Chapter 43

Ihungrily read letter after letter, regretting deeply that I hadn’t read these sooner. I hadn’t known about his broken arm. Or being confined to his room. His stories made me smile. These letters would have cheered me up so much if I had but stretched out my hand and opened them.

Dearest Truly,

I hope you are recovering quickly. I asked the physician about you several times, but he said he isn’t allowed to talk about his other patients to anyone, and to stop asking or he would recommend me be gagged for medical reasons. I would threaten to have him removed as royal physician, but he would know it is a bluff. I have no more power than a scullery maid right now.

For your entertainment today, please imagine me walking around my chambers in naught but my woolen long johns, balancing my etiquette book and a cup of tea on top of my head while reciting a history of our noble country in Latin. Because that is what I was doing this morning. The tailor was trying to find a way to modify my clothes to fit this giant cast into my sleeve. That is also the reason the right sleeve of my long johns has been cut away and none of my other clothes fit. So in my long johns I stay.

Anyway, there I was, traipsing back and forth and telling about the construction of bridges during King Turk’s reign, with a book and tea on my head and feeling utterly ridiculous, when my new mannerisms instructor, a woman, came in suddenly. I guess the sight of me in cut apart long johns with tea on my head and a tailor sticking pins into me while having Sir Eugene listening to me prattle on was terrifying. So, if you heard shrieks reverberating off your walls this morning, that was my doing.

Sincerely,

Curtis

Truly,

It has been a week since I have been confined to my quarters. I hope you are getting my letters. I wouldn’t put it past Hubert to be intercepting them as revenge. Hubert, if you are reading these, you will be getting another punching just as soon as my arm heals, I don’t care how many etiquette lessons I get!

Truly, I feel like a toddler having to sit out of play time. I am so tired of staring at these same four walls. I wish I had a portrait of you. And these tutors have me working my fingers off with all the essays and recitations and history lessons. I am amazed that my fingers work at all anymore. You would think they could let me rest since I have a broken arm and was shot with multiple arrows, but I guess healing in peace isn’t princely enough.

My tutors keep telling me that with great power comes great responsibility. What a joke! I don’t even have power over how I can position my legs when I sit in a chair.

Yours Truly,

Curtis

Truly,

I was finally allowed out of my chambers. I saw Comfort today when I came to call on you. She said you have been mostly unconscious and in a lot of pain. I was hoping to show off my arm all bound up in a splint and cast and have you swoon over my battle scars, but I guess that will have to wait. I left some flowers for you, along with all of my best wishes. I was very sorry to hear about your father. I didn’t know until Comfort told me today. His funeral is tomorrow. I will tell you about it in my next letter if you aren’t well enough to attend yet.

Sincerely,

Curtis

Truly,

Your father’s funeral was today. Your mother said you are still unconscious and still very ill. She looked ill too. I can’t imagine having a spouse pass away. I think that would break anyone. I hope your mother is able to feel some peace. I’ve always thought that after we pass on, we go to a place where there is no pain or suffering, and we can watch over the ones who we left behind. I’m sure your father is watching over you and your sister and mother now. I am sorry if my previous letters seemed insensitive at all, though you probably haven’t been awake to read them yet. I hadn’t known your father had passed away.

The service was sad. I mean, it was a good service—everyone liked your father and had nothing but good things to say about him. But sad because no one wants to see anyone die early, and your father was still young. People talked about his dedication to his country, his passion for his work, and the love he had for his family. Your mother said that he was the love of her life and a part of her died with him.

Comfort sang a song, but it was hard to hear the words because she was crying the whole time. They released some doves and scattered his ashes by the lake. Everyone who knew your father tossed flowers into the lake, and there must have been hundreds of flowers all floating there just as the sun was setting. When it was my turn to place a flower, I told about the evenings I spent with your family, listening to him tell stories, and the fishing trips with him. I put in a flower on your behalf since you couldn’t be there. It was a lily. Your favorite.

It was a sad funeral, but nice because we were able to remember all the good things about your father, and it was a beautiful place to be put to rest.

Warmest regards,

Curtis

I blinked back tears rapidly.I had never asked for details about Father’s funeral. At the time, it had been too painful to think about. But now, I had a letter telling me about it. I was glad Curtis had thought to place a flower on my behalf. He was so thoughtful. I couldn’t stop reading the letters. I reached for one after another, desperate to hear everything Curtis had wanted to tell me.

Truly,

Comfort said you woke up finally! I am so glad! I have been very worried about you. I dropped off some chocolates for you and your family. Sweets always cheer me up. Which is probably why the pastry chef in the kitchens has her entire staff on orders to run me out of the kitchen any time they see me. I eat way too many!

My etiquette lessons have finally stopped. Hallelujah! Mother gave me a stern talking to about my behavior, and I had to promise to never, ever to punch the crown prince again, and to keep my temper in check. Hubert was smiling really smugly just behind her, so it was doubly hard to agree and stay composed. I think I will put itching powder in his bed tonight.

I am going back to most of my regular tutoring sessions now, and hope to see you in languages soon. I need the help! I will send lots of flowers and sweets (whenever I can sneak past the servants in the kitchen).

Affectionately,

Curtis

Dear Truly,

Get better soon! One of your little language pupils, Archie, was asking where you were today. I told him you were sick, and he said for you to get better soon because his new tutor is mean. I said that compared to you, everyone is mean.

I came to call, but Comfort said you aren’t feeling well enough to accept visitors. Can you make an exception for me? I want to see you.

Yours Truly,

Curtis

Dearest Truly,

I miss you. I miss you asking about my day; you are the only one who ever does. I miss how you always smell nice. I miss you being a good influence on me. I miss just sitting and talking with you. I miss you being there to help me when I can’t figure out how to conjugate Latin verbs. I miss your smile. I miss the feel of your hand in mine. I miss your ingenuity in scheming up new tricks to play on people. I miss our walks. I miss everything about you. I need you in my life again. Write back to me, please?

Forever Yours,

Curtis

Dear Truly,

I haven’t heard from you at all yet. It has been several weeks. Were your eyes damaged in the burn? Comfort, if you are getting these, and Truly can’t read them, could you please read them to her and write back her responses? I may go find the physician and force him to tell me how you are doing. I am getting very worried about you.

Your concerned friend,

Curtis

Dear Truly,

Mother gave me a lecture today about not pestering the physician. He went and tattled on me after I followed him around all day asking him over and over how you are doing and kept telling him I wouldn’t leave him alone until he told me. He finally said he would tell me after I took my medication and he finished his rounds, but I suspected that he slipped in a sleeping draft. So I only pretended to drink it then dumped it into Hubert’s grape juice when he wasn’t looking.

When the physician came back, I was up and waiting for him. He told me that he couldn’t actually say anything about your condition and that he had lied before. I told him he looks like a flabby toad and to try and figure out if I was lying or not and see how he likes it.

Your best friend,

Curtis

P.S. Hubert is still out cold. Don’t tell Mother.

P.P.S. The physician really does look like a toad.

Dear Truly,

I am feeling gloomy. Kind of a first for me. I wish you were here. I could use some company. Will you come save me?

I wanted to gather up a bucket full of toads to throw into the physician’s living quarters because he wouldn’t tell me about you. But I couldn’t work up the energy. Without you there with me, it didn’t seem worth it.

Your glum friend,

Curtis

Poor Curtis. There I had been, wallowing in my own grief, when my friend had needed me. Wanted me there. We could have helped each other, but instead I had become a recluse, hiding away from the world. I thought that would be the worst of it, but the next letter broke my heart.

Dear Truly,

I have been thinking. I haven’t heard from you at all, and I feel like I need to apologize. Perhaps you blame me for the attack. I guess I am partially responsible for what happened to you. I saw your sister today and badgered her into telling me the whole truth. Comfort told me that your arm was broken, and your face was burned badly, and that you are feeling depressed. If it wasn’t for me wanting you to ride beside me, you could have ridden with the guards and stayed safe. If I had gotten to you sooner after the mob came, you wouldn’t have been injured.

I was lucky and got off easy with just few minor scars, but you got the worst of it. Not just physical injuries, but on that day, I could hear the mob when they took you. I heard a lot of what they were yelling when I was trying to get to you. It still haunts me. I cannot even count the number of times that I have wished I had been the one taken instead of you. I would have gladly borne that if I knew it would have spared you even a moment of pain.

Please believe me when I tell you, I was trying my best to save you. I saw them dragging you away, and I was beside myself trying to cut down anyone who stood between us. There were so many in the mob. I wanted more than anything to protect you, but I couldn’t that day. And I will regret that forever.

I am so sorry, Truly. I should have been there for you, but I failed. I hope you don’t hate me. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that you hate me. It doesn’t matter to me if you look different now. I want to be with you. I can’t imagine a future without you in it.

Love Forever,

Curtis

I sat with the letters clutched in my hands, gaping at the words written on the page. All these years, had he thought I blamed him for the mob attacking? Had he thought I was angry with him, was refusing to see him because of his actions?

I had to fix this. Even though it had been years ago, even though he was now engaged to someone else, I had to see Curtis again. To explain. To apologize. He needed to know it wasn’t his fault. I didn’t know exactly what Comfort had written to him in her letter, but it didn’t matter. Now that he was engaged to Aria, it didn’t matter what we felt for each other. I knew what I needed to do.

My body seemed to act of its own accord. I stood up briskly, threw open my bedroom door, and marched down the flight of stairs, finding Mother and Comfort preparing for their next lesson, and Cynthia sweeping away the remnants left behind by the last class.

“I am going to the ball!” I announced loudly. They all jumped and stared at me. I handed Comfort the mirror she had requested, which she took, open-mouthed.

“Wh-what?” Mother stammered.

“The royal ball tonight. I will be attending,” I said authoritatively.

Cynthia rolled her eyes. “You do know that there will be people at the ball who will see your face, right?”

“Shut up, Cynthia!” snapped Comfort. She got up and hurried over to hug me. “Oh, Truly, I am so glad you are coming with us! It will be much more fun with you there! And don’t worry, Mother and I will fix your hair and cosmetics, and no one will notice anything.”

“Everyone will notice,” Cynthia griped, but we all ignored her.

Girls were beginning to arrive for their final ball preparations, so I retreated upstairs. I held the letters, reading them over and over. Memories flooded my mind, and this time, I didn’t push them away, but reveled in those happy, golden times. Playing pranks on Hubert. Racing horses across the fields. Staying up late and listening to the bard in Avivia. Dancing together at the balls.

I had to see him again. Nothing would stop me.