Chapter 3

Chapter Three

A week later, Lucy was wiping down her table at the clinic and feeling a little defeated. Her last patient was an eight-year-old girl who would benefit from aquatic therapy. Unfortunately, this clinic didn’t offer that. It wasn’t even big enough for it to be something they could add. The local YMCA had an indoor pool, but it was almost impossible to reserve a lane for therapy.

“If I lived in a bigger city and worked at a bigger facility, I’d have access to everything my patients would need,” she mumbled and she placed a fresh pillowcase on the pillow.

But then a hard truth hit her—if she lived in a big city and worked at a bigger facility, her current patients wouldn’t have anyone here to help them. Lucy was the only certified pediatric physical therapist in the area, and while most physical therapists could work with children, there were certain skills that only came with the pediatric certification.

I want to have my cake and eat it too.

That wasn’t likely to happen. For now, it seemed like she was doomed to stay in South Creek and simply dream about bigger and better things.

It was almost the end of her shift, and when she pulled out her phone—which had been on silent—she noticed a missed text from Gemma.

Gemma: Whatever you do, do NOT stop at the pub after work.

Frowning, Lucy quickly tapped out a response.

Lucy: Why? I thought we were meeting there for an early dinner and drinks?

Gemma: Let’s go to Bellas and grab pizza instead!

Gemma: I can really go for some pizza!

Something was up.

Lucy: You said you got food poisoning from Bellas when we ate there last month.

Lucy: What’s going on? Why can’t we go to the pub?

There was a long pause with nothing but those dancing three dots on the screen for what felt like forever. Finally…

Gemma: They’re having some sort of private party there tonight. The place is practically overflowing. I drove by on my way home.

Gemma: Crisis averted, right?

Yeah, something was definitely up.

But before she could respond to her friend, she got a text from Tyler.

Ty: Hey! You have to come to the pub after work!

Ty: I’ve got a great potential business opportunity for you

Ty: And you have to trust me on this. It could be HUGE!

Frowning, Lucy had no idea who to respond to first, but ultimately, her curiosity got the better of her.

Lucy: What kind of opportunity? And why the pub?

Ty: I don’t want to get into it over a text. Just promise you’ll come here after work

Ty: We’re having dinner here and hopefully celebrating

Ty: So? Will you stop by?

Lucy: I’ve got plans with Gemma. We’re supposed to meet for dinner

Ty: Bring her! The more the merrier!

Okay, this was all a little too weird.

Lucy: Let me see if she’s okay with it.

Ty: Hang on…

It took him almost two solid minutes before he responded

Ty: Fine. Text her. But tell her this is important!

Groaning, she opened her friend’s message again.

Lucy: So…Ty is texting me and invited us to join him at the pub for dinner

Lucy: He said it’s important and there’s some sort of opportunity for me

Lucy: It all sounds a little weird and I told him we were hanging out…

Gemma: I’ll go with you. We were supposed to go there anyway

Gemma: But tell your brother that he’s buying

Gemma: And I’m ridiculously hungry AND thirsty tonight, so he’s been warned.

O-kay…that was weird too.

“Someday, my curiosity really is going to kill me,” she murmured before finishing restocking her area. With only five minutes to go, she walked around helping her coworkers clean up, and before she knew it, it was time to go. She shot both Gemma and Ty a text saying she was leaving work, but the entire drive over, her mind drew a total blank on what this whole dinner thing was about.

When she pulled into the pub’s parking lot, it was almost impossible to find a place to park. She managed to get the last spot in the back next to the dumpster and grumbled about it the entire time. Clearly Gemma wasn’t lying about the crowd, but she wondered if that crowd also had anything to do with her brother and whatever opportunity he had for her.

“Oh, yay! You’re here!” her friend said as she jogged across the parking lot toward her. After giving Lucy a big hug, she pulled back and smiled. “Just a heads-up, Mike’s here too. He’s inside already.”

Lucy glanced toward the pub. “Okay, seriously. What’s going on in there?” When she started to walk away, Gemma stepped in front of her. “Gem?”

“I can’t let you just walk in there blindly, Lulu. I just can’t.” Letting out a long and very dramatic breath, she stared Lucy in the eyes. “It’s almost wall-to-wall people in there, but there’s a section that is roped off and they’re waiting for you.”

Her stomach sank. Was this some sort of pity party because she called off her engagement and wedding? Was this something that was maybe already planned before her life crashed and burned and they all decided to get together anyway?

“Who’s waiting for me?”

Another sigh. “Ty, Wyatt, and…Jax Wylder.”

It took a moment for that to sink in.

“Wait… what? Jax…um…why? Just… why? ”

“Honestly, I don’t know the specifics,” Gemma said. “All I know is that Ty texted me and said it was important that I get you here.” Pausing, she shook her head. “Mike was the one who told me that Jax was in town and that’s why I tried to get you to go for pizza instead. I had no idea this was all going to happen.”

Groaning, Lucy’s first instinct was to turn around and leave, but…again…her curiosity wouldn’t let her.

“Fine. Whatever. Let’s go see what this is all about and as soon as I say I want to leave, I’m going to need you to back me up and not let my brothers stop me. Deal?”

“Deal. Let’s do this!”

Every inch of her body tensed up as they made their way into the pub. It was loud and crowded, but it was like Moses parting the Red Sea as soon as they walked in—like everyone knew that she was coming and needed to make way for her.

Awkward…

As soon as they got to the back corner of the pub—that was apparently the newly-titled VIP section—she spotted her brothers. Ty smiled innocently at her as he got to his feet. If he wasn’t already permanently injured, she would have considered doing that to him right now.

“Hey! Thanks for joining us!” He gave her a big hug and kissed her cheek.

Then Wyatt stood and came over to do the same.

“Hey, Wy,” she said, hugging him longer than necessary, mainly because she wasn’t ready to face Jax yet.

“Um…this feels weird,” Wyatt whispered in her ear. “Like…really not appropriate. Can you…?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she mumbled, but hugged him tight one last time before pulling back.

And sure enough, there was Jax. Standing there smiling like he was thrilled to see her and they were long-lost friends.

“Lucy!” he said excitedly, arms opened. “Holy crap, look at you! You look amazing!” And when she didn’t move, he simply swooped in and wrapped her in his massive arms. “It’s so good to see you!”

“Um…”

When he finally let her go and pulled back, he was still grinning. “I can’t believe you’re the same kid I saw all those years ago! And you’re a pediatric physical therapist? That is incredible! Good for you!”

Yeah, it was kind of hard to hate someone when they were heaping this kind of praise on you, but Lucy was determined not to be swayed.

“It’s nice to see you too,” she said blandly, refusing to look at his face, before turning toward her brothers. She took the seat between the two of them and sat down. Gemma sat down next to Jax. “So? What’s this all about?” The question was directed at Ty, and her eyes almost hurt from not looking at Jax.

Tyler frowned at her before relaxing his expression. “Jax is looking to open a sports camp here in South Creek. It would be for disabled kids. We’re looking at the Ramsey property and this could be the kind of thing that really puts the town on the map!”

“I’d like to see multiple facilities on the property,” Jax chimed in. “A little something for everyone, so it wouldn’t just be like a football camp…”

“Hard to play football when you’re disabled,” she said with more than a hint of sarcasm. “Injuries normally end people’s football careers.”

The look Tyler shot her told her he knew exactly what she was doing.

Jax, however, seemed completely oblivious.

“I want to have facilities that would allow kids to participate in modified versions of a variety of sports. We already know all the great stuff the Special Olympics does, but what if this was a place where everyone could come no matter what their disability? We would have pro athletes come and volunteer throughout the year, and…”

“I thought you said it was a summer camp,” she reminded him, looking just beyond his shoulder so she still wouldn’t have to look at his face.

“Well, we’d primarily be a summer camp, but I’d like to think we could offer events throughout the year if there were a need. A lot of sports are either in play during the summer months or in training. But if we offered special events throughout the year, then we could get athletes from different sports in their off-season.”

It wasn’t a terrible idea, but she still had no idea what this had to do with her.

“When Ty told me what you did for a living, Lucy, we thought that…”

“Oh my God! Jax!! We love you! Can we get your autograph?” some girl called out before her friends chimed in all begging him for that and a picture with him. Lucy figured he’d get up and oblige, but when she glanced over at him, he was watching her.

Damn him.

“We thought that you would be the perfect person to be a consultant on the project and tell us the kinds of things we should offer. Like…what sports and activities are the best for us to gear up with,” he went on. “And, naturally, we would need a team of therapists like yourself on staff because we’re there to help the kids, not hurt them. I can play ball with guys twice or half my size, but I don’t know anything about how to work with a child who’s already dealing with a disability. Again, we want this to be a great experience for them.”

If she seriously didn’t hate him so much, she’d actually be in tears thanking him.

And now, because she allowed herself to look at him, she had to admit that he was almost ridiculously handsome—dark hair, dark eyes, strong jaw, and she hated that she fixated a little on his lips.

I loathe myself…

Jax Wylder was tall and muscular, and when he’d hugged her, Lucy felt a little small and fragile against him. She’d never felt that way with Blake—or any other guy—and it just felt wrong that she would feel that way with someone she hated.

And she hated Jax with every fiber of her being.

He was the reason their family struggled so much financially and why they’d almost lost Ty. The medical bills had nearly bankrupted them and to this day, her parents were still paying them off. All prospects for Ty to have a normal life were taken from him because of the Wylders, and if Jax hadn’t been drunk that night—if he’d been the one driving—her brother would have been the one playing in the NFL right now.

The ramifications of the accident weren’t only on Tyler and her parents, but it all also affected her and Wyatt. Charlie had been out of the house already and finishing dental school. But Wyatt had just started trade school and was forced to drop out to help with pretty much everything. Lucy had only been thirteen, but she knew immediately that all hope of going away to college was gone. So when she was in high school, she’d learned about dual enrollment and took college courses throughout her junior and senior year. When she graduated high school, she also graduated with an associate's degree. She applied for every scholarship available, and even though she still could go to college, it wasn’t the way she had wanted it to be.

Again, all because of the Wylder family.

So it didn’t matter how handsome Jax was or how his muscly body made her feel, she hated him. All the struggles and disappointments she and her family suffered were because of him. And even though this camp had the potential to be something amazing, Lucy didn’t want to have anything to do with it.

Or him.

No matter what.

Their server came over to take their orders, so it seemed like Jax’s spiel about the camp was over for at least a little while. Lucy looked across the table at Gemma, who was grinning at her. She needed a few minutes to come to grips with this entire situation and tried to mentally relay that to her friend.

After placing their orders, Gemma pushed away from the table and stood. “I need to use the ladies' room. Luce? Come with?”

And that’s what best friends were for.

“Ty, I’m not trying to be a jerk, but…it’s pretty clear that your sister’s got a huge problem with me. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, so if this is an issue for her, please tell her she doesn’t need to stay. I had no idea she felt…well…that she felt anything about me.”

“Lucy can hold a grudge,” Wyatt answered first with a smirk.

“Give her time,” Tyler assured him. “Yes, she can definitely hold a grudge and she sort of still harbors some…you know…anger about everything, so…”

Shit. This was not the kind of thing he was expecting at all. And if they weren’t trying to start plans for the camp, it wouldn’t be a problem. But getting Lucy on board was really a big part of everything.

Glancing over his shoulder, he watched her get swallowed by the crowd before facing her brothers. Neither seemed bothered by the situation, but it was a big deal to Jax—and not just because they needed Lucy’s help, but because it genuinely bothered him that she was harboring this kind of anger toward him after all this time. He thought that if Tyler was fine, then the rest of the Dawson family was as well. And as far as he knew, they were.

Except Lucy.

“She’ll come around,” Ty said with a shrug. “This business plan basically checks all her boxes. And if she knows she’ll be able to use the facility with her patients? Then you’re in.” Then he paused. “Can you incorporate something like that? An actual PT facility on the property that maybe she could use or even manage? The one she currently works at is fine, but they’re kind of limited.”

Shrugging, Jax said, “Sure. I was figuring we would need to have something like that on site anyway. And if Lucy wanted to have it open year-round and not just when camp was in session, then I don’t see why not.”

“I agree with Ty,” Wyatt said, smiling at their server when she put their drinks down. When he looked at Jax, he waved him off. “You have nothing to worry about. Lucy’s going to come back here and ask a hundred questions and then pretend to think about it. By the time we’re done eating, she’ll be all in. Trust me.”

If both her brothers were confident, then Jax figured he had nothing to worry about.

Reaching for his drink, he relaxed.

“Here she comes,” Wyatt said. “And she’s smiling. Maybe she thought about it while her and Gemma were in the bathroom.”

Trying not to look obvious, Jax focused on his sweet tea—he wasn’t allowing himself any alcohol until the season was over. He glanced up when Lucy stood behind the seat she had just vacated minutes ago. As Wyatt said, she was smiling, but he could tell it wasn’t a genuine smile.

“I appreciate you guys thinking of me,” she said, resting her hands on the chair. “But I’m gonna pass. Have a good night.” And then, with a cheery little wave, she walked away.

“Sorry!” Gemma blurted out before following Lucy out of the pub.

“What the…?”

“I’ll go after her,” Wyatt said, standing up.

“No, no,” Ty interrupted. “I’m the one who invited her here. I’ll go after her.”

It would have been easy to let either of them do it, but now that he knew he was the problem, it only seemed right that he be the one to go talk to her.

Which is what he said.

“Jax, come on,” Wyatt said with a small laugh. “You have no idea what you’re in for. Let one of us go and smooth things over first.”

But he was already on his feet. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Jax…”

“I deal with guys who are three-hundred pounds trying to tackle me for a living. I think I can handle your sister.”

“Famous last words,” Wyatt said as he sat back down.

Ty simply shook his head.

Several people tried to talk to him as he made his way toward the exit, but he was a man on a mission and simply smiled and promised he’d be back in a little while.

Out in the parking lot, he spotted Lucy and Gemma walking toward the back of the pub and jogged after them. Gemma turned and spotted him first, and he couldn’t tell if she was impressed or nervous. Either way, she nudged Lucy and they both stopped and turned toward him.

“What do you want, Jax?” Gemma asked, surprising him.

“Um…I’d like to talk to Lucy for a moment.” Then he wanted to smack himself because how lame did that sound? But for good measure, he added, “Please?”

The bored look on Lucy’s face wasn’t quite what he was expecting either, but for a moment he allowed himself to meet her gaze head on. Her green eyes flashed with annoyance and a soft wind blew her long wavy hair into her face before she swiftly pushed it away.

Gemma looked between them. “Uh…”

“Go back inside with Mike,” Lucy said, her eyes never leaving Jax. “I’ll text you when I’m leaving so we can go on with our plans.”

Nodding, she gave Jax an apologetic look before walking away. Then it was almost a standoff. If the dumpster didn’t smell so bad, he knew they’d probably be standing around a lot longer, but it was a little too much for him to take.

“Look,” he began, “I get it. You have an issue with me.”

A snort of derision was her only response as she crossed her arms over some seriously impressive curves.

“Think what you want, Lucy, but there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where I don’t kick myself for what happened that night. But Tyler and I have talked about it more times than either of us can count and…we’re good. And as you saw inside, Wyatt and I are good too. We all had lunch with your folks earlier and they were happy to see me.”

No response.

“Charlie FaceTimed with us too, and we all had a good time.”

Still nothing.

Leaning in menacingly, he added, “Even the dog liked me.”

This time she rolled her eyes even as her lips twitched. “Barkley likes everyone. You’re not special.”

This was getting him nowhere, and honestly, he didn’t have a lot of time. Tomorrow, he was on a flight back to Wichita and he had hoped to have everything settled so he could go back home and talk to Declan and Travis about it.

“What is it you want me to say here?” he asked with his own huff of annoyance. “I’ve apologized to Tyler and your folks. We’re all good. And it seems to me if they’ve all accepted my apology, then you should accept that.”

Now her eyes went wide. “Wow. You are unbelievable.”

He was smart enough to know it wasn’t a compliment.

“It doesn’t matter to me if my family was foolish enough to forgive you,” she snapped. “But I don’t, okay? You were gone while my brother was crying in pain every day. You were gone when he had to re-learn how to walk. And you were gone when he had to come to grips with the fact that everything he had been working for his whole life was gone. You all left and went to college and onto greater things. Meanwhile, back here in crappy old South Creek, we almost lost our house because of all the medical bills. My mom used to cry all the time because she had no idea how we were going to live. Wyatt had to drop out of college, and I didn’t get to go away to any of the ones I wanted to because we couldn’t afford it.”

Damn. That was…a lot.

“Okay, but…”

“No!” she interrupted. “No buts. Because of you and your father, my family was nearly destroyed. We were happy and had a great life until grad night! You ruined so many things and you got to walk away and have a glorious life, Jax, while we were robbed of ours. My parents are still paying those medical bills!”

“Wait…what? That’s not…”

She held up a hand to stop him. “So I don’t care what kind of charity project you come up with to clear your conscience or to clean up your image. It doesn’t matter to me. Do whatever you want, just like you always do. But leave me out of it.”

Jax was too stunned to speak.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, Gemma and I had plans tonight, and I’d like to text her and get on with them.”

The polite thing to do was to step aside, apologize, and thank her for her time.

But Jax wasn’t known as the polite Wylder.

“You know what, Lucy? You’re standing here spouting off all the bad things that happened. Things I can’t change, and believe me, I wish to God I could! You see Wyatt having to drop out of college as a bad thing, but he’s a successful owner of a construction company and he seems incredibly happy. I hung out with your parents today, and they told me about the trip they just took to the Grand Canyon and how they’re taking salsa lessons. They looked and sounded happy and in love, even after almost forty years of marriage. And Ty? Yeah, that one’s going to haunt me until the day I die, but you know something? He’s a fighter and he’s living his life and is very successful in everything he does.”

“He would have been successful in the NFL too,” she said snarkily.

“He very well might have,” he told her. “But we’re never going to know. I get that, okay? I know plenty of guys who had career-ending injuries. None of us are guaranteed anything! Ty’s a freaking awesome person; he’s probably one of the greatest people I’ll ever know! He’s not sitting around wallowing in self-pity, but that’s probably because you’re doing that for the entire family.”

And with his own look of disgust at her, he turned and walked away.

“Hey!” she shouted before coming after him. “Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that? You don’t get to turn this on me! This is all your fault!”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Jax knew this was getting them nowhere. Lucy had been a great kid when they were growing up, but had also been a major pain in the ass at times.

And apparently still was.

“I’ll tell you who the hell I think I am,” he said firmly, facing her. “I’m the guy who’s only willing to stand here and take so much abuse from you. You have no idea about half of what you’re even talking about! So maybe instead of hauling all kinds of accusations at me, check your facts first.”

“What…?”

It would have been easy to set a few things straight, but he wouldn’t. For some reason, she had a certain view of the way things were and the way things were currently. So he’d let her stew on that for a bit.

“I know the facts,” she countered defiantly. “I was there. Unlike you.”

Groaning, Jax had to mentally tell himself violence wasn’t the answer.

Even though right now he wanted to strangle Lucy.

“Yeah. I know,” he said with as much heat as she was giving him. “I’m not going to keep defending myself to you. I’m just not. I’m looking to do something good with this camp and Ty said that you were awesome at your job. Personally, I’d love to have people I know and can trust working on it with me. There was a time when we were all like family—and earlier today, it felt like it was still that way—so if you’d like to sign on as a consultant while we work out the business plan and then stay on as a therapist, I’d really like that.”

There. He’d said it. He put it all out there, so the ball was in her court.

For a brief moment, he thought she relaxed, like maybe something he said got through to her and changed her mind.

“Thanks for the offer, but…no. Maybe my family is willing to forgive and forget all the pain you caused, but I can’t.”

Jax thought she’d maybe add a token apology at the end, but she didn’t.

“If you don’t want to be a part of the camp project because you’re genuinely not interested, then fine. But if you’re doing it—saying no and turning us down—just to be spiteful to me, then that makes you a crappy person. There are a lot of deserving kids who could really use your help. Think about that when you get back up on your high and mighty pedestal.” Taking a step back, he let out a long breath before adding, “Have a good night.”

Then, mimicking her little wave from earlier, he turned and walked away.

There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that she wasn’t standing there fuming, but he fought the urge to turn around and look. She wanted to believe the worst, then fine. He wasn’t going to beg her and he wasn’t going to go back inside and ask her brothers to do it either. Having Lucy on board would have been a tremendous help, but she wasn’t the only pediatric physical therapist in the world. When he got back to Wichita, he’d talk to the team PTs and ask for some referrals.

Problem solved.

When he stepped back into the pub, people smiled and waved him over and he was thankful for the distraction. Maybe a few minutes talking to some fans or old friends was just what he needed before sitting back down with Tyler and Wyatt.

“That game against the Jets…”

“You’ve got one hell of an arm!”

“Looks like this could be the Warriors' year for the playoffs!”

“That suspension was bullshit!”

“Can I get a picture of you to show my kids?”

It took almost fifteen minutes to get back to the table, and he felt a little guilty about it. “Sorry, guys,” he said, taking his seat. “I hope you ordered appetizers. I’m starving!”

The brothers looked at each other before looking at him with matching smirks.

“She turned you down, right?” Wyatt asked.

“Um…”

“Dammit,” Ty hissed. “I’m going to call her right now and…”

“Ty, don’t,” he insisted. “It’s not going to change anything. She’s entitled to how she feels and I’m not going to force her to do this.” Leaning back in his chair, Jax raked both hands through his hair. “I’m not gonna lie, it would have been awesome for all of us to do this together, but…” Pausing, he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Your sister has some strong feelings about me, and they’re all negative, so…”

“I’m definitely going to talk to her about this,” Ty continued. “This is a great opportunity for her and I know if she stopped being stubborn for like five seconds, she’d realize that.”

“Seriously, Ty, don’t. It’s better that it happened like this now rather than when we were further into the project. This is going to be a huge undertaking, and if Lucy hates me that much, I couldn’t trust her with any of this. I’m sorry.”

“Dude, what are you sorry for?” Wyatt asked. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Jax looked at him in disbelief. “Really? I think we all know what I did wrong, and it doesn’t matter what’s happened since then or that it was twelve years ago, my actions caused a lot of grief for your family. I guess I never really thought about how it affected Lucy.”

“I never did either. At least…not in the beginning,” Ty admitted. “Lucy and I have had a lot of conversations about the accident and I knew she held a grudge against you, but I didn’t really take it seriously. I just thought it was something she was saying. In my mind, I thought if she ever saw you again, she’d be over it, or at least be civil.”

It would be wrong to complain about her to her own brothers…

“Like I said, she’s got some strong feelings and I’m the last person in the world she wants anything to do with. I have to admire her honesty.”

And before he could say anything else, their server was back and placing platters of nachos, wings, and mozzarella sticks on the table. “Can I get you guys anything else?”

“Not right now,” Ty said. “Thanks!”

“Actually, can we get an order of sliders?” Wyatt asked.

“Of course!”

Another server appeared and refreshed their drinks. This one gave Jax a lingering smile before asking, “Are you sure I can’t get you something other than water, Jax? All drinks are on the house for you.” Reaching into her apron pocket, she pulled out a business card and handed it to him. “And here’s my number if you’re looking for something to do later.” And with a wink, she turned and walked away.

Ty was holding back a laugh, but Wyatt wasn’t even trying. “It’s impressive that it took that long for someone to do that! I thought for sure the women of South Creek would be flinging their panties at you as soon as word got out that you were in town!”

Rolling his eyes, Jax put the card in his pocket and reached for a wing. “Not looking for any panties. Just here on business.”

Although, he wouldn’t have minded a little extracurricular fun. Ever since Travis’ party, he’d been living like a monk.

And even before it too.

Oh, God…when was the last time I actually slept with a woman?

He was a firm believer in abstaining from sex a bit during training camp and sometimes during the season. But so far, most seasons he broke that rule.

This year he hadn’t.

He’d look at that card again before he left.

They ate in companionable silence for a minute before Wyatt asked, “So if Lucy’s not going to be your consultant, do you have anyone else lined up?”

So Jax told him about his plans to talk to the team PTs when he got back home. “I’ve known most of them for five-plus years, so I know I can trust them.”

“I’m still not willing to give Lucy a free pass on this,” Ty murmured. “But I’m glad you have a backup plan.”

“I didn’t until I walked away from her in the parking lot.” Shrugging, he added, “Plus, with things falling into place, I know I can talk with Declan and Travis and get their thoughts. Maybe they know people too. I had hoped to keep our circle small in the planning phase, but…it is what it is.”

Even though he’d never admit it out loud, there was a small part of him that secretly hoped Ty reached out to Lucy.

And gave her hell.