Chapter Fifteen James

Istopped my struggling for a moment, surprised by the words that had come out of Rowan's mouth. If he were anyone else, I might not believe him. But considering what little I knew about him, I didn't really think he was capable of faking emotion like that.

?"I'm sorry I blew up."

?Rowan's intimidating stature had condensed itself into a ball next to the tub as he pulled his knees tight to his chest. He hung his head down between his knees and I wasn't sure if he was crying or not. I hoped not because if there was one thing I knew about myself, it was that I was a sympathetic crier. Nobody ever cried alone in my presence.

?"I'm just… I'm just so fucking angry right now," he added, his voice barely above a whisper. "Everything is so fucked up."

?I relaxed back into the tub, ceasing my struggling for the moment. Letting out a deep sigh, I placed a hand on his shoulder. I hated how easy I was to apologize to. The moment a boy started showing me emotion, I was about as rigid as a wet blanket.

?"Will you just tell me what's going on in that head of yours?" I asked gently. "I might understand more than you think I do."

?He shook his head. "It's so stupid…"

?"I bet you it's not."

?Finally he looked up at me, his eyes bloodshot. "Everything I thought I knew about myself and my life has been crashing down around me. I'm pissed off at everyone and everything, I don't want to be here in this beautiful place because I feel so damn bad, and to top it all off I met you and I just don't know what to even think."

?The hurt in his voice had me on the edge of tears. "You really did care about her, huh?"

?"I've been working this shitty job non-stop for months to give her the life she wanted. I was determined to buy her that house she dreamed about so we could raise a family. It didn't matter if I was happy as long as she had everything she wanted." He turned away from me again. "And not only did she cheat on me… but I just found out it's been happening for months. I know I spent a lot of time at work and I wasn't caring for her like I should… but if she was so unhappy, why didn't she tell me?"

?"I wish I could tell you, Rowan," I replied, carefully choosing my words. "Sometimes it's easier to ignore a problem than to face it head on."

?"We could have been so happy," he continued. "And I could've had a normal life." He paused for a moment. "And now… now I'm… broken."

?This time I forced him to look at me. "You are not broken," I said sternly, holding his chin in my hand. "You're hurt and trying to figure it all out. That doesn't make you broken."

?"But I never liked guys before this…"

?"Well you sure as hell aren't broken for being attracted to men either." I gave him a good once over. "And I bet if you were being honest with me, you'd tell me that you've had thoughts about guys before. You don't just turn gay because of a bad breakup."

?He stared for a long moment. "M-Maybe," he replied finally. "In college a little…"

?"Tell me about that," I said, releasing him from my grasp. "The breakup will heal in time, but this seems like the thing causing you to lash out."

?"Sorry…"

?"Don't be sorry," I nodded. "Just explain it to me."

?He nodded. "It's… hard to say. I've hidden it away for so long."

?"Take your time." I leaned back in the tub, giving him the space he needed. "And start from the beginning."

?Rowan heaved a big sigh before he nodded. With one last glance at me, he rested his chin on his knee and started to tell me his story.

"There was a guy sophomore year that I roomed with. A hockey player."

"My god," I laughed. "That honestly explains everything. But continue."

"Well, he didn"t wear a lot of clothing when he was lazing in our room."

"Naturally."

"And I caught him a couple of times with his dick sort of poking out of his boxers. At first I was gonna tell him, but when I realized I didn"t want my view to go away, I stopped myself." He sighed again. "I spent all year trying to convince myself I didn"t want anything from him while fantasizing about him all the time."

"What happened?"

"Nothing," he shrugged. "The year ended, we parted ways, and I tried to forget about him. When I got a new roommate for junior year, I didn"t find him attractive and I wrote it off as a weird phase brought on by hormones and youth."

I could tell Rowan was having a hard time telling me this story. He was baring his soul to me and all I could do was laugh. What he"d been through would"ve turned on any sane person. It was like the start of a cheap porno.

"I"m not laughing at you," I added, wanting to explain myself. "It"s just the whole roommate thing is a funny situation."

"Funny?"

"Yeah. Like bad porn funny."

He grumbled, but didn"t reply.

"So I take it you never explored anything after that? No thoughts about other guys?"

"None."

"Not even your gay friend?"

Rowan lifted an eyebrow. "Adam? Never."

"Not even a little bit?"

"He"s handsome," he sighed. "But we"re just friends. I don"t feel any sort of physical attraction to him."

"Not your type?"

"Yeah. He"s fun to be around, but not for days at a time."

I paused for a moment. "So what made you attracted to me after all these years? What did I do to get you so worked up and confused?"

I wasn"t sure if it was a totally relevant question and I knew it was one Rowan didn"t want to answer. But my curiosity was burning me up, and I had to know. What could make a mostly straight man suddenly forget his preferences?

"I don"t know," he said softly. "Maybe it"s the fact I"m single now or maybe it"s because I"m so desperate not to feel bad that I"ll take anything." He looked up at me, his cheeks blushing. "There"s something about you I can"t quite put my finger on. But… I don"t know… I feel like I have to give it a chance. Like I don"t have a choice in the matter."

Now it was my turn to get all worked up. I fought back the surge of emotion that wanted to bring me to tears. It was incredible how quickly this grumpy dickhead had grown on me. Last week I could"ve walked away easily but now I felt the same as he did. I couldn"t leave and not just because I was trapped in the tub.

"That might be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." I leaned forward in the tub, wrapping my arms around Rowan's neck. "You don't have anything to be afraid of with me, alright? If you want to just explore who you are, that's fine with me. I'll be your safe place if that's what you need."

?"Why?" he asked, his voice shaking. "Why would you do that for me after I was such an asshole to you?"

?"Because," I replied. "There's something about you I like too and I can't quite put my finger on it. You're grumpy as hell, you're hurt, and I just can't stand to see cute guys brought so low."

?"Aren't you the one that's tired of always being the one that gets left behind?" he offered, giving me a way out. "That's what all those other guys did to you."

?"This is on my terms," I nodded, giving him a squeeze. "I don't know you well enough to know if something could work out between us or if that's what you even want. But I know I'll regret not giving it a shot. So I'm happy to be your summer rebound if that's what you need."

?Rowan shook his head. "I don't understand you."

?I smiled back at him. "Then learn." I leaned closer, pushing my forehead to his. "Now will you please kiss me already?"

?He hesitated for a moment, but then that grin began to pull at the corners of his mouth once more. "I've never done that before…" He paused, his gaze dropping to my lips. "Show me."

?My smile widened. "I'd be happy to."

?There was still some hesitation as he glanced at my lips, then back up. Finally, after taking a deep breath, he leaned forward. I closed my eyes as he pressed his lips to mine, a shot of electricity streaking through me like lightning. My skin broke out in goosebumps and I couldn't help but lean into him. His tongue pressed against my lips and I let him in without a second thought.

?The whole world stopped spinning as time stood still. At that moment I knew my summer was going to be anything but normal. Rowan was something special and making him smile became my only goal.

?I was hooked.