Chapter 22

Katy is quiet, and I have no idea what to do with a quiet Katy. She has a lot on her mind, but when Katy is anxious or excited, she talks. Non-freaking-stop, she talks. It's a magical portal into the wild thoughts that live in her head, and I love it. So a quiet Katy is disconcerting. What happened with her today scared me. But it also shook me with a reality I no longer want to ignore.

We have a lot to talk about. A lot to sort out.

But right now, she's too lost in her thoughts for that.

Passing out at work and then learning that you're pregnant is a lot to take in.

We canceled our dinner with her uncle and stepmom because Katy is wiped from the day—and frankly, she isn't able to eat more than soup—but right now, I'm not what she needs. I pose too many complications in her head. I see it all over her face as she sips the soup I made her. I saw it when she reluctantly took my clothes to put on.

I'm not even sure why I did that other than I wanted her surrounded by me, so she'd know that I have her and that not only is she safe, but I'll always take care of her. Only instead of making her feel that way, I think I'm fucking with her head. At least I hope I am. I hope I have her questioning and rethinking everything we wrote into that contract.

But still…

"Katy?"

She slowly lifts her chin.

"Kenna, Keegan, Owen, Vander, Stone, and Mason will be here in about ten minutes. I'm going to change and head to the bar down the block so you can have time alone with them."

She blinks at me, a slow roll of her eyes and dark lashes. "You called them?"

I rest my elbows on the counter on the other side of the island from her. The exact same position I was in when I brought her here and proposed all of this. "You look like you need them."

She puffs out a loud, exaggerated breath as if she's trying to hold herself together. A tear tracks down her cheek, but she quickly wipes it away and then breaks out into a shaky laugh. "How did you know? I didn't even know."

I shrug. "I know you, Katy baby. I can read you."

"You're okay if I tell them? Even though it's so soon. I can hold off on telling the others for a bit, but that won't last long if I'm not drinking. My people know me."

I grin. "They do know you, and I'm fine with telling them. We need to tell my mom."

"Can I cook dinner for her tomorrow night? We can tell her then."

My eyebrows bounce. "You want to cook?"

She shrugs. "If my stomach is up to it, yeah. I mean, it won't be much. As you know, I only know how to make like five things, but I'm sure she'll like one of them."

Hope blooms in my chest. She's starting to talk. To brighten up a bit. "She'll love anything you make her. Especially if we tell her you're pregnant. How are you feeling?"

A brilliant smile overtakes her face. "Good. Excited. Weird. Happy. Freaking out a bit. Or a lot. I might be freaking out a lot. You?"

"Same. All of the same." I hesitate. Fuck it. I round the island and drop into the seat beside her, twisting her until she's facing me, and take her hand in mine.

"Katy…" I want you to move into my room. I want you to fall in love with me. I want to be not just the father of your baby but your guy, the one you love and curl up against every night and wake up beside every morning. Fuck! "We're having a baby together."

"That we are, my friend."

I stiffen, my insides plummeting hard and fast to my feet. Friend. Did she just call me her fucking friend? It was said off the cuff, but now she's staring straight into my eyes and she's not taking it back or talking over it the way she typically would.

She wants me to know she means it.

"Katy… I…" I don't know what to say. I don't want to be your friend. I want to be your everything the way you are mine.

Fuck. Just… fuck. I don't think I've ever been in as much pain as I am now, and hell, is that saying a lot. I had a father who didn't love me, a wife and best friend who betrayed me, and a mother who is sick with cancer. But one word from Katy and it feels like my life is falling apart faster than it ever has before.

Friend. A humorless, devastated laugh hits the air between us. It's funny, or not so much. Maybe more ironic in a twisted way. Her eyes are all over mine, and just as she opens her mouth to say something else, the doorbell rings. Her eyes close, and she blows out a breath.

There's nothing else to say after that anyway.

"You're sure about this?" Katy whispers through the side of her mouth.

"You mean I should turn them away?"

She opens her eyes just as a second impatient ring sounds. "I'm just saying, gird your loins because shit is about to go down."

"Who says gird your loins? I'm not sure I even know what that means."

"It means there's an incoming invasion."

"Katy…" I trail off, stuck, fucking ruined and miserable, and yet so goddamn elated and happy, I can't make heads or tails of any of it. I lost Katy, but she's pregnant with my kid. She called me her friend. Her fucking friend.

How do I fight that?

She might as well have cut me off at the stem and tossed my dick in the trash before chucking my nuts outside for the squirrels to have. They're no longer necessary to her, and she made that abundantly clear. Purpose served, now move on.

Only I can't move on.

I'm in love with the woman carrying my child and all she wants from me is friendship. How do I change that? Is that even an option? We have a contract. She's following the rules when I'm trying to break them.

"Thank you for this," she says, giving me a half-smile and a small hip bump like the buddy I am to her as we head for the door. "They would have been relentless otherwise."

"This is your home, Katy. They're your people. Don't thank me. They're always welcome."

"I'd thank you by dropping to my knees later, but we're not doing that anymore."

Blood races like a Formula 1 race car straight to my dick and the words "We could" flee my lips before I can censure them.

"I thought we weren't doing that anymore."

"We could," I repeat.

She shakes her head and looks at me as she chews on the corner of her lip just as the doorbell rings for a third time. "Probably not a smart thing to do anymore." She clears her throat. "We should let them in before Keegan breaks down the door."

"Right." I can't even meet her eyes. Getting kicked repeatedly in the nuts hurts less than this.

Katy leaves me standing here like the chump I am and goes for the door, swings it open, and Keegan and Kenna immediately swallow her up.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?" Keegan cries, squeezing the life from Katy. "We've been worried sick about you all day and you had your phone off."

"I'm fine," Katy reassures them. "It was just low blood sugar. Not the first time I've passed out, and likely not the last."

"I told you that you should have eaten something," Keegan wails.

"Let her breathe," Owen demands, pulling her in for a hug, looking her over, and then coming over to me for a fist pound. "Thanks for calling, man."

I give him a nod because that's about all I've got at the moment.

"Yeah," Stone exclaims, giving me a bro hug. "That means a lot."

"Definitely," Mason agrees, with a slap on my back. "We've been pretty worried since we got the text earlier. Even after Cal told us she was okay and back here with you."

In the two months Katy and I have been doing this, I like to think I've grown decently friendly with these guys. I talk with them. We shoot the shit. I like them, and I believe they like me back. But they're not my people the way they are hers. I can't confide in them as she can, and once again, I'm reminded just how alone I am.

"Do you want to tell them?" Katy asks softly, her gaze on mine from halfway across the room, and I can feel everyone else's eyes bouncing between the two of us.

"Holy shit." Keegan gasps. "You're pregnant. Aren't you?"

"We are," Katy confirms, and the girls scream, hugging her again. "Stop! I haven't even missed my period yet. It's early, and you all know better than anyone that a lot can happen in the first trimester."

"Did you just find out?" That's Kenna.

Katy walks them into the family room off the kitchen and sits down on the plush leather sofa, tucking her feet beneath her.

She nods. She giggles. She exalts. "Yes. We found out when I passed out. They ran blood."

Owen and Vander—ever fucking observant Owen and Vander—take in her sweatshirt, her wet hair, and then mine. They both catch my eye and read everything I'm doing a shit job of trying to hide and frown. They both frown at me. Like poor fucking Bennett, we see you, but she doesn't get it. And for that reason, I need to go. If they see it, everyone else will, and I can't. I just can't with that right now.

I'm too furious with myself for even getting here in the first place.

"I'm going to go and give you time together," I announce.

Before Katy can say anything or I can register her expression, I'm out the door and plowing down the street. I got everything I asked for, but I feel like I have nothing at all. I slam into the bar on the corner, the swanky gay bar that's all trendy lighting, thumping house music, fantastic drinks, bar food, and thankfully no women who are interested in me. Moving to the South End has its perks.

"What can I get you, honey?" the bartender asks as I take a seat at the bar.

"Tequila. A lot of good tequila. No ice."

"How good?"

"The best you've got."

He goes for the tall, blue, and white bottle on the top shelf and uncorks it. He sets the low-ball glass on the wood and pours me a solid three fingers. "Maybe you should just call him and tell him how you feel."

I blink at the man. "Maybe I should." I pick up my phone and dial the number I've been avoiding for three weeks.

"Hey!" Cayden picks up on the first ring, shock and hope stirring his voice.

I pick up my glass and down half of it in one gulp before wiping my lips with the back of my hand. "You're an absolute motherfucker. A total piece of shit. I will never forgive you." Even as I'm mentally thanking him. If he hadn't fucked Liz, I wouldn't be here with Katy. Even if she's not mine and never will be.

We're pregnant. I'm going to be a father. My mother is going to be a grandmother. That's what I need to focus on. Not the way my heart feels like it's been run over a cheese grater.

The bartender throws me an eye as if to say, that's not what I meant, and I finish off my glass, pointing to it for him to refill it. He quickly does and then sets the bottle on the ledge behind the bar and goes over to help someone else down the other end.

"I know," Cayden says solemnly. "I am a motherfucker, and I don't deserve your forgiveness. I'm sorry, Ben. So fucking sorry."

I rest my forehead in my hand and stare down at my glass as I press the phone to my ear. "She's pregnant."

"What?! Liz is pregnant?"

I roll my eyes and take another sip, savoring the smooth flavor and warmth filling my stomach and veins. "No. Seriously? Are you that stupid? Katy is, you fuckass."

"Oh." He clears his throat, almost in what sounds like relief. "Okay." I hear him moving in the background. "Right. You're in love with Katy and I'm in love with Liz, so that's just how my brain worked. How do you feel about that? Katy, I mean. Forget Liz."

I already have."How do you think I feel? The woman I love is pregnant with my kid."

He chuckles under his breath as muted sounds flow around him. "Ah, so you finally admit it."

"She doesn't love me back."

The bartender refills my glass even though I didn't ask him to. He gives me a look like he wants to say something but doesn't know what, other than, "You know, I totally didn't peg you as straight. Not with that curly hair, those blue eyes, and that dimpled chin despite your rugged features."

I shrug. "As long as you don't peg me, I don't care."

He belts out a laugh, and so does Cayden. "Shame. It's always the pretty ones who are the least available."

"I think that was the best joke you've ever made," Cayden says in my ear.

"That was a total Katy joke," I tell him before going back to the bartender. The hollow space around my heart grows, and I crumble. "Just keep them coming."

"Are you driving?"

I shake my head. "I live up the street."

"Then I'll keep them coming," he promises and leaves me again.

I'm a mess.

"I'm hanging up on you now," I inform Cayden. "I just wanted you to know that you're a motherfucker and I hate you."

Movement on my left stirs me, I stare blankly at Cayden as he pulls out the stool and slides casually into it. I hit the end button on my phone and set it down, annoyed he's here. He points to my drink and flashes the bartender two fingers.

"What the fuck are you still doing in Boston?"

He doesn't look at me as he lifts his glass and takes a sip. "I never left. I'm renting a place two blocks away from your house."

"Why?"

"Because I came here for you. I couldn't go until you forgave me or at least spoke to me again."

"Baby, if he doesn't take you back after a declaration like that, I will." The bartender has his hand over his heart, his eyes big and round and full of swoon.

"He fucked my ex-wife behind my back for two years and then hit on my new girlfriend."

The bartender's face sours. "Oh. Straight too, huh? And a cheater. Bitch, you can pour your own drink next time."

The bartender huffs off, and Cayden takes his words as gospel, opening the bottle and topping himself off. "Anyway, as I was saying, I came here for you, but I happen to like Boston. It's my kind of city."

Of course it is. Boston fits him better than Minnesota ever did, and if he can mess with me, he will. "How did you find me?"

"We have tracking on our phones that you never shut off."

Well, shit. No wonder Liz always knows when I'm at the hospital or home. I go into my phone and shut that feature off, blocking her—and him—out.

"Why am I happy that you fucked Liz for two years?"

"Because you're in love with the woman carrying your kid. You just said that."

I lift my glass of tequila and down it in one large, over-the-top gulp that has me wincing and wheezing ever so slightly despite its smooth flavor and expense. The bartender pours me more, but if I keep this up, I'll be crawling home instead of walking.

"Her friends and family are at my place right now. She has about a thousand of them, but she's only telling her closest people. At least for now. I have my mom, and we're going to tell her tomorrow at dinner because Katy wants to cook for her. Katy can't cook to save her life, but she wants to cook for my mom." I turn to him. "Do you feel me on that? Katy, who has a thousand people and can't cook, wants to cook for my mom so we can tell her we're pregnant."

"I feel you on that."

I'm not sure he does. "I don't have a thousand people. I only had you and maybe a couple of others because I was never good at being social or opening myself up. But then you stabbed me in the back, and I lost you, and now I have no one."

He stares remorsefully at the bar. "I know."

There's something in his tone that I'm missing, but I'm starting to get too drunk to care. I shake my head. "My mom is fucking sick. I'm in love with someone I shouldn't be. We're having a baby I've wanted for years. I've needed you." I stare down at the glass of clear liquid and sigh. "Why didn't you ever tell me you loved Liz?"

He lifts his glass to his lips and polishes off most of it before taking it upon himself to refill his glass. "Would it have stopped you?"

Would it have?

"It might have," I admit. "I liked her, but it took me months and months to fall in love even when she told me she loved me. So yeah, for you, it might have stopped me."

"You're a better man than I am. You always have been. And much like you and Katy, she didn't love me back ,so what difference would it have made?"

I swallow that for a moment. I get his heartache. In a way, I understand unrequited love. The bitterness and agony it can cause. Hell, I'm here drinking myself under the bar because the woman I got pregnant called me her friend tonight.

Love can be tormenting and unkind and doesn't give two shits if it makes you the happiest person on the planet or the most miserable.

There isn't much I wouldn't do to be with Katy, but I don't think I would have ever betrayed him. Not the way he did to me.

"Liz isn't who I thought she was," he says, pulling me away from that, and I raise my glass.

"Same."

He clinks his glass to mine and we both drink.

"But I'm so glad she's not."

"Not me," he laments. "I was hoping she was everything I always thought she was."

"You should have told me. Then you could have married her, and I could have… I don't know. I like to think I always would have found my way back to Katy."

"Does Katy truly not feel the same way back? That seems impossible. Women always love you."

"You think so, but you're wrong. My life isn't the perfection you make it out to be and it never was. Katy called me her friend tonight. After we showered together and while she was wearing my clothes. My actions today were not those of merely a friend, but that's exactly what she called me."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh." I finish off my drink and slide the glass away.

"So what will you do?"

What will I do?

"The only thing I can. Fight for her. It's not perfect, but that's life. The beautiful and the ugly. The heartbreak and the joy. What good is all this fate that brought us back together if I don't do everything I can to bend it to my will? I've been a miserable sack of unhappy shit for months and months, and I'm tired of it. I might not win her, and this might cost me everything I've got left, but Katy is worth the risk."