15. Nic

15

NIC

I am not myself. I mean… since when do I give a fuck what people think of me or how I make them feel? Except for Gia and the kids, I don’t. Until now.

When I saw Bella heading out the door with a bag, my first feeling was anger. What the hell was she thinking? Then she essentially accused me of being like my father, which pissed me off, but more than that, it hurt. And then she said she’d rather take her chance in the brutal cold or with a hitman than end up with my father. And she meant it.

Of course, she wasn’t done yet. Then she accused me of not caring about my father’s behavior until he came after me. And the fucked up part is that she’s not entirely wrong about that. I haven’t done enough to protect Gia and the kids. I initially came on this trip to retrieve Bella for my father knowing the man he is.

Shame washes over me. I step back, giving Bella space. Or maybe I need the space as my mind races, replaying all the times I could have, should have, done more for my sister. The moments I knew following my father’s orders to bring Bella home were wrong and yet, I was still doing his bidding. All the fantasies I’ve had about killing my father but never committed to doing it.

“What?” she asks in response to my statement about making the decision to kill my father for her.

The weight of my failure is suffocating. I've prided myself on being smarter than my father, on being better than him. But in this, I'm just as guilty.

“You're right. I should have done more. I should have killed him sooner for Gia and the kids.”

My eyes drift to Bella, and I'm suddenly back in that moment in the kitchen when she kissed me. The softness of her lips, the warmth of her body pressed against mine. It was more than just a kiss, it was a wake-up call. In that instant, everything became clear. I couldn’t let her become another victim of my father's cruelty.

“And yet you didn’t decide that until he tried to kill you,” she accuses me again.

I shake my head. “I didn’t just decide to kill him at this moment or even during the call with Max. I decided to kill him after our kiss.”

“I don’t believe you.”

It’s shocking to me how much that hurts even as I can’t blame her for her doubt. I wouldn’t trust me either.

“You don’t have to. Just know that I’m not going to bring you to him. You won’t suffer because of him. I will kill him for you, for Gia, for Gia’s mother, and all the women he’s inflicted his sick pain on.”

She takes a small step back, and I fight the impulse to close the distance between us. It’s another new sensation to want a woman to come to me. To believe in me.

“Look, if you want to take a chance out in the cold, you can. I won’t stop you.” Fucking hell, how can I say that? “But you must see the problem with leaving now? The cold will kill you. But if you stay, I promise to protect you. Not just from the elements, but from my father, from anyone who might try to harm you."

She glances at the door and I know I’m losing this argument.

“And when my father is dead, you can do whatever you want. Return to your father and whoever he tries to sell you off to next. Or maybe your sister. Or… I can offer you freedom."

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"I can arrange for you to live your own life. A new identity if you need it." I want to offer her a life with me, but I swallow that back, partly because the feeling unsettles me and partly because it’s clear she wants to get away from me.

"You could have a life away from all this," I say instead, gesturing vaguely to encompass the world of organized crime we've both been born into. "A chance to be whoever you want to be."

She swallows, her innocent eyes studying me. Does she see my sincerity?

“How can I trust you?”

My heart falls. She doesn’t see the truth in my eyes. "I know I haven't given you much reason to trust me. But think about these past few days. When I was shot, when I was vulnerable, I put my life in your hands. I didn't have to do that. I could have tied you up, kept you prisoner. But I didn't."

I see a flicker of recognition in her eyes, and I press on. "And you… you could have left me to die. You could have taken the car and driven away, leaving me behind. But you didn't."

I take a step closer, careful not to crowd her. "You stayed. You took care of me. You read to me, even though I think Colonel Brandon is still a putz." A small smile tugs at her lips, giving me hope. “I may have been delirious, but I remember every moment."

I step closer again, the air between us charged with unspoken tension. "And that kiss… I felt it, and I know you did too."

I watch her, sensing she wants to believe me. My body thrums with the desire to pull her close, to claim her as mine. The urge is primal, overwhelming. But I force myself to remain still. I'm not my father. I won't force her.

My heart pounds in my chest as I wait for her response. I've never been this vulnerable, this exposed, with anyone before. I don’t like it at all. I hate that I feel so compelled to hand over so much to this woman.

I feel the need to take back some of my power. “The truth is, Bella, you belong to me now.” I watch her closely, searching for any reaction to my bold claim.

Surprise, maybe a hint of fear, flashes in her eyes. But there's something else too. A spark of interest, of desire. It's subtle, but it's there. I've spent my life reading people, and I can see the shift in her demeanor.

"I meant what I said before.” I brush the back of my fingers over her soft cheek. "I can give you freedom. Real freedom. Not just from my father, but from all of this. But you have to trust me. You have to believe in me."

The world pauses like it’s holding its breath as I wait for her response. I've never felt stakes this high before, which is crazy considering the number of times I’ve escaped death. This moment isn’t just about survival. It's about her. About us.