Home sweet home

Iliked Agnes. The house was mine. Offer accepted. And I’d been responsible and arranged a driver to take me and Reubs to do all the little things I had planned for today. Like a house viewing. Then I was hoping we could go to this place where they had private dining alcoves. I’d been there before. Posh food. Nice waiters.

After that? I hadn’t thought that far. Perhaps show him my old house. Not that I ever wanted to go back there. It had bad vibes. Bad memories. A place where I had lived when I hadn’t been me. This me was much better. Calmer. Happier. Excited. Well. I wasn’t excited about the crap going on at the studio, but then I had a feeling nobody was.

The production team kept changing. We had new session musicians, who seemed as confused as we were, and then these ready-made sequences kept popping up like some dude in the office was churning out AI music and expected us to magically turn it into multimillion-grossing hits.

It didn’t work that way.

The music that had won us our fans had been made in the middle of the night when Josh and Cork and I had been on a roll. We’d had people working with us who were passionate about what we wanted to create. While I’d been singing, Josh had fiddled with things on his laptop and Cork had drummed along on his knees and magic had happened.

Then things had gone wrong, and I had no idea how to pull us back together.

If I really thought about it, I knew we were gone.

I stepped out of the car, letting my sunglasses shield me from the world.

The alleyway leading to the little courtyard basked in the sunshine, showing off London at its best. Perhaps a little noisy, and the green area behind the houses backed onto the railway lines, something I only discovered when a train rumbled past. Not ideal. But anyway, I’d bought it now, and the family living there were in the full-on throes of packing up their life.

Boxes everywhere. Bin bags. But it didn’t matter. I was on a roll, and the house agreed with me, casting me in warm sun rays as Agnes threw open the patio doors.

This?

“Home sweet home,” I said, throwing out my arms dramatically. Reuben grimaced.

“It’s not at all what I expected,” he said, tripping over a child’s toy on the floor. “You’re a rockstar. I was expecting hot tubs and mirrored ceilings and all that.”

He was joking. Even Agnes was laughing…and spreading her paperwork on the kitchen counter.

“Ooh! Look! Bar stools! I can sit here in the evenings and watch you cook.” Overexcited much? Me?

I was trying to set the scene, make him see my brilliant vision.

“How about I sit here in the evenings and watch you cook?”

“Well, Reuben.” I pretend pouted. “I thought we agreed that you would be the hunter and gatherer and I would bring the glamour.”

“Glamour?”

“I’m very famous, you know.”

Agnes snorted. “I was just telling my boss about my new client, and he’d never heard of you. You’re not that famous, Gray.”

Told you. I liked Agnes.

“Your boss must be very poorly educated,” I snarked back and hopped up onto one of the bar stools, swinging my feet. “Do you think the owners would consider leaving these? I like them.”

“I have a full list right here of everything the owners are prepared to leave behind. Or include in the sale. They’re quite willing to accommodate some of your requests. Like to not throw that crappy rusty barbecue in a skip.”

“It’s not that shabby,” Reuben called from the veranda where he was bent over, looking underneath the barbecue. “I wouldn’t pay for it, but if they are leaving it behind…”

He was probably right. I wasn’t good at things like that, especially handling money. Buying furniture had been catastrophic last time. I had a sofa that had only ever been sat on by security guards, and I owned three bookshelves and not a single book. Go figure.

“Do you like it, though?” I asked. I was worried. Perhaps this was a big mistake. Another train passed at the back and everything shook.

“Blimey.” Reuben laughed, coming back inside. “How often do these trains run?”

“A couple of times an hour?” Agnes grimaced.

Oh.

“I like it,” Reuben said. I hoped he wasn’t just trying to placate me. Despite me acting like everything was great, he’d know how nervous I was. He did that. Read me like an open book.

“Come,” I said, jumping down from the stool to drag him downstairs.

“This is a completely self-contained flat. It’s got its own front door and everything. Your dad could live here quite happily. If that’s what he wanted. I know you worry about leaving him behind. Or it can just be part of the house. You could have your own space here. Or something?”

“He’s lived in that house all his life. His mum and dad rented it, and then Dad took over the contract. It’s not like he can just pack up and move. What if we break up? You gonna throw him out as well?”

“We’re not going to break up,” I assured him. “One step at a time. All I’m saying is, the offer is there. I’m moving in here, and you can come stay. Whenever you want. And then, maybe, you’ll stop going home. And maybe you’ll bring your dad for dinner. And one day, he might want to stay over, figure out that this might be a nice place to retir…”

Another train thundered past.

“You sure you bought a house in Marylebone and not Marylebone station? This isn’t Monopoly, you know.”

Oh, Reubs.

“As I said, your dad will need somewhere nice to retire. Have a bit of company.”

“Peace and quiet in his old age.” Reuben laughed. “He’d probably love it. Better than kids dealing outside his front door and his car getting scratched. He tried to plant a rose bush at the front once. Someone stole it the first night. He was fuming.”

“No wonder,” I said, tugging at his hand to continue the tour. “Garden. He could potter around. There’s a lawn too. It’s communal, though, so there’ll be kids running around out there some of the time.”

“Fuck that,” Reuben muttered, but he put his arms around me, his head resting against my shoulder. “You’ve really thought of everything, haven’t you?”

“Yeah,” I whispered. “It could work. I have money coming in. Not enough to splash out on a life of total decadence, but you work. I work. And we could just…live here. Come and go and laugh.”

“And you’d drive me mad, and my dad would drive us both mad, and then I would shout at you.”

“And bang the doors.”

“Yeah.”

“You know, Reubs. I grew up in a totally normal family. My mum can be snarky as anything. Dad drives her mad. Mum drives Dad mad. Sometimes they don’t speak to each other all day. Dad goes out in the garden and sulks. Mum scrubs the floors. Gets the steam cleaner out. Pulls down curtains and stuff.”

“I don’t own a steam cleaner.” Reuben laughed into my shoulder. “We’ll need to buy a Hoover though. I mean, Dad would probably come hoover for us.”

“We’ll get a cleaner. I’m very rich and famous you know.”

“No. God no!”

“Good.” I kissed his head. “Anyway. Come on. Upstairs.”

He followed me, his hand in mine. I couldn’t stop smiling.

“This will be our home gym. I actually have all the equipment. It’s still in boxes, in storage. Stupid, eh? But I thought that’s what you had to have, so I ordered it. Never even had it delivered.”

“Idiot,” he said, looking around the room.

“Big. Airy. Next to the family bathroom. And we can put a sound system in here. Blast our tunes out.”

“Neighbours would love that.”

I laughed. Yeah. He had a point.

“And this…”

I pushed him in front of me, into our bedroom. Bloody baby cot and all.

“This is where the magic will happen.

He tensed up, just a little.

“Like last night?” I murmured against his nape.

“Last night,” he huffed. Hugged himself. “I’m…still. Not convinced.”

“That’s okay,” I replied softly, sliding my arms around him. “Baby, it’s fine. It’s something to build on. Not so scary, after all, perhaps?”

“No. But…” He took a deep breath. “Stop with the baby stuff. I like you, Gray. I like who you are. And yeah, all right, I’ll admit it. Last night was…pretty good, you know?”

I gasped. “I’m offended! I’m The Dieter. Pretty good?”

“Idiot,” he said again.

“Would you let me do it again? I mean, just, hold you and get you off?”

“The mouth thing…was hot.”

“I know.”

“And I like kissing you.”

“Yes.” I was rocking him. Dancing to a tune neither of us could hear. But it was lovely. I loved this. I didn’t care about the bloody trains rumbling past. Or the fly buzzing in the window. All that mattered was this. A warm safe place where we could just exist.

“Give me a week or two to sort out things and get the keys and move in, and then—”

“You’re not doing it on your own.” He sounded determined. “I’ll help you. I mean, you can barely dress yourself, so how are you going to style a home?”

He was laughing. I was too.

“I’m sure I have people for that.”

I didn’t, but I had movers booked, and I was pretty sure there were people who could help me make it nice.

“It’s our house. If I’m going to live here, it will be ours. We’ll have to put our mark on it. Like, I have to throw all my clothes on the floor.”

“Sounds like you’re moving in to me. And we could have, like…wardrobes. Would that be a deal breaker?”

He was so silly, laughing at me when I knew he’d already made up his mind.

“I like you,” I whispered. “So much.”

He didn’t say it back. I didn’t expect him to, because he didn’t have to. Instead, he took my hand, brought it up to his mouth and kissed my knuckles.

“Home sweet home.” He smiled. “How bloody ridiculous is that?”

I was starting to appreciate Reuben more and more. Not only because he treated me like I was a normal person, but because he calmed me down. However stupid I got, or if I said weird things, he just took it. Told me off. Punched my arm or something. Gave me a hug.

I especially liked it when he gave me a hug.

And then Lauren rang and ruined the moment. She rattled off details about some last-minute meeting that I had to attend, like right now, and she hoped I was suitably dressed because Michelle at the agency needed to see me. She was having none of my weak day-off excuses either, because Michelle was not to be messed with and did I realise what I was jeopardising here? No, perhaps I didn’t, but Reuben just got back in the car and smiled, told me not to worry about it and to drop him at the nearest Tube station.

Which gave me palpitations, but he just leaned over and lifted my chin.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“I’m not a kid. Need to clean up my messes.” I blew hot air. Tried to calm my nerves.

“Who’s this Michelle anyway? Sounds scary.”

“My acting agency…agent. You know I did this film? Four months of my life in a goddamn trailer and I was ready to throw up every time they called for me. I mean, I played sold-out 80,000-capacity-stadiums with Blitz and didn’t break a sweat.”

“You did sweat,” he said with a grin.

“At least I knew I was kind of good at that. Acting? Sheesh, Reubs. I sucked. So bad. The director was constantly shouting at me, calling me that retarded pop star, right in front of me. Total arsehole. Four months of totally wrecking my confidence. And now this Michelle is either going to tell me she’s dumping my arse, which will get Lauren’s back up, or…well, I can’t see any other option. I’m not an actor. I can’t do stuff like that. It’s bad enough trying to look half decent in our music videos, but… No.”

“What was this movie about, anyway? I did read something about James Bond.” He was joking, and thank God for that.

“I would’ve made an awful neurotic pathetic James Bond.”

“You would’ve been hot.”

He always knew how to make me smile.

“It was a historical. Period drama. I played the young Lord Charles, this wayward son who refused to marry. Probably totally gay. Then everyone was dying, and the family fortune would go to waste unless I married the Duchess of Warbrookshire—some made-up place, but anyway, she was in love with this guy called Lord Carrington, who was a right wanker.”

“Sounds thrilling.”

“It really wasn’t. Lord Carrington was played by Con Telford? Big name. Nice guy. He had all the sex scenes. I barely took my shirt off. Apart from when I had to do this sword fight with Admiral Browning and got myself stabbed.”

“Con Telford? I need to watch that then. Sounds fun!” He laughed. “You know how to sword fight?”

“Nope, but I know how to make it look like I know how to sword fight. That’s the whole point of acting. Apparently. All I had to do was twitch every time the sword came near me, even if it was made out of plastic.”

“Still, beats a day getting four hundred identical suitcases to the right rooms, especially when all the labels are written in Cantonese.”

“Really?”

He stroked my cheek. “Really. I could take an exam on Cantonese surnames now. I know how to spell most of them.”

“In Cantonese?”

“Yep.”

I wanted to kiss him. Just devour his gorgeous face. Tell him how bloody cute he was.

“Anyway,” I said. “Enough about this film. It’s going straight to that streaming channel. It’ll be gone and forgotten in a few months.”

“Or not. It might be the surprise hit of the year. I’ve heard of Con Telford. He’s a big name. So are you.”

“Yeah. I still have a horrible feeling we both sucked in this one.”

“Drop me off up here, Driver, please?” Reuben called out, waving at the Tube station coming up. “You’ll be fine,” he said softly, tapping my nose. “I’m going to drop in at work then go home. Call me when you’re on your way back? I’ll sort some food.”

And then he was gone, vanishing into the crowd.

I sat in the car, chewing on a fingernail as my driver swerved back out into the traffic.

“Know where you’re going?” I asked meekly. The driver nodded.

Just as well because I had no bloody idea. All I knew was that I was fucked. Royally.