Chapter 44

Our driver turned into the castle grounds. Cynthia had insisted that we go on ahead without her and had still not said anything about her ball gown and shoes. The gates had been left wide open, and guards lined the cobblestone path, standing at attention as coach after coach swept in, and girls hung out of the coach’s windows, gazing in wonder at the castle, ablaze with light.

I didn’t look ahead at the castle with the others. I was beginning to feel ill. What had I been thinking, coming to the ball? I wasn’t so much worried about everyone laughing at my scarred face. It would be difficult for anyone to notice; Mother had done an excellent, detailed application of cosmetics that afternoon, and I had borrowed one of Comfort’s dresses, and a pair of her shoes. I was more worried about what Curtis would say after all this time of being away. If he had never received my letter, and had one from Comfort in its stead… But again, I reminded myself, he was with Aria. I was here to apologize and give closure. That was all. I smoothed my hair down. It had finally grown back. It cascaded down past my shoulders, nearly to my elbows.

Then, as if by habit, I pulled out my fan to shield my face. Gently, Mother tugged my fan away and tucked my hair behind my ear, putting my face on full display. She smiled warmly at me and nodded out of the window. “That grove of trees was where your father proposed to me.”

Comfort and I stared out at the spot Mother had indicated. Among the trees, we could see a small pond, lily pads floating on top, and a stone bench by the water’s edge. Flowers dotted the ground around it. It looked picturesque, and it didn’t take much imagination to see a young Mother sitting on the bench as Father knelt in front of her.

I squeezed Mother’s hand, noticing as I did that her chin was quivering. “It is beautiful,” I told her, and Comfort nodded her agreement.

Mother blinked rapidly, and then gestured out the window again. “And over there,” she continued, “is where Truly fell off a horse on her twelfth birthday.”

I smiled at the memory, recalling with ease the occasion—Curtis and I had been racing, and I had attempted to leap my horse over a hedge after Curtis. But my steed had stopped short, and I had been flipped out of the saddle and landed on my backside in the hedge’s brambles, my arms and legs waving pathetically out of the top until I had been rescued by Curtis, laughing fit to burst.

Curtis. I would be seeing him soon. I tried to remember the lines I had been rehearsing. Preparing to apologize. Beg for his forgiveness for my having been such a terrible friend. For ignoring him when he needed me most. To congratulate him on his engagement.

Memories from my youth came flooding back as our carriage trundled up the path, clattering on towards the gleaming front doors. Music swelled louder and louder as we drew closer to the entrance. The carriage wasn’t moving forward smoothly anymore, but stopping and starting again as we waited for girls in coaches at the head of the queue to exit and mount the steps.

My eyes drifted onto the faces of the guards lining the path, standing at attention. Most faces I did not recognize, though a few were familiar. I nudged Comfort and nodded toward one of the men, whom Comfort used to dance with in years past. She blushed but waved merrily out of the window at him, whose eyes stayed fixed ahead, staying stationary as guards were supposed to, no matter what.

And finally, it was our turn to descend the few stairs from our carriage and follow the other swishing skirts and corseted figures traipsing into the castle. Mother and Comfort ascended the front castle steps gracefully and swept inside ahead of me. I hung back, nervous about entering such a lavish celebration. For so long, I had avoided social gatherings, embarrassed about my appearance. I knew just how large of a mass of people that would be cloistered in that ballroom. My nerves screamed at me to retreat, but as I reflected on the letters from Curtis, I knew I had to go through with my decision to come.

I drew as deep a breath as I could, with my ribs being constricted by my corset, and entered the doors. It was even more beautiful than I had remembered. Flowers in vases were set on tables at intervals along the long corridor ahead. Massive oil paintings of previous royalty, scenes from our nation’s history, and of great battles hung on the walls. I had never appreciated the intricate detail in each unique piece of art before this moment.

My footsteps were soft on the purple carpet as I trailed after several groups of giggling girls, each expressing her eagerness for meeting Prince Hubert and hoping that she would be chosen for his bride. A faint smile touched my lips as I remembered Prince Hubert, unsmiling, stiffly leading his dance partners through a series of dance steps. But perhaps he had changed. After all, it had been years ago.

Then I wondered again if Curtis would be inside the ballroom that was looming closer and closer. Just before entering the doors, I hesitated, thinking of turning and talking a walk before forcing myself to have the conversation I knew I had to have, but another swarm of girls coming in from behind me pressed against me, and I was pushed inside.