Chapter 38

Flights and goodbyes

Today fucking sucks.

For the past three days, all we've done is spend time together. Cooking, playing video games, kissing, making love. Each day has been amazing, but there's always been this pang of hurt in my chest because we both knew it had an expiration date.

We knew this was coming. We tried to prepare for it, but it doesn't hurt any less.

My heart feels like it's been carved open every time I look at Gabi and see the look on her face.

It was supposed to be one summer.

Just one summer where I'd visit her, and then go back.

But so much fucking happened in that time.

The thought of getting on a plane and moving to the other side of the world breaks me apart.

Her eyes meet mine as we walk into the airport, and the pain in them crushes me. My stomach drops, and I force myself to swallow hard.

Dropping my suitcase, I cup her face in my hands. "I'll be back," I promise, wanting her to believe it. The moment I graduate, I'm booking a plane and coming straight to her.

"I know," she says, forcing a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes, which are glassy and wet, breaking my heart.

Fuck.

I can't.

I can't handle seeing her cry.

I can't bear to see her so upset because of me.

I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close against my chest. Pressing my lips to the top of her head, my heart thumps out of control.

"This isn't me leaving you, Gabi," I reassure her. "It's not like last time."

She lets out a heavy breath, but remains silent, and that hurts . She doesn't believe it. She's afraid I'll leave and never return, like I did four years ago.

Reaching into her back pocket, she pulls out something old, and blue and my heart goes haywire. My eyes lock on my old navy baseball cap. "You should probably have this back," she says, heavy breaths leaving her lips.

I take the cap from her, feeling my heart break. I'm not letting her give this to me like it's a goodbye. Like she'll never see me again. I open it up, and place it on her head. "You can give it to me when I come back," I tell her. "Because I am coming back for you, Gabi."

Pulling back slightly, I lift her arm and place a kiss on her wrist, where her tattoo rests, her scars faint beneath them. A sob catches in her throat, but she swallows it down.

"I love you, Gabriella Miller," I say, keeping my eyes locked on hers. "So much. You have no idea how much." Tears stream down her face, and my throat tightens.

She nods, lifting her hand to cup my face. "I love you too," she says. "So much I can't fucking breathe." Her voice cracks, and I lose it.

I grab her face in my hands and kiss her. Her lips part, and I glide my tongue over hers, wanting to savor every moment of this kiss, wanting it to last forever.

"Chris," Gabi mumbles against my lips. "People are staring."

"I don't care," I mutter, shaking my head, pulling her close to me for another deep kiss. "I don't see anyone but you."

She wraps her arms around my neck and returns my kiss, gasping into my mouth. But then, she cries out, sobs racking through her.

I pull away, looking down at the love of my life, tears streaming down her face.

"Don't cry," I plead, my voice cracking as I lift her chin to meet my eyes. Her blue eyes are filled with tears, and it tears at my heart. "Please. It breaks my fucking heart."

She shakes her head, wiping away her tears. "I'm fine. I promise."

"Make a joke," I say. "Laugh. Anything. Please." I need to see her smile, to hear her laugh. The thought of leaving her breaks me inside, but I can't bear for her to be in pain.

I want Gabi to laugh. I want her to smile. I just want her to be okay.

Gabi lets out a shaky breath and shakes her head. "I don't feel like laughing right now," she says, her lip wobbling.

I wrap my arms around her, and just fucking hold her. I need to hold her. I don't want to let her go.

But then the loudspeaker crackles to life. "Attention, passengers. This is the first boarding announcement for Flight 247 to London."

We reluctantly pull apart, and my eyes lock onto hers. "I have to go," I say, my throat tight with emotion.

She nods slowly. "I know."

Fuck. My eyes burn and I look at my best friend, the love of my life, the only reason I want to breathe in this world. I grab her wrist, lifting up, and trace my fingers over her tattoo, keeping my eyes on hers as I spell out:

I love you.

Her chin wobbles as tears fill her eyes, but then she lifts her lips into a smile. "I love you, too."

Her glassy blue eyes I love so much, completely shatter my heart. My trembling hand reaches for her face, my heart pounding furiously as tears stream down her cheeks.

Swallowing the painful rock in my throat, I shake my head, unable to tear my eyes away from her. "Tell me not to go, Gabi," I manage to choke out, feeling my world collapse in my arms. "Tell me not to get on that plane."

But she shakes her head, like I knew she would. Because she's fucking amazing, and doesn't care whether me getting on that plane completely breaks her heart. "I can't do that," she says, her eyes closing as she leans into my palm. "You need to go."

A heavy breath leaves my lips. "I don't want to."

"I know," she says, lifting her head to look up at me. "But you need to do this." She reaches her hand out, brushing my hair back. "It's only for one year. We'll be okay."

I take a step towards her, cupping her face between my hands, and lean down for one last kiss.

She responds with a soft moan against my lips, but then she pulls away. "You need to go, Chris," she says, her voice thick with emotion as she subtly wipes under her eye.

"Not yet," I murmur, looking into her blue eyes. "I don't want to let go just yet." I dive in for another kiss, feeling her body melt into mine as she opens up for me.

"You're going to be late," she mumbles against my lips.

Swallowing hard against the lump in my throat, I reluctantly release her and take a step back.

"Go," she mouths silently, and I tear my eyes away from her, forcing myself to move towards security.

I can't resist looking back, though. Every few steps, I glance over my shoulder at her, my heart aching as I see how small and distant she looks now.

"Sir, please place your bags inside the bins."

I keep my eyes on Gabi, hardly able to see her face from this distance.

"Sir."

"Hmm?" I ask, tearing my eyes away from Gabi, shifting my focus to the security guard gesturing towards the belt.

"Your bags, sir," the guard repeats.

I look back again, staring down at her from over the railing. My stomach drops, and my heart aches, a hollow ache spreading through my chest.

I can't fucking breathe. My throat closes up, and I struggle to breathe. I try so hard to get air into my lungs, but I can't. Not without her. I've tried being without her before, and it was torture. I just can't. I fucking can't.

Turning around, I race down the stairs, my hand sliding down the railing as I leap two steps at a time. My shoulder bumps into people along the way, but I don't care. All that matters right now is seeing her. Being with her.

I turn the corner and spot her, her small frame huddled as she sobs quietly. Her head is bowed, and she doesn't notice me as I sprint towards her.

Then, she lifts her head, and our eyes lock. The tears pause, and her lips part in surprise. She shakes her head slightly as I exhale heavily, and approach her, my heart pounding in my chest.

I grin, probably inappropriate given her tears, but I can't help it as I take those final strides toward her. She looks up at me, confusion knitting her brows.

"What are you doing here?" she asks. "Shouldn't you be at security?"

"I'm not going," I say, still a little breathless.

"What?" Her brows furrow deeper. "What do you mean? Did your flight get canceled?"

"No," I say with a smirk.

"Then why—"

I cut her off with a kiss.

Without waiting for her to finish her sentence, I cup her face in my hands and press my lips against hers. A soft sound escapes her, and I savor it, smiling into the kiss.

"I'm not leaving," I murmur against her lips between kisses. "I'm not leaving you ever again."

My hands settle on her waist, and I lift her effortlessly into my arms, her legs wrapping around me. She gasps in surprise, her eyes widening as she pulls back slightly. "What?"

My smile widens as I tuck a stray strand of her hair behind her ear, cupping her face gently. "I left once before, and it was the hardest time of my life being away from you, Gabi," I confess. "Back then, we were just friends, and it nearly drove me insane. But now… Now that I finally have you in my arms, now that I can kiss you like this?" I shake my head, letting out a small laugh. "I don't think I can ever be without you ever again."

Her lips part in shock. "You're joking."

"Not about this," I assure her, brushing my thumb over her bottom lip. "I don't joke when it comes to you, pretty girl."

Her brows furrow with concern, tears glistening in her eyes. "But what about school, and your job?" she asks. "You've worked so hard for this. It's just one more year."

"One year without you," I say, narrowing my eyes. "I can't do it, Gabi. My heart was breaking with every step I took towards that plane."

"Chris," she says with a sigh, her touch soothing against my cheek. "You were so close to graduating."

I shrug. "I'll figure it out," I assure her. "I'll transfer schools, get a new job. I'll do whatever it takes if it means I can stay with you."

Her eyes shimmer with tears, but a hopeful smile flickers across her face. "You mean it? You're really going to stay?"

"Yeah," I reply, a chuckle escaping me as I stroke her cheek. "I'm staying."

"For good?" she asks, searching my eyes.

I nod, pulling her closer and pressing my lips against hers. "For the rest of our lives."