10. Raven

TEN

RAVEN

Idon’t want to leave. I really don’t want to go. I’m completely overwhelmed with information, along with a stack of questions that are still unanswered. I want to stay forever. Above all that, I don’t want to leave my men. Even if this is a dream and not my true form, I could stay forever and easily pretend the outside world doesn’t exist.

Despite what I want, I know I can’t. It seems I’m meant for bigger things. Things I’m not sure I care about, but I’m here nonetheless. Maybe once everything is said and done, if I succeed in whatever needs to be achieved, then I can just be. Me, with my men. Nothing else matters.

Brax grabs my hand, his fingers flexing around mine as he pulls me out onto the wraparound porch. My chest aches, disappointment seeping into my bones as the others follow behind us.

Once I’m at the bottom of the steps, I turn back to look at the pieces of my soul I’m going to have to leave behind. Sadness weaves its way between us, drawing us closer while making the distance that’s about to follow even more prominent.

“I don’t want to go,” I admit, emotion clogging my throat.

Eldon reaches for me first, tugging me from Brax’s hold to wrap me in his arms. “I don’t want you to go either,” he whispers against the shell of my ear. “It won’t be for long, though, Little Bird. And it’ll never be forever. I won’t allow it,” he adds, warming my bleak heart.

I cling to him, making sure to take a deep breath of his t-shirt so he lingers with me when I’m gone. Looking up at him, he strokes his hand over my hair, a lazy smile on his lips.

He doesn’t utter a word and neither do I. Instead, his lips descend on mine, claiming me delicately as I fist the back of his t-shirt.

All too soon, we’re parting, the distance growing between us once again, and Zane spins me to face him before my emotions get the better of me. “What we need more than anything else, Dove, is for you to behave,” he says with a grin and a cock of his brow. I gape at him, which only makes a chuckle vibrate from his chest. Ass. “But for real, you can’t be getting hot-headed right now, either of you.” He lifts his gaze, glancing over my shoulder to find Brax, who doesn’t verbalize his agreement. Zane rolls his eyes, turning back to me with one hand at my waist and the other cupping my cheek. “I’ll see you real soon, Dove.”

The softness of his voice leaves me weak as he presses his lips firmly against mine. I drink him in, eager for every ounce of him as I cling to his shoulders.

My eyes fall closed and remain that way until he takes a step back. A breeze flutters around me and I sense the moment it’s Creed before me this time. I want to draw it out. Once I say goodbye to him, there’s no reason to stay, which means we must leave, and the thought alone pains me.

“Look at me, Raven.” I gulp, exhaling softly before I do as he asks. The moment my eyes clash with his deep onyx pools, my heart races. “You’re stronger than the rest of us put together. Not just with your magic, in here too.” He presses his palm against my chest, the beat of my heart beneath his touch. “We were meant for you because we each offer a part of ourselves that completes you, but you, my sweet fucking Raven, you offer yourself wholly to all of us because you have the heart, the resilience, and the fight deep in your soul to hold us together while shattering the world at the same time.”

I’m rendered speechless as I stare at him with a soft smile ghosting my lips. I don’t know how to respond to that, but it sure as hell feels like he’s showering me with praise I can’t handle or fathom. Before I can refute anything he’s said, he kisses both corners of my mouth, dragging out the tension until his lips claim mine.

I thank him with my mouth, portray my feelings with my lips, and show how much strength I actually take from them, too, with my fingers clinging to his arms.

Breathless, he tears his lips from mine, his eyes dark with desire as he takes a step back, not missing the opportunity to tuck a loose tendril of hair behind my ear before slipping his hands into his pockets.

A large hand engulfs mine and I don’t need to look to know it’s Brax. Turning to him, he lifts his hand to wave toward his parents, who quietly stand in the open doorway. I should be embarrassed over all the PDA they’re having to witness, but I can’t bring myself to care. Not when I’m basking in my men for the first time in what feels like an eternity. Every second away from them is just too long.

He drops his free hand, turning to me with a nod that I return, even though I’m not ready to go.

Looking back at Eldon, Zane, and Creed, I take a deep breath.

“I lov⁠—”

The wind rushes from my lungs, cutting off my words as I find myself tumbling backward through the never-ending darkness. Nausea pools in my gut as my hand slips from Brax’s, leaving me free floating on my own. It feels longer than it did on the way here, but I eventually hit the ground with a thud, and when I open my eyes, it’s the familiar four walls of my bedroom that greet me.

Panting, my palm flattens against my chest as I lurch forward in bed, catching my breath as I take stock of my surroundings.

Fuck.

My body aches, and although I’ve technically been asleep, my eyes feel as heavy as they did when I was lying here staring into the twilight abyss. Dragging my hand down my face, I glance at the time and groan. Of course, we need to start getting ready for classes now.

“It feels like I’m living a double life,” I grumble, shifting to swing my legs over the side of the bed.

“You’re not wrong there, but we don’t have time to dwell on it. We have things to do. A purpose,” Brax states, shuffling to the other side of the bed. Rising to my feet, I move around to where he sits, and before I go into the bathroom to get ready, I slip between his parted thighs and drape my arms around his neck.

“Before we do that, we need to decide on a word.”

“A word?” He quirks a brow at me, tired but intrigued. I nod. “Why?”

“So we know we are who we say we are.”

His eyebrows furrow for a moment before understanding seems to wash over him and he nods. “That makes sense. It’s easier than throwing random questions at each other like I did with Leila yesterday.”

Silence descends over us for a moment as we think. I know it’s the one as soon as it crosses my mind, and the moment I call it out, Brax smirks, the only agreement I need.

“Handbook.”

My hair is twistedinto a messy bun on top of my head, revealing more of the black strands of hair that intertwine between the pink. I almost considered turning it all black in the mirror this morning but decided I will likely live like that forever once I reach a certain point with my magic, and I’m all for prolonging the inevitable.

With my hand firmly in Brax’s grasp, we’re marching toward the main academy building with one thing on our minds: find Professor Figgins.

I’m hopeful that with the information Marieta gave us, we can control the ward that protects the compound. Working our way through that is one step closer to Ari, and I’m desperate for us to get it done.

We need a win, and after last night, getting to see Eldon, Creed, and Zane like that, I believe anything is possible.

Leila wasn’t waiting outside of the house this morning, and I can’t decide whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing. Once I’ve convinced Figgins about the compound, I can go in search of her.

After settling on our safe word, Brax and I agreed that it would just be for the two of us for now. Everyone else either needs an alternative word or to face our questioning. There are so many people here that I would love the opportunity to question, to demand answers from, the truth and only the truth, but it’s not as easy as I wish it were.

The list continues to grow; the people we can trust are depleting, but one person in this place whose magic could be forever valuable is Lyra’s. She’s high on my visit list too. Even if I could figure out a way to get her to let me mirror her magic instead of draining her and exposing her to the enemy, I would be forever grateful.

“How deep in your mind are you right now?” Brax’s question startles me, and the way his eyebrows rise tells me I’ve accidentally given him my answer. Deep. I’m fucking deep in there.

“It’s hard not to be,” I admit, making sure to keep my voice low. “We might have a bit of a plan of action, but that doesn’t ease the obstacles we’re facing, the what-ifs that surround us. My mind is going so fast, zipping from one thought to another, and it’s a never-ending cycle.”

He hums in understanding, but I still see the tic of his jaw, and I know what’s going through his mind. He wants to fix everything for me, and the reality is he can’t, not that I would ever ask him to. The feeling of helplessness that comes with that, though, is incomparable.

I squeeze his hand three times, silently conveying the emotion swarming inside of me. He doesn’t respond to it, not that I need him to, but his focus is dead ahead as his steps slow. Following his line of sight, my back stiffens when I see Erikel standing by the main entrance to the building. Some students mill around, avoiding walking past him with their chins resting against their chest as they look anywhere but at him, while others slip past him, offering as much room as possible as they move with haste.

Fuck.

Of course, he has to be the first real obstacle we face today. I shouldn’t be surprised.

There’s not long before the first class starts, and if we want a chance to catch Figgins then we can’t hang around avoiding him.

“I feel like this is one of those moments that Zane was referring to,” I murmur, and my eyes follow my brother as he approaches Erikel.

“I agree. We can walk past him and hope it doesn’t cause a scene, or we can cut through the grounds to the left and enter through the back doors, which are technically closer to her office anyway,” he offers, running his thumb over my knuckles.

Dammit. I don’t want to shy away from Erikel. Giving him that taste of delight doesn’t sit well with me. But my ego can’t distract us from the job at hand. Right now, I need to not seek trouble and take the path of least resistance.

“Let’s go to the left,” I mutter, nudging his shoulder with mine.

We move through the growing crowd, seemingly unnoticed, as we take the grassy trail around the exterior of the building.

“That’s also why Zane told you to behave and not me. He knows you can assess a situation better without turning into an asshole,” Brax grunts, making me smirk.

“Oh, I wanted to cause a scene with that fucker. I wanted to summon my sword and watch him bleed out as I danced in the crimson liquid, refusing to bring him back to life, but really, I want answers and a plan for Ari first. The former will have to wait just a little while longer,” I admit with a sigh.

“Fuck, Shadow. You’re crazier than I give you credit for.”

I peer up at him with a smirk. “You don’t give me nearly enough credit as it is.” I wag my finger at him, avoiding his mouth when he attempts to snap his teeth at me, and I laugh.

“May I ask what it is the two of you are doing out here?”

We pause mid-chuckle as we turn to stare at the interrupter of our amusing moment, only to come face to face with Professor Figgins. She peers between us, arms folded over her chest, but there’s no real authority to her stare, just a tingling of intrigue.

“Looking for you, actually.” I turn to face her, a tight smile placed on my face for show, and without a word, she waves us inside.

We follow her through the doors and down the quiet hallway before slipping into her classroom. She doesn’t utter a word at all until we’re secured in her office and the lock is in place behind us.

“I have a class in a few moments. How can I help?” She rounds her desk but doesn’t take a seat as she braces her fingertips on the wood top instead.

“We need to try and get to the compound. I have a plan for the wards.”

“What plan?”

I shrug. “Due to extreme bullshit that keeps happening, I’m going to keep that tidbit to myself for now. Brax is still having no luck getting to the compound via a gateway, but we’ve been offered a vague direction without one.”

“From whom?”

I shake my head. She’s focusing on the wrong details. “I can do this without you, Professor. I’m here, offering you an in because a part of me feels like you deserve a chance to help save us all.”

My words hang in the air, floating like dust as she blinks at me.

“You’re asking me to trust in you,” she finally offers, folding her arms nervously around her waist, and I nod.

“I am. You don’t have to, that’s your choice, but I think we all know nothing is going to end well here. The decision we have to make is whether we’re going to fall freely with whatever comes our way or take fate into our own hands and ride the storm.”

My breaths come in short bursts, my emotions flooding my veins as they rise to the surface, and she continues to stare at me like I’ve got something on my face.

I haven’t even question-checked her or made sure she is who I think she is, and that only makes me more annoyed at myself. I haven’t said too much, but I’m quite firmly placing myself on the other side of the war to the one who believes himself to be my master.

Clearing my throat, I’m ready to leave when she strides purposefully back around the desk to stand in front of me. Brax shifts protectively at my side, placing himself between us, but I pat his arm, letting him know that I’m okay.

“You’re right. This isn’t going to end well. I wasn’t raised a quitter but I’ve been foolish enough to act like one since the day that man arrived. I knew there was something wrong then, but every day that I spend apart from my familiar is another painful reminder of what my future could look like, and I refuse.” There’s a tremble to her shoulders, revealing her nerves, but she still stands tall, adding strength to her words. “I refuse,” she repeats, and I nod. “Tell me where to meet you once classes are done for the day, and I’m at your service.”