You kissed me first

Not cool. I’d said it myself, but there was one thing Gray said that I did agree with. When it was just him and me, we did exist in some kind of bubble.

And that bubble apparently made me do weird things. Like snuggle with him. Hug him. Cuddle. And…yeah.

I liked kissing. I very strangely liked kissing him. I mean, he was a good kisser. Soft. Tasted nice. And that rough feel of stubble against my skin was…

I was not into men. But yes, I was starting to give in to those weird thoughts in my head because I was…

Into.

Him.

Which was bloody insanity.

Not much I could do about that when my hands were around his face and he was rubbing his groin against my stomach. I liked when he made sounds like that. I was making them too. Embarrassing ones, but whatever. His hands were on my chest, and I was thinking it would be better if I wasn’t wearing so many clothes.

Insanity, indeed.

His lips on mine. I snagged his bottom lip with my teeth, tugged gently, like I was asking for a little breather. He just smiled.

I was smiling too.

“Your dad’s going to walk through that door any minute, and our dinner is on the table.”

For a very sharp second, the idea of moving in with him was frighteningly tempting.

No. No, Reuben.

“The pasta will be cold.”

He kissed me again. On the lips. My cheek. Nuzzled slowly down my neck. Small kisses. Oh, yeah.

Fingertips…pinching my nipples. Just gently but…wow.

I shuddered, and not in a good way. There would be trouser action in a minute, and I was not going to give him any ideas that this would go any further than…

Hands, tugging at the hem of my T-shirt, then fingertips dancing over my bare stomach as he carefully lifted the shirt up and eased it over my head but left it strapped over my shoulders like a harness of some kind.

He sat back and…admired me. That was the only word for it. His fingers painted lines down my hairless chest, over my nipples, making me shiver with every little touch. Even the breath coming out of his nostrils felt like burns on my skin.

He was turning me on.

Which was…embarrassing AF. I tugged the shirt back over my head and covered myself up, gently moving his hands away.

“Enough man-on-man action for today,” I said sternly. “Boundaries, Gray.”

“Okay.” He sulked. Smiling. Stop it!

He smiled and I melted. Because he was right there, and he was…

“You’re pretty, Gray. And I didn’t want to admit it, but you’re right about the bubble thing. It makes me do stupid things. You kiss me and I go stupid.”

“You kissed me, Reubs.”

Technicalities. But. Yes. I had.

But he was…my Gray.

He pulled me up onto my feet, and then we went back to the kitchen, and he ate all my dinner like a good boy. By the time my dad got home, he was asleep in my arms on the sofa and I was watching the football. Dad sat down next to us, and this…

This was home. How could I move out? Dad would be lonely, and then he’d do bad things and get himself into trouble, and I liked having him around. I suppose that was one of the most adult things about me. I really appreciated my dad now, and he appreciated me. And we were good. Like this.

“There were kids outside the house earlier. Looking for him.”

“Why?” Stupid question. It didn’t take a genius to recognise my dad’s car and know where it was usually parked. London was big, but Peckham was a tiny soup bowl of human beings who sometimes didn’t know what was good for them. We had nice roads. New and upcoming areas where young people were renovating old houses and hip new cafés and bars were filling up those boarded-up old shop units. But there were also places like this. Run-down estates full of bored kids who had nothing better to do than stalk some guy who looked a little bit like The Dieter.

The Dieter. Fuck him.

I looked down at the man snoring gently against my chest, which made my dad snort.

“You’re absolutely not into him, are you, Son?”

Sarcasm. My dad was a dick.

“Nope.” I grinned.

“I can tell from the way you smile when you look at him. It’s nice. Roll with it.”

“Dad,” I warned.

“And move in with him. It might go completely tits up, and in three weeks, you’ll have fallen out and you’ll be back here stomping around in a rage.”

“You give us three weeks?”

“No.” Dad smiled. “I think you’ll be really happy. And not only that. It gets you out of this place. Fresh start. You can walk around without looking over your shoulder thinking that kid from the past will turn up and stab you in the guts. I know. It was years ago, but you never really got over it.”

“He didn’t actually stab me, Dad.”

“No, but he had a knife to your side, and you had nightmares for weeks. Over what? A couple of bags of weed?”

“And then he turned up here.”

“He was just a child. I told him to run back to his mother. Grow up. Get a life.”

“He didn’t like that.”

“It’s true, though. Things like that can affect you for the rest of your life. You need to move on. Leave this place behind and carve out a future that will make you happy. Live in a nice house. Have someone hold you at night. A couple of kids.”

“Dad, I’m not having kids with Gray.”

He just laughed.

“Dad!” I shouted.

Gray sat up, muttered something about going to bed and left.

“You will,” Dad said with a wink. Then he got up, switched the TV off and left me on the sofa, feet on the coffee table.

On my own.

I could hear Gray in the bathroom, brushing his teeth, Dad’s shower running.

And me sat here with my hand down my trousers, cupping my junk.

I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular. Absolutely not. I sat like this all the time. But my dick was getting harder with every sound from the bathroom.

Nope. No.

Not happening.

With a growl, I got up and went to sort out the kitchen, willing my boner to go down. Gray was in the shower while I was slowly losing my marbles. I waited until he was done, listening for the familiar click of the door, the light being turned off as he disappeared into my room.

Madness. Everywhere.

I reclaimed the bathroom, brushing my teeth and washing myself down. Tried to have a pee, which didn’t work, so I had a shower instead and finally calmed myself down. Good.

Towel around my waist, I grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen and crept into my room, kicking about on the floor for clean boxers. Or anything really. I put on the first pair I found and took my meds, shaking my head at the complete cesspit of a room we currently shared.

“I’m not moving in with you, because you don’t do laundry. There are, like, weeks’ worth of clothes on the floor. Seriously, Gray?”

“I’ll do laundry tomorrow,” he mumbled out from under the covers. He had his back towards me, and I could only see his hair, fanned out on the pillow.

He held the duvet up, so I could get in, revealing his bare back and arse covered by those minimalistic things he called underpants. Tight black fabric.

Nope. Down, dick. We’re not doing this.

It had been a long time since I’d jerked off. An even longer time since I’d had any kind of sex. That was it. I was just oversexed. Obviously, I needed to make some time to deal with that. Lock myself in the bathroom and watch porn and jerk off.

I got in the bed and lay on my side, back to him, boner well out of reach. Sighed as he turned around and spooned me, his arm around my waist, hand landing a little too low on my stomach.

I shivered. He kissed my shoulder, settled in a little closer.

“How would this work, G?” I asked quietly. Frustrated. As always.

“What?” he asked sleepily. I should just shut up.

“Sex,” my mouth said instead. “How would we have sex? I mean. I’m not having you shove anything up my backside.”

“Rude.” He was smiling. I could tell.

“No. Just a question. You’re trying to make this sound so easy. You have a dick. I have a dick. And where are we supposed to shove them?”

“So romantic.” He kissed my shoulder again. “You know, Reubs, it’s not that complicated. Firstly, it’s not all about penetration. I’ve offered it before, and I will offer it again. I really like sucking cock. Just throwing that out there. No obligation.”

“Good to know.” I smiled as well. This was so very much him. Very much us.

“And I can show you. Very gently with nothing bad happening. Like, if I…”

His legs pushed against mine, and his package…well. No, Gray. Nope. But I didn’t move because he was just there with his arms around me, and then his hand moved down. Gently, slowly, at the same time as his mouth pressed against my neck. A small, soft kiss. And fingers playing with the waistband of my undies.

Stretching.

I made a little sound. He shushed me.

“I’m going to just touch you. Nothing will happen, and you tell me when to stop. If it’s too much, I’ll stop.”

“That’s what all the bad guys say.”

To be honest? Yes. I was scared shitless.

“It’s just me. And I know you. Do you trust me?”

Fuck. No. Not at all. Not right now.

“Reubs,” he whispered. “Do you trust me? Nothing bad. It’s just me and you. And I’ll show you.”

“Don’t hurt me.”

“I’ll never hurt you,” he promised.

And I believed him. Trusted him. I really did.

I turned my head and caught his lips. Let him kiss me the way he always did, but this time his hand was in my underwear. I grabbed the hem and shoved them down because I wanted something. With him.

My dick? Yes, it was playing along, traitorously hard and jerking into his every little movement.

I was trying to be quiet, not make the bed creak, but now I was on my back and I’d kicked the duvet off, my hips rising clumsily to meet his touch. His mouth was on mine, and he was leaning over me, pushing, trying to get me back on my side of the bed so he could get a better angle.

Yes. Like that.

“Faster,” I moaned.

This was so fucking…

“Good boy,” he whispered in my ear. “Let me make you feel good. So beautiful.”

You can’t see me, you wanker!I wanted to say, but I opened my eyes, and the light was streaming through the curtains, enough for me to make out his jawline, the way his lips curved, his little nose. He pressed it to mine and looked at me, all blurry and dark and out of focus as my brain started to melt.

Everything was muffled and soft.

Except his voice.

“One day,” he whispered. “I’m going to let you press this cock right into my hole and you’re going to fuck me so hard you won’t even know what hit you. That gorgeous cock of yours slamming into me, and you’ll know. Right there and then. That it’s you and me forever. See? I know this.”

Another kiss. I whimpered.

I had no idea what he was playing at, only that I needed whatever he was doing to me. More of his stupid talk. More of his hands. More kisses. More everything.

“Want me to take your load? I can…just…lean down…”

Oh, fucking hell.

“Slip the head of your cock into my mouth. It’s warm. Wet.”

There were sounds coming from me that I couldn’t control. My whole body shivered with need as he jerked my cock. Harder. Faster.

“Come in my mouth. Fill me up. Your whole load, baby. All of it. Want to taste it.”

I was being loud. I knew, and I just couldn’t help it. My voice quivered with some kind of moaning scream.

Then he leaned over. Blew a small huff of breath on my dick. Kept jerking as he lowered his head.

Slow.

Slow.

Warmth.

Wetness.

Slow. Far too slow.

All.

The.

Way.

Down.

I think I lost consciousness for a while, because his hand was covering my mouth, and he held me down, as I spasmed and flailed, bed creaking, headboard banging against the wall.

Death was a beautiful thing.

Then the duvet was tucked in under my chin, and he kissed my cheek. Giggled softly.

“You’re disgusting,” I said hoarsely.

“Nope.” He sounded so bloody happy. “See? It doesn’t have to be so very complicated. Just you and me. We can make it work. Because that wasn’t too scary, was it?”

“Well…” I grinned hazily and reached for him. Kissed his stupid mouth before remembering where it had been.

“Swallowed it down like the good boy I am.” He nuzzled my face. His nose, mouth, breath. All of him.

“As I said. Disgusting.”

“Yummy.”

I laughed. And then I held him as tight as I could, and for a minute or two, I didn’t care about anything. Because I was happy too.