Chapter 20

Chapter 20

William felt a little awestruck as he watched Marcus and Tristan twirl around the dance floor with their wives. He had not yearned to be a part of that world for a very long time, but recently things had changed. Upon meeting Lady Katherine, he finally started to wish that he could have a wife of his own to dance with. Although not just any woman, there was only one.

But where was she? How could he find her and dance with her before his mother located him once more and introduced him to yet another faceless woman he could dance with himself? He could not even see these women, they meant absolutely nothing to him. Yet he still did not feel he could share that with his mother.

It was getting harder and harder to keep it to himself, though. He was a little like a volcano on the verge of eruption. Soon, all his truths would spring free, and then everyone would know it all.

All of a sudden, Nathaniel laughed loudly, reminding William that he was not standing all by himself next to the refreshment table. "I do wonder which one of you will be next. Shall it be you, William, or perhaps you, Robert? Love and marriage are coming for you. I am just not sure which one of you will be dragged down the aisle first. Perhaps I should start taking bets..."

Nathaniel stood in between the two other men and patted them on their backs. Robert and William shared a look and a sly smile. Robert had the look of a man who had absolutely no intention of falling in love, and William tried to emulate it, but of course, that was no longer the case for him. A beautiful young lady had caught his eye, but unfortunately, his feelings for Lady Katherine were not enough. Not when she had a brother who absolutely despised him with a deep, intense passion.

"Do not forget, I am a heartless rogue," William replied wryly with his eyebrow cocked knowingly. "Do you not read the scandal sheets? Who is going to want to wed a gentleman with a reputation quite as dreadful as mine? Absolutely no one."

"I do not intend to get married either." Robert chuckled throatily. "I believe you are wrong, Nathaniel. No bets here. Perhaps it shall be you."

Nathaniel did not look bothered by this remark. "We shall see. I sense things changing. Feelings are growing even if people are not yet ready to admit it to themselves. There will be a wedding soon enough. Just you wait and see. And it will certainly not be mine."

Robert rolled his eyes. "Can you predict the future now? I do not know what you are talking about, Nathaniel..."

Much as William would have liked to shoot back yet another sarcastic reply, he had nothing. Any words simply fell apart on his lips the moment he spotted the beautiful Lady Katherine dancing with her brother. It was a real problem that he could not even stand the sight of William. He was not quite sure how they could ever overcome that. A clash of personalities and business style was one of those issues with no simple answer, especially with William holding the negative reputation he did. If it was not something that could be altered then there was absolutely no way for Lady Katherine to even consider him. She could not even look his way without the permission of the male family figures in her life. What a shame Jonathan was so stubborn in his opinion of William. No gentlemanly conversation would make it all right.

Perhaps that was for the best, William thought as he dragged his eyes to the floor. She was far too wonderful to be stuck with his reputation. He had spent a long time ruining himself because of his heartache and the poor choices that followed, but he did not need to do the same thing to Lady Katherine. Even if he knew he could love her dearly, she deserved a whole lot better.

William barely even noticed that Nathaniel and Robert had continued on with their argument about who was on the verge of falling in love because he was too busy allowing himself to get swallowed up in sadness. Why must love never work out for him? It hardly seemed fair. Especially when the other people in his life seemed to find it so terribly easy.

He had wanted love desperately. He had always deep down wished for a woman to share his life with, and now his desire for children grew also, but every time he sought it out, he could not seem to find it.

"Oh, Marcus is leaving the dance floor," Nathaniel gushed with a sharp realization. "I must go and speak with him while I have the chance. I have some business dealings I must inform him of before he vanishes back to the seaside once more."

William and Robert watched him leave, both of them a little stunned by his bold remarks about love. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes while they watched their friend take hold of Marcus to talk with him. About property, William imagined, not that he was too certain about the ins and outs of his friend's business dealings.

"I think Nathaniel was really talking about you," Robert finally declared in a quiet tone of voice. The softness of his words made William stand up straighter and pay real attention. "It is obvious that you feel something for Lady Katherine."

While William's initial instinct was to deny what Robert had just said to him, he ended up staying silent instead. His eyes had found Lady Katherine once more, and he was struck by her intoxicating smile. Even if that look was not directed at him, it still heated him up as if the sun was on his shoulders. It was hard to say anything when his heart was too busy skipping beats.

"I think we both know that Lady Katherine is beautiful," William finally bit out, with tension flooding each word. "But she is too good for me. Someone like me could never be suitable for someone as wonderful as her."

"And what exactly is wrong with you?" Robert surprised him by asking. "You are a very good man with a lot to offer a lady. And I am not merely referring to your title and inheritance. I am referring to how kind a heart you have."

"You think I have a good heart?" William laughed. "You must truly be the only person to believe that."

"All of your friends know that about you," Robert disagreed. "We all think you have a lot to offer. A lot of love."

William did not know how to take that compliment. It made him a little uncomfortable. Probably because he did not know how to see himself in the same way. His opinion of himself had been low ever since his last romantic entanglement ended in disaster. "I have been holding onto the belief that love is not for a man like me. Considering what happened..."

"That does not have to define you. That does not have to make you who you are," Robert insisted.

William gave him a look. "You know that is not the truth. The whole of London knows that is not the truth."

"I do not think that everyone reads the scandal sheets quite as closely as you think they do," Robert replied. "There are many people in London who have no interest in rumors and reputation and instead wish to find love wherever that may be."

That might have been the truth, but William still knew that he could not put his reputation on another, least of all Lady Katherine. That poor woman had suffered enough in her life. The last thing she needed was his mistakes haunting her as well. What a shame he did not think further into the future when he was in the middle of having lots of fun...

"Any woman would be lucky to have you," Robert declared, completely disagreeing with every negative statement that William had made about himself. "Lady Katherine knows that as well. You simply must accept it about yourself. After all, judging by the looks she has been continually shooting your way all night long, I do not think you are alone in your feelings."

"She has been looking at me?" William gave himself away without a second thought. By the time he realized what he had done, it was too late. The truth was already out there. At least, it was to Robert.

"All night long, yes. And with a look in her eyes that is very akin to love, if not love itself."

William turned to look at his friend in absolute shock. Robert chuckled and winked at William before heading into the crowd to take the hand of a beautiful woman who looked like she needed someone to dance with. He was gone, lost in the crowds in an instant, making sure that William was the only one of his friends left by the refreshment table. He felt a little lost and alone as he stared at the crowd. Without the anchor of his friends, he was not quite sure what to do with himself.

Without even thinking about it, his eyes continually drifted over to Lady Katherine. She might as well have had an intense magnetic pull around her because William was absolutely hopeless. As he witnessed her dancing, he so wished that he could be the man with her, holding onto her waist and spinning her around the dance floor. Breathing her in and holding her close.

If he closed his eyes for even a split second, William could just imagine how wonderful it would feel to hold Lady Katherine, to inhale her scent and hear the musical sound of her voice. He smiled to himself as he thought about how he would make her laugh as they danced, how comfortable they would be together, and the rest of the room would simply melt away. If William was given the opportunity to dance with Lady Katherine, even Jonathan and his negative attitude would not be able to impact upon them, nor the rumors about his life. Nothing else would matter. It would only be the two of them loving one another.

William sighed as the reality of the situation hit him hard all over again. That was a mere fantasy. A dream that could not come true, however hard he wished for it. There would always be far too much standing in their way.

There were other women in the room who wanted to dance. Just like Robert had found himself a partner easily, he could do so as well. It was even expected of him to do so, but he did not want it. He had no urge and without his mother forcing him into it, he would not take the lead. With a bit of luck, she had found someone else to focus her match-making skills on. Maybe even Imogen, if that was what she wanted. She had seemed to be enjoying any attention she had received tonight and had not been off the dance floor ever since it opened.

His mother's attention was much better focused there. William did not find it helpful at all.

Even if he looked a little odd standing on the sidelines, not joining in with the party fun, he did not care. People already thought terrible things of him. Why worry about trying to change that now? If it could not help him with Lady Katherine, then what was the point? It was hopeless, helpless.

Some gentlemen that William barely recognized stood beside him at the refreshments table, loudly discussing their business in a way that William found truly obnoxious. He thought that any talk of business made for people to hear was purely showing off, and this was not the time or place for it. He made a point of stepping away from them so he did not have to hear it any longer. Not that they paid any attention to him. They did not even flicker their eyes his way.

In fact, as he glanced around the room, it did not seem like anyone was interested in him at all. If there had been even a whisper about him tonight, then he had not heard it, and gossip often found its way back to the person it belonged to, even if it was not the truth.

Perhaps people were less interested in his reputation than he thought they were, which was pretty much what Robert had been trying to suggest. There might have even been fewer readers of the scandal sheets than he thought there were. He could not be too sure, but at least for the moment, it gave him a very welcome sense of freedom.

With his movement across the room, William managed to lose sight of Lady Katherine. He did not quite realize how much she was anchoring him until she was no longer there. Panic danced around his stomach, making his heart ache with need. Even if he could not dance with her himself, he at the very least wanted to be able to see her.

Spotting Jonathan alone only made things worse. If her brother was no longer dancing, then perhaps she had been swept off her feet by some other gentleman. Maybe William had lost her already. It did not matter if Lady Katherine was obviously going to fall in love and get married to someone else one day, William did not want to witness it. He could not imagine anything more torturous than being a part of it. He wished her happiness, of course; he was not a beastly man, but he could not watch...

But just at the moment the panic was well and truly about to set in, William spotted her. Only Lady Katherine was no longer on the dance floor with anyone. She seemed to be making an escape but not leaving the ball completely. She was exiting via the back door toward the gardens, which had William incredibly intrigued. Was she going out there alone? Was her brother aware? He certainly did not seem to be watching his sister anymore...

It was a snap decision, William did not even really think about it. He walked toward the same door that he had seen Lady Katherine walk through. He could not help himself; he was absolutely compelled to do so. If there was ever going to be a chance for him to talk to her, then this was it. William could not pass up the chance to see the woman that he had spent the past few weeks falling for. He needed to know if this was real love after all...