33. Ronan

There's a knock on my door, and since it's Saturday, I haven't even bothered to get dressed yet. I feel like shit, and for the first time in a long time, I just haven't had the energy to get up out of bed before ten in the morning.

Now I'm regretting that, of course, because someone is at my door. Maybe it's just a package. I just lie there in nothing but my boxer briefs under the covers and hope like hell they go away.

But the knock comes again.

Goddammit.If it's Annie, she's for sure going to call me on my bullshit. I don't want to be fixed right now. I did the right thing. I let Fletcher go without wrecking his college career and my actual career.

It was what needed to happen, but that doesn't mean I feel good about it. Not at all. I just want to wallow for a little bit longer.

I'm a grumbling mess as I grab a pair of sweats, hoping they're clean, but I have no idea. I tug them on before grabbing a t-shirt and pulling it on over my head. I realize far too late, that it smells like Fletcher. That it's one he borrowed after one of our many times in bed.

That's just fucking great.

There's another knock, and this one seems less patient. "I'm coming," I grumble as I make my way down the hall to the front door. I don't bother checking who it is before I pull the door open. When I see Fletcher standing there—looking as gorgeous as ever in a t-shirt and jeans since it's a little cool today, his bright white smile nearly blinding me—I'm stunned stupid. "Fletcher?"

"Hey there, Professor." The way he says that makes my entire body heat, familiarity and longing creeping up, but he's not mine anymore. I let him go. What the hell is he doing here?

"What? Why are you..." I can't seem to form words, and he looks amused as his grin widens. Damn, he looks good. Far too good. And I look godawful. This should be embarrassing, but I'm too tired to care. It's obvious I've fallen apart since our breakup, and Fletcher is only thriving.

I'm happy for him. God, I just want him to be happy. I want him to have the best damn life, and it seems he's living it. So why is he here?

"What's going on?" I finally ask with a full sentence.

"Can I come in? I just want to talk."

My first thought is yes. I mean, right away. No hesitation. But finally, my brain kicks in right before I can say anything. "I don't think that's a good idea, Fletcher."

"Please?" He doesn't miss a beat, flashing those big blue eyes at me. And I swear he's even pouting. Who the hell could say no to him?

Not me. "Okay," I relent and move out of the way, so he can walk into my house. He breezes past me, and damn, he smells good. I'm surrounded by Fletcher—his damn scent all over the shirt I'm wearing and him right here in my space as I close the door behind us.

My head is swimming, but I manage to stand there stoically and wait for him to speak. "I want to show you something, and I want you to stay calm and talk to me about it before you freak the hell out." He pulls his phone from his pocket.

"I don't ever freak the hell out," I start to argue, but he raises one thick eyebrow at me to shut me up.

I huff, but I don't say anything else. He holds his phone up to me, and I see it's some sort of acceptance letter.

"What is this?"

"It's an acceptance of my transfer to Rockford."

Rockford College is a private college about two hours from here. Oh no. "You didn't do that," I say, surprised as all hell and shaking my head. "Fletcher, tell me you did not quit school for me."

I feel sick to my stomach and actually wrap my arms around my waist to try to hold myself together.

"No. I didn't."

I stare at him, huffing loudly. "This says you did." I point to his phone, and it's his turn to huff at me as he stuffs his phone in his pocket.

"No. It says I put in for a transfer to a different college, which I did. And of course I got accepted. I mean, I still have to finish this semester, but starting next semester, I won't be enrolled in this college any longer."

"You shouldn't have done that for me," I say, shaking my head because who does that? "You can't rearrange your whole life for someone you just met, Fletcher. We've known each other for a year."

"That's all I needed." He steps into me, and even though I know I should step back, I don't move. "That's all the time I needed to know I'm completely and totally in love with you. Hell, I knew it well before a full year of knowing you, but I guess I was too afraid to say it."

I need to fight this. He's young. This is his first taste of love... or whatever, and he just doesn't know. "Fletcher, you don't love me," I try.

But he's not having it. His shoulders square, and he stands up even taller, his head held high. "I do. And I'm sorry if that scares you, but it doesn't make it any less true. I'm in love with you, Ronan. No doubts. No fear. I love you."

My heart is pounding rapidly in my chest. My palms are actually sweating. I feel nothing but fear right now. He can't mean that. I shake my head. "You're young."

"Don't do that," he cuts me off right away. "If you don't love me, that's fine, but don't you dare use my age against me. We aren't that far apart in age, and we both know I'm a different type of eighteen. I know what I want."

I shake my head. "You cannot rearrange your life for me simply because you want to keep having sex with me. That's insane."

"Oh, I for sure want to keep having sex with you." His voice drops into a sexy, husky tone as he steps even closer to me and places his hands on my hips, holding me in place. "But that's not all I want, and you know it. Deep down, you know how much I love you. That I want everything with you, not just sex. I want a life with you. I want to come home to a place we call ours, and I want to make dinner together and talk about our day. I want to annoy the shit out of you and watch you roll your eyes at me, but also..." One of his hands moves to my mouth, his finger dragging along my lips. "You can't fight smiling because you're not actually that annoyed with me."

"Fletcher," I say weakly. God, I want all that. "No one loves me."

He only smiles, and then his hand cups my jaw. "I do."

I shake my head. I want to believe him. But how can I? My own mother didn't love me enough to come back for me. No one after that loved me enough to keep me. It was always on me. I was always alone. I've learned how to be happy being alone. "I..." I falter because I don't know what the hell to say.

But Fletcher doesn't seem discouraged at all. "I know, baby," he says so damn easily, I want to melt into him. "I feel it too, you know? The fear that maybe no one will ever really love me. Or I did before Blair came along. It took me a while to feel like someone could love me for real."

"You deserve that," I say, and I mean it more than I've ever meant anything in my life. Fletcher deserves love.

He grins, wide and beautiful. "So do you, and I'm going to show you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I love you more than anything in this world. And I know it's going to be hard for you to believe that, but I'm going to show you, and you're going to let me. You know why?"

I shake my head slowly, his hand still on my face. "Why?"

"Because you deserve love too. You don't see it, and I get it, but I'll show you. I'm just the right kind of stubborn you need. I'm going to love you so damn hard, you'll never question it again."

I let out a sob, wanting so badly to believe him. "I love you too, Fletcher."

God, his entire face lights up at that. "I know you do. But man, is it good to hear it."

I smile and he presses a soft kiss to my lips. "I love you. I love you. I love you," he whispers against my mouth.

"I love you too," I finally say the words I've wanted to tell him for so long, and it's not as terrifying as I thought it would be. "But I can't let you rearrange your whole life for me." Before he can argue with me, I quickly press another quick kiss to his lips. "I'm sorry. I should have talked this out with you. You're right, you aren't immature just because of your age. I should have talked to you."

"You should have," he says smugly and then pulls me over to the couch with him. He plops down and wraps his heavy arm around my shoulder. "Let's talk now."

"You can't sacrifice your education for me," I start.

He just scoffs loudly. "Please. Rockford is costing my parents three times what it costs to go to school here. Clearly, it's the better education."

I can't help laughing at that, but I shake my head too. "So Blair got involved."

"Oh, yeah." He chuckles. "Full mama-bear mode. She had no problem whatsoever with this plan, though, just so you know. Rhys and she are fully on board." He turns his head, and I turn mine so we're looking directly at each other. "There's nothing she won't do for love."

I smile at that, but it fades. "I'm afraid to let you change your world for me, Fletcher."

He just shrugs his wide shoulders. "I want to go to college, that's true. But it never really mattered to me which college. This is the perfect solution. I won't be a student at the college where you teach. At this school, I'm hoping to be just your boyfriend. I'll be a student at Rockford."

I grin and shake my head. "Jesus. Was it always that simple?"

He smiles. "You know it wasn't always just about losing your job, right? I mean, not really."

I nod because yeah, I do. My job is important to me, and I don't want to lose it. It would have wrecked me, but I was scared. Plain and simple. "I couldn't believe someone could love me. Not for real."

He nods. "I know. I know you're terrified to let your happiness hang so much on another human being loving you. It's scary."

"It is."

He grins and kisses me softly. "But you know that ship has sailed already. I hate to tell you this, but I've been ingrained in you since that first kiss."

"And not at all modest about it."

His smile widens. "Nope. You're ingrained in me too. You make me happy."

"Relying on another human to make you happy is dangerous, Fletcher. I'm a grumpy bastard. I don't want to ruin you."

"Then don't," he says simply as he holds onto me. "Love me just as fiercely as I love you. Hold me tight and never let me go. Even when you're scared."

"I am scared," I say honestly and then cup his face in my hands and look him straight in the eyes. "But I do love you. Fiercely. Forever. No matter what. I'm so goddamn in love with you, Fletcher."

He smiles and then smashes his lips to mine in a punishing kiss that tells me just how much he loves me too.

I can't believe I almost let fear win. I can't believe I almost lost him because of it. But I know, without a doubt, I'm never letting him go again.

Fletcher is mine to love, and I'm his.