Chapter 8

The next day, I saw Curtis during our morning languages class. The tutor was at the front of our small group, drily explaining common grammatical errors. We usually sat next to each other, but today, Curtis walked in last and selected a seat far away from mine. I kept trying to catch Curtis’ eye, but he stared at our instructor the entire hour and refused to even glance in my direction. The same thing happened in archery, literature, and arithmetic. Any time I tried to get Curtis’ attention, he would pretend like I wasn’t there. It was just as Comfort had predicted.

I could just leave the conversation for another day. He clearly didn’t want to look at me, let alone talk to me. But I couldn’t stand not talking to Curtis. It hadn’t even been a full day since I had shied away from his advances, and I already felt lonely and missed his companionship. Comfort’s advice about not putting it off kept ringing in my ears. Finally, I cornered him as our classmates were headed to the dining hall for lunch.

“Curtis, may I talk to you?” I asked, blocking his way down the hall.

Curtis shrugged indifferently, looking pointedly over my shoulder as he continued to refuse to make eye contact.

I waited for everyone else to pass us before I took a deep breath, but no words came out. A shrill squeak emanated from me instead. I tried again. I inhaled and then forced myself to say, “Curtis, I…I like you.”

Curtis’ grumpy expression cleared, replaced by one of incredulity. “What?”

“I like you,” I repeated to Curtis’s shiny shoes. I was too embarrassed to look at him. “A lot. I just wanted to let you know.”

“Oh,” was all Curtis could come up with. Eventually he added, “I like you too. But I guess you already knew that because of…you know…”

I rocked back and forth on my heels. “So… so sorry about, you know, yesterday… I was just, well…”

“It’s okay,” Curtis cut me off. I chanced a glance up at him. He looked embarrassed too and shuffled his feet as he rubbed the back of his neck, which was bright red. “I was trying to be…well…never mind.” He stopped talking and gazed off over my head.

The air was thick with the uncomfortable silence. I watched a spider slowly crawling up the wall by Curtis’ shoes. What now? Neither of us knew what to say or do.

“So… I’m going to go, uh, eat.” I said. I couldn’t think of what else to say, and the situation was already uncomfortable enough.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. That is a good eat. I mean, a good plan… you know, to… uh, eat,” he finished lamely. “I guess I will see you later.”

“Bye!” I said, grateful for the escape. I hurried off, now wondering if I should have waited for a better time to tell him. That was so painful. I was glad we didn’t have any more classes together that day. For all the nobility’s children, same-age peers had group classes in the morning then broke out after the noon meal for individual or small group tutoring, based on our rank, gender, and interests.

On my way to the dining area, I saw Father emerging from a meeting. “Truly!” he called out. “I was hoping to see you.” He hugged me with one arm, his other occupied with a bundle of papers. “We are headed back to Avivia next week. Aria requested you particularly.”

“That is wonderful,” I said, trying my best to sound confident and casual to cover up the embarrassment of my recent conversation.

“Yes it is,” Father agreed. “It will be a large entourage this time.”

“Who else is coming?”

Father began ticking off on his fingers. “Let’s see—a hundred guards, the usual members from court, and some merchants and nobles who want to travel with us as well. There have been more skirmishes near the Avivian border and they want the protection.”

“Hubert too?” I asked, careful to phrase the question in a way that avoided use of Curtis’s name.

“No, no. Not this time. Curtis was requested for this journey.”

My heart leapt. “Well that is good,” I said, still forcing my voice to sound relaxed and nonchalant. “I think the villagers like him better anyway.”

“I think everyone does,” whispered Father conspiratorially. “Except for Hubert.” He gave me a hug. “I will see you tonight, darling.”

I worried that stating my feelings for Curtis would make things awkward and uncomfortable between us, but it had the opposite effect. It seemed to have cleared the air, so that Curtis and I could talk again like we always had, and any residual frostiness from Curtis melted away entirely. We had great fun planning out the route to Avivia the group would take (being a prince came with certain privileges), mapping out towns we had yet to visit, and swapping the latest castle gossip.

I kept expecting it, but he didn’t try to kiss me again. I told Comfort that one evening during Mother and Father’s evening walk.

“Of course he won’t rush right in,” Comfort said, wagging her finger at me. “He is probably lying awake right now, planning it all out in his head. He failed once and isn’t going to go forward without a plan now. That boy of yours is light-hearted about a lot of things, but I can guarantee you that he is meticulously planning every detail after being rejected once.”