Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

Crystal

I'd been back in the States a week, and the new routine was torture. Instead of sitting by Anya's beside and reading to her like we used to, she insisted on talking. I've come to know so much more about her in these last few days than I had in three years.

It was all weighing heavily on my heart. She had one very difficult life. And from what I learned, most women in Tabiq did at that time. If I'd known that prior to going, I never would've gotten on that flight. But thankfully, the Tabiq she left, no longer existed. It was a much more peaceful country. And the evidence of the change was a female president. Thirty years ago, I doubt that could've happened.

"Crystal, do you think we could go outside and have our tea in the sunshine?" Anya asked.

I was pleasantly surprised by her request. "Of course we can." It was an unusually warm day for October. But the leaves were all changing their colors, and the sun was out and bright. All she would need is a quilt for her lap and a light sweater.

Even though I hadn't delivered the letter as she believed, her thinking about it has instilled a new level of hope in her. I could see it in her eyes. Hear it in her voice. And now, she wanted to get up. Get outside.

I rushed around the room gathering everything I would need. Then I brought her wheelchair and locked it in place beside her bed and help her get into it.

"I was thinking that maybe you could call the doctor and ask him to come today," she said.

My heart skipped a beat. "Is everything okay? Are you feeling alright?" Had I missed some other change in her?

"I'm fine. I was hoping the I could start with my physical therapy again. I'd...I want to see if I can still walk."

I quickly walked behind her wheelchair. Good thing because the tears of joy couldn't be controlled. I chocked them back and said, "Yes." It's all I could get out.

"Crystal. Come here where I can see you," she demanded.

It was too late. She knew. I walked around to the front and kneeled. "I'm sorry. It's just...Anya, I know you can walk again. I know you're capable of doing so much more. And the fact that you want to again," the tears started all over, "makes me so happy."

"Why? Do you think that I won't need you anymore if I'm regain my strength and my independence?"

"I hope not. I mean, I want all those things for you. But trust me when I say this, you might not need me anymore, Anya, but I will still need you. You're...you're not just a patient to me. Not after all these years."

She reached out and touched my wet cheek. "Crystal, you have given me so much. And I will never forget all of your kindness."

But what about my lies?

It ate at me every day that she believed something that wasn't true. If I told her now, she might give up and get right back in that bed and never get back out. That would be the end of her, I know it. But she deserved the truth. And I learned the price is high by keeping the truth from Mayson. I was so worried about what might happen, that I ruined all of our lives.

No more lies.

I was going to be here with Anya to pick up all the pieces no matter what.

"Anya let's go outside where we can talk. There are things I want to tell you," I said.

She nodded. "And things I want to say to you as well."

I pushed her wheelchair out the onto the patio. It was massive and beautiful. This place was meant for entertaining. "Would you like to go to the gazebo in the garden? The autumn flowers are in full bloom."

"Yes. That would be nice."

Once there and settled, I locked her wheelchair out of habit. She never had tried to get up on her own, but now, nothing surprised me with her.

It was time for me to tell her. "Anya, I need to tell you what happened between me and Mayson."

"I assumed there was a lot you weren't telling me. I could see it in your eyes each time I talked about him. I'm listening," she said.

"You know I spent a lot of time with your son."

"Yes. You told you me," she replied.

"He is...a wonderful person. I miss him a lot."

"Then tell him," Anya stated.

It's not that simple. Not at all .

"I... I can't. We had a huge fight before I left. We haven't spoken since. And don't be angry at him. It was my fault. He has every right to hate me," I admitted.

She reached out and touched my hand. "I don't believe he hates you. You had a disagreement. That happens. My parents used to have them, but they loved each other. But someone must start the conversation to fix it. And Tabiqian men are...stubborn."

"Are they forgiving? Because this was my fault," I said.

"The right ones are very loving and forgiving. And since I know they were raised by my mother, the most amazing woman I know, I'm sure Mayson is," she said.

It must be so hard to talk about that. Her mother doing what she had wanted to do. Raise her children.

"But I can't take back what happened. I kept something from him, and it hurt him deeply," I said.

"I know. But there is only one way to learn if that hurt is greater than the love you two share," she said.

"How do you know I love him?" I asked.

"I may have not experience it in my own lifetime, but I know what love it. You wear your emotions on your sleeve. Even if you didn't tell him, he must have known."

"I didn't get a chance too, but I did tell him how much he meant to me." Just didn't prevent it from hurting anyway.

"Good. So, there is nothing stopping you from calling him now. Is there?"

"There is," I sighed.

"What is it?" she asked.

"He never read it. The letter. He never read it," I blurted out.

She didn't appear to be shocked at all. "I know."

"How do you know?" I asked.

"Any time we talk about the letter. Or about him coming to see me, your eyes fill with pain, and you look away."

"Why didn't you tell me. Demand to know the truth if you knew I was hiding it from you?" I questioned.

"My dear Crystal. I spent years hiding things. Remember? Who am I to judge someone that does the same thing. I know you weren't doing it for yourself. You were doing it for me. You didn't want to give up hope that one day my sons would come."

I looked into her eyes and said, "No. I don't want you to give up. Not on them and not on yourself. I know I failed you, but I believe in Mayson. He now knows you're alive and looking for him. He will come. I know he will."

She smiled. "Yes. He will. But Crystal, he will come for you. Not for me."

"How can you say that? You're his mother," I reminded her.

"I am. I gave birth to him and his brother. But it takes more than that to be a mother."

I nodded. "It takes love and sacrifice. You have given them both that. I just need another chance to get him to see that."

"You have done all you can do for him. For me. You've given us both something so precious. Your love."

I did love her. She drove me crazy, but I loved her. And because of that, it scared me to death that she was going to give up again. "Anya, please don't let what I told you stop you from getting better."

"We both know that I only have so much time. But I do have control over how to spend that time. I'm through with laying in that bed in my room. I was never allowed to go and see anything without my late husband by my side watching my every move. I am free from him. And because of you, and all of your kindness you've shown me, I am free from my past as well. There is a world out there. A wonderful world that I want to see. I just need to gain some of my strength back so we can go see it."

She really wasn't giving up. "I'm so happy to hear that. I just wish I could've given you your sons back."

"You have not just given me my sons back, but I feel as though I have a daughter now too," she smiled.

I laid my head on her lap and cried. Everything had fallen apart. All the plans went astray. But the universe turned it around and given Anya what she needed most of all. Peace.

Universe, can I ask a favor. Can you do the same for me?