare. Occasionally, it can happen when a major event takes place, they gain a new ability, or if a mind is psychically altered. Obviously, Remmus is still himself, so it's not concerning."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Ava gave in to the urge and rose to her feet to stand beside her mate, uncaring what the twins thought of her while she linked fingers with him.

"You know, Ava, we didn't teleport to Remmus. With his changed signature, we couldn't find him without devoting more time to catalog his new settings."

"Then how did you find us?"

"They teleported to you." Nina winked at her. "We knew Remmus wouldn't have gone anywhere else."

And somehow, that made Ava feel lighter.