33. Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Two

Fury poured through their mating bond, and Remmus steeled himself against the oncoming storm. Like everything else in his life, he'd take his kicks and continue moving forward, even when Ava rightly deserted him.

There was simply no other place to go.

But again, his mate surprised him. "No, Remmus, you saved me again."

"I didn't save you the first time!"

Barely resisting the frustration, Remmus stepped away from her when she rose to her feet, needing the distance to keep his head.

Something close to sympathy passed over her features. "But you did, Remmus. Don't you see? You shielded my mind from your parents."

"What?"

Ava shook her head, her blonde braid swishing backward over her shoulder as she took a tentative step toward him once more. "You remember when your parents were rounding up the villagers?"

"Of course I do."

"And I hid beneath the blankets?"

Though he was nearly certain this was a trap, Remmus answered with a simple, "Yes."

"How did your parents not find me?" Softness entered Ava's expression, the oceanic blue of her eyes searching his. "They were ancient Raeths of destruction. How did they not find me, a human, when I couldn't have hidden my psychic signature even if I wanted to?"

As a human child, Ava's mind would've called out on a rudimentary psychic level, his parents unable to ignore her signature.

The only answer was the one she'd already supplied: he must have manifested his Shielding gift to save her. Slowly, Ava's next step took her within touching distance of him, but she didn't reach out.

"Even though you were an adolescent yourself, you saved me from them. It's how I escaped when no one else did."

"Ava, even if that were true, I'm the reason my parents sought you out!"

The truth flayed him raw. No matter what he'd done to save her, she'd only been put in that position because he'd compromised her.

"Did you do it purposefully?"

"No!" Revulsion flared within him. "How could you think I'd ever purposefully put you in danger?"

She smiled as though his answer made him any less guilty.

"Remmus, you've always protected me." Her fingers reached out, delicately stroking along the front edge of his shirt. "From the moment you saved me from drowning to pulling me out from beneath that webbing yesterday, you've always been there for me. People protect what they love."

When she went to skim her fingers across his chin, he grabbed them, his temper igniting. "No. I've only ever put you in danger!"

Gritting his teeth, he shoved himself away from her. He slammed his hands down onto the side table, leaning against it. Memories assaulted him as he struggled to maintain his weak grip on reality.

"Where have you been, Remmus?"

Every muscle in his body stiffened as the whip of his mother's voice lashed out at him. Eyes darkened with cruelty pierced through him, her gaze seeing far more than he wanted.

"Out gathering supplies, mother," came the lie. "You've been gone for some time."

"You've never been a good liar." His mother batted away his deflection like a seasoned pro. "Where have you been?"

Behind him, the telltale displacement of air against his nape notified him of his father's completed teleport. Though the male was less violent than his mother, Trax could use one thing she did not: the gift of Hindsight.

Hands gripped his neck from behind, his father's fingers driving into his windpipe and cutting off Remmus' air supply. A blast of power hit him, the raw strike drilling into him while he attempted to resist.

Though he must've gotten a read on Remmus' whereabouts, his father wasn't finished with him. Two fingers went to his temple before his knees buckled beneath him, and instantly, the sickly sensation of someone crawling through his innermost thoughts bombarded him.

Like shards of glass being forcibly inserted into his brain, his father's psychic fingers laid him bare. The man at his back broke open his mind like week old fruit, unconcerned with the agony it caused his son.

At fourteen, his telepathic shields were barely formed, and his parents, both ancient and powerful, blasted through them as though they were made of paper.

Running riot in his head, Trax pulled image after image of Avelina from his mind. The joyful times, the laughter, the simple moments where they reveled in the other's company.

His father yanked the village's location from Remmus' thoughts.

With a mocking sneer, the man shoved his son into the earth at his feet. "You've been associating with humans, boy. Let us teach him a lesson, Mithelda."

Squeezing his eyes shut as the memory loosened from within, Remmus winced. "I tried, but I couldn't fight off my father, Ava. He was too strong, and my shields were too weak."

Worthless. Failure. Inept.

The same song recited in his head, and the familiar urge to cut away his compulsions crawled across his soul. Cool metal teleported into his hand, and for once, he didn't hide what he was about to do. Eyelids shuttering, Remmus allowed the blade to taste his blood, laying bare the coercion that defined him.

Ava needed to see it. She needed to know how broken he truly was.

He'd barely finished the first line before she'd cried out and smacked the knife from his grip, the dagger clattering loudly to the floor.

"Stop it, Remmus!"

Opening his eyes, he saw the devastation in hers. "This is who I am, Ava. This is what I do. I can't stop it."

"We can get you help, Remmus," she begged. "Luna said—"

"I don't want anyone in my head!" Bitter, the words were like poison upon his lips. "I can't have someone rooting around in my head."

Something twisted in her expression, and when her attention darted to the thick line of scars on his forearm, loathing barreled through their mating bond with such vibrancy it nearly suffocated him. His vision spotted along the edges.

The broken, warped skin did precisely what it was intended to do: make him strong through weakness.

"I'm not worthy of you, Ava, and I never have been. I'm broken, in every possible way, and well beyond redemption."

When he left her, tears were streaming down her face. Better make her cry now, than be the reason she'd be dead in the future.

Remmus sought out his sovereign next. What needed to be done was best accomplished quickly, to where it no longer lingered above him like a thousand-pound anvil waiting to drop. No one but Nina needed to hear this next part, but a glut of psychic signatures hovered around her in the great room.

Conversation halted. Everyone in the room focused on him as though he were made of glass and any errant movement might shatter him. Where once he'd been the reliable lieutenant that provided comic relief, he'd now become the victim. How he hated it.

Nina, curled beside Zeke on the couch, broke the silence. "Remmus, come in. We've been worried."

Truth.

Once again, the foreign sensation flowed like refreshing water through his veins, the understanding that Nina's words were sincere.

"May I speak with you alone, sovereign?"

A frown marred her features, but Remmus didn't waver. He purposefully refused to look at any other party in the room, no matter how much they might yearn for his attention, Celeste included.

His sovereign uttered a single command. "Leave us."

Those lingering near instantly complied. Xavier clapped him heartily on the shoulder before retreating. Zeke and Kaien remained, unwilling to spare him their witness. He had to push through.

"Sovereign." The word tasted heavy in his mouth, knowing what came next. "I've proven myself unworthy of your clan. Nina, please accept my resigna—"

Remmus didn't even see the man move.

Kaien's hand was plastered over his mouth before he could finish the sentence, and furious brown eyes leveled him with a hard glare. His best friend looked positively furious.

It was Nina who spoke. "Don't you dare, Remmus. Don't you dare trivialize who you are or what you've done for this clan."

Batting away Kaien's hand, Remmus leveled an equally malevolent glower at him. Knuckles going white as he braced himself for the fallout, he spoke the truth.

"You've had to save my life twice in the last two weeks, sovereign. Possibly more. What am I more than a burden to your leadership, in the trying time you're facing?"

When the cord of his attachment to Nina began to waver, she clutched at the psychic bond between them like they were her lifeline. In doing so, she disallowed him from simply detaching from the clan's network.

Fire ignited in her ice-blue eyes, and for the first time in his life, the building swell of her intensity was directed solely at him. "What is a sovereign's purpose, Remmus?"

Teeth grinding, he looked away. "To unite and protect her people."

"And what are you if not mine, Remmus?" she contended. "You are of my clan, a Blaede tied to his sovereign, his duty to protect and to be protected."

The overwhelming tide of failure that followed him like a hungry hound threatened to drown him under the impact of her words.

As though she sensed the negative direction of his thoughts, Nina spoke again. "There is a reason you're my third, Remmus. You are not worthless; you are not weak. You're one of the most valuable members of this clan, not only because you're gifted, but because you've proven yourself kind. Trustworthy. Joyful."

Truth.

"Our lineage doesn't define us," Kaien echoed, his voice soft with honesty. "You are not your parents. You are not your compulsions."

Truth.

Zeke narrowed his eyes in concentration before breaking into Remmus' thoughts. "I've treated you harshly. It was never my intention to be crass or tactless, and I know my words and actions put you in danger. I don't ask for your forgiveness; I only want you to hear my apology."

"When you came home, I should've paid you more attention, Remmus," came Kaien's guilt-ridden words. "My oversight almost cost you your life, and I've never been angrier with myself."

Behind him, Ava's approaching presence ignited his senses. She didn't intrude, didn't touch him, but strode past him into the living room to stand amongst his clansmen.

When he found his attention magnetized to her, he forced himself to look away. This was not going at all as he'd planned. Ava was supposed to reject him, and his sovereign was supposed to sever their clan link.

Then he'd be alone, with no one to be disappointed in him.

"I can't do this." The truth was dragged from his soul, laying him bare before the people who mattered most to him in the world. Weariness settled on his shoulders. "I can't keep failing the people I love."

"You're not failing anyone, Remmus."

Truth.

Snarling through clenched teeth, his eyes flashed as he glared at his sovereign. "What do you call the last two weeks?"

"Will you just stop and listen?" Ava growled. "Will you ever consider that this wasn't your failure, but ours?"

Whipping his gaze over to meet Ava's, he frowned in confusion. "What?"

"Not every failure is your own," Ava reiterated, projecting kindness through their mating bond. "Consider the facts: you came to assist my den, were psychically poisoned when you leapt in front of a bullet for me. You protected me, and I failed to see it. When you came home for assistance, rather than ask for help, you left to avoid overburdening your healer. You were protecting Kaien, and he failed to notice your need.

"When you told me the truth," her voice hitched momentarily before Ava pressed on, "when you came clean about our past, I failed to forgive, failed to see the truth in the situation. And when you felt my fear yesterday, you teleported directly to me without a single thought to your own safety. Again, you protected me."

Truth.

Ava studied him. "So again, I ask you, where is your failure?"

"You believe that," he whispered.

"Of course I do." A half-hearted admonishment sounded in her voice, as though she couldn't believe he'd be so thick. When she took a step toward him, he didn't retreat. "I won't ever lie to my mate."

"We're not mated, Ava."

"You have only to ask."

"I felt your loathing—your disgust—when you looked at these." He turned his palm up so his scars were laid bare before her eyes. "Why would you want to link yourself to someone who repulses you?"

"Oh, Remmus."

She swiftly closed the distance between them and took his forearm in her grip without hesitation. Bending forward, she instantly placed the softest of kisses on the line of scars.

"The loathing you felt was for the ones who made you do it. Not for you. Never for you."

Truth.

Shocked by her sincerity, Remmus didn't move when her palms cupped his chin and she drew her mouth over his, claiming him in front of his sovereigns and friends.

The floodgates opened, and he gave into the passion of her kiss, drawing her flush against him. Her subtle curves clashed with the hard panes of his body. Remmus, adrift in a tide of emotion, coiled his arms around her waist possessively to anchor himself.

And just as quickly, her hands linked behind his head, pulling him closer before she retreated and spoke the words he thought he'd never hear. "I love you, Remmus."

Truth.

To his bruised and broken soul, he'd never heard anything sweeter. All at once, the remaining ice that sheltered his battered heart shattered, unconditionally giving her the keys.

As his side of the mating bond solidified, Ava's eyes widened. A split second later, her teeth sunk into his neck—right above his parents' brand.

The mating bond exploded between them, irrevocably linking them together. Connecting deep within their souls, it changed from a whisp of rope to a steel cable. The sky shifted and his world altered.

I love you, Ava.

It'd been the barest whisper of telepathy, but she'd heard it. Her dazzling smile illuminated the room, and the territorial way she held him made him beam. Remmus had a sneaking suspicion the possessiveness would be mutual.