38. Tairyn

thirty-eight

Tairyn

This wasn't part of the plan. I never thought it would come to this. My heart races as I walk towards the hidden alcove, where Mira is waiting. A part of me wants to turn back, to pretend like none of this ever happened. But I know that's not an option. I pull her out from her hiding spot, feeling a mix of guilt and fear wash over me. The shadows seem to cling to her like a protective cloak, shielding her from what's to come. I can see the anger and suspicion in her eyes, and it only adds to the turmoil inside me. What have I done?

I can and I want to, she had said.

I scrub my face viciously with my palms, as if the friction can wipe away the memory.

"You deserve an explanation," I say between my fingers, trying to keep my voice steady.

Mira narrows her eyes at me, crossing her arms over her chest. "You think?"

The door slams open, and suddenly Sunder, Bobble, and Callum are in the room. I barely have a chance to react before they leap between me and Mira, forming a protective barrier.

"Stay away from her!" Sunder snarls, his chestnut eyes blazing with anger. Bobble, the gentle giant sandwiched between my nemesis and me, looks concerned but determined. His amber eyes flicker between Mira and me, as if trying to take in the situation. I'm not sure if he's here to protect Mira from me or me from Sunder. Maybe both.

For once, I'm too tired to play the game. To goad and taunt. Not when all is so clearly lost. The room tenses, wrapping around us like an unyielding vice. Sunder inches closer, his hand reaching for the hilt of his sword. I can see the rage simmering beneath the surface.

I can't blame them. I hang my head, running my hand across my forehead and through my hair. Mira watches me with a mix of rage and hurt.

"Explain yourself. Now," she demands. The ice in her voice stabs me through the chest. The others look between us warily.

"I…" My voice sounds strange, foreign to my own ears, like a man condemned. Gulping down the emotions that surge inside me, I start again. "This isn't how I wanted you to find out," I say finally, pinching away the headache forming at the bridge of my nose. "I was going to tell you. All of you."

A huff of tired air expels from me as I slump down into my desk chair, not caring that my usual mask of indifference is slipping away. Everything is ruined now anyway. What does it matter?

"It started long ago, when I first awoke in this body. I approached Malicryn, trying to get information. I knew she wouldn't have acted alone when she shattered my soul. Our soul, I suppose. That path led me to Yurghen."

I pause to glance at the Shards, to see the mild surprise flash on their faces. Internally, I roll my eyes.

Yes, idiots. Of course he helped her. How would she have known something like that on her own? I bite back a snide remark.

"I made a bonded bargain with him. I'd work for him as his apprentice, let him run… experiments on me, help with his plots." I don't try to suppress the grimace at those words. The awful memories. "Working with him offered me everything I wanted at the time. He had a way to give me access to my Chroma again, despite my predicament. He promised he'd teach me how to make myself whole using a similar ritual to the shattering once my role with him was complete. It was all dangled in front of me like a carrot and information given so sparingly that my resentment grew quickly. But it didn't matter. The deal was made."

My eyes refuse to meet Mira's as my thoughts race and my words stumble out in a jumbled mess. "I was selfish. And desperate. But mostly, I was angry. I started working against them, while working with them. It was a futile act of rebellion though. Nothing more. Importing things from the human realm, taking over some of the portals. It was nothing more than a nuisance to them and the other High Elves."

Sunder scoffs as he crosses his arms, clearly not believing anything I say.

"A convenient change of heart," Callum chimes in, his blue eyes narrowed.

"Eventually, I realized that Yurghen didn't have everything he promised me. There were things he still didn't understand, and our bargain was a gamble for him. But I kept my place among them, believing he'd find it, eventually. Malicryn took over micromanaging me somewhere along the way. She gave orders, and I'd follow them in my own ways. It was a game we played to vex each other."

With a heavy heart, I finally meet her gaze, but all I see is a mask of confusion and seething anger. Unable to bear the weight of her hatred, I hang my head once more, refusing to look into those eyes that used to hold something akin to compassion for me. But I must tell her the final piece of the truth, the darkest and most shameful part that will surely destroy all our future prospects.

This is a turning point in one of the vision's web of possibilities. But where will it take me?

"When Sunder found you, Mira, everything changed. I didn't realize at the time why, but Malicryn and Yurghen both contacted me constantly. Demanding I find you. They claimed that you were the missing piece. The last thing they needed from me. Once I delivered you to them, they'd give the last bit I needed to complete the ritual and make myself whole."

Bobble growls in his throat, the high pitched mewl of a feral cat cornered.

"But then… you found him. You walked right up to him and killed him. But I knew it was too good to be true. He could never be defeated so easily. So I waited and finally went to inspect his tower where he liked to putter around and torture little creatures. That's when I caught the first scent of you. The demands from Malicryn didn't stop. I was still to deliver you. So I used one of the portals to bounce around until I caught your scent again and brought you here. Malicryn is coming to collect you soon. I don't know when, but we-"

"Enough." Sunder cuts in. "This is all bullshit."

"Yurghen's gathering power. I've been told he's back to his old self. He's on the move, getting ready to execute his plans." I explain.

"And what exactly are the plans, Tairyn? Why are they coming to collect me? No lies or half truths. Everything you know."

"I've told you everything I know. My guess is that somehow, you are to be part of the ritual to open the Great River."

Bobble's growl grows in his chest like a long high-pitched warning, an angry cat ready to strike. But Callum cracks his knuckles and asks, "Like a sacrifice?"

"I saw a vision about it, but you understand that it may not be accurate." I wait for them to nod in understanding before proceeding. "In that vision, her soul left her body, and a new one took its place. I believe she is the Vessel to which he will bind a lost soul."

The memory twists my gut in disgust. The rage and despair I felt watching it unfold so helplessly surge through me anew.

"And what of Callum? Is he also to be delivered?" Mira's mouth twists around the word with pure disgust the same way my stomach does.

"Cal? No. He's not involved. I brought him here of my own volition."

"Why? Just because you enjoy being a cruel bastard?" she spits back.

I shake my head wearily. "I thought I was protecting him. Despite what you all think, I like Cal. Another vision. A thousand different deaths, standing up for what he believed to be right. I admire that quality." I meet his steady gaze. "I wish I had that quality. I didn't want you to die for it, so I brought you here to be a comfortable, albeit forced, guest. When you insisted on staying in the dungeon, I assumed the role of your jailor. I thought it was better than the alternative."

Mira's eyes dart frantically between Callum and me, her expression wrought with confusion and doubt. Her inner turmoil is visible as she struggles to determine what is real and what is a deception.

"Mira—" I pause, swallowing hard. "In the time I've spent with you, I've realized that what Yurghen and Malicryn offer is hollow. It is void of meaning and passion. But you… you make me want to be better."

I force the words out through gritted teeth, the pain in my voice mirroring the agony I feel within. The chasm between us is like a gaping wound when only moments ago it felt like a bridge was forming.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better, Tairyn?" Mira asks, her voice dripping with disdain.

"Of course not. I wanted to tell you. I didn't mean for you to find out like this."

"No. Shoving me into a broom closet while you discuss your evil plans with your ex was a much better outcome."

"Typical Tairyn," Sunder spits, shaking his head.

"Yes, I get it," I say, my patience wearing thin. Rising to my full height, almost equal with Sunder, I step up to him until our faces are only a hand span apart. "You don't trust me. But do you really think I'd risk everything just to screw you over again? I've lost everything already. We need to get her far away from here. Today."

Mira's gaze burns into me, her eyes filled with silent accusation. The room falls into a heavy stillness, each Shard weighing my words and I can feel their thoughts churning like a storm. My heart hammers against my ribs. Doubt creeps into my mind, wondering if this desperate plea will all be in vain.

"Look, all I'm asking is for a chance to prove myself. Mira, meeting you changed me. And learning of Yurghen's plans to break open the Great River… I can't stand idly by any longer. Your life is at risk. Ask yourself. Do you truly believe I would let harm befall you?"

Like an ancient tapestry, her eyes reveal glimpses of emotions and thoughts, spinning and weaving in intricate patterns, yet remaining still and silent. Her uncertainty gnaws at me like a ravenous beast gnawing its prey.

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, she exhales slowly. "I don't know if I can trust you, but leaving here is the best course of action, regardless."

The room becomes a whirl of activity. Bobble stands up, flexing his large muscles. Sunder gives me a sidelong glance, his face unreadable.

"Are we done questioning him?" Bobble asks, something odd at the edge of his voice.

"For now," Sunder grunts, still eyeing me suspiciously.

"Good."

In a blur of movement, Bobble's fist rockets towards my face, the force of impact causing my jaw to snap with a sickening crack. The world around me turns into a kaleidoscope of stars and swirling colors as my vision blurs and fades into darkness.