8. Raven

EIGHT

RAVEN

“Come on, Raven. You’ve got this.”

“I really don’t think I do,” I grumble, my limbs aching as I consider stopping, but the glint in Brax’s eyes tells me that’s not an option. I know it isn’t, but that doesn’t stop me from dreaming of it.

“You’re literally up to the shoulders. Just a little more and you’ll be complete.”

“Completely made of stone, Brax. Finish your sentence,” I snap, wincing at my own tone, but I’m irritated, and…a little panicked.

“You’re going to make the prettiest gargoyle I’ve ever seen, Shadow. Show me.”

I glare at him, but he doesn’t flinch under my intense stare.

The moment classes were done, we got the hell out of there and headed home. We came out here to distract me with some mirror magic training. Brax is taking this to another level tonight, though, insisting I can handle it, but I’m not sure I can.

The thought of being completely stone, eyes and mouth included, frightens the hell out of me. I can’t deny it, and he knows it.

“Can we do something else today?” I ask, my voice softer than usual, revealing yet another vulnerability for the day. The only difference now is that I don’t care if Brax sees this side of me. If anything, I want him to. Being my true self with him soothes my soul instead of leaving me embarrassed.

“Raven, take a deep breath. I promise you, it’s not going to feel as restrictive as you imagine.” I purse my lips at his promise, but the words do nothing to ease the tension rattling my bones. “Your head is locked on everything going on in your life right now, which is only enhancing your worry over this. Try to let the rest fall away.” I glare at him, hating that he’s probably right. I inhale slowly, dragging out the exhale, but it doesn’t ease me much. “We can stop, and you can tell me everything on your mind. Apart from the obvious, of course.”

Fuck.

That doesn’t really sound any better.

Pull it together, Raven.

With my very lacking pep talk, I relax my shoulders back, noting how the movement doesn’t feel as heavy as I would initially have assumed, before I fuck it all to Hell and let the rest of Brax’s magic wash over me.

I gulp as my throat stiffens, the feeling creeping up my jaw, over my cheeks, my eyes and ears, and finally, my head. Remembering what Brax said, I focus all of my attention on my breathing as I become accustomed to the shift.

It’s the weirdest feeling I think I’ve ever experienced in my whole life. My movements feel like they’re lagging at first, the weight not as bad as I assumed it would be, but the craziest thing is blinking. I can hear the sound of stone rubbing on stone and it makes me cringe, but the feeling doesn’t match the noise. It feels like…normal.

“That’s my woman. Smile for me, Shadow.”

I tilt my gaze up to look at Brax, who grins down at me. It’s a rare sight, an even rarer one to see pride in his stunning eyes. One brown. One green. I’m ninety-nine percent sure he’s softer and gentler with me right now to compensate for the fact that the others aren’t here. It’s a side of him I thought I would never witness, a side I’m sure won’t stay around forever, a side that makes me want to push him. To see his bite, his growl, his rugged side.

I’m getting distracted. Again.

Releasing my hold on his magic, the stone drifts from my skin effortlessly, and I’m pulled off my feet without warning a moment later. Soft-yet-firm lips press against my jaw as arms band around my waist.

“You love being a good fucking girl, don’t you, Raven.” It’s not a question. Not really, and he fucking knows it. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t unload on me. Tell me what’s going on in the pretty head of yours and I’ll reward you.”

My thighs clench. He can’t mean…could he?

Whether he does or not, I need to be open with him. If we’re going to get through this together and find the rest of our family, we need to be transparent with one another.

Taking a deep breath, he must sense the change in me because he slowly lowers me to my feet, but he doesn’t lean back or put any distance between us.

“Apart from the fact that my heart is tearing into pieces because I don’t technically know where the guys are, I’ve been trying to reach out to Ari with no luck. The confusion and worry of it is starting to weigh heavily on me. Everything was fine before the drill that interrupted us going to see him. I can feel his presence, which isn’t drenched in pain or anything, but it still leaves me unsteady. I can’t really explain it, but there’s been a shift and I don’t like it.”

Pressing a small kiss on my forehead, he takes a single step back and focuses to his left. He wets his lips, and after a few moments, he turns back to me with a sigh. “I still can’t make a gateway.”

My heart swells with appreciation that he would even try. “Do you think the drill could have affected my communication with him? I mean, I technically spoke with him on the way to the courtyard that day after the sound echoed through the halls, but…I don’t know. I’m pulling at straws trying to understand.”

“Maybe. I think it’s important for us to visit Lyra and Figgins tomorrow,” he states, scrubbing at the back of his neck, and I nod in agreement.

“Thank you.”

The corner of his mouth tips up. “What else?”

“Hmm?”

“What else has you worked up?”

I frown, not really able to explain it. “It’s not anything in particular. I’m just angry. Frustrated. Mad. I want to beat the shit out of something, everything. I just want all of my guys here together, with me. That’s selfish as fuck, I know, but…”

“It’s not selfish, Raven. I want them here too. And if I was there instead of by your side…” His eyes stare deep into my soul. “I would be going insane. There would be no doubt about it.” Tingles zip through my blood, but I quickly pout when he takes another step back. “I know I’m not the calm one, or the deep, understanding one, and I’m not funny at all. I can’t offer you anything the others can, but there is something I can do.”

I want to tell him I don’t want or need any of those things from him, but I know they’re wasted words on him. “What can you do?” I ask, intrigued.

“Let you beat the shit out of me.”

I laugh, but the pointed stare I get tells me he’s deadly serious. “No.” I shake my head, but he captures my chin, holding me in place.

“Why? I can handle it.”

I giggle this time. “It’s not you I’m worried about. It’s me. Your muscles have fucking muscles. That will hurt like hell.”

He smirks, too pleased with himself. Fucker.

“Come on, Raven. Show me a good time. Don’t think I didn’t notice the fighting pits when you took us to Shadowmoor. You were familiar with them, even if you hadn’t stepped foot in one. Show me what you’re made of.”

He’s goading me and it’s working.

Worst of all, he knows it.

He doesn’t bother waiting for my agreement. He knows he already has it.

Turning to face him, I tuck a tendril of hair behind my ear. “Maybe we should be focusing our efforts on trying to locate the emerald gate,” I murmur, my gut twisting with guilt. I can’t be working on my own issues when the guys are out there somewhere.

Brax frowns. “Our best bet of connecting with them is in my sleep, Shadow. We have no fucking clue where the emerald gate could be now. Hopefully, tonight, I’ll get closer to them, but for now, we’re doing this because if the guys find out I haven’t tended to your needs, it will be me in the Realm of Shadows, and not in the way they are. The dead way.”

I roll my eyes at his dramatics. “I would bring you back.”

“Not if they didn’t let you,” he retorts, cocking a brow at me in challenge.

Definitely dramatic.

Using magic, I change out of my uniform into a loose tee and shorts, sneakers and fresh socks on my feet. Brax eyes me for a moment, and I expect him to do the same, but instead, he makes a show of loosening his tie. The material flutters to the grass, quickly followed by his blazer, before he starts to unbutton his shirt.

My tongue peeks out, failing to moisten my drying lips as his shirt is discarded without care. Once he kicks his shoes and socks off, he turns to face me head-on; knees shoulder-width apart and slightly bent.

Fuck.

This man is going to fight me in just his academy pants.

How am I supposed to focus when his muscles flex before my very eyes? I get the overwhelming desire to step forward and bite his pebbled nipple, but I refrain, refusing to give in to his teasing.

“Let’s go, Shadow.” He cracks his neck from side to side, lifting his arms to protect his chest.

Relaxing my shoulders back, I tighten my core and soften my knees, taking up my familiar fighting stance. He was right. I never stood in the Shadowmoor fighting pits, but that didn’t stop me from training. At least that way, I was always able to protect myself. It was a necessity.

My curled knuckles catch my attention and I note that it’s been a long time since they were busted and bruised, just like they were when I first arrived here. It feels like a lifetime ago, but the familiar stance brings everything back to me.

Inching closer to Brax, I keep my arms high, eyeing him from head to toe, trying to assess where he might have an opening, but it doesn’t come as a surprise when I don’t see one. I’m just going to have to make a move and let the rest happen. Dancing around him, he spins to follow me and I tap out with my left arm first, testing my reach and his defense. My fist meets his bicep with the briefest tap before I retract.

A grin touches the corner of his lips and I can see the snarky comment on the tip of his tongue that’s about to come. Before he gets a chance to utter a single word, I repeat the motion, only this time, I follow it up with a firmer hit from my right hand.

I still meet his arm with both touches, but I don’t miss his eyes widening with the firmer hit from the second touch.

“Am I playing around with a punching bag, or are you actually going to move?” I ask, bouncing from foot to foot, very aware I’m the one doing the goading now.

“I just wanted to see what you may have to offer. Not much, it seems.” He shrugs, quickly gaining the upper hand again.

Fucker.

Despite his words, his arms loosen and I see the flutter of his muscles a split second before his arm extends. I twist, taking the blow to my arm. His touch is hard, but nothing compared to what it would be if he were in gargoyle form, and I love it. Any of my other guys would be going easy on me. Not him, though. Not Brax.

He knows just how to extract every piece of effort from me. He tears at my rage and my pent-up frustrations, giving me an outlet to exert them. This is just like when he told me to run, only this time, I’m already in his grasp.

I duck down quickly, his arm not fully retracted as I kick out, the top of my foot connecting with his thigh. He doesn’t stumble, not even a little, but that wasn’t my intention. A smirk is on his face, just as I expect, his arms angled down slightly as if he’s about to retaliate, but as I plant my foot back on the ground, I shift to the right, dodging his move as I connect my fist with his stomach.

A whoosh leaves his lips, the surprise in his eyes heating as he stares down at me. My hand aches from the tight bundle of muscles I hit, but I don’t dare shake it out. Instead, I focus on stepping back as I reach my full height again.

My chest rises and falls, heavy with every breath, but to my surprise, Brax’s is the same.

His arms drop, swinging at his sides as he assesses me. I don’t know what game he’s going for here, but I refuse to let my guard down. My hands flex, my knuckles whitening as I try like hell to keep my body as relaxed as possible, but the longer he stands there, the louder my pulse thumps in my ears.

It’s on the tip of my tongue, ready to call him out on whatever game plan he has, but he speaks first.

“You’ve got from the count of three, Shadow.” His voice is croaky, the husky tone and words themselves render me speechless as I gape at him.

Wait, what?

My lips part, but nothing comes out.

“Three…”

Three? What the… “For what?” I manage to blurt, but he shakes his head, taking a step toward me, and I instinctively take a step back. The heat in his eyes grows brighter with the simple move.

“Two…”

“Brax.” His name is a yelp on my lips as I involuntarily back up another step, even though he doesn’t move.

“One.”

I’m rushing for the house before he finishes that one single syllable. I spring the door open, chancing a sneaky glance over my shoulder, and I know I made an error immediately.

His hands grab my waist, hoisting me into the air as I squeak like a damn fool. Instead of continuing to march into the house, he spins us around, heading in the opposite direction as my stomach hits his shoulder.

I’m panting, helpless, and filled with adrenaline.

“You should have started running sooner, Shadow,” he states, striding across the grass so casually it feels surreal.

“You could have given me longer,” I grunt, wiggling in his hold, but I don’t move an inch.

“That’s it, Raven. Fight me. Just how I like it.”

I still.

Fuck.

My eyes fall closed, my core clenching at the tinge of promise in his words.

I don’t want to fight, I want to succumb to him, but once again, I’m reminded of the Brax that chased me through the academy grounds, smashing the glass to get into the house so he could fuck me into the sofa.

That version of him is like throwing air magic at my already burning flames.

Wetting my lips, I slam my hands against his ass, trying to lift up, but I don’t get far. “Put me down,” I demand, my voice raspy as he chuckles, his back rumbling with the movement.

“You’re going to have to be louder than that, Shadow.”

This time I slam my fists into his ass, swinging my legs around as I fight against his hold. The adrenaline pours through me, ignited by the pushback as Brax’s hold tightens, encouraging me more.

He continues to move us, relishing in my fight that he manages to contain. He doesn’t falter, even when I become more frantic and sporadic with my swings, both arms and legs, until I’m suddenly floating through the air.

I hit the ground in the next breath, the wind leaving my lungs as I gape up at him. A pleased smile spreads across his face as he looks down at me through hooded eyes.

The blades of grass tickle my skin as I press my palms into the ground. I’m still trying to catch my breath when he reaches down, grabbing the neckline of my tee with his bare hands and tearing at the fabric. It parts effortlessly at his touch, goosebumps rippling over my chest and stomach as the breeze dances over my skin.

When I grab his wrists, he doesn’t even look up at me as he smirks, snapping my bra in two. “I don’t know why anyone uses magic to remove clothing when it’s so much sweeter like this,” he murmurs, his gaze traveling over my exposed breasts as his hands continue lower.

I dig my nails into his skin, but he doesn’t even flinch as he tugs at my shorts. I try to swing my legs at him, eager to give him the fight he’s so desperate for, but he quickly drops to his knees, pinning my thighs to the ground as he discards my shorts to reveal the lace panties underneath.

“Did you wear these for me?” His gaze finally meets mine, desire swirling with promise.

“No.”

His eyes narrow, his jaw ticking as he trails a finger over the delicate material.

“That makes sense. If it were for me, you wouldn’t be wearing anything at all,” he remarks, and a second later, the sound of tearing fabric echoes in my ears.

His legs press into my thighs, holding me in position as I release my pointless hold on his arms. His eyes trail over me slowly, from head to core and back again. I’m bare and spread out on the ground for him.

Anyone could walk around the back of the house and see us like this, but he doesn’t seem to care and neither do I.

My skin is hot with need, but I want to see him fall to his knees first. “You have me right where you want me. What now?”

“It’s cute that you think you need to know that information in advance,” he says with the sexiest grin turning up the corner of his mouth.

Ass.

“I deserve that information, Brax. I’m not playing this game with you where you get me all worked up again and leave me needy because you made a dumb promise,” I snap, my body tensing. I’m not lying. I can’t play around like he did in the cave. Not right now. I can’t handle it.

He frowns, staring at me for what feels like forever until his fist slams into the ground beside my head. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” he bites, leaning closer so his face hovers over mine. I’m taken aback by the tightness in his tone, confused with where the fuck it comes from, but I don’t back down.

“I have an idea,” I mutter, very aware of what all four of my guys do to me, including this angry asshole.

He shakes his head as he grumbles, “No, you fucking don’t.” His eyes stare deeper into mine as his nostrils flare.

“How so?”

“You set me on fire, Raven. Make me question my entire being. Leave me confused as fuck. Desperate to go against my own word. Something I’ve never, ever done. Yet for you, I would do anything.”

I feel like I can’t breathe, yet I get the overwhelming urge to express how I feel as well.

“I have never let anyone close to me. Not even a friend. Then the four of you came along and broke through every wall I’ve spent so long perfecting, strengthening. Piece by piece, you break me down and leave me bare. I’m lying here physically naked, but I’m emotionally exposed too. You make me…feel. The numbness fades and there’s so much emotion beneath the surface that I’ve never felt before. I don’t know what to do with it.”

His jaw tics. I can practically hear his thoughts. Trying to find the right words to express that this is harder for him to accept than me, but it’s not a battle I want. Not when my heart breaks and melts for them all at once.

I want to scream with the pain of the separation from Eldon, Zane, and Creed, but it mellows when I let the truth settle over me.

I’ve known it. I’ve known it for a while now. I wanted to find a way for them all to hear it at the same time, but now that I’m lying here, exposed and vulnerable once again, instead of the words feeling like lead on my tongue, they’re bursting to part my lips.

“I love you.” I exhale, the feeling of contentment washing over me as I accept the words. “I love you all.” The words make tears prick my eyes and a ghost of a smile touch my lips. “But I love you because you don’t treat me like a delicate flower. You see past everything, looking deep at my soul. The good, the bad, the ugly, and you accept it all. You accept me. You make vows like killing my brother and refusing to touch me until it’s done because you believe so strongly in righting the world for me. You protect, you demand, you snap, and you order, all of it with love, and I feel it in my fucking bones. You’ve never promised to be a good man, a nice guy, but you’ve given me every inch of yourself instead. And on top of it all, when the two of us lie here in this moment, you know you have gone above and beyond for me since we left Ashdale, fighting to be a version of Creed, Zane, and Eldon too. Not for you, not for them, but for me. I didn’t know how to accept that, someone’s dedication, undoubted loyalty and trust, and you didn’t give me the option, feeding me drips of a life I breathe for.” My bottom lip trembles, effectively cutting off my rambling, but now that the dam has been opened, I’m powerless to stop it.

His eyes drill into mine, the muscles in his neck bunching as he holds his position over me. I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, awaiting the taste of copper on my tongue, fighting back all of the emotions bubbling to the surface as the truth spills from my mouth.

“You make me whole, Raven. Whole,” he rasps, shifting his legs so he’s no longer pinning me to the ground, but I don’t move, too enraptured in his eyes. One brown. One green. His tongue peeks out and his pants disappear from his legs, revealing his long, stiff cock jutting in my direction. “Magic can be useful sometimes,” he muses, making me grin, and he uses that moment to grab my thighs, lifting them to my chest as he aligns his length with my core.

I gasp as he inches inside of me, my desire easing the friction as he stretches my pussy.

“Fuck,” he grunts when he’s fully seated inside of me.

I grasp the blades of grass beneath me but they offer me no support. Pressing my palms into the ground instead, I try to lift to my elbows. Brax stops me before I’m up, hand draping around my neck as he lowers me.

His fingers flex, tightening just right around my throat as I gulp.

“Just because I love you too doesn’t mean I’m going to go easy on you,” he rasps, snapping his cock in and out at an unbelievable pace, forcing a moan from my lips. My heart feels like it’s going to explode from the slip of his tongue, but I don’t get a chance to process it as he repeats the move again. “You’re making me break my vow, Shadow. That has to come with a punishment, too,” he adds, tightening his hold on my throat, cutting off my airway, and my senses instantly heighten.

My face heats, my pulse pounding as my brain pleads for oxygen, but his hold doesn’t relent as he thrusts into me harder, faster. Gripping his wrists, I know how useless it is, but I fight against him anyway. I dig my fingers into his flesh, my mouth parting on silent cries as my body plays to his rhythm perfectly.

On his next thrust, he takes me over the edge. No warning, no build-up, just pure pleasure claiming my body, tingling through my veins as ecstasy turns me into a puddle in his grasp.

He broke his vow.

“We’re not done yet, Shadow,” he grunts, releasing his hold on my throat as he grabs my waist, spinning me beneath him.

I’m beyond disoriented as he pulls me around like a rag doll. Palms pushing into the ground, ass in the air, knees in the dirt, parted and waiting for him. He fills me again in the next breath, filling me deeper as he spreads my ass cheeks. His fingers are bruising, each slam of his cock punishing, but all it does is send tingles through my veins again.

“Fuck. How is it supposed to be a punishment when everything I do makes your pussy drip?”

I grin, glancing back over my shoulder at him. “Say it again.” He frowns, confused by what I’m asking for, but his pace doesn’t falter. “Say it again, Brax.”

A flicker of understanding crosses his eyes, but he quickly tamps it down, pushing a hand between my shoulder blades. I lower my chest to the ground, my hands still clutching at the grass as his hand moves from my back to my head, pressing my face into the ground.

I startle when I realize how close we are to the cliff edge. If I reach my left arm out it would drape over the side. It’s freeing, almost as much as speaking the truth to him was.

“Say it,” I push again, my lids falling closed as he claims my body with every pounding of his hips. His fingers tangle in my hair, pinning me more harshly against the ground as he fucks me with raw abandon.

“Come for me, Shadow,” he orders, his voice raspier now.

“Say it,” I repeat again. He grunts, not wanting to give me what I want, but saying it is fucking beautiful, and hearing it… wow. “I love you, Brax.”

He stutters, his hips faltering before suddenly quickening to a pace I didn’t believe possible. I feel his heat along my back before his whisper against my ear. “I love you.”

My pussy clenches around his cock as my world flips. The words start a chain reaction, tingling from my toes, rippling through my core before zapping through my fingertips. My pulse echoes in my ears as I succumb to the orgasm.

Brax’s thrusts become sporadic as he finds his release, and it’s only when my pulse quiets in my ears that I hear the chant falling from my lips.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

He collapses above me, his breath brushing over my neck as I come down from the greatest high.

I have no idea how much time passes before I blink my eyes open to see the last tendrils of light disappear from the sky, casting pretty shadows over the mountain range in the distance.

A shiver runs through me as the chill in the air brings me back to the present.

In this moment, when pain mixes with pleasure, love, and abundance, the reminder of the guys missing from my presence clings to me.

I refuse to let it be my downfall, though. No. It’s my focus, my promise, my vow.

I’m going to tell them I love them.

No matter the cost, no matter the sacrifice. My future is worth it all.