20. Chapter 20

For some unfathomable reason, it was suddenly very important for me to hear her say my name. Just as unfathomable and important as it had been when I dragged her out here and kissed her.

But by the gods, what a sight she had been slamming her fist into the other female. Her eyes had been alight with a fire I hadn't seen before. Her black hair, usually pinned in a neat braid or tail, stood up at all angles, tousled, and my cock turned rock-hard at the image of her looking like this after we mated.

It had been too long for me to remember how our females behaved, but I was sure they hadn't bloodied each other. Part of me wanted to punish Gwyn for hurting Sandra—the part that had been primed to protect females—but another part, a stronger part, just wanted her .

It wasn't more than an impulse, a stupid impulse, but here we were. And once I kissed her… good gods, what a kiss!

She was MINE. Vorag had put her into my path twice at decisive moments, making his will clear, and I wasn't unhappy about it. Just like I told her, she would do just fine.

"Tzar-Than?" she asked cautiously, repeating my name and bringing me not only back to the present but… I closed my eyes for a moment to relish what hearing my name from her lips did to me.

Precum leaked down my shaft, but I was used to denying myself. It wouldn't be easy, but I would not take Gwyn out here on the ground. Our first time would be in a bed after our official mating ceremony.

"I thought your name was Khadahr. I'm sorry. I didn't realize…" she muttered more nonsense. I grunted my agreement, bathing in the delicious way my blood flowed through my veins, becoming aware of every little thing about my body in ways I never had before.

She looked delicious, confused, aroused, and discomfited with her disheveled hair all around her, her lips swollen from our kiss. Her wide eyes were all pupils now, a deep black abyss that drew me in as if she was hypnotizing me. I liked the way her pupils were different from ours—round instead of slit. It made her look innocent and desirable.

Slowly, I lifted my right hand and used the knuckle of my thumb to caress her flustered-looking face. Gods, her skin was so soft. Had our females had such soft skin? I didn't remember.

A dark cloud enveloped me. Why didn't I remember what my mother's skin had felt like?

I withdrew my hand and stared down at Gwyn. Sensing another one of my dark spells overcoming me, I closed my eyes to keep it at bay for now. By Vorag, why did it have to be her? This wasn't her fault. I didn't want to burden her with my dark moods for the rest of her life. She deserved better than me, so much better. She was a good person, stubborn maybe and ill-advised at times, but her volunteering to take my warriors' lashes, to take responsibility for her ill-thought-out actions, spoke of her good intentions. She hadn't even known that someone else would take her punishment.

My heart had recognized her as my mate the moment I had stepped through the red fog and saw her, but my mind had been too stubborn to acknowledge it. She was perfect in every way. She cared about people; she was inquisitive. By Vorag, she had even gone hunting so that she could be self-sufficient instead of depending on others to feed her. She had shown her bravery when she faced off against certain death with the xythrax. Had even tried to help me, because she thought me in danger.

She was everything a khadahrshi should be. Her presence grounded me enough to keep the dark shadows contained for now. I cupped her cheek with my palm and reveled in how she cheek into it. Her eyes still mesmerized me and held me in place. I could see a thousand questions reflected in them, but like me, she seemed to want to cherish this moment and stayed quiet, letting me take the lead .

I knew I should have taken her back to camp, but when her hand reached tentatively up to cup my face as well, I stood still, unable to move. I'm not even sure I breathed. Light like the flutter of a wing, her hand landed on my cheek, bringing a jolt to life that rushed through me like a strong storm. Nobody that I could remember had ever touched me this tenderly. The contact of our skin heated me from the inside out.

This wasn't a sexual touch, not then. It was a contact between two souls finding one another. Who was this female stirring emotions in me that had lain dormant for a decade? Who was making me forget who I was? In that moment, I wasn't a khadahr on the verge of changing his people's destiny forever. I was just Tzar-Than, a simple male.

"Tzar-Than," she said as if reading my mind. My name coming from her lips was like a caress to the core of my being.

"Gwyn," my mouth replied without any direction from me.

Ever so slowly, she rose on her tiptoes, her lips slightly parted, and I sensed that if I kissed her now, nothing would ever be the same again. Anger at her species still churned deep down in my gut, but it was so low it was barely there. It fought for dominance, but there was another part of me that cried for peace, that cried to stop this hate that had consumed me for so long.

Her lips were inviting, promising respite from all my worries and problems. Tempted, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Give in and take her to my tent? Forget about a ceremony first ?

Reason won out. I withdrew my hand from her face while I reached for hers with my other hand and gently pried it off me as well.

"I should take you back to your tent now," I said decisively. We would be mated soon, and then we would have all the freedom we had longed for, to explore each other.

"Of course, I'm sorry." She pulled her hand from my grip. She understood. Relief washed through me. Good. Vorag had chosen wisely for me.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I assured her. "Your debt has been paid—"

"Debt?" she interrupted me.

"Your transgressions," I reminded her, gently, I thought.

"Transgressions?" Her eyelashes fluttered in confusion, but her lips pulled into a hard line.

I didn't want to remind her of what she had done and the twenty lashes she had cost my back. Then again, if she was going to be my khadahrshi, she needed to know our rules and her place.

"You will not go on another hunt," I said instead, plainly.

Her cheeks flushed. She looked like she was about to contradict me, but then she seemed to remember who she was talking to and said, "As you wish."

"Good." I nodded, satisfied.

"I will just live off your scraps and vegetables," she hissed and turned her back to me, about to return to our camp.

"You will be provided for. I promised that when you came," I called out, confused about her change in attitude .

She whirled around. "And how do you know that I want to be provided for?" she huffed, coming straight at me with fire in her eyes.

"That's what males do. They provide for their females," I answered, puzzled.

Her finger rose and pointed at my chest. "I want to be able to provide for myself. That's why I asked the men to take me with them."

"You want to hunt?" I repeated to make sure I understood her correctly.

She rolled her eyes. "Yes!"

"That's why you wanted to go with the warriors?"

Her gaze moved heavenward this time, and she took a deep breath. "Yes."

"But… you have me. I will provide for you," I stated. "You won't ever be hungry. You will never be wanting."

"You will provide for me?" she clarified.

"Vorag has chosen you as my mate." I nodded, wondering if I had misjudged her and she was denser than I thought.

"Vorag has chosen me as your mate?" she repeated, staring at me as if I had lost my mind.

Neither one of us said anything for a moment because what was there to say? I was done playing this game of repeating statements into a question. She had heard me the first time.

"Did you offer Sandra the same deal? Is that why the two of you rolled on the grass? Is that what you expect from me now? To jump your bones and bang you in gratitude?" Her voice didn't sound like her at all. It was cold, accusing, and I didn't understand all the meanings of what she implied. Only that she thought Sandra and I had had sex.

"Sandra and I never had sex." Sandra had offered, but I wasn't about to tell her that. There was enough bad blood between the two of them.

"Oh wow, great! Good for you. Congratulations!" Gwyn's voice was cutting. Once again, she turned on her heel.

I grabbed her elbow. "I am a khadahr. I don't have to explain myself to you, but since you are a human and don't know our customs, I will try."

"That would be a first," she stated but stopped, pulled her elbow free, and put her fists into her hips. "I'm listening."

I had no idea what else she expected me to say and remained quiet, waiting for her to elucidate.

With a small huff, she broke the silence. "Alright, first of all, I saw you and Sandra last night, and you guys looked pretty cozy."

Ah, jealousy , I thought. My future mate would be possessive, a trait I didn't dislike.

"Nothing happened between Sandra and me," I assured her again.

"So why did you spurn my attempts to tend to your wounds but welcomed Sandra's fussing over you?" she inquired.

I could have told her that I had still been seething over her going on the hunt, interfering with my battle with the xythrax, nearly unmanning me in front of my warriors. None of them had interfered. They had realized this was between me and the beast. Yet, she had inserted herself, again, making it look as if I needed a gallis to slay my enemies.

But I kept my lips sealed, as even I understood that this might not have been the best strategical approach.

Following this thought, was another, one that gave me pause. Maybe I was looking at this wrong. I had seen the surreptitious glances my warriors had thrown at her after I finished the xythrax off. The looks had been filled with veiled admiration. Each one of them had understood in that moment what I had failed to understand for many fingerbreadths of time. This gallis was brave. As brave as any warrior. She didn't know our rules and traditions. What she saw had been a male fighting a dangerous beast, and instead of running away, she had tried to help me. Help me! Not undermine me.

She must have known that she wasn't a match for the creature, yet she had distracted it twice from coming close to goring me. That was what my warriors saw in her, what Vorag saw in her. And what finally, I was seeing in her.