Chapter Fourteen Rowan

Istormed out of the bathroom in a huff. Who the hell did James think he was? He didn't know shit about me and yet he sat there in that tub chastising me like he knew a damn thing about my life and the things I'd been through. He wanted to pretend that he gave a shit about me just to get close. I saw the lust in his beautiful blue eyes that made me melt every time I looked into them. And then, after he got what he wanted from me, he'd fuck off just like Mia did and find someone else.

?That's what happened when you cared about people. They used you and left, taking your heart and your happiness with them. I couldn't let that happen again.

?I stormed out of the cabin onto the back porch, going all the way to the railing and leaning against it. A picture-perfect scene of crystalline water and blue sky stretched out before me, but it brought me no joy. Instead, all I felt was fear and distrust.

?James scared the shit out of me. Not only did I enjoy looking at him and I knew I definitely enjoyed touching him, but his smile was infectious. I liked the way he made me laugh even when I didn't want to. And even though it drove me crazy, I liked that he could find some good in any situation that came his way. If it wasn't so damn annoying, it might have been a bit inspirational. And the way my heart fluttered when he looked at me… well, that was the most terrifying part.

?I was still broken from Mia. Our years-long relationship had ended just over a week ago. My life was in fucking pieces, I was living in a borrowed cabin, and the only thing I had left from my old life was my SUV and a shitty job I hated. I'd left my heart behind me and I had no intention of getting it back. But try as I may to resist James, he was making me feel things I wasn't ready to feel. I hadn't even begun to process everything that was going on.

?Thoughts of Mia drove me to pull my phone out. Whether I was feeling grumpy, sorry for myself, or just plain being a masochist, I wasn't sure. But I flipped open her Instagram without thinking, just to see what she'd been up to. And the moment her feed loaded, my heart dropped.

?She hadn't posted just once, but several times in the last week. Not a single one of them would make anyone think she'd been through something painful. Each post was all smiles. There was one of her and her friends out shopping, out to eat, or going to a movie. Those were fairly normal. But when I saw all the pictures of her and the guy I'd caught her fucking, the depression threatened to consume me.

?Mia was already posting pictures of them together, holding hands, and going on dates. There were even some of them kissing. And a couple, I noticed, had definitely been taken back in the late winter earlier that year.

?It seemed her and her boy toy had been together much longer than I knew.

?A new wave of betrayal washed over me as I realized for the first time that Mia had been over me months ago. And, instead of saying anything, she just went out and found someone else to make her happy. Hell, maybe she did try to tell me. But trying and doing were two different things. If she wanted to be with this other guy, why didn't she just call things off? What was her master plan? Maybe there wasn't one. I didn't know. I just knew that it felt like having an ice pick driven through my heart.

?The grief I was feeling was months overdue. My anger was overwhelming. All I wanted to do was scream. But it wasn't going to help. Nothing would get my old life back or the comfort I felt within it. That part of me was dead, and I was still struggling to lift my broken body back off the proverbial pavement of life.

?And I'd been taking it out on James.

?I flipped over to my texting app and started to type.

Me: I need some advice.

Adam: Happy to help! What's up, Booboo?

Me: How do I talk to guys?

Adam: There are a million different things I want to say right now, so I hope you appreciate how much restraint I'm showing by not saying any of them.

Adam: You talk to guys like you do anyone else. Honestly and genuinely. Most of them appreciate directness.

Me: And what if I've been an ass?

Adam: You apologize you dummy! This isn't rocket science!

Me: Is it really that easy? When Mia was upset I felt like I had to put on a three-ring circus to figure it all out.

Adam: Talk to him like you talk to me.

Me: I can try that I guess…

Adam: And when you're done, I have several questions you are required to answer.

Me: This is really new for me so don't go crazy.

Adam: Pinky promise.

Me: I'll text you later.

Adam: You better, Booboo.

?I stared at my phone screen for a moment longer, rereading his messages. I still couldn't believe something so simple could really be the answer.

With Mia I had to coax out the problem, dance around subjects, and jump through all sorts of hoops just to get her to tell me what she was upset about. She always thought it was obvious, but I never knew what she was going on about until she told me. And, as soon as she did, I apologized. But sometimes that wasn't enough either. It was a strange ritual that drove me up the wall. Of course, I knew not all women were like that, but in Mia's case, she really could be damn near impossible to try to figure out.

?But could guys really be so easy to talk to? Adam seemed to think so. I just hoped James was feeling receptive. Of course, I didn't want to just barge into the bathroom and force him to listen to my bumbling apology. That would be awkward and probably make things worse.

Not only that, but the need I felt to apologize to him was odd to begin with. I knew I owed it to him after the things I'd said, but it was the feeling that I would die if he stayed mad at me that threw me off. Since when did I start caring so much about what he thought? Clearly I did though and there was nothing I could do to try to convince myself otherwise.

?What James thought about me… mattered. That terrified me. But at the same time, it was becoming extremely clear that neither my old life nor Mia would ever have me back. Everyone else had moved onto a new life already. So… couldn't it be my turn to try something new? I was still scared, but I didn't want to keep fighting this piece of me anymore. I was tired and sad, so why should I deny myself what little happiness I could find even if it was different from anything I'd ever done.

?I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I needed a moment to formulate everything, so instead of heading straight back inside, I parked myself in a patio chair and stared out at the scenery, hoping it would give me some clue as to how to do this. The last thing I wanted to do was be an ass to him again. He didn't deserve that.

?After ten minutes I really wasn't much further than where I'd started. With a deep sigh, I pushed myself back to my feet and headed inside. I stepped through the sliding door just in time to hear a loud thud from the bathroom and a cry of pain.

?Without a moment's hesitation, I darted across the house and threw open the bathroom door, terrified James had tried to get out and fallen. What if he was hurt because I stormed off? I would never forgive myself. But as my eyes focused I realized he was still sitting in the tub, water splashed all over the floor, and he was nursing an elbow as he hissed through his teeth. The moment I opened the door, he glared in my direction.

?"What the hell do you want?" he barked, still rubbing his elbow. "I'm fine!"

?The words stung more than I thought they would as he gave me a taste of my own medicine. "Do… Do you need help?"

?"I don't need anything from you." He glared up at me, his blue eyes blazing. "Once I get dressed, I'll leave. That's what you and every other guy want from me anyway, isn't it? Just get a piece and fuck off forever."

?"James…" I began, taking a step forward as he began to struggle again. "Please let me help you."

?"I told you I'm fine. Probably better off on my own, anyway."

?I hated to see that sunshine of his broken. He was always full of smiles and laughter, but it was becoming extremely clear that I'd hurt him. So, instead of reaching for him I merely took a step forward and sat down on the ground, putting my back against the tub once more.

?"Can I talk to you?"

?"Considering I can't get out of this fucking tub," he growled, smacking the side of it. "I don't see how I have much choice."

?I sighed, pulling my knees to my chest once more. "I'm sorry, James."