Chapter 37

The first time I ever saw you

Eighteen hours, thirty-two minutes, and twenty-five seconds.

That's how long is left until Chris boards a plane and leaves—for an entire year.

I'm trying really hard to be happy for him, knowing he has a job he loves, friends who treat him well, and a whole other life there. But I can't help but feel sad that he won't be here with me.

Almost as if he senses my thoughts, his eyes crack open, and he blinks up at me, stretching his arms over his head. "Hey, baby," he murmurs, his husky voice sending a shiver down my spine. "You're up already?"

"Yeah," I reply, my lips curving into a smile when he turns on his side, and wraps his arm around my naked waist, pulling me closer to him. "I've been up for hours."

His brows dip as an amused smirk crosses his face. "That's new."

"I wanted to look at you," I admit, staring into his kind, brown eyes I love so much.

Chris smiles, cupping my face before pressing his lips to mine. "I always want to look at you."

I try to smile, but it slips as a sigh escapes my lips. "It might be the last time I'll look at you."

His face falls, and his brows furrow. "Gabi—"

"Just let me memorize every part of you while I still can," I say, swinging my leg over his hips to straddle him, and place my hands flat on his chest.

"Mmm hell yes," he grunts, his hands flying to my hips.

"Shhh." I narrow my eyes at him. "I'm memorizing."

He chuckles, pressing his lips together. "Memorize away, baby."

My hands cradle his face, and I trail my fingers up his cheeks, running them over his eyebrows, staring into the chocolate pool swimming in his eyes. "Your eyes are so pretty."

"Right back at you," Chris says, swiping his thumb over my hip. "They're like the ocean. Strong and beautiful, sucking me right in."

"And your hair," I say, running my fingers through the curls on the top of his head. "I love your hair."

"I love yours," he murmurs, tucking a strand behind my ear.

I melt into his touch, my fingers trailing down to trace over his bottom lip. "And your lips." I sigh. "You have the best lips," I say, leaning down to press a kiss to them. "So soft, and pretty, and—"

Before I can say anything, Chris curls his hand over the back of my head and presses my head down, before kissing me. His big hands hold my waist, and he flips us over, his body covering mine.

He pulls back, and looks down at my naked body pinned under him, his eyes zoning in on my tits before groaning, diving in to capture my lips once again.

I moan into his mouth, my lips parting on a gasp when he moves to my neck. "I love your kisses," I tell him, tangling my fingers in his hair.

He lifts his head, his lips quirking. "I love you ."

His words make my heart pound against my chest, and I smile, tilting my head at him. "You want to memorize me now?"

"No."

My brows furrow. "No?"

He shakes his head. "I don't need to."

"Oh?" I ask, intrigued.

He shifts on his elbow, running his hand over my hips. "I've thought about nothing but you for the last ten years," he clarifies. "I've memorized every inch of you, Gabi."

"Every inch?"

He nods, leaning down to press his lips to mine. "Every." Kiss. "Single." Kiss. "One."

I cradle his head in my hands, staring into his eyes, feeling my heart ache and beat all at the same time for him. I love him so much. And he's leaving .

His smile slips seeing my expression sadden, and he drops onto the bed with a sigh. "I'll be back," he says. It's all he's been saying for the past three days.

"I know," I say with a nod.

"I hate seeing you upset," he says, running a thumb over my cheek. "This is supposed to be a happy day. We can put on a Channing Tatum movie?" he suggests.

I let out a chuckle, loving that he's embracing my movie crush, but I shake my head. "You know what would make this a happy day?"

He doesn't even let me finish my sentence. My best friend grins, pulling me out of bed and throws his t-shirt over me, then slips on his sweatpants before guiding me towards the kitchen.

"I didn't even say anything."

"Your eyes did," he says with a smirk, wrapping his arms around my hips and lifting me into his arms before setting me on top of the counter. Standing between my legs, he looks up at me as I wrap my hands around his neck. "You want pancakes, don't you, pretty girl?"

"Yeah," I reply, feeling my throat tighten. I want you more.

He leans in, and presses his lips against mine. "Then I'm making you pancakes." He steps out from between my legs, and grabs a bowl and a bunch of ingredients I didn't even know I had, and starts mixing them together.

"I'm going to miss having pancakes," I tell him with a sigh. "I've gotten so used to them while you've been here."

He chuckles, meeting my eyes. "I'll miss making them for you."

"Then that means you should stay," I say, tilting my head with a sweet smile that he smirks at.

"I wish I could," he says, his smile slipping.

"But you have to go." I nod, pressing my lips together, swallowing my emotions. "I know."

To distract myself from welling tears, I straighten my posture and force a smile as I reach over, dipping my finger into the pancake mix.

"Hey, hands off," Chris says with a laugh, moving the bowl away from me. "It's raw."

"Still delicious," I say with a shrug.

His lips twist into a smile as he starts scooping the mixture onto the pan, and I sneak another lick of the batter.

"There'll be no pancakes if you keep doing that," he says with a chuckle. "Besides, you might get sick."

"Then you'll just have to stay here and take care of me," I tease, trying to lighten the mood. But Chris's smile fades, and he places the cooked pancake on a plate before turning off the stove. He then walks over to me, his expression soft as he takes my face in his hands.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, Gabi?" he asks, his eyes searching mine. "I wish I could stay, you don't know how much." He shakes his head, exhaling heavily. "Fuck, I hate this."

"I know," I reply, my bottom lip quivering. "I know you can't stay. You have a job, and school… I know . I just… We'll be so far away, in different time zones, and I guess I don't want you to be so busy that you forget me."

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Are you… Are you kidding? I…" He closes his eyes for a second. "Gabi, I haven't stopped thinking about you for ten years," he says, his eyes locking with mine. "There's no way I could ever forget you. You're always at the forefront of my mind." His lips press together, and he blows out a sigh. "I still remember every detail of the very first time I ever saw you."

"You do?" I ask, my brows furrowing as I try to remember it.

He lets out a laugh. "Yeah, pretty girl," he says, dropping his hands to my hips as he steps between my legs once again. "You were wearing a flannel shirt around your waist, and your hair was in two braids."

My face scrunches up. "Ew."

He lets out a laugh. "I thought you were so fucking pretty," he says, making my heart skip a beat. "I just kept looking at you, watching as you did your tricks on your skateboard. And then I fell over." He laughs. "I was so distracted by you, that I fell on my ass." He looks up at me, swallowing. "But then you noticed me, and you rushed over toward me, and helped me up. I was so blindsided by you, that I didn't know what to say," he admits with a nervous laugh. "I just kept staring at you while you asked if I was okay over and over again."

"I remember that," I say, tilting my head. "I thought you'd hit your head or something."

He shakes his head. "Nah. just scratched my knee," he says. "But you still helped me up, and grabbed hold of my skateboard. That's when you noticed my Spiderman stickers, and you said ‘I love Spiderman'," he mimics in a girly voice that makes me narrow my eyes.

"I definitely did not sound like that."

"And then I finally found the courage to talk to you, and we ended up talking about spiderman, and then—" He pauses, pressing his lips together.

"What?" I say, my brows dipping.

He sighs. "Don't hate me."

My frown deepens. "Why? What did you do?"

His lips curl in a sheepish smile. "I told you I was new to skateboarding."

I blink. "You weren't?"

"No. I'd been skateboarding for a little over a year by then," he admits, pulling me closer to him. "I just… I really wanted to see you again."

"You did?" I ask, my breath catching in my throat.

He nods, his hand cupping my face. "I asked you if you could teach me some tricks," he reminds me.

The memory comes rushing back to me. "We spent two whole weeks meeting up every day so I could teach you."

The corner of his lips lift. "Yeah."

My heart races in my chest. "You liked me then?" I ask, unable to believe what he's telling me. We were just twelve at the time. And he's telling me he liked me since the moment he met me?

He nods again, brushing his thumb over my bottom lip. "Always," he affirms. "I've loved you for so long I wouldn't know what it feels like to not love you."

My eyes start to tear up, and I try to blink them away, but they keep coming. We lost so much time. So much time we could have been together if I had just realized he was everything I wanted.

"Chris," I say, my voice breaking.

He covers my lips with his, kissing me until I can't breathe, until all I can focus on is him. His taste, his touch, his warmth. When he pulls back, tears glisten in his eyes as he looks into mine.

"It's just one year, Gabi," he reassures me.

"I know," I say, though my heart still aches.

"We'll get through this," he promises. "And then when we graduate, you'll get into your dream dance school, and we'll go to New York together. We'll live in a small, shitty apartment, maybe get a dog, and I'll make you pancakes every morning."

"Every morning?" I ask, loving the sound of that.

"Every. Single. Day."

I let out a breath, my shoulders relaxing, and my lips curl into a real smile as I picture our future together. "I can't wait."