Chapter Fifty-Six Wade

CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX

Wade

" T hey're only little once and I want to spend as much time with them as I can. At least until they start school."

"I totally understand, and I appreciate how much notice you're giving me here. Can't say I'm surprised; I wouldn't want to leave those little faces every day either," I say to Sam as she pushes her double stroller back and forth while her five-month-old twins sleep. Her dark hair is pulled up on top of her head, sort of the way Ivy wears hers, and she's comfortable in tights and a big Nike hoodie.

She looks happy. Tired, but happy. I can't say I'm surprised at the reason she wanted this meeting today—to tell me she isn't coming back to work full-time—and I can't say I'm really sad about this news either. A small part of the dread I've been feeling every day as I glance at the calendar above my desk has dissipated immensely in the last thirty minutes. This makes things easier. Maybe now it won't be so hard to convince Ivy to stay on my ranch as the official head trainer.

"So, Ivy is working out fantastic?" Sam asks as she pulls a blanket up over twin number one.

I nod. "She's doing a great job here."

"Do you think there's a chance she'll stay on?" Sam asks.

"I'm not sure," I say truthfully, hanging up the rope I was wrapping around my arm on a hook outside the barn.

"Can I say, Wade? On a personal note, you seem … relaxed and less grunty than usual. Whatever you're up to these days, keep it up. It looks good on you." She smiles at me, and I just sort of do a weird laughing scoffing thing in response.

As if speaking about her manifests her out of thin air, Ivy's truck comes into view down the long driveway of the ranch. Sam looks at me. "Speak of the cute little devil."

Ivy eyes us cautiously as she parks in front of the barn and moves her sunglasses from her face to her head. Seeing her outfit reminds me of this morning, her body glistening with my cum as I told her I loved her. Maybe I'm just depraved, but just the thought alone makes my dick twitch in my jeans. Now that I've told her how I feel about her, I might never stop.

"Long time no see," Ivy says to Sam with a big smile and a hug. The last time she saw her was during the two-week overlap when Sam showed Ivy the ropes here before she went on maternity leave.

"Motherhood." Sam shrugs.

"So, got your return date set?" Ivy asks, her glance bouncing between Sam and me.

"Actually, Sam's just given me her notice as our head trainer. She's going to step back from her role here to stay home with the twins, and she'll come back in six months maybe and do some part-time training for us on weekends, maybe with the younger classes," I say, my eyes locking with Ivy's. Her mouth falls open slightly as Sam laughs and says, "Hope you don't have another job lined up. This big guy might need you around here for a while."

"I—that's great for you, to stay home with them a little longer." Ivy's eyes flit to the restless little ones in their stroller.

"I was just saying to Wade, I can't get back this time, I want to soak up every second," Sam says, brushing a little tuft of dark curls off one of the twins' forehead.

"I bet," Ivy says, taking her bottom lip between her teeth.

I decide this is a good thing for Ivy; she says she'll have trouble having kids, but maybe seeing the way Sam is with her adopted babies is a good thing. I watch as Ivy's face turns up in the sweetest smile for one of the twins, and hope she realizes she can still have this experience even if it looks a little different for her. The way it looked different for Sam.

"Nap time is over I suppose," Sam says, bending down to check to see if the babies are wet. "Shoot, I have almost an hour's drive back; do you mind if I feed them and change them first?"

"Of course," I say, gesturing to the big house. "Our house is yours. Mama Jo will be thrilled to see the babies."

Sam looks up from the stroller to meet Ivy's gaze. "Do you want to give me a hand?" she asks.

"I'd love to—if you need me, I'm all yours." Ivy smiles, then looks at me.

"Go ahead," I tell her. "I'm pretty well wrapped up down here today, just waiting on Angel's daily report." I eye her carefully, but nothing about her says she isn't okay. In fact, she looks genuinely excited to help Sam with the babies.

"Devin works from home. I normally have his help, so doing this alone is new to me," Sam gushes.

Ivy nods, and Sam unclips a car seat from the stroller and hands it to Ivy. "You can have Amelia, she's the calmest. I'll handle Hurricane Annie."

Ivy laughs and looks down at the little cooing bundle.

"Are you gonna go easy on me, Amelia, if I help your mama feed you?" she asks, running a finger down Amelia's soft, chubby little cheek. A feeling of need washes over me as I watch her, a need to give her this one day, to do anything to make her happy.

Ivy turns to head up the steps to the big house. Amelia coos at her happily from her seat, and I don't miss the way Ivy's face lights up when Sam turns back to her and says, "You're a natural."

Two hours later, Sam is gone and Ivy and I have Dusty and Rowan ready to head to Florida with Angel. Ivy's been quiet all afternoon since her visit with Sam. I try to give her a little space and chalk it up to her worrying about her mother. She's talked to her twice so she knows she's there and settled in, but of course she'll worry about how she's doing. I also can't help wondering if being with Sam affected her today too; it's been an overwhelming day for her, to say the least.

When we get back to my cabin, I'm talking to her about random things—Florida, what movie we're going to watch tonight, what kind of dressing she wants for her salad—but she's distracted, and something else I've never witnessed.

Quiet.

"Ivy …" I say after I ask her a direct question about the paperwork for Angel's derby nomination.

"Hmm?" she says, looking up at me from where she's standing at the living room window watching the sun sink behind the hills. She's nervous, and I can tell something more is going on.

"You didn't even hear me, did you?"

"Sorry, Wade." She sniffs, but says nothing else, which is again, highly unlike her. It's at this moment I realize whatever is going on with her isn't about her mother or Sam, and I'm going to find out what it is right now.

I put my kitchen tools down and walk to her, placing my hands on her shoulders, bringing her to my chest. I just hug her for a moment.

"I was right, you do give the best hugs," she says, causing me to chuckle.

"What?"

"Nothing, Wade. Just a hunch I had about you once." I kiss her head.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on in your mind?" I ask

"I'm just dealing with some things today. I don't get surprised very often …" Ivy says randomly, before she looks up at me and smiles through fresh tears.

I have not a goddamn clue what she's mumbling about, but I can see the fight on her pretty face. Like she wants to tell me something or ask me something.

"What's going on, Trouble? I don't mean to sound like a prick here, but there's never a time where you aren't talking. If you're waging a war in that pretty head of yours over something, let me fight it with you."

A feeling of worry floods me as it occurs to me. It may be what I said to her this morning. Was it too much, too fast for her?

"I'm just … overwhelmed right now." She sniffs. I get it, because the need I have to protect her overwhelms me. I kiss her lips and she lets me in, reaching her hands up around the nape of my neck, letting them settle there in their place as they always do.

"Was it being around Sam today? Was it too much? Did she say something that upset you?"

"No, Wade, she was great, it's just … I want that for you so badly. A future like that, a family …"

None of this makes sense.

"We could have that if you want, however that looks for us."

"Wade, why do you have to be so perfect?" she asks as she wipes away a tear. "I mean, don't you just think it would be easier with someone else for you? Simpler? Even when you were with Janelle, it would've been easier. She could've given you a future, a family."

I scoff, like fuck. I look down at her and realize she's actually serious.

"Where is all this coming from, Ivy?" I ask.

Ivy breathes out a gentle sigh and turns to face me.

"I saw her today at the nail salon—Janelle. She said she talked to you, told you she might want to try again and I couldn't help but wonder … I mean, I know how you feel about me, but if you want a family … maybe someone, not necessarily Janelle but … maybe that would be better."

Wait … the fuck?

I set my jaw and take a breath, placing my hands on my hips. I try to stay calm. The fact that Ivy could even be threatened by Janelle and her lies, making her second-guess our future together, even momentarily, is too much for me.

Fucking Janelle.

"Ivy, I did see her, at Woody's the other day, but not in the way you think. She showed up while we were there. She came in and asked me for money."

Ivy thinks for a moment and chews on her lip.

"Did she tell you she wanted to try again? To start a family with you?"

I run a hand through my hair.

"Yes. She did, but that's what she does. She uses people. I was just someone she needed something from. And to state the glaringly obvious, I don't love her, I love you. I'm certainly not about to let a bullshit encounter with Janelle let you push me away. You have nothing to worry about with her, or anyone else ever, trust me."

Ivy moves further away from me and stands staring out the window. For a long moment it's just silent, and I am still standing here with no fucking idea what is going on.

"I just … Wade, I'm not myself right now. I think maybe I'm going to sleep at my own cabin tonight. I need … a night … to clear my head, to just think, everything is happening so fast and I don't know what the future holds … my job, how that's going to look now …"

I look up and breathe for just a moment, panic rising in my gut.

"Ivy. You have a job here, for as long as you want, I told you that today." I sound like I'm pleading because I am. Pleading for the future that's right at my fingertips.

"Don't leave," I beg.

She turns to face me and I can see it in her, her fight with whatever she's struggling with, her own internal battle, whatever's living in her mind.

"I'm not upset with you, Wade. I just … don't know what's to come. I just need to sleep. Maybe things will look more clear to me in the morning."

She moves to grab her purse and her jacket. I feel like I'm watching in slow motion. I want to stop her, I want to grab her and tell her she isn't going anywhere, but another part of me says to let her go, to give her the space she needs to calm down, to realize she's talking batshit fucking crazy right now, thinking I'd ever go back to Janelle or anyone else for that matter.

Before she opens the door, she looks up at me. "This isn't your fault, Wade. It's mine. I let things get too messy, we work together, this whole thing is just so … complicated now, maybe too complicated."

My mouth falls slack. What the fuck is she saying?

"You can't possibly think that, Ivy," I say as I grab her arm to get one more second with her.

She looks down where my hand holds her then back up to my eyes.

"Don't tell me what I think, Wade. I had five years of a man telling me what I think."

It's those words that make me let go and watch her walk out my cabin door, because if there's one thing I can show her, it's that I'm fucking nothing like the man she was with before.

I'm pacing.

Fuck. Pacing and drinking … and pacing some more. By midnight, I've gone over all of this a million times and I can't fucking figure out for the life of me what happened today between Ivy and Janelle that got Ivy so spooked. She knows how I feel, she knows the last thing on earth I'd ever do is leave her to go back to Janelle. I'd rather fucking sleep on the barn floor naked for the rest of my life than sleep in Janelle's bed.

I run a hand through my hair as I walk outside to my front porch, holding a half-empty bottle of bourbon because everything in my goddamn house reminds me of her. It's cold outside but the fresh air feels good as I stand and stare two hundred feet down the path at Ivy's dark cabin. I let every encounter I've had with her register with me. Everything she's ever told me runs through my mind as the burn of my bourbon slides down my throat.

How she's never been able to rely on anyone, how it's only ever been her against the world. How everyone she's ever loved has let her down or left her in some way.

And then it hits me like a fucking bolt of lightning—she's pushing me away before I can let her down, this is all too real to her. The fact that we're happy. Really fucking happy. My words this morning and now that Sam isn't coming back, it's even more real for her. She could have it all, but she's trained herself . To think she doesn't deserve it.

I knock back the rest of my bourbon as I realize just what my job is.

To show her how fucking worthy she is of all of it. To show her that when she needs me most I'm going to be there, right there with her, every goddamn second, telling her it will be okay. Even when she's too vulnerable and afraid to tell me she needs me.

A light flickers on in her cabin, letting me know she's still awake, and before I even realize what I'm doing I'm moving down my porch steps in my t-shirt, not even bothering with a coat, as fast as my legs will carry me to her.

I make it to her cabin in less than thirty seconds. I'm just raising my hand to knock, but before I can the door swings open. Ivy's standing before me, her eyes are puffy, there's a tissue in her hand, shoes on her feet. I planned what I would say but when I look at her now, ready to come to me, so fucking beautiful it hurts, all I can manage is, "Baby … fuck."

I move into her cabin and pull her small frame into my arms. She doesn't fight me, she clings to me, fisting the back of my shirt.

Her voice is quiet against my chest. "I'm so sorry, Wade. I know you would never want … I know you love me. I'm just really scared."

I kiss her head, her face, her arms wrapped up around my neck, any part of her I can get my lips on, and I just breathe her in. I take a moment to brush her hair off her tear-stained face and cradle her cheeks in my hands. I kiss her lips.

"Ivy, I can't even spend four hours away from you. I don't know what you're scared of, I know something is going on in that mind, but all of that can happen while I'm sleeping beside you. Because fuck, I never want to go one night without you."

I pull her in again and whisper in her hair, her sweet sugar-scented hair, the hair I love so much.

"This. Us. This isn't like anything either of us have ever had before. You can take as long as you need, sweetheart, and when you're ready to talk about whatever this is, I'll be here, waiting, every fucking time."

She pulls her face back and looks up into my eyes for a split second.

One tear spills over her cheek before she whispers, "Wade … I'm pregnant."

My grip on her tightens involuntarily. Two little words.

Two little words that pull all the available air from my lungs and will forever separate my life into equal parts, the parts before this moment and the rest that is to come.

My breath hitches and I feel like time stands still.

I look into her eyes, and I know as sure as my heart beats that it's no longer gravity holding me firmly to the earth beneath my feet.

It's this woman and the child she carries.

My child.