Chapter 31

Home visits

I think I've forgotten how to breathe.

Either that, or I'm having a panic attack.

Gabi squeezes my hand, pulling me out of my thoughts. I turn to face her, taking in her beautiful features. Her eyebrows knit together as she searches my eyes. "Are you okay?" she asks, so attentive, so patient, so kind, and fuck. I love her so fucking much.

I nod, feeling the shake in my body fade away when I meet her eyes, The corner of my lips lifts into a smile. "I'm always okay when you're with me," I tell her, because it's the truth. Somehow, she always manages to calm something deep inside me whenever I look into her soft blue eyes.

"I'll always be here with you," she says, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. It's crazy how a simple touch from her makes my heart race. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. I've been in love with her for most of my life, and I slept in her bed almost every night for years. But now that we're together, every touch feels different...more intense. I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

I let out a breath, running a hand through my hair. "I couldn't do this without you, Gabi." I tried. So many times. I've lost count of how often I searched for flights, scrolled through my contacts to get to hers, stared at the phone wondering how she was, what she was doing… if she hated me.

God, I hope she doesn't hate me.

The love of my life steps in front of me, holding my face in her hands, cupping it in the soft, warm embrace of her hands. "You won't have to do anything without me ever again."

I like the sound of that.

Fuck, I really like the sound of that.

I nod, taking a deep breath as I raise my fist to the door. My hand trembles, and with another shaky breath, I finally knock.

Nerves wrack through my body as I wait for her to open the door. My heart pounds with each second I wait.

But when the door finally swings open, it's not her on the other side.

I blink, taken aback by the middle-aged man standing in my childhood home.

"Hello?" he says with a polite smile. "Can I help you?"

I turn to Gabi, blinking in confusion. "I uh…" I shake my head. Did she move somewhere else? Did she... I swallow, hard. I can't even think about that being a possibility. I turn back to the man standing in front of me. "I was looking for Eleanor?"

"Honey, who's at the door?" Her soft, familiar voice catches my attention, and I widen my eyes as my mom appears behind the man, looking up at me. "Chris?"

Her voice sends a shiver through me, and I swallow hard, struggling to contain my emotions. "Hi, Mom."

"Chris?" The man beside her glances back at me.

"Yes," my mom answers, stepping in front of him to wrap her arms around me. I feel my jaw tighten as she hugs me. "This is my son."

My eyes begin to well up. She doesn't hate me.

My mom pulls back, studying my face. "You're so grown up," she says, pinching my cheek.

I swallow hard. "It's been a long time."

She nods, and I notice a sad smile on her face, but it leaves just as quickly when she waves us in. "Come inside." She turns around, heading into the house with the man, whom I still know nothing about.

I squeeze Gabi's hand tightly, taking a deep breath before stepping inside.

My eyes widen as I take in the sight.

The old, worn-out brown couch has been replaced by a long white one, with colorful pillows and cozy blankets. The staircase, which was chipped from my father's fists, is now painted white. Paintings hang on the walls, there's fresh flowers in vases, and the sun streams in through the open windows.

I blink, feeling like I've stepped into a different world. This doesn't look like the same house at all.

It's lighter, brighter, and the usual smell of whiskey that rotted my nostrils for years is no longer lingering.

"Would you like anything to drink?" my mom asks, drawing my attention. "Michael made some lemonade this morning."

I blink. "Michael?"

"Yes. My, um…" She smiles. "My boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?" I repeat, furrowing my brows. My mother has a boyfriend?

"A little more than that," my mother's boyfriend—apparently—says, kissing her on the side of her head. My eyes widen involuntarily at the sight. What the hell is going on?

"Well, he uh, he proposed."

My eyes widen even more. "You're engaged?"

She nods, a smile spreading across her face. My shoulders relax as my heart quickens at the sight of her happiness. It's been so long since I've seen her smile like this. Even when I lived here, she rarely ever smiled.

But now she looks genuinely happy.

She has Michael.

She's engaged.

And I knew nothing about it.

"So… about that drink?" Michael asks.

"Sure," I say, blinking as I take it all in. "Thanks."

He nods. "And you?" he asks, turning his head to Gabi.

I turn my head, seeing Gabi smile at him. "Sure. I love lemonade."

Michael plants one more kiss on my mom's head before he turns around and heads out of the living room.

My mom turns to Gabi, flashing her a warm smile. "Gabi, right?"

Gabi tilts her head. "You remember me?"

My mom laughs, shaking her head. "My son never stopped talking about you. It's hard to forget."

Gabi turns to face me, and I meet her eyes with a sheepish smile. "You did?"

It still surprises her how much I talked about her, thought about her, still think about her. I chuckle, nodding. "Yeah, I did." I used to mention hanging out at Gabi's so often that my mom eventually asked if we were together, even trying to have the safe sex talk with me.

I quickly shut down that conversation, assuring her we were just friends and would always be.

Little did I know I'd be standing here with Gabi by my side a few years later, as my girlfriend.

"I also met you once," my mom says, catching me off guard.

I raise an eyebrow. "You did?"

As far as I was aware, Gabi had never met my mom. She had met my dad once, but I had begged her never to come back here. Unfortunately, it was too late. Once my dad saw her, he latched onto that. The bastard knew I was in love with her and used it against me to hurt me every chance he got.

"Yeah." Gabi swallows when I look to her for confirmation. "I came here the morning after…" She doesn't finish her words, but she doesn't need to. "I was wondering where you had gone, and your mom opened the door. She told me you had left."

"I didn't know where you had gone," my mom adds. "I didn't even know if you were in the country." A laugh escapes her, but it's strained.

My lips drop into a frown. "I'm sorry."

"For what, honey?"

Where do I even start. "For going so far away. For not reaching out the past couple of years." I swallow the gravel in my throat. "For leaving you that day."

"Honey…" She shakes her head. "I don't blame you for that. You needed to leave this place. I understand."

"I should have visited, though," I say, my voice quivering. "I should have come back and seen you."

She lets out a sigh. "This place had bad memories for you. I understand why you wouldn't want to come back."

"Not anymore," I say, glancing around the house that feels like my old home and a strange place all at once. "You really made a change here," I tell her.

"I did," she replies with a smile playing on her lips. "I made it my home."

Michael returns with the lemonade, handing us each a glass before stepping away, giving us a moment alone.

My eyes shift toward my mom once Michael leaves. "You're happy?" I ask her. I don't care that she moved on, or that she's engaged. I just want her to be happy for once.

The smile on her face tells me the answer, but she answers anyway. "I am."

I nod, relieved. "And he treats you well?"

She lets out a laugh. "Yes," she affirms, removing the boulder sitting on my chest. "Very well."

"Good," I say with a nod. "I'm happy for you." I glance down, seeing the ring on her finger. "When's the wedding?"

"Oh not for a while," she says, waving a hand. "We're actually thinking of moving first."

"Moving?" I ask her.

"I might have changed some things, but the memories still linger sometimes," she says, her slender throat swallowing. "We wanted a new place. With new memories."

My brows dip at the thought of no longer having my childhood home. It's… weird. But I know that she's right. This place holds too many bad memories to outweigh the good ones, no matter how much has changed.

"So, are you staying around here?" my mom asks, with a hopeful smile on her face.

But my face drops.

Fuck.

I was so happy.

These past few days I have thought of nothing else but being with Gabi. Finally being able to kiss her, and touch her, and tell her I love her.

I was so happy that I completely forgot I'm leaving.

In two weeks.

I turn my head and lock eyes with Gabi. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes, and it breaks my heart.

I swallow harshly. "No. I'm uh…" I shake my head, glancing back at my mom. "I actually live in London."

She blinks. "Oh."

"Yeah. I uh…" I rake a hand through my hair. "I'm going back in a few weeks. I have one more year left until I graduate."

Her eyes soften. "Well, I'm very proud of you Chris. For making something out of yourself even after everything that happened."

I nod, swallowing when the emotions climb up my throat. "Thank you, mom. And uh… thank you for saving me that day," I tell her, my eyes getting glassy and blurred as I lock eyes with her.

She shakes her head, her own eyes growing teary. "I should have done more," she says. "I shouldn't have let him hurt you. I should have left him. I should have…" She sighs. "I should have done more ."

"It's okay, mom," I promise her. "We're both free of him now," I say, repeating the same words Gabi said to me.

Beside me, my best friend tightens her hold on mine, showing me she's here for me.

"Yeah," my mom agrees, her shoulders relaxing. "We are." Her eyes flick to mine, and uncertainty swims in them. "Have you heard from him?"

I nod, my jaw clenching. "He calls sometimes," I say, not wanting to tell her he calls way too often for my liking. "I never answer."

"Good," she says with a nod. "You don't need him in your life, Chris."

"I know, mom. But I do need you ."

My mom's eyes tear up and she stands up, embracing me in a hug. "Promise you'll visit me," she begs.

"Of course I will." When we pull away, I smile down at Gabi. "Besides. I have someone else I'll need to visit too."

My mom brings her hand over her mouth. "You two are…" She gestures between us.

"Yeah," I nod, sliding my hand into Gabi's. "She's my girlfriend."

Girlfriend.

My chest jumps at the words. How long have I seen her be someone else's girlfriend? How long have I wished her to be mine ? And now she finally is.

"That's amazing," my mom says with a huge grin on her face. "I always thought something was going on, but he told me you guys were just friends."

"We were," I say with a shrug. "But I was always in love with her." Gabi smiles up at me, and my heart starts to beat again.

"I thought so," my mom continues. "You wouldn't believe how much he talked about you," she tells Gabi.

I narrow my eyes. "Okay, mom. She gets it."

"No, please, carry on," my girlfriend says, grinning at my mother. "I love hearing about how much you love me."

"I'll be sure to tell you every single day for the rest of our lives," I tell her. "Let's leave before she pulls out the baby pictures."

Gabi gasps. "Oh my god. Baby Chris? I have to see it."

"Perfect," my mom says, indulging her. "I have a stack of photo albums."

"Yay." Gabi pulls away from me, following my mom toward the cabinet where she stores the photo albums.

I let out a laugh, watching the two women I love.

Maybe not all memories in this house have to be terrible.