Chapter 23

I leave Cayden in the bar and plow out onto the sidewalk. It's been a miserably warm September. and right now, with all this tequila thrumming through my veins and guaranteeing a hangover for my shift tomorrow, I wouldn't mind some cooler weather. It's not late, but it's not early as I enter my house, hearing the sounds of Katy and her people laughing from the family room.

I make my way into my kitchen, my stomach growling since I never did get that bar food. Opening the fridge, I hang on the door and stare in for way longer than I should require before my gaze snags on leftover Thai food from the other night. I didn't cook much this week with Katy being sick because I didn't want to stink up the house and make it worse for her.

I pull out the to-go container, set it down on the counter, and then dive back in for a bottle of water. I don't bother to sit as I grab some chopsticks from the drawer and dig in with gusto. My eyes wander about my dark kitchen, my vision growing fuzzy as I start to picture what things will hopefully look like in here a year from now.

Highchairs and baby food and bottles of formula or breast milk. I picture coming down here at midnight, the baby in my arms, and me feeding it a bottle in the dark while Katy gets some sleep upstairs.

My chest swells at the image. At the others that follow it. Waking up on a Sunday morning with Katy beside me. Having her bring the baby into bed with us so we can cuddle and talk and marvel at the perfection we made. I want the baby, but I also want it all. The life. The girl. My girl.

"We're heading out. She's getting tired," Owen announces, snapping me out of my reverie and over the doorway where he's lingering.

"I shouldn't have let her go in last night."

"Is that why I can smell the tequila from here? Guilt?"

I crack the top on my water and drink half of it down, ducking his question even though I know Owen well enough at this point to know he won't let it slide. As if proving my point, he folds his arms over his chest and waits me out.

I press my palms into the island and twist my head. "You're her best friend. You have no loyalties to me, and I've been burned enough not to trust people right now."

He considers this. "For what it's worth, I knew it would go this way. We all did."

"Thanks," I mutter sardonically.

He makes a dismissive noise in the back of his throat and then crosses the kitchen until he's on the other side of the island from me. "You're a fool."

"Is it your habit to go into another man's kitchen and insult him?"

"Jesus, Bennett. Shut up and listen. You're a smart guy. Haven't you figured it out yet? Katy is the sort who dives into the deep end headfirst without checking for rocks beneath the surface. She leads with her heart, and when she encounters something that emotionally stirs her up, she panics a bit and retreats. Call it a byproduct of losing her parents when she was a little kid or that this is simply who Katy is. Katy gets spooked, and after what Zane did to her, I'm not surprised she's being extra cautious now. But her getting spooked doesn't mean she doesn't want to swim back into the deep end. Sometimes she just needs someone to throw her in, so she doesn't see it coming."

Spooked. Isn't that the same word she used on me once? She retreated then, and I pushed her back into the deep end with me, just as Owen said.

I meet his eyes. "Thanks for the pep talk. I was already intending to, but now I think I'll start sooner than I was planning."

"You're drunk."

I sigh. "Yeah. I am. I'm sort of regretting that now. The spicy noodles should help, though."

"I'm going to assume that means you're in this with her as much as a man can be and I don't have to plan how we'll get rid of your body."

I motion at him with my chopsticks. "Assume away."

Before he can say more, Keegan walks in. "Good night, Bennett."

I throw her a wave. "Night." I scarf down the rest of the noodles.

"Are you good?" Owen doesn't know what to do with me. I don't know what to do with me.

"Don't ask me that yet. Ask me that in a week. Maybe two or three."

"Fine. Catch you later." He gives me a fist pound and I follow him to the door where he meets everyone else.

Katy says good night and then turns on me. "That's not fair, you know."

"What's not?"

"I could have used a drink or five tonight."

I step into her. My hand drags through her hair, and I bring her mouth to mine because fuck friends. We were never friends. I slide my tongue past her lips and straight into her mouth, forcing her to taste me. She's still, hesitantly kissing me back with her arms more or less at her sides.

I pull back. "There. You just had a drink or five. Come on. You need rest." I take her hand and lead her up the stairs, walking her into my bedroom and bathroom.

"What are we doing?"

"You're sleeping in here tonight."

Her eyes round as she watches me grab an extra toothbrush from the cabinet and hand it to her. Defiantly, she folds her arms. "Why would I do that?"

I growl, drunk and out of patience. "Either you sleep in here with me tonight or I sleep with you in your bed. Your choice, but it's one or the other."

She huffs. "I'm fine, Bennett. I'm feeling much better."

I cup her jaw in my hand. I want to tell her, but I'm drunk, and she's spooked. So I try a different tactic, softening my features and my tone. "Please? For me? For my peace of mind? I won't be able to sleep unless I know you're okay and I won't know you're okay if you're not beside me."

She sighs and stares down at the small space between us. "Fine. Just for tonight."

We brush our teeth and silently enter my bedroom. She pulls off my sweatshirt and her leggings but stays in my T-shirt that hits her midthighs. It's unbelievably sexy, and I quickly shut out the lights before she can see how hard she's making me—clearly, tequila is not whiskey when it comes to my dick. Pulling back the covers, we both climb in, and she immediately rolls on her side, facing away from me.

I lie on my back, staring up at the vaulted ceiling, my hands on my head.

She can tell me no and I'll stop, but for now…

I slide my arms around her and drag her back into my chest, tucking her against me. My hand goes to her lower stomach over her shirt, but I can feel she's not relaxing. She's too in her head. "Go to sleep, Katy," I tell her softly. "We'll talk tomorrow."

A few minutes later, her breathing evens out and she's asleep in my arms. My lips plant into the back of her head and I breathe in the scent of her shampoo, begging the universe that brought us back together to give me a second chance with the girl of my dreams.

Despite the factthat I had a vat of tequila swimming through my body and I woke up with a definite hangover after a shitty night of sleep, I got up and ran four miles. It was a hellish, dragging four miles, but I did it anyway. Sweat coats my body, drips down my face and neck, and the stench of last night's tequila emanates from my pores. I use the hem of my sports shirt to wipe at it as I enter through the back door.

Immediately, I grab a sports drink from the fridge and chug half of it down, walking through the dark and silent downstairs toward the stairs as I finish off the rest. Katy was still fast asleep when I left, her body unmoved throughout the night from its position facing away from me.

But when I enter my bedroom, I find the bed empty and made as if no one slept in it at all. I jog down the hall to find Katy's door open, her room and bathroom empty. I grit my teeth and slip out my phone as I enter my bathroom, only to pause with my finger hovering over her name on my screen.

She taped a note to my mirror.

Woke up feeling much better. Kenna and I went swimming and then she's giving me a ride to work since my car is still there. Don't be mad. I'm honestly fine. I'm making enchiladas for your mom tonight and I can't wait to tell her. XO, Katy.

I grab her note and ball it up in my fist, chucking it in the direction of the trash and missing by about a mile. Goddammit, Katy. So fucking stubborn and independent. She's avoiding me as she works this through. I know that. I know she needs this time.

But fuck if it isn't driving me insane.

She might not be ready for us, but I am, and with that, I need to do the right thing for her. An hour later, I'm pulling into the garage at work, but instead of going up to my floor, I get off on the fifth and walk down the long corridor. This is part of the reason I forced myself to run this morning. I too needed to think, and with that came the realization that I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of sneaking around.

"Good morning, Dr. Lawson." Britany greets me with a warm smile.

"Good morning. Is he in?"

"He is. Just got here. I think he has a few minutes before his first surgery if you want to pop in."

"Great. Thank you."

I rap my knuckles on the chief of surgery's door, and when his growly "Come in" rings through the air, I twist the knob, suck in a steady breath, and enter his office. Evan Masters is a general surgeon and is still considered one of the best in his field despite being in his late sixties. He hired me because of Wes and did so with a very specific threat that I'm about to test.

"Bennett. What brings you in here this early?"

"Do you have a minute?"

"Sure. But just a couple."

I don't bother taking a seat. "I'd appreciate your confidentiality on what I'm about to say."

He runs his hand across his forehead and leans back in his chair, studying me cautiously. "Of course."

"I need to be taken off the final decision-making process for trauma fellows."

His hands fold in his lap, and he stares at me as if my words aren't making sense. "How come?"

"Because I'm in a relationship with Katy Barrows."

He doesn't react. Not even a deep breath or twitch of his eye. "How long has that been going on?"

"A couple of months. It began shortly after I started here." I don't tell him Katy is pregnant. It's too new, and frankly, it doesn't matter right now.

"Jesus, Bennett. Really?"

"I know the position?—"

"Do you, though?" After a long, suspended look, he sits up, resting his forearms on his desk and shuffling a few papers around. "You realize she's your resident, and we have rules about that."

"Yes. I do."

"And I take it I don't have to remind you about the condition for your hire?"

"No. You don't."

Slowly, he raises his chin, his gaze relocking with mine. "Which means this is serious enough to you to not only pull yourself out of the decision-making process for the fellowship you oversee, but you're willing to risk your position here for her?"

"Yes, sir, I am. I'm in love with her. And while I love being here and I love my work as a trauma surgeon, I won't risk her future for mine. If I kept my mouth shut and word of our relationship got out, we'd both be done. Katy deserves that fellowship. I would have recommended her for it regardless of our relationship. She's smart, thoughtful, good with students, patients, and their families, and has by far the most talent of any fifth-year in her program. But ethically, I can't recommend her for the position she deserves without compromising her integrity and my own."

Now he sighs, displeasure all over his face. "What happens if she gets this fellowship? I agree, she's earned it. I've known Katy a long time and she's incredibly talented and hard-working. She takes no handouts despite the fact that her family is all over this hospital,and the staff adore her."

I shrug. "Then she's a fellow, and I'm an attending. We certainly wouldn't be the first couple in that situation nor the last, and fellows don't require the same oversight as residents do. But I can promise, as we've done so far during our relationship, we'll keep it outside the walls of the hospital."

That's sort of a lie. I've had Katy all over this hospital in a million different ways, but no one knows about that but us.

"Bennett…" He trails off, sighs again, and then stands. "I hired you because I believed you when you told me those accusations were lies propagated by your ex-wife. Now you're telling me you're involved with a resident."

I fold my arms over my chest and lean farther into the door. "One has nothing to do with the other. But if you're going to punish anyone, punish me. Not Katy. She deserves everything she's worked for and more."

He grunts, putting his hands on his hips. "Do her uncle and stepmother know about you?"

"Yes, they do. All of her family knows."

He stares at the floor for a very long, tense minute, and then finally he says, "Okay. I'm taking you off final decision-making for fellows. You'll still be part of the interview process, but ultimately, the decision won't be yours."

"Thank you, Evan."

His gaze meets mine, sharp and inscrutable. "Don't thank me, Bennett. I'm not firing you yet, but don't give me another reason to change my mind. This hospital cannot handle a scandal, and Katy Barrows with her family connections will hit the news. I will keep this between us because once word gets out, it won't be good for either of you. Cricket Peterson especially won't let that go. Keep your home life separate from work, and I trust this will be the last conversation like this that we'll have to have."

I nod, hearing his warning or threat or whatever you want to call it loud and clear, and leave his office. A sense of foreboding sits heavy on my chest. Katy will likely start showing around the time the fellowship decision is made, and once that happens, questions will start coming in.

But more than that, how long can a secret like this keep without it spilling?