5. Jonah

CHAPTER FIVE

jonah

“Okay,so let’s see if I’ve got this straight. West is the oldest, and he’s bi. Asher is labelless, the next two middle children are straight, lesbian sister Hazel, and then gay brother Ben. And you’re …”

Dalton smiles, and with his bright eyes and wispy curls that have escaped his hair tie, he’s breathtaking. “I joke that I’m ninety-five percent gay, but only to people who know I’m not being biphobic. I’m a five on the Kinsey scale, so I guess you could call me fluid? Pan? I’m under the bisexual umbrella, skew toward men, but have dated some girls in the past.”

I take a sip of beer, even though I’m not a huge fan of it. I only had it in the fridge because I had a friend over a million years ago and he left them here, but I thought it would be rude not to offer Dalton anything and then sit here and watch him drink alone. I swallow and try not to get excited over what he’s just said. He bats for my team, and he’s hot.

“Sometimes I think labels do nothing but box people in.” Look at me being all philosophical.

“That’s why Asher refuses to be labeled anything. I’m not against labels. For some people, they like to know where they belong. But for me, a label feels too permanent.”

“It’s not like you have to get it tattooed on you.”

“I know. It probably doesn’t make sense.”

We’re on the same couch, but there’s a good foot between us. I want to reach out to comfort him, but I hold firm.

“It doesn’t have to make sense,” I say. “We are who we are, and we like what we like.”

“Exactly.” Fire burns in his eyes, and there’s that temptation to inch closer to move in and kiss him.

He looks like he wants that too, but before either of us makes a move, Dalton turns his head away and lifts his beer to his lips.

I slink back, shuffling down so my head rests against the couch cushions. “Now that’s out of the way. How did you get kicked out of San Diego State?”

He picks at the label on the beer bottle. “Are you sure you don’t want to keep talking about families? What’s yours like?”

I make a mental note that he totally deflected there, but it’s only fair to talk about myself. “I wish I could say my family is as interesting as you and your siblings, but we’re pretty boring. Well, other than my little sister getting pregnant at sixteen. That was peak Brooks family drama.”

“I think when Hazel came out, West and Asher high-fived and said, ‘Yes, no teen pregnancy!’ Zoe was already twenty by then.”

“Yeah, my parents didn’t take it so well. They didn’t kick her out exactly, but they did make it obvious she and the baby weren’t welcome. When Cullen was born, she moved in with Cullen’s dad and his family, but Cullen was about two when the dipshit told my sister he wanted nothing to do with her or Cullen. He was going to go to college to actually have a life. A life he couldn’t have if he was tied down with a girlfriend and baby.”

“What the fuck?”

“Yeah, that was my reaction. Mom and Dad took her back in, and as much as they were against Lauren having Cullen, they love that boy almost as much as his uncle does.”

“Is that why you take him to hockey practice?”

“It started out of necessity because my sister couldn’t afford the cost of childcare and needed to work two jobs to support them, but now that she’s in a more stable position with work and money, I do it because I love being a part of Cullen’s life. Along with hockey, I’ve taken him to every other extracurricular you could think of and everything in between. I’m sorry to tell you this, but even if you’re the best coach in the world, Cullen will probably give up after this one season.”

“Eh, hockey isn’t the right fit for everyone. It takes hard work and dedication. A lot of kids get sick of falling, which is a huge part of the sport, so I won’t hold it against Cullen if he decides to stop. He does have a lot of natural skating talent though.”

“Ugh. Don’t say that. Hockey is the one sport I wish he wasn’t interested in.”

A loud gasp comes from beside me. “I … I’m sorry … what? How … I am offended.”

At first, I think I really have crossed some kind of line, but then he breaks into a laugh.

“I’m messing with you. Like I said, hockey isn’t for everyone.”

“It’s fun to watch, but it’s so rough. I don’t want Cullen getting hurt. He’s short for his age, and⁠—”

“Well, at his age, there’s very little contact.”

“Yeah, you said, but … what if this is the one sport he takes to?”

“Don’t go to games so you don’t have to watch him take hits?”

“And make him think I don’t accept his life choices? I could never.”

Where I thought I saw heat behind his eyes before, now I see something softer. “That’s a really great and supportive attitude to have. Cullen’s lucky to have you.”

“Are your family not so supportive? You’d think with that many queer kids, your parents would be used to it?” It’s only after the words are out of my mouth that I realize Dalton hadn’t mentioned his parents in the whole conversation about his family.

He bites his bottom lip. “We, uh, don’t have any.”

“Any parents?”

“Obviously, we did at one point. The seven of us weren’t born out of thin air, but West and Asher’s mom died when Asher was only a baby. Then Dad married Mom and had the other five of us. So when they went out one night and didn’t make it home … West ended up raising us.” He lowers his head.

“That’s heavy.” I don’t even know what to say to that. I haven’t experienced a big loss in my whole life. My grandparents are still alive, my parents, my aunts and uncles, everyone.

“It is, but I was eight when it happened, so my big brother is really all I’ve ever known as a parent. He struggled in the beginning. I remember a lot of burned dinners and—” He abruptly cuts himself off.

“And?”

“How did we get back on the topic of me when we were talking about you?”

I smile. “Because I’m very good at diverting attention away from me?”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“Eh. Same old story. Only gay kid in school⁠—”

“I call bullshit on that one. Statistically⁠—”

“Sorry, I’ll rephrase. The only kid in school who was so flamboyant he had no choice but to be out. Therefore was the first kid to be bullied for it, making all the other queer kids hide who they were until college. You have no idea how many people have messaged me since graduating high school.”

“I could see that. I’m sorry it was difficult for you. We didn’t have any of that back home. It probably helps my older siblings are queer, so it wasn’t shocking that Benny and I were too. Weirdly, Hazel was the one who got teased for being a lesbian before she even knew she was a lesbian.”

I turn my head toward him. “That time, it was you who brought it back to talking about you. Maybe I’m not the issue here.”

Dalton looks as if he’s about to protest, but he doesn’t. “Huh. That really was my fault that time.”

“See. I’m completely innocent. But speaking of not being innocent, going to spill the beans on San Diego State yet?”

“Nope. Going to tell me why you don’t like attention being on you, even though you’re a total—” He cuts himself off again. He’s done that a few times, and I want to know what he doesn’t want himself saying.

“I’m a what?”

The corner of his lips turns up. “I was going to say a total ten.” He stares at me, his chest puffed out and holding still like he’s not breathing.

I’m far from a ten. I’m like a seven. Maybe a 7.5 on a good day. And that’s on a generic scale. On a gay scale, I don’t even want to know. I’m not muscular. I don’t work out. I’m average height, average build⁠—

“You don’t believe me?” The challenge in his eyes turns me on something fierce, but I’m not going to let myself read into it.

“Kind of hard to when no one has ever said that about me before.”

His mouth drops. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not the one who’s lying in this room.”

Dalton’s eyes widen.

“It’s okay. I know I’m not a ten.”

He groans and bites his knuckles.

“What?”

“The fact you don’t know you’re a ten makes you an eleven.”

Even if he is lying, I don’t care. He makes me feel attractive. Wanted.

I want him too. But there’s something obviously holding him back.

He stands. “I should go.”

See?

It’s impossible to find words because it’s not like keeping him here against his will is legal. “I-if you have to,” I manage to get out. “Is your brother finished hooking up?”

Dalton checks his phone. “No text yet.”

I stand too. “Then stay.”

He runs a hand over his hair, but it’s tied back, so he can’t get a grip of it. I imagine him having the habit of wrapping his fist in his long hair, and then I have to tell myself not to picture it because it would be superhot. Even hotter if I was the one doing it.

Now I really need to stop.

“I shouldn’t,” he says.

Damn. “Oh. Okay. No problem.”

“I want to. But …”

“You shouldn’t.”

He nods, but then he says, “Hypothetically⁠—”

“I love hypotheticals,” I blurt.

He smiles. “If I were to stay … like, could it be a onetime, forget tomorrow type thing?”

At this point, if he asked me to murder someone so he could spend the night, I’d agree to it. If all he can handle is a one-night stand, then that’s all we’ll have. “Anything you need. I don’t care. Just … stay.”

“Okay. I’ll stay.”