Chapter 18

Chapter 18

As William glanced around the dining table, taking in the sight of all the guests, he was a little surprised by the number of people from the ton that his mother had decided to invite. Perhaps it was not the wisest idea to leave it all to her after all, because many of these people were stuffy and uptight. William would not wish to associate with any of them.

But of course, he should have known that this was what his mother would do. These people were friends of hers and also his late father's connections. His mother wanted to remind London that she still existed, and that, while her husband's death had sent her to live in Bath while she recovered from her grief, she had not vanished from society completely.

A sense of unworthiness overcame William as he mentally noted who everyone was. He knew them all, even if he did not mix with them, because it was impossible not to. They were all stellar people, making the most of their lives and the titles that they had inherited to do incredible things. They were all passionate about their business, reminding William of Marcus in a lot of ways, and utterly thrilled to have all these well-connected people around them. Yet William was...well, numb.

He had been merely existing, that was what he realized. Ever since the rejection from Lady Gillian, he had done nothing to really live his life. It had not occurred to him to put in the effort to find something he was passionate about. He could not count his time at Redfield's as anything more than wasted. Yet he had placed those distractions above everything else. He had thought of nothing but immediate fun and instant gratification, which had taken him absolutely nowhere.

William's eyes finally found his mother, and there he found the perfect hostess, always upholding the standards of propriety. She was the epitome of the Dowager Countess of Embleton; always everything that she was supposed to be, and it simply came naturally to her. She did not have to put in any effort whatsoever to be who she was expected to be. It just happened.

Even Imogen, his slightly sullen sister, seemed far more at home here in the company of people she had no real experience with, yet she had an air of ease around her. It had William utterly baffled and confused by his own lack of social abilities.

With his friends, he was a talkative, very sociable man, but here he did not find that easy. He struggled with the small talk.

Why did William not possess that talent? Why, to him, did even being here at his own party with the ton feel like a chore? He sighed heavily to himself, wishing that he had the answers. It pained him so to be such a letdown to everyone.

It was not just his mother that he felt like a failure. She was not the only person who had the right to dislike who he had become. William knew with utter certainty that if his father could see him now, he would feel the exact same way. He would be incredibly disappointed to know who the Earl of Embleton had turned out to be. It was a real shame. Even with his thoughts of changing, William knew that this shame would be something he held onto for a very long time. Maybe even forever.

Perhaps his father had not always behaved himself exactly as he should, but as far as William was aware, by the time he inherited the title, he had become the gentleman who everyone respected. He had not let anyone down then. But William...well, he had not been as good.

But Lady Katherine...her presence had started the sort of transformation that could perhaps make his family proud. He was not with a different woman most nights, consuming too much alcohol and smoking an endless stream of cigars, and on top of that, he had begun to take his existence much more seriously. Perhaps he was still not one of the men of the ton who obeyed every society rule without the blink of an eye, he was not his mother who it came to effortlessly, he was still on the outside looking in...but he no longer felt like he was there alone. He did not feel misunderstood by the whole world.

"Your mother has done a splendid job," Marcus commented, while patting William on the shoulder. "I have heard whispers that this is the best dinner people have attended in a very long time, which is really saying something from this crowd."

"You are making that up." William laughed. "Either that or these are people who make that sweeping declaration no matter whose dinner they are attending. Perhaps they are the ones who have had far too much to drink."

Marcus laughed in a jolly manner. "Perhaps you are right, but I have to say that I do agree. This is fabulous."

For William, there was only one person making the night anything of note, and he was seated too far from her to strike up a conversation. He hoped that once the meal was over he would have more of a chance to chat with her. He glanced toward her just to find Lady Katherine looking right back at him. A shiver tore down his spine as her lips curled up in a smile. She truly was the most beautiful woman here tonight. Especially in that glorious dress which made her eyes sparkle that much more.

Emerald green. What a beautiful color. A bold choice, but one that William lauded her for making. She was far too stunning to be seen in a paler colored dress like everyone else. She shone like a star and very much deserved to be seen.

Even from this distance it made her stand out from the crowd. It fitted her so beautifully, William could only imagine that she had been with the modiste for hours, making sure it was sculpted to her body perfectly. Each time the light glittered off the beading, she had an angelic look about her which captivated William. She was almost like a painting, so ethereal, so unreal.

William had not joined his mother and sister on their shopping trip; he had merely funded it, but he might have made a special effort for Lady Katherine. He thought he would do anything for her.

"Are you even listening to me, William?" Marcus chuckled. "You appear like you are barely here."

He dragged his eyes away from Lady Katherine and focused on his friend once more. "I do apologize. I am not used to the manor being so busy. I am trying to remember everyone my mother has invited. There are so many guests..."

"Yes, she has gone all out. Very impressive." Marcus nodded. "I cannot wait until she opens up the dance floor."

William glanced back toward Lady Katherine, but she was no longer looking at him. She had gotten caught up in a conversation with another gentleman of whom William was immediately jealous. Not that Lady Katherine was giving him any special attention, she did not even look too interested in his words, but merely because he wished to be the one speaking with her, making her laugh, enjoying that beautiful smile of hers. Talking to Marcus was fine enough but he could not captivate William like Lady Katherine could.

It was a shock to William to feel so much for this woman, even now, but he could not control it. The more he had tried to control it, the less in control of himself he felt.

Now that Lady Katherine was not looking at him, William could examine her lips more closely and imagine what it might be like to kiss them. The kisses that he had shared with ladies in the past had not meant anything to him, but he knew that it would be different with her. His heart began to beat faster at the mere thought of her lips that close to his, the feel of her breath on him. That would be glorious and incredibly meaningful. If he ever were lucky enough to kiss her then he would know that it was the start of something new. His love life would finally be starting at long last. His real love life, not the one he'd invented in the past. His youth and naivety made him foolish then, but now like Robert said, he was maturing.

"Do you have your eye on anyone in particular?" Marcus asked William, as if sensing that something was going on. "Have you chosen the ladies you would like to steal away for a dance once your mother opens up the dance floor?"

"I have not been thinking about it," William lied. "I may not dance with anyone tonight."

Marcus tossed his head back and laughed, full of mirth. "I cannot believe that of you. You are the party host, one of the most eligible bachelors here. You will not be given the chance to not dance with anyone. Your mother would not allow it."

William nodded, for that much was true, but there was only one person he wanted to have in his arms tonight. He did not like the concept that he was only allowed to dance one set, two at most, with Lady Katherine. Even two was unlikely because they had not been courting and it could potentially ruin her reputation if there was nothing formalized between them. The wrong impression could be given, which William considered very strange. Why should he be forced to dance with a variety of people when there was only one person he wanted to exchange any kind of conversation with? It did not have to mean a thing; people did not have to gossip and ruin something incredible, but, of course, that was how the ton worked.

Silly rules. Endless silly rules that he would never be able to agree with. If only he also had the option of moving out of London so he no longer had to worry about any of it. But his title and his work would not allow it. He did not think that his mother would allow it either. She needed some connection in London, whatever it might be.

"I suppose you are right," he replied with a sigh. "If Mother has her way, then I will dance with everyone. That is probably why she invited quite so many people, purely to torture me."

"I am sure she will spend the night trying to find you a wife. Possibly a husband for your sister as well."

Marcus might have been joking with his funny little remark, but William would not have been surprised if his friend was right and his mother truly was on a matchmaking mission with this party. If so, then he was going to have to keep an eye on Imogen to make sure that she was all right. Although she had seemed very capable of looking after herself so far. Just like her mother, she found fitting into society easy. William was the only one who struggled with that aspect.

In fact, William would not have been surprised if Imogen had asked her mother for assistance in that regard. It was much more challenging for her not to be a little desperate in that regard. Two failed Seasons could easily do that to a woman.

See, he had listened to the mistresses he had spent the night with. At least a little bit. He knew enough to understand the impact this sort of thing could have. He just had not thought to apply it to his sister in that way before now...

"Do not suggest that to her," William replied darkly. "Even as a joke. I do not want her getting any funny ideas."

Marcus held up his hands in a surrendering gesture. "If your mother gets any funny ideas, they will not be from me. Perhaps it would be better for you to find a woman of your own so she does not have to...Unless you already have one."

William eyed his friend. Clearly he had been talking to Robert and wished to know more about William's love life. William could not understand why his friends had this sudden interest. They had not seemed so concerned when he was head over heels for Lady Gillian. Was that because they saw how badly it would go before he did? Maybe they knew him to be a fool. There was a chance that his friends had even tried to warn him away from Lady Gillian, but at the time, he would never have heard it. He had been stubborn and thought himself in love. Not a soul in the world could have talked him out of it.

But this was different. Everyone could see it, even if they were not saying it directly. He did not think it so different that he would listen to any warnings against Lady Katherine, but he was certainly not so foolhardy anymore. William was doing his best not to rush into anything.

"There is no woman," he tried to insist yet again because he was not ready to discuss his feelings. "I am not courting anyone, as I told Robert. I am merely growing tired of the way I used to behave, that is all."

Marcus leaned in closer and William knew he was going to be on the receiving end of another joke. He braced himself for it, but the words that came from Marcus were more serious than expected. "Yes, it takes the perfect woman to make us realize that we have not always behaved as we want to. It sounds to me as though you truly have already met her."

William said nothing. What could he say? Everyone had already worked out what was going on in his life before he had been given the chance to get used to it himself. Of course, Marcus's comments had his eyes drifting over to Lady Katherine once more. Only this time he felt Marcus's eyes following his and landing on the exact same woman.

Luckily, before Marcus could push him to reveal information that he was not yet ready to share, his mother stood up and proudly made the announcement that the dance floor was open, so it was time for the crowd to move. William smiled at his friend and rose to end the conversation before they could reach anything related to Lady Katherine.

He wanted to keep his feelings to himself for as long as he could, if at all possible. After all, he had no idea what was going to happen.