Chapter 15

15

D rafli . The most terrifying orc in the mountain, here , looming over Eben in the dark empty corridor, and glowering at him with narrow, furious-looking eyes.

Fuck , how the hell did Eben keep doing this. Foolish , foolish , and visions of Drafli’s dagger were already whirling into his thoughts, screaming behind his eyes. Never let a Skai get you alone, run, run, run —

But then Drafli — signed at him. Spoke to him, with the Skai sign language, slow and distinct enough that Eben could easily follow what it meant.

Wait , he signed. Peace . Tryggr will come.

What ? No . No , he wouldn’t, he wasn’t, foolish, and Eben’s darting glance up the corridor found only blackness, and more desperate panic in his chest. He was alone with Drafli . Drafli who had almost murdered Alma , and who now… scented of Alma . Scented of Alma , on his hands, his groin, his mouth, his… breath. And suddenly there was the jolting, utterly incongruous vision of Drafli with his face buried between Alma’s legs, his cruel tongue licking her from the inside out, and he — he hadn’t. Had he?

But it was still there on Drafli’s scent, bright and clear, just as vivid as if Eben had seen it with his own eyes. And now that Eben was studying Drafli , breathing him in this close, he still scented only of Alma and Baldr , too. Shouting that he’d still kept those vows. Kept to the terms of that offer he’d made. Never trust a Skai …

And wait, now Drafli was glancing purposefully up the corridor — and yes, oh, he’d somehow spoken truth in that, too. Because Tryggr was indeed jogging down the corridor toward them, his mouth grim, his eyes darting rapid and unreadable between Drafli and Eben .

Good , Drafli signed sharply at Tryggr , while running his piercing gaze up and down Eben’s still-shivering body. Now tend to him. You cannot allow your —— to scent thus.

Eben’s blinking eyes hadn’t at all caught what Drafli had called him, but Tryggr clearly understood, giving a shaky exhale, and a jerky nod. To which Drafli nodded too, and made to turn away — but then he stopped, and spun back to Tryggr again. He is —— , he signed. He helped me in a time of ——, and spared me from a —— wrong.

Oh . Eben’s racing heart skipped a beat, his eyes now darting between Drafli’s hands and his face. Because Drafli hadn’t just said that — whatever the full extent of it was — about him? But yes, yes, Drafli had given a curt nod between him and Tryggr , and then strode off up the corridor, not sparing a single look back.

It left Eben standing there blinking uneasily at Tryggr , who still looked distinctly uneasy, too. His face pale, his shoulders heaving, his swallow convulsing in his corded throat.

“ Ach , Ka -esh,” he said thickly. “ You’re all right, ach? No need to scent thus. Naught to fear.”

Right . Eben couldn’t hide his grimace, his eyes dropping, because of course Tryggr would only think he was afraid, and in need of comforting. Foolish , weak…

“ An ’ — I’m sorry,” Tryggr continued, faster. “ Didn’t mean to snap at you, or run you off like that, just now. I wasn’t vexed with you, or tryna mock or shame you, ach? Could never be vexed with you, you ken. Was just” — he drew in a deep breath — “fussing over you, is all. Just means — I care.”

Oh . Oh . Something warm and trembly shivered up Eben’s spine, and his eyes snapped up, searching Tryggr’s pale, watching face. He … meant that? He … cared?

“ Oh ,” Eben whispered, without at all meaning to. “ I — thank you, sir.”

Tryggr’s eyes briefly closed, his head tilting back in a way that looked almost despairing. “ Ach , Ka -esh,” he said, hoarse. “ Don’t need to thank me, either.”

But Eben was searching him now, drinking in that undeniable truth of his own scent, and only his scent, on Tryggr’s twitching, too-close body. Just like Drafli had only borne Baldr and Alma’s scents… the same Drafli who had kept his word, and even praised Eben’s efforts. His help.

Eben gathered his breath, gathered his courage, as his own trembling, tingling hand moved. Slipping up between them, slow, shaky — and then very lightly, very carefully, stroking up against Tryggr’s warm bare chest.

“ But you have been — so kind, sir,” he ventured, very quiet. “ It — pleases me, to thank you. To — honour you.”

And oh, oh, what had he just said, what the hell was he doing — and he snatched his hand away, too late. But it still felt hot, trembly, alive with the feel of Tryggr’s smooth warm skin, with the truth of his rich scent now lingering on Eben’s fingers. And Tryggr’s scent in the air had shifted too, flaring with something bright and sweet…

But Tryggr hadn’t moved, or made any indication of responding in turn, and his face still looked pale, his jaw flexing in his cheek. “ Ach , Ka -esh,” he finally said. “ Then — next time I speak thus to you, mayhap you’ll just — ignore me. Or throw it back at me. But there’s no need to run away, or scent as though I’ve just gone and kicked you in the heart, ach? ’ Cause I’d never .”

Oh . Well . Eben’s relief exhaled heavy and harsh, and he could feel the slow smile pulling at his mouth, warming his eyes. “ I am… glad,” he murmured. “ I … thank you, sir.”

Tryggr half-laughed, half-groaned, his eyes glinting on Eben’s face with frustration, and exasperation, and… something else. And for a breathless, dangling instant, Eben thought he might come closer, might even reach out and…

But then Tryggr cleared his throat, and took a purposeful step backwards. “ You oughta get to bed, then, Ka -esh,” he said firmly. “ Big day tomorrow, ach?”

Right . Eben had of course committed to a full day of work supporting Alma’s floor-cleaning project, and he jerked a nod, and fought to ignore the sharp little plunge in his belly. To which Tryggr let out another low, frustrated-sounding groan, as he lurched forward — and before Eben had even caught it, Tryggr bent over him, and pressed a soft, brief kiss to the top of his head.

“ Sleep well, sweet Ka -esh,” he said gruffly, as he backed away again, not meeting Eben’s eyes. “ See you tomorrow.”

Eben couldn’t even nod, let alone speak, and he stood frozen in place, tingling all over, watching Tryggr stride away up the corridor. His steps long and quick, his shoulders square, his hand rubbing at his face as he disappeared around the corner.

Tryggr had… kissed him. He’d kissed him.

It was a bright, jubilant awareness, firing warm and hopeful through Eben’s chest. Keep it up. Show him. He’ll come around…

Eben slept deep and contented that night, and the next morning he first stopped by the sickroom, checking with Efterar and preparing any urgent prescriptions, before heading to the scullery. Where he again threw himself into another full, intensive day of work, not only supporting Alma’s project as best as he could, but dealing with the Ka -esh engineers — who made it clear they would rather be doing anything else — while also personally ensuring the sickroom got the deepest, most thorough cleaning possible. To the point where, late in the day, even Kesst looked satisfied, smiling gratefully at Eben as a faintly snoring Efterar slept soundly in a nearby bed.

“ Looks and scents so much better, doesn’t it?” Kesst said, without even a trace of mockery or sarcasm in his voice. “ Such a damned relief. It was good of you Ka -esh to help Alma organize it all.”

Eben smiled and waved it away — or at least, he attempted to, because suddenly a familiar scent had swarmed into the room, and snatched at his hand in midair. And even as Eben startled to look, he already knew — it was Tryggr . Tryggr , here, gripping his hand, and flashing Kesst a broad, if rather chilly, smile.

“ It was good of this Ka -esh, you mean,” he said to Kesst , as his hand gently squeezed Eben’s . “ You ken the rest of ’em woulda done near as much without him? He don’t oft draw eyes to himself, but he’s been working his pretty little arse off on this. Just like he does every day in here, too — not that any of you can be fussed to notice.”

Eben froze to stunned stillness, his eyes aghast on Tryggr’s face. He hadn’t just said that… had he? To Kesst ? One of the most popular, influential orcs in the mountain?!

But to Eben’s ongoing astonishment, Kesst blinked between them, and then grimaced, and let out a heavy sigh. “ Right ,” he said. “ Sorry . I suppose it’s — easy to overlook individual contributions in here, amidst all the filth and blood and exhaustion.”

With that, he gave a wild-looking wave that seemed to encompass the entire room, before spinning and stalking off again. But beside Eben , Tryggr looked at least somewhat mollified, and more warmth was pooling and fizzing in Eben’s belly. Tryggr had defended him. Tryggr had noticed his work. Tryggr had noticed his pretty little arse .

“ Now c’mon, Ka -esh,” Tryggr said firmly, with a gentle tug at where he was still holding Eben’s hand. “ You reek of weariness, and you’re going to bed, ach?”

Eben meekly nodded, and willingly allowed Tryggr to lead him out the door, and down toward the Ka -esh wing. But instead of stopping and sending Eben onward, as Eben fully expected, Tryggr kept walking beside him, his grip on Eben’s hand warm and firm, his eyes frowning on the corridor up ahead.

“ It was real good of you, to do all that work today,” Tryggr finally said, into the silence. “ Heard you going at it with some of those Ka -esh earlier, spurring ’em on. I ken they’d have all stayed hunkered down here buried in their rocks and books, without you.”

He wasn’t wrong, and Eben huffed a short, wry little laugh. “ Ach , well, we are not always naturally inclined to see beyond our own clan, I ken,” he said. “ Or beyond our books, either.”

They’d reached the door of his room, and Eben shot a rueful glance at his own refreshed pile of books, stacked high on his small, rickety desk. With his enforced early bedtimes, he’d continued to expand his reading, and he was vaguely surprised to see Tryggr’s mouth drop open, his eyes incredulous on Eben’s face.

“ Wait , Ka -esh,” he snapped. “ When I’ve been sending you to bed, you’ve been coming down here alone into this dank little hole, and reading , instead of sleeping?”

Eben blinked and bit his lip, the chagrin curdling sudden and sharp through his chest. “ Um , I —” he began, between shaky breaths. “ Just — a little? I just — need to read, sir.”

He was cringing away, his eyes wide and fearful on Tryggr’s face — but wait. Something was hitching in Tryggr’s scent, something that called up a dark, ravenous hunger low in Eben’s belly — and oh, Tryggr’s hand was clasping tighter on Eben’s , drawing him closer, as his other hand reached around, and gave a gentle slap to Eben’s arse .

“ I oughta thrash you for this, little Ka -esh,” Tryggr breathed. “ Oughta bend you over my knee, and teach you a fucking lesson .”

Oh , fuck . Eben’s gasp was almost a groan, dragging low and hungry out of his throat, shuddering his body all over, leaning closer into Tryggr’s touch. Because oh, please, yes, would Tryggr really do that, please, now —

But curse him, maybe he’d betrayed too much, because Tryggr abruptly lurched backwards, rubbing his hand forcefully at his eyes. “ Just joking!” he said, his voice far louder than before. “ Just want you to sleep, Ka -esh! That’s all .”

He didn’t wait for Eben’s reply, and instead whirled around, and fled from the room. Leaving Eben standing there and breathing hard, his face hot, his cock rigid and straining helplessly in his trousers. What … what had that been about? Had Eben … truly displeased Tryggr , with the books? Upset him? Or was this just… not working, after all? Did Tryggr just… not care? Even with the truth of only Eben’s scent upon him?

Never trust a Skai , his father’s voice droned, and Eben squeezed his eyes shut, and shook his head. Show him. He’ll come around. I oughta bend you over my knee…

Sleep was slow coming that night, amidst all the doubts and thwarted hunger now swirling Eben’s thoughts, and he slept in far too late the next morning — but he gathered his determination as he washed and dressed, fetched a bucket of lye, and headed back up into the mountain. He had to keep trying. Tryggr would come around…

His heart pounded louder as he neared the scullery, his breaths short and shallow in his throat — but yes, yes, he could scent Tryggr , could see him just ahead, there. Alone in the scullery, bent over the washbasin, scrubbing at a stained tunic.

But for perhaps the first time since they’d begun this, Tryggr didn’t acknowledge Eben’s approach. Didn’t even look up. Just kept frowning down at his scrubbing, his mouth set and thin, his scent strange in the air.

“ Is aught — amiss, sir?” Eben asked, before he could help it. “ Are you — feeling well?”

Tryggr huffed a laugh and shook his head, but kept his eyes on his scrubbing. “ Ach , well enough,” he said, aiming a brief glower over his shoulder toward the still-looming pile of laundry on the counter. “ Just — weary of laundry, mayhap.”

Of course. Tryggr had been washing clothes for multiple days on end now, and Eben felt a sudden jolt of sympathy, and perhaps regret, too. Despite all his efforts here, he’d so rarely thought about seeking ways to specifically help Tryggr — he always seemed so capable, so relaxed, so self-assured. But now, blinking at Tryggr’s bowed head, it occurred to Eben that he did look weary, and a little sad, too. And for a Skai who was trained as a scout and a warrior, being ordered onto laundry duty for so long must have been a miserable — or even humiliating — experience, right? And how had Eben never considered that, never once considered how Tryggr might feel about all this?

“ Well , I have been thinking,” Eben said, too quickly, “that we ought to seek ways to make this washing more efficient. I have been meaning to speak to our engineers upon this, for I have read of machines in the north that can help, and make this faster.”

His voice came out too eager, almost desperate, but Tryggr still didn’t spare a look up. “ Ach , mayhap,” he said distractedly. “ Thanks , Ka -esh.”

Eben’s belly dipped, his throat swallowing hard, but he jerked a nod, and made to stagger with the increasingly heavy bucket of lye toward the sink — a movement that finally snapped Tryggr’s head up, his eyes flashing with sudden disbelief.

“ Ach , Ka -esh!” he yelped, as he leapt to his feet. “ Careful ! Give me that!”

Right . Eben’s belly plummeted again, but he managed another nod, and shoved the bucket toward Tryggr’s waiting hands. And then attempted a smile up toward his face, as Tryggr’s words from the corridor echoed through his thoughts. Just fussing over you. Just means — I care.

And surely Tryggr was thinking of it too, his eyes oddly intent on Eben’s face as he took the bucket, their fingers just brushing — but then Tryggr’s gaze shifted purposefully beyond Eben . Toward where — oh. Alma . Scenting of uncertainty, and looking meaningfully toward Tryggr , as though she wished to speak with him.

Eben could take a hint, at least, so he rushed out the door, and headed back to the sickroom. Where he barely noticed Kesst’s nod toward him as he entered — at least, until Kesst sighed, and came over to eye Eben over the workbench.

“ Look , I just wanted to — apologize, again, for overlooking all your efforts, Eben ,” he said. “ And for pushing you to help in the scullery, and teasing you like I did about Alma , too. I know it’s not an excuse, but I’ve been a bit — out of sorts, lately.”

Eben blinked, genuinely taken aback, but he attempted to smile, and wave it away. But perhaps it hadn’t come out right, because Kesst sighed again, and gave Eben a look that was almost... sympathetic. “ And I didn’t even notice,” he added, quieter, “that it’s not Alma you’ve been pining over all this time, is it? It’s that loudmouth Skai fuckboy Tryggr . Gods , you two even scent of each other.”

Wait . No . Damn it. Eben couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, could only stare aghast at Kesst’s face, because now Kesst would tell Tryggr how Eben felt, Kesst would mock him and dismiss him and ruin everything —

“ Gods , don’t scent like that, I won’t tell him,” Kesst said, flapping a hand toward him. “ I just thought maybe I owed you — a warning.”

A warning. Eben still couldn’t breathe, could only stand there and wait while his stomach pitched and churned in his gut, and Kesst sighed again. “ You just — you know what Skai can be like, right?” he said thinly. “ I mean, I know they’re not all like that, I’m trying to examine my own biases here, but still, just” — he hesitated, his eyes almost sad on Eben’s face — “just… be careful. You could end up — really hurt.”

Oh . Eben’s heart was erratically pinging in his chest, but he made himself nod, and mumble a thank-you. And long after Kesst had gone back to his own work, his words kept echoing through Eben’s thoughts, again and again and again. You know what Skai are like. Be careful. You could end up really hurt. Never trust a Skai …

By the end of the workday, Eben was sweaty and jittery and half-panicked, rushing back to the scullery with shaky, frantic steps. But his heart dropped even before he entered, because he could already scent that Tryggr wasn’t there — or Alma , either. Only Duff was still working, doggedly sloshing soapy water against a bloodstained pair of trousers.

“ Young Tryg not here,” he balefully informed Eben , without being asked. “ In Skai arena, I ken.”

Eben fought to quash his surging disappointment, and attempted to focus on helping with some washing instead. But Duff kept darting narrow glances toward him, and finally he bobbed his silver head toward the door. “ You go,” he said. “ Fetch him yourself.”

What ? No . Eben couldn’t possibly go to that terrifying arena, not alone, not again — but Duff jabbed a soapy, wizened finger at the door this time. “ No Skai dare touch you,” he said flatly, “now you bear young Tryg scent.”

Oh . Truly ? And Eben hadn’t at all realized Duff knew about that, but of course he would have scented it, just like Kesst , just like Tryggr’s fathers, just like they all had, perhaps. And it was enough to make Eben nod, to make him lurch for the door again. Not thinking, not thinking, as he staggered on shaky legs toward the Skai wing, his heartbeat thundering distantly through his chest. He was just walking, just seeking that sweet familiar scent, that was all, that was all…

And yes, yes, there it was, just a twinge of it, drawing Eben down this corridor, down that one. Winding deeper and deeper into the dim cozy Skai wing, and between the scent and the comforting darkness, it kept his steps moving, going, closer and closer and closer…

Until — this. This door. The arena. With far fewer scents flooding it this time, and Eben’s eyes instantly caught on Tryggr . He was fighting against three other Skai orcs, his lean body writhing and snapping and kicking, his grunts and hisses filtering through the air. And for a startled, frozen instant, Eben could only stand there and stare at him, drink up the fierce fluid beauty of his strong, stunning body. Damn , he was gorgeous, he was everything, and there was nothing more Eben wanted than to…

But then, Tryggr froze. His head snapping up, his gaze darting toward — Eben . And for an instant, they only stared at each other, even as another orc landed what looked like a painful kick into Tryggr’s side, setting him staggering on his feet, pitching sideways, toward…

Eben . Wait , wait, Tryggr was coming toward Eben , sprinting with astonishing speed, his eyes blazing. And before Eben could move, or catch it, or speak, Tryggr dragged him out into the corridor, shoved him up against the hard stone wall, and — pinned him there. Trapped him there.

Oh , this wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be happening — but it was, Tryggr’s lean sweaty body was hot and shivery and far too close, his scent flooding all through Eben’s breath. And oh, oh, his face was even nuzzling into Eben’s neck, and inhaling slow and deep, while his hungry clawed hand slipped up Eben’s chest, too. Moving slowly enough that Eben could easily knock it away, could run or refuse or escape — but instead he moaned and shivered all over as that hand found his neck, and circled certain and safe around it.

Fuck . Fuck , yes, this was what he wanted, what he needed, what he’d been craving all this time, and he arched up into it, offering his neck, offering anything Tryggr would take, anything he would give. And Tryggr would, he was , his teeth scraping against Eben’s collarbone, seeking the best place to bite and drink, please, please…

But then — it was gone. Gone , gone, because Tryggr was staggering backwards, whipping his head back and forth, dragging his hands against his hair. And Eben was already following, desperate and instinctive, his hand reaching out, just needing it back, please, please —

“ No , Ka -esh,” Tryggr hissed, sharp and low, almost a bark. “ I said, no!”

It was as though he’d struck Eben across the face, and Eben froze, stunned, mortified, as ice kicked and cracked in his belly. No ? No ?

“ Look , I just — I can’t, Ka -esh,” Tryggr said, and he’d even spun away from Eben , his head tilting back, his hands rubbing at his face. “ I know what you really want, and I just — can’t, all right? I’ve seen it with Pa an’ Pabbi , my whole fucking life, and I’m not gonna — ach. No . No .”

No . Eben couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, could scarcely even follow Tryggr’s words. He couldn’t. He couldn’t. He was saying no, no, no .

No .

“ Look , I’m sorry,” Tryggr said, too thick, still without looking at Eben . “ But I just — just need some time away from you for a spell, ach? Naught personal, it’s not your fault, but you’re just too — you just make me — I just — I can’t , Ka -esh.”

Oh . And even if Eben still couldn’t follow the rest of it, he could follow this. Tryggr didn’t want him. Tryggr wanted him to go away. After all that, after all Eben’s foolish hopes and plans and longings, Tryggr was saying — no.

And it was as though something had broken, wretched and raw, deep in Eben’s chest, in his heart. Something deeper than loss, or despair, so deep Eben couldn’t bear to touch it, to look at it. Couldn’t bear to even look at Tryggr , couldn’t bear to scent him for another breath.

“ Ach , then,” he whispered, to the floor, go, go, go. “ You shall not see me again.”

And before he could buckle beneath it, he spun around, and staggered into the darkness.