Chapter 10

"Say something?" she parrots incredulously. "Do you not understand all that you've just given my brain to handle? That's hardly a run-of-the-mill request or story for that matter."

"I realize that." I'm honestly terrified she's going to get up, walk out of here, and report me for misconduct. And this time, it would be warranted. But hell, I told her all of it—every piece of the ugly truth along with the bombshell of why I asked her to be here. She hasn't run out the door screaming for her life, but she's still staring at me in a way that has me sweating through my T-shirt and my skin prickling with adrenaline.

"You want to have a baby with me."

I nod carefully, even though it wasn't posed like a question.

"You hardly know me."

I swallow at the thickness in my throat, and when that doesn't work, I clear my throat and chase it with a gulp of wine, wishing it were something stronger. "I know and I know what I'm asking you for has enormous complications and considerations." I set my glass down and wipe at my tacky forehead. "And just so you're aware, because I was an idiot and didn't tell you this at the start, you can say no and tell me to fuck off and walk right out of here. It will not impact your work or how I view it or you. I mean that. I'm not the monster my ex painted me to be. I'd never ever want you to feel trapped or uncomfortable in any way."

She sighs, picking at a piece of chicken with her fork before forcing it into her mouth and chewing thoughtfully. She swallows and finishes off her wine, setting the glass down with a light clink. "Bennett, I don't think you're a monster, and you can take a breath. I'm not going to sue you or try to get you fired. We're adults having a conversation outside of work, and I completely understand why you're asking, me what you're asking even if it's the most insane thing anyone has ever asked me."

I blow out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. "Thank you for that."

She shakes her head as if she's nowhere close to done. "You understand having a baby together would put us in each other's lives forever. This isn't some temporary arrangement where we have to deal with each other for a year or two. A child is a lifetime of never getting rid of me."

I go about pouring us each another glass of wine. "I know that. Trust me, I've thought of nothing else but this all week."

Lifting my newly filled glass, I take a sip while I give her time to work through her thoughts. I start eating my tepid dinner, and she does the same with hers. For a few minutes, we're here, silently eating, though somehow it's not awkward. It's as if saying all that to her set me free and I feel lighter, regardless of how it turns out.

After she's finished, she sets her fork and knife down and closes the lid on her to-go container. "You don't expect a relationship from me? Like, you don't want us to get married, right?" she finally asks, her voice gentle, but her firm eyes are on me, watching my reaction closely.

"No. I don't," I tell her honestly. "After what my ex put me through, I'm not interested in falling in love or entering into another relationship like that." I swallow and rub my hand across my forehead. "Is that something you were looking for?"

She shakes her head. "No. I mean, I won't say that's not something I eventually want because it is. I want love and marriage and all of that. Zane knocked me down, but I fully intend to get back up again. Just not yet, and not while I'm going through all of this because I think that would confuse things or interfere. I don't want love or romance to be part of this equation, and I'm not looking for that with you if this is something we end up doing."

Something we end up doing. Holy shit. "Are you considering this?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. I have a lot of questions, and I need a lot more information first."

I try to tamp down my burgeoning excitement. "Ask me anything."

"What about work? My job and the fellowship?"

"I don't intend to make any final decisions about the fellowship, and that includes outside applicants, until February, as announcements begin in March. I haven't even started interviews yet. That said, as I told you before, I will only base the decision on the surgical merits of the candidate and nothing else. As for work, I'd like us to stay completely professional in the hospital and not allow any personal situation between us to interfere there."

She smiles, liking that answer. "What are your expectations with this? From me?"

My laugh is strained. "I hadn't gotten that far, Katy. I never even got as far as imagining you sitting here having this conversation with me."

We stare stoically at each other, precariously suspended in this vibrating energy as endless heartbeats stretch between us. She's waiting on me, I realize. She has her plan. She knows what she wants from this. What she's uncertain about is me.

"I think we'd need a contract," I tell her. "I have some serious trust issues, and I suspect you do too. So a contract is essential to me even though we're talking about a child, and that's a fluid thing."

"I agree."

This is where it gets tricky, and I hadn't gotten this far with my thoughts before, but listening to her talk about finding a place to stay and seeing her here in my kitchen… "I might want you to move in here. In fact, I know I would."

Her eyes go comically wide, and she shoots out of her chair, stumbling to her feet. Shit. I pushed her too far, too fast. Fuck. Her eyes snag on the back door. She's going to bolt.

I hold up my hand, slowing her down. "Katy?"

She hooks an arm around her waist, staring at me from beneath her lashes, her eyes wild and unblinking.

"You want me tomove inwith you?"

Blood pumps hot and sticky in my veins with the island separating us, but I've come too far to backtrack now, and she might as well know it all at this point. "At least during the pregnancy and maybe the first, I don't know, six months of the baby's life."

"Jesus fuck, Bennett. Are you crazy? You want me to move in here and for us to have a baby together?"

Yes. Without a doubt yes. I wouldn't be asking this of my resident and risking all that I'm risking if I weren't.

"I know how this sounds. I know it's crazy and probably a bit stupid to suggest that. But I want to be there for all of it," I tell her, gripping the counter so I don't round the island and grab her. "The pregnancy, the doctor's appointments, the delivery, the lack of sleep, the midnight feedings—all of it. I don't want to miss out on any of that, and I'd want to help you as much as I could. I'm not looking to be a weekend dad or to take the kid when it's convenient for me. I'd be a partner."

She's eyeing the back door again. Yeah, she's about to bolt, so I slow myself down and backpedal a bit.

"I appreciate that might be more than you want, especially from me, but it's what I'm looking for. Though with a contract comes negotiation, and I'm open to discussing anything and everything with you."

Her expression is glassed over, and she walks toward the back door. My heart shoots up into my throat as panic and regret surge over me, but she doesn't touch the knob. Instead, she's staring out at the deck and backyard beyond.

"You'd want me to live here with you for at least a year and a half?"

"Yes."

"That's a long time to live with someone and not be involved with them."

It is, and I honestly don't know why I'm asking for her to other than for some inexplicable reason, I want her here. I like the control of it. I like knowing I'll be the one to take care of her and make sure she wants for nothing.

"We both work long hours, and neither of us is looking for anything romantic. If it didn't work or if we felt it was too much, we could obviously discuss that and renegotiate at any point."

"You're very businesslike."

I bite down my smile. "I'm a fucking mess," I admit. "Look at me, I'm sweating like a Mafia boss in confessional."

"Good." She turns, her eyes shining against the evening sun as it casts through the glass of the back door as she studies my expression. "I'm glad I'm not the only one."

My head bows and my hands go to the back of my neck. "When I saw you in the restaurant tonight, when I heard all that you were saying…" I blow out a breath. "Fuck, Katy, I had to take this risk. I had to ask you. I've wanted this for so long and nothing in my life is right, and maybe this isn't either, but I've got nothing, and this felt like a chance at something."

"I think that's the most honest thing anyone has ever said to me."

I laugh mirthlessly. "I don't know if that's a good thing or not."

"I don't either." She laughs, and my lips reluctantly tug up into a smile. This girl's energy and life infuse my dull, empty one. "I assume I'd have my own room."

"Of course. I have four bedrooms in this house including mine. You'd have your pick."

"What about sex?" she asks bluntly, sideswiping me. "Will you be bringing women home? And what if either of us meets someone?"

A rip current of jealousy grips me by the chest and sucks me under so fast and furiously that I can't fight it or swim away from it. The thought of her meeting someone else, especially while she has my baby growing inside her has me seeing red. I don't think I could stand that. It'd drive me insane, and yet, how do I tell her not to live her life or meet someone when I'm not willing to be that man for her?

"I'd rather us not do that while you're pregnant," I manage though I grit it out through clenched teeth, and I'm sure she can hear the strain in my voice and see it across my face.

Thankfully, she doesn't comment on my strange reaction to her basic question. "So no sex with anyone else during the pregnancy? The same goes for you?"

"Yes," I say easily because I can't imagine doing that with another woman, casual or otherwise, while I have another woman carrying my child and living with me. I'll miss sex. Hell, I already do—it's been a while—but this is more important to me than sex, and hopefully, I'll have plenty more sex ahead of me once we've had the baby and things settle down.

"And how do we make this baby?"

"What?" That pulls me up short, and I stand to my full height. "I thought you were looking for a sperm donor."

"I am."

"I thought you were celibate."

"I am."

My eyebrows slant in and I tilt my head, studying her. "I don't understand then."

She laughs as if she doesn't either. "I'm looking for a donor and I'm celibate, but you're talking about going all those months to possibly years without sex. I don't know… I'm panicking, I think." She laughs again, wiping a stray tear that slips out. "This is a lot to absorb, but you were so honest with me, so I'm going to be that honest with you. I can't imagine going that long without sex. Other than surgery, sex is one of my favorite things to do. It's already been five months and eight days since Zane, and yes, I've kept track because I'm celibate, but another year and a half without it feels like a death sentence."

My cock surges with blood at hearing her say that, but I ignore it and cross the room to stand before her. "Are you suggesting we have sex?"

She shrugs. "I don't know. That seems like a bad idea. Like a really bad idea, right?"

"I have no way to answer that."

"You're my boss and we're talking about having a nonromantic kid together."

"Then I guess you're right? Bad idea?" And yes, I pose both of those as questions. Because it does seem like a bad idea, only it also seems like the best idea she's ever had.

"Definitely a bad idea." She works this through, her wheels visibly spinning. "But… what if we did, you know, try for the baby… naturally?"

"Naturally," I repeat as if the word doesn't make any sense. Like she's saying it in Polish, and I don't speak a word of Polish, only my body isn't as dense as I am. My body speaks whatever language she's speaking and it absolutely fucking loves it.

My cock goes from a semi to stone as lust swirls like an elixir through my veins.

The thought of fucking Katy bare, of taking her body every way I've always imagined while making a baby is easily the biggest turn-on of my life. It's taking everything—and I do mean everything—I've got not to grab her, rip her clothes off, flip her around, press her into the glass of the back door, and fuck her blind.

But after leaving my old life behind, I've come to realize I don't want anything like what I had before. If anything, this fury and unrelenting anger have awoken the beast I never allowed myself to set free. I'm not cruel, and I'd never hurt Katy in the name of anything but pleasure, but fuck, do I want to mark her body and watch her moan and writhe against my touch.

"You want that?" My voice is husky, encased in thick need, but I have to ask even if there is no hiding my obvious lust or the way I'm looking at her with so much heat my house is about to ignite and burn around us.

Her cheeks are flushed the most gorgeous shade of red, and her pupils have completely blown out. "I…" She licks her lips, and my head dips reflexively, wanting to repeat the motion with my tongue. "I don't know. You're making all these demands and stating all these things that you want, and I'm flustered and overwhelmed. Focusing on the sex or lack of sex seemed like the easiest place for my mind to go."

"You can make demands too. You can have anything you want." I shouldn't. I shouldn't. I shouldn't. Don't fucking do it, Bennett! "If you want to try to make the baby naturally, we can." Fuck! Fucking asshole! "But maybe…" Stop thinking with your dick! "Maybe we should put into the contract that we stop after we're pregnant."

"Just so things don't get complicated between us, and we know where we stand," she agrees, her voice low and raspy, almost like a purr, and I'm dying right now with how badly I want her. I'm so fucking drawn to this woman I can't see straight.

"Right." I inch in. "So there's no confusion."

"Exactly."

Somehow my hands are on her hips beneath her shirt, my thumbs rubbing along her hip bones over her smooth, soft skin. Despite how much I want to slide them up and cup her tits—and I seriously fucking want to—I force my hands away and make myself take a few steps back.

"I want this too much to fuck it up by making a move on you that I shouldn't be making."

I suck in a silent breath, regaining my control. Something I only seem to lose when I'm around her. Something I better get a tighter grip on now. If…

"Katy, will you consider having a baby with me?"